Storm Aftermath

Here are a couple of the pictures I took yesterday. I didn't get out until after the clean-up crews had made their rounds, so the full damage from the storm doesn't seem as bad as it was. (Click photos to enlarge.)

        

Behind the MUB

Bridge behind the MUB

Tree down next to Philbrook

Uprooted tree by Philbrook

Damage to Hubbard after hit by tree. 

Stay classy, not UMassy

No Classes!

PBR: The breakfast of champions alcoholics.

I'm always prepared for a power outage and no school. I'm going to D-Hop at 11 a.m. and demanding $1.50 slices. Enjoy your day off everyone and have a nice weekend. How bad does UNH suck at communicating? WMUR reported that UNH was cancelled at 8 a.m. but we weren't told until like 9:15. Whatever. I may or may not end up tubing down the stream on campus and I plan on doing adventures all day.

Stay classy, not UMassy. (Not sure that applies in this case...)

Stay Classy Not UMassy

Do I really have to say anything else? There is no excuse for anyone, let alone a college student, to admit to rape and not get in trouble. This person should be facing jail time, and yet they aren't even expelled. I really don't know what to say. I just hope that if a case like this were to occur at UNH, our student deans, or conduct office or whoever would be able to handle it so the criminals would not be allowed on campus again. It is unacceptable.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Priorities 101 with UNH President Huddleston

UNH is going through some pretty hectic times right now. With the faculty threatening to strike and to boycott summer classes tensions are high on campus. Especially for students who planned to use summer classes to graduate early. The administration and the professors have been bickering back and forth for a while without much progress being made. That being said, it is good to see that UNH President Mark Huddleston is working hard to find a solution. Just take a look at some of his recent tweets:

• "Gotta love February in FL" - 8:05 PM Feb 23rd
• "Rained out in golf. Movie marathon instead: Shutter Island and Invictus. Thumbs up to both, though glad Invictus 2nd. Needed the lift." - about 19 hours ago
• "Tried golf again this morning . . . but defeated by wind and cold temps. iHOP proved a good alternative." - 7 hours ago

Oh, about that... Who does he think he is, George Bush? Taking vacations whenever work is too stressful. At least he is enjoying himself in Florida while everyone on campus is scrambling to figure what the fuck is going on. I've been scratching my head about this and I came to the conclusion, with the help of some of his so entertaining tweets, that his family took a vacation because his kids had their February vacation. But is it really appropriate for the President of a university to take a vacation when the professors of that university are on the verge of a possible strike?

Did Luke Skywalker take a vacation when the Jedi's had to blow up the deathstar? Did Batman take a vacation when the Joker put those bombs on the boats? Did Frodo take a vacation when the ring needed to be destroyed? Did he? Seriously, did he? I never saw the third movie.

Stay classy, not UMassy.
^ UMass, proving my sign-off once again. Also, UMaine bans smoking TOBACCO on campus.

This week in Dining: Dining strikes back

BLOG HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE!

This is the debut post of "This Week in Dining," which will be a reoccurring theme every week. This is an effort to continue my vendetta against the UNH dining system because it is time someone puts them in their place.

But this week they struck back.

For the first time in the history of the blog I have finally made an actual difference on campus. I am pretty confident that the following sign in HoCo, which describes their new policy, was set up specifically because of my past newspaper column.

It is a little blurry, but it reads: "Our new policy requires that all food and beverages be consumed within the dining hall. We appreciate your support and understanding... Violators are subject to a $25 fine for the removal of food, beverages or dining ware from the dining halls."

Well fuck a duck! I must say that I am very disappointed in dining's decision to release this new policy. Obviously they realized that when I issued a vendetta against them all of UNH would soon turn against them. They are actually just trying to discourage my "massive" following on campus from coming together. So, actually I am pretty honored because they acknowledged how influential I have become. (What?) I guess this sign has been up for a few days, but I didn't notice it until today when my roommate pointed it out as I walked out with a banana.

First of all, who the fuck would support this? "We appreciate your support and understanding." I am pretty sure that every student will be pissed about this (my bad, I appologize if it really did have anything to do with it. I apologize to the students that is. Dining can fuck themselves). I highly doubt any one student would support this. Most students probably haven't noticed the changes because we don't read signs, but eventually our voices will be heard. Hunter S. Thompson once said "It is very important to learn, early in life, that you can beat City Hall and that You can change the System. You might be beaten and gassed by Police a few times before you succeed, but that stuff goes with the territory. And you will be proud of it later, just as you will make many smart friends who will stand with you all your life." It is time we make those swines at Dining here our rage. I ask everyone of you to listen to Rage Against the Machine and then write one of those napkin letters and demand that we have the right to take one piece of fruit and a mug full of a beverage out of the dining halls. First they waste OUR money with the stupid salt and peppermills, then they take away our trays on Tuesdays and now this!

Our money from meal plans allows the dining system to run. Therefore we should have a say in the decision making process. It is the same problem with the entire Smith Hall fiasco, most students probably wouldn't have cared if the administration discussed it with students first, but they acted without communication. I guarantee that if dining asked for student input not one student would have said "I think we need $32 salt shakers." Because only a douche who only cares about their image would say that. Right, dining? I have said it before and I will say it again, they only care about their image. Every year UNH dining is considered one of the tops in the country. This is true only because they have longer hours than most dining halls, we have unlimited meal plans, they are "green" and they have a buffet style (some schools you can only pick one type of meal and others are set up like the MUB food court). Those are really awesome things and the food usually is pretty decent, but I feel like the past few weeks there has been a terrible selection. Anyone else notice that the further away from a holiday, parent's weekend, or local harvest day the worse the food gets? Dining thinks they are hot shit, but in reality, they only cause hot shit.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

The Future of UNH Athletics

CONCORD, N.H.—"The University of New Hampshire should stop treating athletics as a sideline and start pumping more money into the program, boost private fundraising efforts, and upgrade or replace aging sports facilities, an in-house report released Friday said." Athletics cannot be treated as a self-sustaining auxiliary," the panel, appointed by UNH President Mark Huddleston, said. "At UNH, as at our peer institutions, an ongoing institutional commitment is essential."

Huddleston appointed the group in 2008 after students balked at a proposed increase in athletics fees. The group was led by former University of Delaware President David Roselle and included UNH faculty, staff, students and alumni who were instructed to compare UNH to other schools and recommend a more sustainable model for athletic funding without cutting teams... In fiscal year 2007, UNH athletics raised $439,000, compared to $800,000 at the University of Vermont, $1.3 million at the University of Delaware and $14 million at the University of Connecticut. Only 1 percent of UNH's former athletes donated money, compared to 26 percent at Boston College."


