Fuck you. As you all have most likely heard 4 students at UNH have tested positive for swine flu, which means that another few dozen probably have it. So wash your hands and stay the fuck away from me.
That being said I have a challenge for UNH students. After seeing the success of "Party at UNH" (and by success I mean hearing people talk about it and actually playing it) I challenge a student to write "Granite State of Mind" using Jay-Z's hit "Empire State of Mind." My musical ability ends after drunken karaoke so I'm not going to embarrass myself, but think of the potential...
I mean at least it will be better than whatever the fuck this is:
Seriously, that was probably the worst thing I've ever seen. I had to look Plies up because I though it was supposed to be a joke or something like the Icy Hot Stuntaz, but no. It is real.
I'm not trying to brag but if you're questioning the content of the blog and my writing capabilities maybe you should check out The College Blog Network's hotlist:
...Thanks everyone. I couldn't do it without you! (...or spamming the site...) Top 6 posts ain't too shabby huh? And the 9th post, by DJ David Gallant, is a UNH Alum. So what I'm saying is that UNH completely runs train on everyone in the blogging world. Suck on that UMaine!
Let me tell you though, I was given the chance to checkout the beta version (whatever that means) of TCBN's new website, collegeblender, and it is awesome. It completely blows the current TCBN out of the water. Good work guys!
This is my column from today's TNH. To see the less offensive (with normal English) and better edited version click here.
With two months of school already behind us I feel like it is safe to say that the dust is finally settled at UNH. The winter is rapidly approaching and the excitement of a new school year has worn off. Freshmen have learned what life is really like at college and the upperclassmen are back in mid-season form where they left off in the spring. That being said, it is still necessary to discuss some rules of college life that can often be forgotten during the middle months of the school year. I have done the task of writing down the “unwritten rules” of UNH. I feel that these are some important things that students need to be reminded of heading into the long New Hampshire winter.
If thy neighbor cannot attend lecture, thou shall operate his or her clicker device. This should seem like a no-brainer but there is nothing more frustrating than having to attend every single lecture for a very easy class. This rule seems to be most relevant in the larger science general education courses. Before I go on can someone please explain to me why it costs $13 to get one of those clicker registration codes? That is ridiculous.
Thou shall loveth UNH athletics as one loveths thyself. UNH lacks varsity teams in several key sports such as baseball, softball, and men’s lacrosse, so student fans should be more willing to paint up and stand up for the few sports teams we do have. Football and hockey season are already underway and basketball is just around the corner. Last year the men’s basketball team was about 12 seconds from hosting the America East championship in which the winner advances to the NCAA tournament. Get excited because this year’s team could make history.
Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's examination answers, unless thy friend hath giveth you permission. This is one of the more important rules on this list. Cheating can be a very serious problem, especially when the people sitting around you go out of their way to make it harder to for you to cheat. Ask them before the test is handed out if they are okay with sharing a few answers because you were to busy at that Halloween party to study.
Thou shall not be stingy with thy alcohol and always giveth some to thy neighbor in need. This rule is more important for those of us in the under 21 bracket. Think of it this way, if your are willing to share a few Keystone Lights or shots with you friend, you will less likely end up in the back of an ambulance or police car. You would only be helping yourself.
Thou must honor Thirsty Thursday and all its expectations. I feel like this falls in line with Wedding Crashers and the infamous Rule 73: “No excuses. Party like a champion.” Learn it. Remember it. Live it.
Thou must be supportive wingman and never covet the same girl as thy neighbor. That is just downright disrespectful and the ultimate freshmen move. True friends will always help each other out.
Thou must not be obnoxious whilst walking home from a party or thou will be arrested. There is nothing more suspicious than someone stumbling down Madbury, Strafford or Garrison Ave shouting at cars and people as the pass by. The only thing worse than you getting arrested would be the police finding out where you were and shutting down that party. Learn how to control yourself after a few drinks or do not drink at all.
