Like a Fuckin' Pro: An Internet Blog

I have decided that on days when TNH publishes one of my submissions I will rerelease the uncut version (with curse words and drug and alcohol references) on the blog with links and all. This way people who don't get the paper (some friends at different schools and a few alumni ect...) can read the article. Plus, I have a feeling most of my readers like those stories and references. I hope that you had the opportunity to see today's column, it was probably the hardest thing I've had to write because I had to keep reminding myself to keep it clean. If you are new to the blog, thanks to TNH, welcome and I hope you enjoy it.

Before I copy and paste below, I feel I owe you all an apology.

I know that tomorrow will be my 100th post, but sadly my project I wished to unveil will not be ready. It is a multimedia project with video and music and it looks as though I'll need another weekend to finish it. No thanks to my professors who decided to pile on the work all of a sudden. I will try to do my best to have it up in a week, I just want to make it as best as possible and the timing just hasn't worked out this week.

So remember that this was originally published (cleanly edited) in a newspaper so some of it may seem a bit odd.

Before you read this article go turn on “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osborne. It is my introduction song to get you pumped up. I recommend blasting it for approximately 1 minute and then fade it out as you begin to read.

At the end of last March I started up a blog about daily life at UNH called “The University of Nonsensical Happenings.” It was nothing fancy, just something that I did for fun in order to have something to look back for my future memoirs. I never expected to have many people to read it; so needless to say, I was fucking blown away when the page counter continued to increase on a daily basis. The next thing I knew, readers began to tell me how much they enjoyed the blog because they could often relate to my experiences.

Fast forward a couple months and the people at TNH have contacted me and asked if I would be interested in writing for them.

Honestly, I did not even know newspapers still existed. I haven’t read one for at least three years because of this new fad called the interweb or something like that. Is there a way to insert a link to a youtube video in a newspaper? Has that technology been invented? If it is not around yet I have an idea for Apple; I call it the iPaper. Where is Steve Jobs when you fucking need him?

I have never written for any legitimate publication before, unless you count my elementary school’s annual poetry book, which I do. Honestly though, when I was in first grade the book skipped from page 73 to 75. Guess who was on page 74. Needless to say I was crushed; but I did not let it affect me because when I was in fifth grade my poem entitled “Pedro vs. Jeter” was on page one. It chronicled an epic battle in which Pedro Martinez struck out Derek Jeter on a full count. (If we had the technology I would insert a link to Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Day’s.") I knew that I did not want to be a regular columnist because I really enjoy the freedom that I have on my own blog. So when the opportunity arrived for me to submit random columns for publication I jumped at it. This way I could still write the blog full time, and be able to contribute to the paper. But there were two major problems.

The first problem I thought of was the fact that on my blog I can get away with not knowing any grammar. I am famous for run-on sentences, constantly changing tenses and misusing commas. Apparently these are things that matter when writing for an actual publication. I know this because I Google searched “How to write a newspaper article” before starting this. I am not journalism major, or even an English major, and I feared that I would be in way over my head. Soon after convincing myself that acing English 401 would be good enough for the editors I ran into an even bigger problem. What the fuck would I write about?

On my blog I can write about whatever I want without having to face any repercussions:

Ahem: FUCK SHIT.

See, anything.

In fact, the biggest controversy I have faced was when my roommate’s girlfriend took a post a little too literally. Let’s face it, we all stretch the truth for entertainment purposes once and a while. I realize my posts that gain the most interest usually involve topics that are inappropriate for any respectable newspaper. Topics that include alcohol, drugs, sex and rock and roll. (Link to “Dazed and Confused” by Led Zeppelin.) I can no longer just write whatever comes to mind; instead I now have to use politically correct terms when I would usually just swear. It is much harder to make a point while being professional and proper. I have no idea how to be interesting while censoring myself. Half the time I just write about drinking in my dorm room and going to D-Hop. (Link to “Crack a Bottle” by Eminem.)