In this article from boston.com several issues I have brought up in the past were mentioned. Mainly, the renovation of the field house and the football stadium. This is a fine example of economics 101, you're going to have to spend money to make money. A new football stadium would attract bigger crowds and bigger crowds attract bigger recruits which leads to better teams and more wins and the cycle continues. Many FCS football teams loss money or break even and UNH has the chance to be one of the few profitable teams in the league if the university is willing to spend money now to make money later. One figure from that article that jumped out at me is that only 1% of former athletes gave donations to UNH. That is terrible, many college athletic programs only exist due to contributions and that needs to increase immediately if UNH is going to achieve their goals.

Obviously there are a boat load of money issues going on with UNH right now from the potential professor salary strike to the massive tuitions, but if UNH were to make athletics a priority a lot of money could be made. Take a look at all of the top earning universities in the country, they almost all have a strong athletic program. Now I understand that UNH is tiny compared to those schools (ex: Ohio State, Arizona State, Texas, Michigan ect.) but as a decent sized state university with no instate competition UNH has not taken advantage of these opportunities. The field house and football stadium are a disgrace to our university, there are much smaller schools with nicer facilities. There are local high schools with nicer fields and gyms than UNH. It really is quite pathetic.

One area that could really help out UNH in the long run is the basketball program. If they were to move their home games to the Whittemore Center, which has been done in the past when Florida played here and for high school state championship games, they could attract bigger programs to play here. Every year UNH travels to teams like Pitt, Maryland, or Penn State, but very rarely do we get a return game the following year, which is the case with most teams.

Boston University, which is in the same basketball conference as UNH, has very similar facilities to UNH. They have a smaller gym and a nice big arena that is primarily used for hockey. Their basketball team usually plays about half their home games at the nicer arena. Those games routinely attract bigger crowds and they have to compete with the Boston professional teams and other schools like BC, Harvard and Northeastern for non-student crowds. I see no reason why UNH can't do the same.

Basketball Court at the Whit.

Another way for UNH to make some money would be to sign a deal with WMUR to broadcast home hockey and football games. NH public TV used to cover the hockey games up until a few years ago but they cut it do to a lack in advertising. However, I think that a bigger network like WMUR would be able to land better partners that public TV. All I am saying is that there is no excuse to UNH, a state univeristy, to have such poor standards when it comes to athletics. Especially since several teams like men's and women's hockey and football are national contenders every year. Those are just some things to think about. 

A lot of you may think that UNH has bigger problems than athletics, but if these goal are met athletics could become a primary source of income. Remember you have to spend money to make money. 

Stay Classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: Late Night Eats

Last week I shared some of my personal pros and cons about various parties around campus. Parties are a great way to have some fun for an evening, but even the best parties must come to an end. Whether the night ends due to a visit from Durham’s finest, quiet hours or you just can’t stand to hear “Party in the USA” one more time, your night is far from over. On weekends the dining halls close at 8 p.m. so after a long night of partying, or just hanging out in a dorm room, it can be a top priority to get some food. Factor in all the exercise from dancing, fist pumping, or playing Beirut all night and hunger can become a real problem. Luckily UNH has several great options for those of us who get the late night munchies.

The most obvious choice for a hungry drunk on campus is the Durham House of Pizza, or DHop as everyone calls it. DHop is famous for their $1.50 slices after 11 p.m. It is very cheap and delicious so if you have the dollar bill blues it doesn’t put a big dent into your pocket. Through some investigative journalism, meaning I asked my older brother who used to work at DHop, I found out the secret for the great taste in every bite. There is extra sugar in the sauce, but you didn’t hear it from me. DHop has a great atmosphere and on a warm night it is the best place on campus for some food and free entertainment. My recommendation: whatever slices have the most toppings piled on. Trust me, it will be delicious and filling.

Another great place to cure the hunger monkey is Kurt’s Lunchbox. Kurt’s is conveniently located in C-Lot for anyone living in Area Two and it is a much shorter walk than DHop for anyone living out in the boonies of Area Three. I live in the Upper Quad and there have been nights where I will gravitate towards Kurt’s from the smell alone. While on the topic of lunch trucks, I went to Irie Taco the other day and it was phenomenal. I told him he could give DHop and Kurt’s some great competition if he started staying late night. Anyways, my Kurt’s recommendation: The classic cheesy fries, or snotty fries, as any true Kurt fan would know. His cheesy fries are famous for a reason and I’m not one to fix something that isn’t broken.

As tasty as Kurt’s and D-Hop are, plus the hilarious situations that occur there almost any night, they both close at 2 a.m. Not too long ago both would stay open as long as people showed up but semi-recent Durham ordinances have forced them to close up shop early. That happened around the same time DHop added 50 cents to their late night slices; thanks Durham. So, if you are out past 2 a.m. and in need of some grub, Wildcatessen is the place to go. It is conveniently located under Stillings in Area One, which is very close to many apartments and the infamous frat row. Wildcatessen is also open until 4 a.m. on weekend mornings and they specialize in subs. If you have the ability to you can order ahead online, which is great for any dorm room partiers. Wildcatessen is apart of the UNH Dining system, so don’t even joke about stealing from there or you could get in trouble. My recommendation is their steak and cheese sub, but they are all very good.

Sometimes students pass out without eating after a late night out, it happens to the best of us. After waking up in a haze with your clothes thrown around the room, or still on, some hangover food is essential. As a side note, waking up with strange things in your room can be very amusing but also confusing. Last week my room was a mess and it was filled with balloons. Still haven’t figured that one out yet.

A very popular choice for a late brunch is The Bagelry located at Mill Plaza. Others like the Mei Wei Asian Cuisine Restaurant, which used to be the China Buffet. However, the dining halls also have some great choices. My top choice for a hangover brunch is a chicken patty with some of those chopped breakfast potatoes at Holloway. I would argue that is the best thing to eat if you are still feeling some effects form the night before. Wherever you choose to eat, make sure that you’re having fun and staying safe.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

UNH Dining Steals from students

I have been doing a lot of thinking about these new salt and pepper mills in the dining halls. They have been around since the start of the new semester and during that time, after extensive research, examination and testing, I have come to the following conclusion: Dining could not have wasted money in a worse way. Seriously, what the fuck? But what do you expect from those incompetent bastards who run the show over there? They can't read very well, take a joke, or spend money efficiently. Those mills cost $32.25 EACH. And I'll tell you what, I'm willing to guarantee it wasn't because they care about our health! They don't give a fuck, the more we eat the more money they get to charge for next year's meal plans. When the new semester started they said the new salt and pepper mills where bought because they use sea-salt which is healthier. Also, not having the salt shakers on the table would cause more students to not use salt. Meaning that they expected us to be extremely lazy. Hmm, I really want salt on these fries, but I'm not going to walk 12 feet to get it. I know people who have said this tactic has worked, but most people still use the salt. I say that they are acknowledging the stereotype that young American's are lazy. Well fuck them. Apparently UNH dining hates America. Now, if we were to boycott using salt it would prove them right and I can't let that happen. So, I expect every UNHer out there to not only use salt, but a lot of it. Sure, it means that they will order more, but it would also prove them wrong. I believe that we can make a difference, we can change! We can eat all the fucking salt we want! 