If thou is hosting a gathering limit thy song “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus to no more than three plays per hour. No more, and preferable less. Not 4. 5 is right out. The number of thy song's playing must be 3. And 3 is the number of the times thy song may be played. (Monty Python and the Holy Grail... anyone? Yes?) I understand that for some reason females love this song but it is important for DJ’s to keep a good mix going. Really, no song should be played more than once in an entire night, but sometimes drastic measures must be taken in order to keep people on the dance floor.
I hope that none of these rules are new to you because they should be common sense. I did this simply as a friendly reminder as we head into these long winter months. There are dozens of other unwritten rules of UNH and college life in general but following these rules will make you a better student, a better person and a better friend. Use these as guidelines to help create a friendlier and healthier atmosphere around campus.
I'm sure most of you have heard about the student who got randomly jumped and beaten unconscious on Halloween. I do not know this student, but random assaults have been an issue as of late at UNH. Show him your support being joining this Facebook group and hopefully it will not only assist in catching these immature douchebags, but also prevent these random and uncalled for acts of violence on campus. It is time for UNH to grow together as one and put an end to student on student violence.
Why do you all insist on having exams and assigning papers in the same week? Because of this the half-empty handle of Svedka will remain in my fridge all week. That really sucks.
Love,
The New Hampshirite
Seriously, why is that all of my classes happen to run on the same exam/paper schedule? I'll go two or three weeks with nothing but light reading and small translations or quizzes for my language requirement and then I'll have three exams and an 8 page paper due at the same time. I guess this is just one of those weeks for me where I'll be drinking coffee non-stop and getting very little amounts of sleep. Last week I took a bunch of books that I either finished reading or realized that they were completely useless into the Durham Book Exchange. For $130 worth of books I got back $35. Total rip-off, I mean two of the books were still basically brand new. Well at least it was enough for alcohol and pizza for Halloween weekend.
Speaking of Halloween weekend, after that situation Friday night (which I mentioned briefly in a previous post) I have made it personal with the UNH/Durham/Where-ever-the-fuck-they-called-in cops. That party was far from going out of control and it was actually pretty low key, but they still determined that it needed to be shut down. Thus resulting in me walking several miles back to campus because we all had to leave at the same time instead of waiting for the designated drivers to make rounds... not cool.
Whatever, Halloween weekend was a blast, probably the best weekend of the year so far. The football team chalked up another impressive win and we got a little taste of what to expect for the up-coming basketball season. I said this before and I'll say it again: UNH is taking the America East tourney this year and going March Madness dancing. Mark my words... as for hockey... I hate to say it, but we'll be lucky if we keep our 20-win season streak alive this year.
I have had the chorus from this song stuck in my head all day so I decided to post it.
I've just been informed that "Wolfmother" has released a new album. If you've never heard of them I would describe them as being Australia's version of the White Stripes. I haven't heard the new album yet, but if it is anything like their first record it will be awesome. Their last album was released in 2005 and the band features two new members so I hope nothing has changed too much.
Okay, so most of you have probably heard this by now, but I had this song emailed to me a few days ago before it got posted anywhere. I heard the original MC (yeah, I call her MC) version about 45 million times this weekend, which may or may not have been a good thing. It was a good thing because girls dancing at parties love it and it was a bad thing because it gets fucking annoying after one and a half plays... Is this remix any good? I can't decide. The best line by far is the one about the hockey team: "beat the piss out of UMaine" (cough Maine Guy cough.)
I posted this next video because on Friday night I got "Mclovin'd." Fuck UNH cops... Only in my situation I was about 30 seconds from leaving a party when the cops pulled up. Then everyone at the party booked it and I got separated from my lady friends. (YES FRIENDS IS PLURALIZED ON PURPOSE)... Seriously.
And I posted this last video because it is fucking hilarious and it makes me feel better:
I declare there is nothing better than Cartman singing "Poker face."
