The Health Nazi

Today I give you another head scratcher courtesy of UNH Dining. I hate to always pick on them (okay, maybe I don't) but they seriously make it too easy. I love most of what they do, our dining halls are very good compared to other schools, but I feel it is my duty to speak my mind freely and truthfully. UNH dining recently announced that effective January 2012, UNH will no longer serve energy drinks. This includes the dining halls and dining stores such as Zeke's, Wildcatessen and Gables Convenience. I will discuss this a bit in my TNH column tomorrow, but I wanted to say a few things I couldn't fit in. This reminds me of the Seinfeld Soup Nazi clip (and again shows that old saying that everything can be connected to a Seinfeld episode - seriously if there are college classes on the Simpsons and the Red Sox and stuff, there should be one that studies current events through the window of Seinfeld episodes).

Those of you who don't know the episode (shame on you), here is the best clip I could find to embed:

In dining's case, it's more like: No salt for you! No energy drinks for you! But hey, have as many Boston Cremes and double glazed chocolate donuts that you want. 

The elimination of Red Bulls will lead to more students falling asleep in class and more students not being able to pull all nighters successfully. And this is college, so we're going try them anyways. But it has become quit obvious that dining has a hidden agenda to lower the entire school's GPA. Here's my conspiracy theory, UNH's GPA drops and it will be easier to get into. More students = more meal plans = more money for dining. It's quite obvious and evil genius if I dare say. Bravo dining, you may have won this round and fooled the school, but you can't fool me. For our health? Pah, yea right. Keep telling yourself that. Now when is that Dunkin' Donuts going to open in the middle of our student center again?

You may take our salt and our energy drinks. But you will never take our freedom!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

(PS: I'm just waiting for the day when I show up to HoCo and my card no longer has a meal plan)

Allow Myself to Introduce...Myself

Hello all,

My name is Geoff, and I’m new to this here blog. I would like to start by thanking the New Hampshirite for inviting me to become a writer for the University of Nonsensical Happenings. I’ve been a fan of the blog for some time now, and I’m honored to have the opportunity to write for it. My hope is to entertain as many of you as possible, and to encourage you to comment and become involved in our discussions.

Since I’ve chosen to use my real name, let’s get to know each other, shall we? I’ll be a senior (oh shit!) in the fall. I’m an English/Journalism major with minors in political science and cinema studies. I’m a News Editor for The New Hampshire, which I encourage you all to read and enjoy regularly.

But I thought that instead of sharing the usual information that people give when introducing themselves, I would write you a list of unique (and hopefully interesting) facts about myself. All of the following is true:

- I hail from the small and forgettable town of Burrillville, R.I. We don’t have much, but we do have two Dunkin Donuts.
- My fifth grade teacher told my mother and me at a parent/teacher conference that he thought I should consider pursuing journalism in the future. From that moment on, I wanted to be a journalist.
- In a Little League baseball game, I fouled a ball off of my thumb. On the next pitch, I fouled the ball off of my thumb again and split it open. The result was six stitches. I’m such a badass.
- I played hockey for 10 years. When I was 13, my junior hockey team made it to the state championship to play an undefeated team. Less than ten minutes into the game, I was thrown out for (unintentionally) hitting from behind. We won 2-1. It still hurts me to think about the fact that I didn’t play a part in the win.
- Just days after my eighteenth birthday, my car was hit by a tractor trailer truck in the parking lot where I work. The driver was 70 years old. He fled the scene. My car was totaled.
- I went to a party at a random apartment my freshman year. At one point in the night, I had to urinate, but my friend was busy vomiting in the bathroom. So I went outside in a t-shirt. It was January. I got locked out. In my drunken stupor, I thought I could figure out the combination to the lock before I froze to death. So I typed 1, 2, 3, 4, and the door opened.
- Three of my biggest pet peeves are loud gum chewers, people who walk slowly and the fact that Green Day is popular.

Well, there you have it. If you feel like it, write a unique (and true) fact about yourself in the comment section. Come on, it could be fun.

Cheers,
Geoff