Now, you're probably wondering why I am ranting about salt, I actually don't even like my food salty, but it is because I now have a vendetta against everyone at dining. I still eat at HoCo about 4 times a day and I won't stop because I already paid my meal plan. I truly think that the real reason dining wasted all that money, which could have been spent on less diarrhetic foods, is because the salt and pepper mills look nice. I have been getting this notion that appearance is becoming too much of a concern for dining, and the University as a whole. Either that or... (inappropriate joke about the mills being used as sex toys.)

By the way, the email from the conduct office I got was never followed up upon. They must have realized that the dining director completely misunderstood my column. At least some administrators have common sense and know how to take a joke. The funniest thing is that in the email he sent me, where he criticized me for "encouraging stealing" he also mentioned that stealing costs the meal-plan holders. Well how about paying $32.25 for a shit-load of completely unnecessary salt and pepper mills? That, my friends, is thievery. UNH is strapped for cash and relaying on a bunch of alumni donations to continue to grow, so how about they stop spending the little money they do have on items that are completely worthless. If it ain't broke don't fix it!

On to my next topic. Anyone see that hockey game last night?

Stay classy, not UMassy.

van Riemsdyk back in Durham

Here is a great interview with former UNH standout and NHL rookie of the year candidate James van Riemsdyk. JVR has been practicing with UNH a few times this week while the NHL is off for the Olympics.

Stay Classy, Not UMassy.

The Vicious Cycle known as College

Unless you are a lucky bastard who doesn't have Friday classes there is not a better feeling than finishing up you last class before the weekend. It is such a rewarding feeling to know that all your hard work from the week will be paid off with some good relaxation... or getting extremely drunk at a party, blacking out in the street, coming to while biting into a piece of pizza at DHop and eventually passing out... hopefully in your own bed. Both of those are great, and surprisingly respectable ways, to spend your weekend. (At least in my opinion.) Then of course procrastinating on your homework until 7PM Sunday so you are up until 3 AM Monday and thus the entire vicious cycle of the college life continues. This is why so many college students rely on coffee, Red Bull, and Nyquil during the week... and more Red Bull and alcohol on the weekends. Although if you were a true college student alcohol would be apart of the entire week. The combination of energy drinks and alcohol always makes me laugh, kind of like when I get a salad at HoCo and slather it in bacon ranch dressing. I think I'm being healthy but deep down I know the bacon ranch negates the salad. But what am I supposed to do? Go to the gym? Ha! Somehow I have never gained any weight during my time at UNH. Sure, most you would say well with all that crack you smoke I'm surprised you haven't died yet. Well, I guess I'm just a miracle of nature. (In case my parents started reading the blog: I don't smoke crack...ever... anymore...)

This is just the basic routine that we all go through. Of course everyone's is different with unique variations, but it is pretty simple. Sleep, food, class, homework, fun. For some of us fun is going to a game or playing video games or watching a movie and others define fun as waking up with no memory of the last 12 hours. Well, that precise moment isn't fun, but you can at least assume that you had a little fun during that window of time that seemed to have vanished.

Speaking of having fun and partying... "dancing" to hip-hop in a dirty Durham basement can be a blast but I feel gets a little repetitive. Every fucking weekend I hear the same old songs by the same performers. How about a little variation UNH? I think it is necessary to mix in a little rock now and again and just get really trashed and belligerent. Because deep down we all wish we were rock stars and if you don't then I don't know how to react.  For example, watch this youtube video. I have seen this band several times and they are absolutely amazing live, but their music is very diverse and different, so they can take a little getting used to. But at every performance they have fun and so does the crowd. They always win over the crowd fast and it is enjoyable to bring people who don't like their albums to a live show, because they'll turn into a huge fan. I've seen it happen a few times. It is a true party like atmosphere every time they take the stage.

Plus how many bands are there with an electric fiddler and accordion player from Russia with two Asian percussionist-dancers, an Ethiopian bassist, an Israeli guitarist and an American drummer lead by a crazy Ukrainian singer who was also a Chernobyl refugee? Those combinations bring out the true musicianship and soul in a performance. Fuck Ke$ha.

Stay Classy, not UMassy.
(yes, that is from UMass via the Stool)

Drink Of The Week: Fuck...

I just want to say thank you. The blog has been getting pretty big page hits over the past week or two and I'm guessing it has been through word of mouth because I haven't been advertising at all... I have a bunch of pocket calenders and business cards and random printouts I have been meaning to liter campus with, but to put it simple, I am lazy. I'm trying to get the hang of photoshop and I might make a few posters, but seeing that I'm poor, I don't want to waste too much ink. Shits expensive.  This semester has been pretty hectic work wise but I feel as though things are settling down. I may have finally kicked my drug addiction and alcoholism so it has been kind of rough... Just kidding! I would never do that to you. How else would I come up with blog material? Seriously though, I am still hoping to get a few guest posts going to open up the blog variety so email me if you're interested. 

Also, I was unable to put up a drink of the week yesterday. So today's drink of the week is my all-time favorite beer, Newcastle Brown Ale. So delicious, you should all try it out if you haven't yet. I never met anyone who has tried Newcastle and not liked it. That is all I am going to say about that because if I keep thinking about it I'm going to need some. I'm sweating and shaking already. Okay, maybe I should speak with someone, where's Stephenson Billings when you need him?!? I'll start writing some lesser seen drinks on campus starting next week. I also have a few campus favorites lined up so keep reading. (And continue telling everyone you know about the blog.)

According to this article in the Union Leader crime on campus has actually decreased over the last 3 years, but students and faculty feel less safe. Police say that they made 347 arrests during the fall semester, compared to 445 arrests in the fall of 2006. I take pride in that I was not one of those 347, and if your weren't either, congratulations! I think the reason that more people feel less safe has been the degree of some of the recent crimes. The Halloween assault obviously gained a lot of attention as well as some other assaults and the supposed man with gun situation. Once again that article brought up the issue of the text warning system and whether or not it is good or bad for the students. I think it is good because if there is a crazy dude with a magnum pacing back in forth by HoCo, I'd like to know about it. One problem with the message alerts is that all the local media (WMUR) gets tipped off and they report it before anything is known. Then they are bombarded with parents calling for more info when nothing is known. Other people claim that the text alerts just create more tension and cause chaos when a situation comes up. It is something interesting to think about. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

White Out Wednesday Night

Just a quick reminder that Wednesday (today) night's basketball game against Maine is a White out game. So be sure to get to Lundholm by 7pm for tip-off. It should be a good game so I hope a nice big crowd shows up to make some noise.