At the start of last year I would have never dreamed of writing a blog and look where I am now. (Still writing a blog.) If you have gotten anything out of this rambling, incoherent piece of writing I hope it is that you should always be willing to try new things and to never not take anything too seriously. Especially yourself. No matter how fucking awesome you think you are, there is always room for more fucking awesomeness. We have a long year a head of us and I am interested to see where this column (and blog) takes me; so buckle up, grab your popcorn, stay smart, stay safe and most of all

Stay classy, not UMassy.

CNN: 'Bad Guys' Grow Pot

I would like to take a quick break from reporting on UNH issues to discuss an article I came across on cnn.com. The article is entitled "Pot farms run by 'bad guys' getting closer to tourists spots." The article basically says how people (mostly in debt illegal Mexican immigrants) are growing marijuana farms in national and states parks. I would first like to point out how "bad guys" was in quotations in the actual title on CNN. I know that CNN is liberal but the author obviously doesn't think that these guys are that bad. CNN also posted this picture in the article:

This guys looks a little too happy.

That is probably the coolest ATV ever, imagine driving that around campus. According to the article a multi-agency sting in California's Fresno County netted 420,000 plants, worth $1.6 billion, and the arrests of 100 people this past July.

While on this topic I present to you today's song of the day: "Must be the Ganja" by Eminem off of his latest album Relapse.

One quick thing about the blog. Over the past few days I have received two pages hits from people looking up "UNH Porn" on Google. (New readers: I did an experiment last year by titling a post that because I can see how people search for the blog.) Also, today I got a page hit from someone in Turkey who searched "Nonsensical Porn," that is just disturbing. I have also noticed that someone from Bowling Green University reads the blog almost everyday. I don't know anyone who goes to that school and I was just wondering why you would be so interested in a UNH specific blog? So if you're reading this, thanks, but also why are you?

Enjoy the first Thirsty Thursday of the year everyone!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wikipedia? More like Wicked Awesome

Hello all, it has been a while so figured a post was due. I have realized now that I’m home it is a lot harder to post. UNH is my inspiration to write, like rappers are with drugs. Speaking of rap and drugs, Eminem’s new album Relapse came out today (how do you like that segway) and I purchased it off itunes. I haven’t heard the entire album yet, infact I’m listening it to right now, but I think that Eminem is back for good. Speaking of being back, how ‘bout David Ortiz finally going yard! And Jason Bay continues to prove how valuable his is. Plus, Bay is very modest and quiet off the field. I think he is so quiet because he is a Canadian and he feels that he’s a failure because he didn’t make it as a hockey player. The same theory works for fellow Canadian slugger and Minnesota Twin Justin Morneau. They are both very efficient players and they both do their jobs without causing a stir.

Speaking about efficiency, I believe that it is time that Wikipedia be recognized by professors as a legitimate research tool. Now before you start shouting about that fact that anyone can edit it let me finish. Honestly, every time I get a research paper or assignment that first thing I do is open up the Wikipedia page for the given topic. For those of you who haven't been on the internet before (welcome!) Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia.

There have been studies conducted that have proven Wikipedia is comparable in accuracy to other forms of encyclopedias. In 2005 the science journal Nature performed a study in order to compare Wikipedia’s reliability to the much more renowned Encyclopedia Britannica. The results of the study surprised many people. The study was simple and straightforward; 42 pairs of articles from Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica were randomly selected and sent out to professional editors. The editors were not told which source they were assigned. Out of all the articles the editors found eight major errors, which ranged from incorrect dates to misinterpreted concepts. Four of these mistakes came from each source. As expected, Encyclopedia Britannica tested better, but the difference was shockingly small. The average Encyclopedia Britannica article had 2.92 mistakes, while the average Wikipedia article had 3.86 mistakes. This was in 2005, and Wikipedia is always progressing with its validty. However, not all the mistakes were necessarily regarded as incorrect information. Many of the mistakes with the Wikipedia articles were actually grammar related. The editors often found the Wikipedia articles to be not professional, which makes sense because professionals do not write the articles. The article by Nature described Wikipedia’s downfall as having “poor readability,” but this means that the information may have been just as accurate as that found in the Encyclopedia Britannica articles. This study clearly shows that the information presented by Wikipedia can compete with other major encyclopedias.

