Craigslist: Through all these years at UNH, I can't believe I missed you. After somehow overlooking you for so long, you really took my breath away at our graduation ceremony when you showed up with nothing but white shorts underneath your robe. I thought it was just so attractive that you were utterly wasted and kept standing on your chair, thrusting your pelvis like you were in a Ke$ha video. Your hot pink sunglasses and Reef flip flops really accented your whole look, too. As turned on as I was, however, I DO wish you'd washed your feet for the occasion.
I could barely focus on the speaker, since every time you shouted something like "YAH BRAAAH" or "FACCKINNN U S AAAA" I got so turned on that I forgot what he was saying. But it doesn't matter; what deeper message I might have left with pales in comparison to your RIPPED ABBZ!! Your Jersey-Shore-esque tan was great too. I'm a sucker for a loud mouth and orange skin.
When each sub-section of UNH's graduating class stood, I was thrilled to discover you, along with the rest of your charming friends, were a business major. Well baby, you can run MY business anytime, if you know what I mean.
Please, let me be your trophy housewife. You're so overwhelmingly, exquisitely MANLY, and I don't know if I can contain my animalistic attraction to you any longer.
Holy fuck that was gold, there really isn't much I need to add. I wasn't planning on posting anything for a few days but then I came across this little treat. (...and no I wasn't looking through missed connections for any local ladies who may have seen me driving a tractor with my shirt off...) Anyways, I think this is great. Obviously it is highly sacrcastic, but I really need to know if a female actually wrote this because if so I am in love. I fucking love how this person was so pissed over that guy that they wrote a fucking ad on Craigslist! Did they think that this guy would read this and realize what a douche he is? Because if he were to read this his douchebagosicity would probably prevent him from getting the sarcasim and it would probably only make him act even more douchy. I bet he pregamed to graduation by "Icing" his bros and listening to Sam Adams... sorry, it was too easy. Whatever, I got a laugh out of this add and I may have to read Craiglist stuff more often.
Stay classy, not UMassy.
You are such a hero for finding this. So funny.
ReplyDeleteThis is a sweet little nugget...thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteHa! This is awesome :)
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