So I downloaded a free trial of photoshop and I was goofing around and came up with this: (click for full size)


It is the first photoshop I've done and it isn't perfect but I thought it was blog worthy. I only have it for 30 days but I'm hoping to add a few pictures for the blog.

Stay classy, not UMassy

Like a Pro: UNH Party Scene

As promised I have returned to only encouraging underage drinking, partying and drugs... you know things that won't grab the attention of the conduct board... Also, I had this link sent to me by a reader and I think it is highly appropriate for today's post and the for the blog overall. It is the  nomination form for Playboy's Top Part Schools list (NSFW, derh). So, if you really want to piss off the UNH administration I highly encourage you all to nominate UNH. I think it would be a great "Fuck You" moment if UNH got a nomination because of how hard the administration, Greek Life and local police have been cracking down lately. So do your part and nominate UNH!  UNH is probably a long shot for that list, but don't forget just a few years ago we were ranked number 7 and then 11 on the Princeton Review's list.

Partying has always been a big part of UNH culture. Whether students just like to dance, drink or relax for a few hours, going out can be a nice way to relieve the stress of school, but it is important to know what you like. Everyone has a different taste in types of parties. Some people prefer huge “ragers” that are thrown by our university’s fine fraternities, and other people prefer a small social gathering of friends at the Gables. Therefore I believe it is unfair to rate one as better than the other; it is like saying what is better: rap or heavy metal? They are two different genres so it becomes difficult to compare them against one another. The easiest way to breakdown the UNH party scene is to discuss each type of party individually. So let’s begin with the most commonly stereotyped college party: a frat party.

Frat parties are very interesting and you can never be sure what to expect. There are always a lot of people and a lot to do, from dancing to playing beirut and other drinking games. Fraternities definitely have way more space than any other than other parties so it is easy to spread out and find something that you like. One bad thing about frat parties is that they can be tough to get into. Unless you are a half-naked girl, or you show up with four half-naked girls, you better know a few brothers or you are not getting in. Another disadvantage to a frat party is that brothers stick together so if you make one angry, by accident or not, you might want to clear out. Let’s face it, as bad as some stereotypes are, they all exist for a reason. It is also important to include that each frat is different with their parties. Some fraternities like to keep their parties pretty low key and limit attendees to friends, while others just want to have the rowdiest party ever.

Next up we have parties at campus-owned apartments: at UNH we have the Gables. Parties at the Gables usually tend to be quieter with most attendees being friends of the residents. That being said, parties at the Gables can also be pretty rowdy, but it really depends on the people who are hosting. Partying at the Gables can be a lot of fun, but quiet hours kick in at 1 a.m. so things usually have to wrap up a bit earlier than most other options.

Another type of party is the kind located at an off-campus house or apartment. Simply because they are off campus, you can usually expect a rowdier atmosphere. A party off campus is nice because they are usually in between the size of a frat party and something at the Gables. If you are hosting an off-campus party, make sure you are aware of the town’s noise policies because the last thing you want is a cop to shut it down early. That happened at a Halloween party I was at and it resulted in everyone walking a few miles back to campus because we all had to leave at once and couldn’t wait for safe rides or the designated drivers to make rounds.

When you are preparing to go out for the night, be sure you know and understand the conditions of the party. If it is a theme party dress up, you don’t want to be “that guy” who was too cool to gel your hair or pop your collar. Even worse, don’t be that guy who over does it. Another tip is to find out what type of room the party will be located; there is a big difference between a Gables’ living room and a dirty frat basement. It is probably a bad idea to wear white shoes to the latter.

If you plan drinking, it is always a good idea to bring your own alcohol. It is much safer to backpack it across campus than to be drinking out of a party bowl. Even if you are friends with the host, you never know what someone else might slip in it. Lastly, always plan a head of time on how to deal with police. Refusing a search does not give them probable cause. If you are the host, make sure nothing is visible from outside or through the front door. Never answer the door with alcohol in your hand, and always step outside and shut the door behind you. This will prevent an officer from seeing, or smelling, anything that could lead to a search. Many college arrests occur either because students do not know their rights or they fall for a cop’s tricky wording. Know your rights, and have fun out there.

Stay Classy, Not UMassy.

Unrecognized Greek Orgs hit below the belt

Adam McCready, the coordinator of Greek life at UNH, is at it again.  Please be aware that I am NOT apart of any Greek organization, but I do support them because a strong Greek system is essential for a university. Once again McCready has tried to trash on unrecognized fraternities and sororities by discouraging students from joining one. I kind of see where he is coming from, he only wants students to support UNH recognized organizations, but he is only making himself out to be a villain. I have said this before, but I think he should spend less of his time, and energy, keeping unrecognized frats unrecognized. He should be trying to help these unrecognized organizations regain their status. I believe the more variety the better. Competition is what makes things better. The following poster can be seen around campus buildings and dorms. (They were sent in by a reader so props for that!)

Earlier this year there was a big controversy when McCready referred to unrecognized fraternities, specifically Phi Kappa Theta, a fraternity which is still recognized by it's national headquarters, as  "social drinking groups." That quote angered brothers and supporters who claim they still host fundraising events like every other Greek organization. I always thought the head of Greek life was supposed to support and guide the organizations, not brush them under the rug. Yes, they are not recognized by the school and therefore he doesn't control them, but that also doesn't mean that he should make them look bad. A lot of those organizations on the poster do everything else that recognized organizations do and it still looks the same on a resume.  I think that UNH (McCready) and the IFC should support any Greek organization that is willing to do good in the community. A Greek advisor is not doing a good job if he lets recognized houses fall apart because he is too busy wasting his time with unrecognized houses. I'm not saying that fraternities shouldn't be punished, I think a few years probation is understandable. I don't think that current or future members should be punished for something that happened when they were in middle school. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: I've heard rumors that McCready was arrested a few years ago for supplying alcohol to his younger brother or he was at a party and he was 21 with minors or something like that. Anyone know if there is any truth to that?

What's wrong with Chex Mix?

Most of you have probably heard of texts from last night, but how about voice mail messages from last night? The video below is the audio of a voice message I received over the weekend. Between this message and the fact I woke up on Saturday with my pants inside-out and on Sunday with my room full of balloons I would say I had a pretty eventful weekend. The reason for the "record-scratch" sound effect is to block out my name.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Bobby Butler scores goals. Period.

Vote Bobby Butler for the Hobey Baker award. The Hobey Baker is the MVP award for college hockey. He has been unstoppable all year and once again proved he is worthy for the prestigious honor tonight with a four goal effort against PC. Seriously, spread the word and vote here: http://hobeybaker.com/voting/. Any true Wildcat knows that he deserves it and would vote and tell everyone they know. Help bring Hobey back to Dirty Durham!

