Wishful Renovations

As we all know, UNH is lacking funds right now. New Hampshire is ranked 50th in state funding of higher education, and we are not even close to 49th. On top of that, the state legislature recently passed a new budget that will cut funding to the University System of New Hampshire, and specifically cut funding to UNH by 45 percent. That 45 percent translates to roughly $40 million (edit: should read about $30 million) in cuts for our university. Let's face it, that type of budget cut will not be good for UNH, especially at this time when so many of our buildings are deteriorating and the only sizeable donations are for a business school we probably don't even need.

Thinking about the budget cuts and the absurdity of past projects (such as the traffic circle) here at UNH got me thinking about some other renovations or campus additions that could benefit us as well. Aside from the obvious academic buildings such as Hamilton Smith and Nesmith (and every other academic building on campus that predates World War II), I came up with a few wishful (but highly unrealistic) renovations. This is a college, who needs nice classrooms?

While these ideas are not in any particular order, I think the top of my list would be Cowell Stadium. President Huddleston has mentioned it before and if you know anything about football you'll know that our stadium is among the worst in the FCS (Division IAA). A nice new stadium, one that does not even have to be much bigger, would attract more fans and even help with recruiting. If you're a player deciding between two similar schools, a nice fan base is a definite bonus. UNH hockey players often say that they love the environment of the Whitt; I'd love to see our football team say similar things.

I think one of the biggest disappointments of our campus is that huge concrete deck hanging off the back of the MUB. One thing UNH lacks is a nice outdoor studying or eating area. I'm not really sure what to call that area, but it seems like it had so much potential and it just fell flat. Even when the weather is nice I rarely see students out there. You know what, maybe we could even have a campus bar out there. Some larger schools such as the University of Wisconsin have bars right in their student centers, but wait, that would be fun. UNH doesn't approve of fun (unless you count President Huddleston tweeting his fake counterpart - pure gold). While a bar might be a bit of a stretch, one semi-feasible option would be have an outdoor area at one of the dining halls. Knock down the back window-wall at Philbrook, put up a little fence and add a few picnic tables and students would have a great shaded area to eat during the nicer months of the year.

Those of you who live in The Gables will definitely be able to relate to these next few. A small dining hall in the Gables area would be amazing. You have no idea how annoying it is to walk all the way to HoCo on the weekends. You know what? Just throw up a McDonald's right in the courtyard and we'll call it even. American stereotypes are fun! Lazy. A more serious option for the Gables area would be to clear out the wooded area between the buildings and create a nice quad area like the grass in front of the Mills. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the trees and being green, but a nice field of grass for sports and sunbathing would be perfect for that area.

Lastly, and this is probably my most serious one, let's just demolish Stoke. Let's just blow it up and pretend that building never happened. It would provide instant beautification of our campus and also cut down on 95 percent of the false fire alarms. I think the Durham Fire Department would appreciate it very much.

When it comes to making necessary renovations and campus projects, it is extremely important to make priorities, especially when funds are low. The UNH campus is deteriorating faster than we can raise money, which is causing higher tuition. Alumni funds are lacking and the outlook is not good. Now excuse me, I need to go protect myself from all the hate business students are about to send my way.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

UNH Dining Steals from students

I have been doing a lot of thinking about these new salt and pepper mills in the dining halls. They have been around since the start of the new semester and during that time, after extensive research, examination and testing, I have come to the following conclusion: Dining could not have wasted money in a worse way. Seriously, what the fuck? But what do you expect from those incompetent bastards who run the show over there? They can't read very well, take a joke, or spend money efficiently. Those mills cost $32.25 EACH. And I'll tell you what, I'm willing to guarantee it wasn't because they care about our health! They don't give a fuck, the more we eat the more money they get to charge for next year's meal plans. When the new semester started they said the new salt and pepper mills where bought because they use sea-salt which is healthier. Also, not having the salt shakers on the table would cause more students to not use salt. Meaning that they expected us to be extremely lazy. Hmm, I really want salt on these fries, but I'm not going to walk 12 feet to get it. I know people who have said this tactic has worked, but most people still use the salt. I say that they are acknowledging the stereotype that young American's are lazy. Well fuck them. Apparently UNH dining hates America. Now, if we were to boycott using salt it would prove them right and I can't let that happen. So, I expect every UNHer out there to not only use salt, but a lot of it. Sure, it means that they will order more, but it would also prove them wrong. I believe that we can make a difference, we can change! We can eat all the fucking salt we want! 

Now, you're probably wondering why I am ranting about salt, I actually don't even like my food salty, but it is because I now have a vendetta against everyone at dining. I still eat at HoCo about 4 times a day and I won't stop because I already paid my meal plan. I truly think that the real reason dining wasted all that money, which could have been spent on less diarrhetic foods, is because the salt and pepper mills look nice. I have been getting this notion that appearance is becoming too much of a concern for dining, and the University as a whole. Either that or... (inappropriate joke about the mills being used as sex toys.)

By the way, the email from the conduct office I got was never followed up upon. They must have realized that the dining director completely misunderstood my column. At least some administrators have common sense and know how to take a joke. The funniest thing is that in the email he sent me, where he criticized me for "encouraging stealing" he also mentioned that stealing costs the meal-plan holders. Well how about paying $32.25 for a shit-load of completely unnecessary salt and pepper mills? That, my friends, is thievery. UNH is strapped for cash and relaying on a bunch of alumni donations to continue to grow, so how about they stop spending the little money they do have on items that are completely worthless. If it ain't broke don't fix it!

On to my next topic. Anyone see that hockey game last night?

Stay classy, not UMassy.