The term “Wiki” actually is a reference to the Hawaiian word meaning “quick,” which leads to one of the best parts of Wikipedia. The ability for the site to be updated as quickly as events happen has become very useful over the past few years. This allows the latest information to be available to anyone with a computer and Internet access. In fact, Jonathan Dee of the New York Times praises Wikipedia, not only as an encyclopedic reference, but also as a frequently updated news source. Dee goes into detail on how many Virginia newspapers praised Wikipedia as a crucial source of detailed information after the school shootout at Virginia Tech in 2007. One of the problems with other encyclopedias, even with their online forms, is that they are quickly outdated, which is never a problem with Wikipedia.

Many people, such as professors and teachers, have prejudices against the online encyclopedia despite the fact that Wikipedia has gone through numerous changes to increase its reliability. On Britannica.com, the online version of Encyclopedia Britannica, there is an entry on “Wikipedia.” This article describes how the format of Wikipedia allows the site to have articles that are not covered by traditional encyclopedias. The article goes on to state that trusted contributors can be offered administrative access to Wikipedia, which allows them to delete unnecessary articles and more importantly block specific IP addresses from editing material on the site. One of the major problems with Wikipedia is that sometimes people will vandalize the site by purposely adding incorrect information. Thanks to wikiscanner, a tool that shows what IP address make edits, administrators are able to block repeat users from editing content. Wikipedia also has a tool known as “bots,” which are programmed to automatically remove or edit information that has not been cited. Bots can also send out e-mail messages to users if they do not follow the correct format. (This happened to me after I tried editing the UNH page several times. I can't believe that I'm not considered a notable alumni! Well, I haven't graduated yet, so technically I'm not an alumni. Wow, Wikipedia is even better than I thought.)

Wikipedia’s main competition throughout the years has come from Encyclopedia Britannica and Microsoft’s Encarta Software. However, just recently Microsoft announced that they will discontinue Encarta because they are unable to compete with the ever growing, and free, online encyclopedias such as Wikipedia. The online version of Encyclopedia Britannica has also been forced to make changes due to the success of Wikipedia. It appears as though Encyclopedia Britannica has been struggling to compete with the up to the minute style that has made Wikipedia the number 7 visited website on the Internet; and because of that Encyclopedia Britannica will follow a new model based off of the concept of Wikipedia.

Wikipedia has evolved over the past eight years, and it is clearly the top form of gathering information on the web. It is easy to use, contains up to the minute material and it is far more accurate than the general public would expect. There is a prejudice about Wikipedia due to past experiences where people have vandalized that site, but these are often corrected rather quickly. It is a shame that so many people, especially teachers and professors, tell others not to use Wikipedia despite not knowing anything about the site. Evidence has been presented that Wikipedia is equally informative as other sources of research. It has become such a success that other companies have had to change their ways in order to keep up with the times. Wikipedia should be allowed for research to because it is a great way to start research on any topic.

*This included a couple paragraphs of a paper I wrote this past semester. I left out some other paragraphs and added some things here and there. I did get an “A” on it, so haters back off.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Move Over Swine Flu: UNH's New Problem

Over the past few months something has come to my attention. I think that the UNH campus is on the verge of a very serious epidemic. It is more serious than Swine Flu, more serious than terrorists and yes, even pirates.

 Squirrels. They may look soft and furry but inside they are filled with rage and any moment they will attack. The UNH campus is home to hundreds, probably thousands of Eastern Grey Squirrels. We have encroached on their territory and its evident that they are planning an invasion. Next time your out around campus take a look around; chances are that there are at least three or four grey squirrels already watching your every move. These squirrels are natural born killers and they have the ability to attack in unison. The squirrels aren’t afraid of us; they cross our path and stare us down with eyes that are darker than Satan’s.  If we aren’t careful this could be a real life version of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, only with squirrels. Our only hope is that enough students leave for summer break before the attack. Hopefully it will relieve the tension so in the fall we can walk outside in peace. It is only time before a drunk kid hits one with a rock that will be the tipping point. Apparently there is one way to control the squirrel problem: get 'em drunk! 

Stay classy, not UMassy.