Bobby Butler scores goals and fist pumps. Period.

If there was an award for best celebration it would hands down go to Butler for his beautifully executed fist pump after each goal he scores. He puts Tiger Woods to shame.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

A Message from Gnarlz

After last night's basketball game, where UNH beat Binghamton, I got a facebook message from Gnarlz that read "I think you should write a story about the students that came to Lundholm Gym tonight and took their free t-shirt at 6:30 pm and left the Field House before the team even came up for warm-ups. Wow. Thought our students were better than that." The is one of the worst things I have ever read. Talk about being disrespectful to the team. People who did that don't deserve to wear UNH colors and they also missed out on a great game. I mean that is like BC Superfraud low. In a follow up message Gnarlz wrote "Next Wednesday is WHITE OUT LUNDY and we need all of our students to come out, wear their white, and help us BEAT MAINE. GO 'CATS!" Now, I've never really been sure what to think of Gnarlz, I mean he is like the combination of  Jose Canseco  and the Phillie Phanatic. And he kind of looks like a shark. He also refused to answer some interview questions for me, probably because I enquired about his use of steroids and his connections to Tiger Woods.

Seriously, we know your on the Juice. Just come clean.

All allegations aside Gnarlz is the best mascot in Hockey and and America East. No other mascot comes close in ferocity and passion. 

Also, I just got a chicken burrito from the new taco truck on campus. It was very delicious and today only you get a free monster with a burrito. The burrito was much bigger than I expected and everything in it was very fresh. The lettuce and tomatoes still had that little fresh crisp and it didn't get soggy or gross. The chicken was hot and it had a little spice to it, but you can also get hot sauce if you like. I talked with the guy for a few minutes and he's really hoping that word of mouth will help promote their services around campus. He is currently only here during the weekdays, but if the sales go well he will be able to come on weekends and stay later for nights. I told him he would do great with the late night crowd and that Kurt's (where the hell has Kurt been anyways?) and DHOP could use some competition. I would highly recommend checking out Irie Taco if you get a chance. Have a good weekend all.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

An Apology

First of all I really feel it is necessary for me to make an open apology. No, not to dining because they thought my last column was encouraging thievery so they reported me to the conduct office. Even though I was actually doing the opposite by exposing how easy it is and the ridiculous reasons why students choose to steal. I mean, what the fuck? I know I suck at writing but am I so bad that I did the exact opposite of what I meant to do? Everything from that column was what I learned from other students, I just wrote it down. (Exact quote referring to what people told me: "Some of their answers were down right hysterical. I was surprised at how many students admitted to stealing cups, plates, coffee mugs, silverware the old salt and pepper shakers and even trays."  Half of the people I asked admitted to taking shit and dining points the finger at me. Well, I'm pointing one back at them too. (And it is the bad one). We all loose out when students steal, and even if my sample was small it is pretty obvious that a lot of money goes to waste from all the little things adding up. I didn't say that in the column because I figured people would be smart enough to make that connection on their own. Is that really the column or post that could get me in trouble? The one time I don't talk about underage drinking or drugs! Fuck. Don't worry, next week's column will encourage parties so I should be fine.

I do however owe an apology to my fellow students. Starting on February 8th there was a new food truck on campus. They are called "Irie Taco" and are located next to the lower quad, where the dumpsters are between C-Lot and Engelhardt. I just saw it this morning and as at the campuses premier blogger I feel as though I should have been all over that shit on day one. I haven't had a chance to eat their food yet but you can find their menu here. I have heard that they are really good and have decent prices: $1 soda cans, $2.50 for tacos and around $5 for burritos. I was told they are only here during the day, and I'm not sure if they plan on staying late on weekends, but I'll try to find out ASAP.

While I was walking around campus this morning, running some errands before the weekend and I realized that there are some little things that make me happy. For example, perfectly timing the walk signal at the intersection across from the Whit when there is a lot of traffic. Or getting two items from a vending machine when I only pay for one. Okay, that is all I got for now. Enjoy you're thirsty Thursday and if you don't have plans you should all attend the men's basketball game tonight against Binghamton at 7. The coach and players have really appreciated the bigger crowds and they need good momentum heading into the final stretch of the season. Plus, they are giving out free T-shirts again.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Drink Of The Week: Cheap Beer

Because this is college, right? When it comes down to the bottom line the best alcohol to bring to a college party is cheap beer. I am not talking $20 30's like Coors Light, I'm talking in the $14-$18 range like Natty Light or Keystone. Why, cheap you ask? Because on the whole we are all pretty much poor. Plus, if someone snags your bag full of beer its much better to have it be full of Keystone Light and not some Sam Adams or something nicer. One knock about beer is that it tends to go fast. Between two roommates a 30 probably won't last a full weekend (especially if you're including Thursday nights). A big handle on the other hand is much more likely to last longer. Also with beer, it is much more tempting to have a couple during the week and with cheap beer that can be a waste if you're not getting wasted.

On the other hand beer is much better to bring to a party since you can drink more of it. Brining a water bottle with cranberry vodka is not going to last long at a party, especially there are a lot of drinking games going on. That brings up my next point about cheap beer, it is the best alcohol for drinking games. Whether it is beirut, kings, asshole, fuck the dealer or any other game, beer is the way to go. If you're playing a drinking game with rum or vodka or any type of hard alcohol you'll be lucky to last a game or two. While Natty Light and Keystone Light seem to be the campus favorite cheep beers I actually prefer PBR.

Personally, I think PBR has a better taste than most cheap beers, despite it's high carbonation. Most cheap beers taste very watery, while PBR does have a little better flavor. It also has a slightly higher alcohol content (5.7%) compared to most beers in it's price range and quality. Keystone Light is only 4.2%. But at the same time PBR isn't a light beer so that would make sense. Most light beers are in the low to mid 4% alcohol range, but heavier beers are usually around 5% (but range up to 10% or higher).
Since PBR isn't a light beer it has 50 more calories than Keystone Light.  Drinking a lot of cheap beers will result in mass drunkenness and probably a decent hangover, but what do you expect? You get what you pay for. Most cheap beers are pretty similar, I just like the slightly higher content that PBR has to offer. When it comes to light beers, I would put Keystone just ahead of Natty. I know that everyone has their preferences, but let's face it cheap beer is cheap beer.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: Stealing from Dining

UNH dining halls have a strict policy on what can and cannot be taken, but many students choose to ignore the rules. Students are permitted to take one piece of fruit, a brownie or cookie, and to fill up their Mug Club for free at HoCo, Philbrook or Stillings. These restrictions, which were put in place last year, are meant to save money and waste. During last year trays were also removed from Philbrook and Stillings in an attempt to cut down on uneaten foods and to save water. All of the dining halls have cameras outside the exit doors so students must be at least somewhat sneaky to get away with stealing.  Throughout my time at UNH I have noticed that many students take more than what they are allowed from our dining hall, and I will admit that I do it too.

Before I sat down to write this I went to HoCo and partook in some observational research by watching students leave the dining hall. I felt like a creep, but it seemed as though every third or fourth student was attempting to steal. The thieves always had their hands shoved deep in the pockets of a baggy sweatshirt or jacket as if they were hiding something. They all looked nervous and they turned away from the person at the register as they walked by. Over the past two weeks I have been asking friends, acquaintances and complete strangers what they take from the dining halls and why.

Out of the 50 students I polled, 16 students admitted that they take food from the dining halls and seven said they have taken utensils or dishware. Exactly half of the students claimed that they take anything that they can fit under a jacket, while only two students said that they have never stolen from a dining hall. Just about every student has snuck out an extra piece of fruit now and then or maybe a handful of soup crackers, but that is not what I was interested in. Some of their answers are down right hysterical. I was surprised at how many students admitted to taking cups, plates, coffee mugs, silverware, the old salt and peppershakers and even trays.

 I bet half the dorm rooms at UNH are fully furnished with kitchen sets from our dining halls. There are obvious reasons for taking certain items; the average student is not MacGyver, so if they take a fork they probably have a bunch of Ramen noodles back at their room. Then there are some items that are less obvious for their uses, such as the small ketchup containers. Now why would some steal one of those? Because they make excellent shot glasses.

The most common use of a tray is for sledding down library hill, trust me it is a blast. Trays can also be used for more practical uses such as a TV dinner stand. For all you romantics out there, remember Valentines Day is right around the corner. Why don’t you surprise you’re special someone with breakfast in bed? All you need is a winter jacket to slip the tray under and you are golden.

In order to write this article as accurately as possible I had to do some true gonzo-journalism. I enlisted several of my closest friends to take an item or two from a dining hall to see what we could get away with. All of our successful thefts were returned later on. Some of the things we got away with included a full salad bowl, trays, cups, and various pieces of silverware. We did return everything though; it was for the good of the study. Things we were not successful with included an armful of oranges, one of the cup carts, a container of cereal and a tray full of food. We did make it out the door with the oranges and the tray of food, but were caught by the register lady. Luckily it was two different people on two different days. When my roommate got caught with the oranges he was told, “this is not a grocery store.” I got caught with the tray and explained how I was a new transfer student and thought I could eat it in the food court. Denied.

According to Jon Plodzik, the director of dining, students who are caught stealing are reported the school’s Judicial Program in violation of the Student Rights, Rules and Conduct Code. Although a total monetary loss is not known, six of the new peppermills have already been stolen, which are priced at $30.25 a piece.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Pictures of the week for the rest of forever:

I am the greatest Chatrouletter ever. If you can make people laugh they will draw you shit. First a dinosaur:

And then this:

Stay classy not UMassy.

Chatroulette is awesome

Over the weekend I discovered the greatest thing ever, Chatroulette. I guess it has been blowing up lately and fucking with people on it is awesome. It is basically a video/audio chat but it is random and you can next people. A few friends and I were on it the other day and to put it simply, it is amazing, especially when you are drunk. And its even better if you're baked. I have a program where I can change my webcam so I have a goofy background or like a cat face and some other crazy shit and people's reactions are priceless. Last night I had on the cat face and underneath I wrote "You must be trippin'" and the dude freaked out and then held up a massive bong. The only thing is once and a while you see some fucked up shit that may or may not haunt you forever. 

In other news that kid who made the "Party at UNH" is at it again. This time it is an original and plans on releasing his album for free download in March. I got an email explaining how "Valhalla" writes, makes his own beats and records all his stuff in his dorm room. A while ago I tried starting a band with William Takefield, him on the guitar and me on my macbook garage band. It was so fucking hard even when we was sober that we gave up. So whether you like it or not you should give this kid some respect because making beats it way hard than you would think. I don't know this kid, but I have met other kid, Evin, who guest sings on this track and he was pretty chill, so I figured why not give them some publicity. Plus they contacted me so they obviously know this is the place to go for students to get the word out. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Super Bowl Pick

They always say to pick with your head and not your heart... but I really hate the Colts. Although as a sports fan I do respect them.

Prediction:
Saints: 27
Colts: 24
MVP: Drew Brees
Over Under 1.5 members of The Who dying on stage: Under.
Common Townshend is going to tear it up!

I love a good underdog story.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

There will be Inglorious Baseballs

If you want to read about drugs and alcohol you'll have to wait a few days, I'm trying to be a bit more unpredictable and less cliche. This is a is a random rant on two movies and baseball. I don't really cover sports or movies too much on here even though I am a huge fan of both. As a sports fan I take pride that I am not what people refer to as a "pink-hatter" meaning I was a Red Sox fan pre-2004, a Patriots fan pre-2001, and a Celtics fan pre-2007 (I even went to a Celtics game when the lost like 22 games in a row)... and I still like the Bruins. As a movie fan, I love a good comedy or shoot 'em up film like most college students, but I also love the "classics." I also like a good satire. (But I despise those Wayens brother "________ Movie" movies.)


 While a lot of people claim baseball is boring, when you're on the field with the game on the line the intensity is insane. Since the game is slower, it allows time for the tension to build. A baseball game is like  Quentin Tarantino's  "Inglorious Basterds" or Paul Thomas Anderson's "There Will be Blood" because they are long and drawn out, but they are also amazingly intense... and 3 hours long. Since baseball is slower paced then most sports it allows for intensity to build. A great game climaxes with a walk-off home run or a 95 mile per hour fastball up and in that a hitter chases for strike three. (Like  Basterds climax: SPOILER). There is so much strategy leading up to the final innings that a casual sports fan doesn't pick up on, like an a well timed hit-and-run or steal. Almost the same thing can be said about a movie like Inglorious Basterds, or There Will be Blood. A certain wording or delivery to a line, an angle of a shot, or lighting that a casual movie goer doesn't pick up on can add so much more to a scene. For a movie to have an awesome climax it has to have perfect timing and proper scenes prior to build the tension. (Plus any movie about killin' Nazis is awesome in my book.)

As one of my brothers put it, M. Night Shyamalan could not have pulled off an ending like Tarantino in Basterds. Much like a championship baseball team needs the right type of manager. Or any sports team in general, that's why Herm Edwards never won a Super Bowl and Shyamalan never won an Oscar, although he got two nominations for The Sixth Sense. When Edwards coached you always knew he would screw it up when his team was playing well... do I really need to make that connection with Shyamalan?

 Those two movies also have two of my all-time favorite bad-ass villains in Christoph Waltz's (if he doesn't win an Oscar for best supporting actor I will flip out the fuck out) Hans Landa, and in Daniel Day-Lewis' Daniel Plainview. No, those characters aren't serial killers setting up bloody traps, but they are greed-filled geniuses who do their job better than anyone else. They aren't out for blood lust, but they perfectly deliver some of the most badass lines ever written. When Day-Lewis gives his monologue you learn that he is one bad dude. Although, possibly his best line in the movie is "I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people." It's simple, straight forward, but perfectly written and delivered.


Okay, I have no idea what I am talking about anymore. I think I might still be drunk from last night.  If I may borrow a line from Billy Madison "what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."


Stay classy, not UMassy.

This Confuses Me

I took this card from one of those plastic stands on the tables at HOCO and I don't understand what health services is trying to prove or say. At least there weren't any grammatical errors this time (I mean it's not like they are writing a blog.) Let me explain why it confuses me:

I have a feeling that everyone on campus, not just "over half" participates in alcohol-free activities. If you don't, then wouldn't you have to be drinking like 24/7? I would like to meet a person who can handle, and afford, that accomplishment. I mean isn't going to class an "alcohol-free" activity? Because in that case they could probably say like 70%  and not just "over half"of students participate in alcohol-free activities.

The 52% of students fact doesn't surprise me and that makes perfect sense. But I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that there is such a high percentage  that only participates in alcohol related activities. And I thought I had a drinking problem! This is such a relief to know that I have a long way to go before I hit rock bottom.

Stay classy not UMassy.

PS to assholes: I know that they mean over half of campus participates in organizations/clubs/sports where alcohol isn't allowed. I am not a moron, I just understand how sarcasm works. I think it is just really funny the way health services words all their flyers. We get it, not everyone on campus drinks... (just the cool kids do!)

PPS: I need a Jersey Shore nickname for a party, any ideas? According to the nickname generator "The New Hampshirite" is "The Impact."

One of those days...

Today was one of those days when I woke up and planned to get a bunch of work done. I don't have Thursday classes, something I planned so  I could go skiing, but that hasn't worked out yet. So anyways I thought I would spend all day reading about McCarthyism and looking for someone to profile for an English paper but that never happened. As 11:30 AM rolled around I met up with an old friend. Within an hour we were pretty rocked. I guess that is why they call it thirsty Thursday. I swear I'm not an alcoholic.

Yesterday my roommate (aka William Takefield) told me he would buy all our alcohol until I shaved. Ladies, please don't mind the scruff... but today he realized that he doesn't have any money. Lame.  Again, I swear I'm not an alcoholic. Anyways the whole no shave thing started when I was telling him about Febru-hairy, which is No Shave November for people who are three months slow. I encourage any guys to take part, just think of it as an excuse for not shaving.

Please, make sure you vote in the new poll at the top right of the page, it is very important for an upcoming post. I have a new photo of the day, sent in by my UMaine correspondent known as The Maine Guy. It was taken in a UMaine student parking lot and just goes to show how much UNH dominates Maine in every aspect of life:

If I understand statistics correctly, this one example obviously proves that all UMaine students like UNH better. Fact.

Some quick news: the men's basketball game at BU is on Comcast Sportsnet tonight at 7. That could be a nice way to pre-game before going out tonight. Also, UNH was recently named the 5th best school for "green-dorms" in the country, but I would gladly sacrifice that ranking for some fucking water pressure! Okay that's it, I got to be productive for a few hours...

Stay classy, not UMassy.

President Huddleston on UNH in 2020

This the video of President Huddleston's speech on UNH's strategic plan for the future. It is kind of long, but it is pretty interesting if you want to learn about UNH's future plans.


UNH in 2020 from UNH Video on Vimeo.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Drink Of The Week: Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum

Sailor Jerry's is my new favorite reasonably priced rum. By a long shot. I had it for the first time last weekend and I achieved great levels of drunkenness. I can't believe I had missed out on Sailor Jerry for so long. At about $18 a bottle (750 ml) it is a few dollars cheaper than Captain Morgan's or Bacardi. And it comes in a way cooler bottle. The original Sailor Jerry was considered the father of old school tattooing and if there was ever a man to name rum after it was him. Total Badass. Sailor Jerry's is 92 proof, or 46% alcohol, so it is also stronger than your average rum. However, that doesn't show in the taste. With any alcohol you get that little after burn, but unlike most cheap alcohol Sailor Jerry delivers some nice flavor with it. Whether you like to take shots or mix your rum with some coke, Sailor Jerry's is the way to go.

This is some legitimate rum here, I'm not talking about Malibu or Parrot Bay, this stuff is what pirates would drink. Why is the rum gone you ask? Because it was so good I drank it all. Strong, smooth, and a little spiced. Mmm! Another good thing about this rum is that it didn't come with a terrible hangover that I kind of expected after a night of drinking 92 proof rum. Since it doesn't taste like acid dog pee your drunkitude might take you by surprise when you stand up, so make sure you got your sea legs before you trek to DHop.There is also a good chance you'll end up on the floor a drink or two earlier than usual because that extra 12 proof (compared to the average hard alcohol drink) doesn't seem like much, but it adds up. If you're not careful it can kick your ass, but I think everyone is in need of a good ass kicking once and a while. It doesn't taste overly sweet and the best part is it doesn't have that gross cocoanut rum taste like "chick" rums do. I was mixing it pretty strong with some diet coke and I loved the taste, but I'll admit it got better as the night went on. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Theme Parties > Regular Parties

I know it's been a while since my last post, but I've been trying to stay caught up with classes and get everything organized while settling in on this semester. Also, you guys really hurt my feelings by telling me that hard cider was for girls :(. Just kidding, cocksuckers; I don't have any feelings, and I still think you're all snobs for liking India pale ale. I'd rather drink Rex Ryan's FUPA sweat than that shit. As a quick side note, despite being a Patriots fan and hating the Jets eternally, Rex Ryan is probably one of the most interesting and hilarious coaches in the NFL right now. The football blog Kissing Suzy Kolber has some great stuff with him in it.

Right before I start talking about the whole point of this post (theme parties and regular parties in case you're not paying attention), let's get some embedded Youtube music! Who doesn't like listening to music while reading?



Yes, it's a Ting Tings remix, but listen to the part with Wale and the beat. Shit's hotter than Miranda Kerr making out with Jessica Burciaga. Google those names if you need wanking material.

Alright, on to the actual point of this post. To start, how many of you like theme parties? Since you're not in front of me right now, I'm going to assume you all raised your hands.

If you didn't raise your hand, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Let's make a quick list of why theme parties are awesome:

• You get to wear hilarious things
• It's much easier to start a conversation when someone is covered in newspaper for an Anything But Clothes party
• You get to wear hilarious things in public
• Less laundry to do (since you probably wouldn't wear those things on a regular basis)
• You get to get drunk while wearing hilarious things, and then go out in public
• Picking a fight with someone in a toga is one of the funniest experiences a person can have
• Probably the best reason, GIRLS SKANK EVERY THEME PARTY UP. And I mean this in the best way possible.

Let's expand on that last bullet point. There is an art to having girls skank it up at a party. It happens at regular parties, but it is so much more awesome when it's at theme parties. Just so we're all on the same page, "skanking it up," to me at least, is when a girl (or guy, I guess) dresses in a way that uses as little material to cover herself up as humanly possible. You're welcome for that definition, 50-year-old who stumbled on this site and doesn't know how to leave.

You might think that I'm objectifying girls with all this talk. NO. FUCK YOU. That's all I have to say about your feminist harping.

The theme of a theme party is important. Cutting-edge college commentary there, right? And a bit of alliteration too (ENGLISH NERDS HOLLA AT ME). Keep your theme broad, with options for creativity. Choosing a theme like "CEOs and Office Hos" implies the skank factor, and works well, although it's a very common idea. Don't get too detailed, however. No one will go to a "Characters From Judd Apatow Movies" party, mainly because Apatow's characters are usually everyday slackers or mediocre people that have no outstanding qualities. That's a weak fucking idea, and the skank factor = zero. Also, Katherine Heigl's a bitch. I just wanted to say that.

Please keep in mind that not everyone is loaded with money, and has two closets full of clothes. Don't make some fucking party where people have to dress up in tuxedos or something expensive and obscure. Everyone can find budget shit at TJ Maxx (great store) but don't go overboard on attire for theme parties.

Try to make your theme party rhyme. Everyone loves rhymes. Base your rhymes off of the words "skanks," "hos," "sluts," or other derogatory terms for women. It might seem harsh, but they always work and end up being hilarious and not that offensive, unless you're an RA or something.

Here are some quick theme parties I thought of that hopefully aren't as common as "CEOs and Office Hos" or "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos."

• Jersey Shore With Jersey Whores (This can either be a Guido party or a sports jersey party.. multiple options!)
• Champs And Tramps (Attire of teams that have won championships recently and skanks)
• Barbarians And Librarians (This is actually sort of common, but too great to leave off of the list)
• Robots And Ho-Bots (Sexy robots.. my disk just got hard!)
• Micks And Chicks (Irish stereotypes/Mick Jagger lookalikes and, once again, skanky girls)
• SuperBros And SuperHos (Use well-known superheroes or make up your own! A little on the pricier side, but worth it if pulled off correctly)
  

As a final note, don't forget about the booze. If you have access to hard alcohol or lots of beer, get it and sell it at the party for $3-5 a cup. You will always make back the money you spent and almost always a profit, because people won't carry around backpacks if there's stuff available at the party. If you don't sell it, congratulations! You now just have a lot of alcohol available to you!

Try to theme it with the party. Beer is hard to set with a theme, but if you have a pirate party or something, offer rum or tropical drinks. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

If you have any other suggestions, leave them in the comments or email The New Hampshirite and I'll get it eventually. Write "Fuck you Rusty" in the subject line so he knows it's for me.

Like a Pro: UNH Traditions

What is written beneath is the first edition of Like a Pro, my column in TNH. Enjoy, to celebrate I just did same investigative journalism oh, yes, I hope you enjoy that analogy. 

Have you ever wondered what types of traditions truly exist at UNH? During my time as a student in Durham I have really felt that UNH lacks time-honored traditions that are prevalent at hundreds of universities and colleges across the country. UNH doesn’t have huge bonfires at homecoming, we don’t have a naked mile, and we don’t have a cold-water swim or anything of that nature. I did some investigative journalism on the matter and by simply google searching “UNH traditions” I found exactly what I was looking for on the UNH admissions website.

 It says, “The University of New Hampshire has a rich history of time honored traditions dating all the way back to its founding in 1866.  From University Day to Homecoming, hockey games to undergraduate research, these traditions are a part of what makes UNH a unique, fun and exciting place to learn.” The site also specifically lists the fish toss after the first goal of a hockey game and family weekend as UNH traditions. Um, what? If you ask me the only true tradition listed is the hockey fish tossing, but that is extremely common among hockey teams. Another “tradition” is the “White Out the Whitt” hockey game against Maine, but most college crowds do that for every home game. Both the fish and whiteout game are awesome, but I don’t think hockey games have been the same since they got rid of “Black Betty.”

 I mean does the university truly think that undergraduate research is a tradition that makes “UNH a unique, fun and exciting place to learn?” The funny thing is that the admissions page was missing a few key traditions that no one on campus can deny, like being arrested for underage drinking. It has become so commonplace that you would think UNH is the filming location of Campus PD, which is my new favorite show. Watching it makes me feel better about myself. Other unwritten traditions include the hockey team having great season and then losing in the NCAA tournament and fans calling for Coach Umile to be fired.  Also, don’t forget how after the first snow, students always complain about how UNH never cancels classes.

 In all seriousness, traditions can help build the UNH community; there is even a student organization, CommUNHiversity, dedicated to “enhance the sense of community and school spirit on the UNH.”When they wanted to burn a wooden bear before the Maine hockey game, something that students were very excited for, the administration shut it down. Rumors have gone around saying burn-a-bear is supposed to happen at next year’s homecoming though, and hopefully that will evolve into an annual event. I feel the administration cares too much about our “prestige” or “appearance” to allow certain traditions to exist. Even Ivy League schools such as Dartmouth have huge bonfires. With proper planning and rules, safety should not be an issue surrounding bonfires at homecoming and other events.

I think that it is time for the students of UNH to grow together and start some traditions of our own. A lot of schools have annual events that take place during finals week in order to relieve students of the stress. Students have tried things like last year’s flash rave or a synchronized scream, but I think something bigger is a necessity. Many schools annually have a campus wide snowball fight the night of a big snowstorm. Another common college tradition is a coldwater dive or swim. A lot of events like these can also serve as awareness or fundraisers.

 I think that the ultimate UNH tradition would be some sort of race around the Durham 500. For those of you who don’t know, the Durham 500 is the one-way oval shaped stretch of Main Street, Madbury and Pettee Brook Road that passes through and around downtown. Think of it as a NASCAR track, with Store 24 in the infield. It wouldn’t have to be a race, it could simply be a jog, walk, or bike ride, or all of the above. Of course to make it better we would need to incorporate some sort of dress code. While a naked mile would probably be met with a harsh reaction from the administration and the Durham and UNH police departments, funny costumes, underwear or body paint could do the trick.

UNH is closing in on its 150th anniversary and I think it is time that we start some traditions for the next 150 years. Whether it is something started by CommUNHiversity, another student organization or just a few bored students, history can be made. I just hope it can be something new and original, I mean there is only one Durham 500 and I think that could be a great place to start. 

 Stay classy, not UMassy