Monday Updates

Okay before I start this, how many of you laughed out loud when you saw that facebook group about SCOPE getting Kid Rock only to be secretly depressed when you found out it was fake? Come on, Bawitdaba was my jam in 5th grade.

So earlier today I was sitting in about a 200 person lecture and two things really jumped out at me. The first thing is that there aren't any lefty desks in that lecture hall and it is a pain to take notes. As a lefty I have noticed there are very few classrooms on campus which have a sufficient supply of lefty desks. The second thing I noticed it that why do some professors try and create discussions in huge lecture classes. I have a theory that only douchebags speak out in a 200+ person lecture, unless they are just asking for something to be repeated. No one has ever proved that theory wrong, especially the kids who speak out in any lecture I have ever been in.

I was unable to attend Saturday night's hockey game but thanks to an awesome reader I can still give out the Vaive-Hack-Douche award. It is the first ever two time winner, with referee Scott Hanson getting the award for his "tinted shield and bullshit calls" as it was so eloquently put by blog reader Joe.

Here are a few of my favorite "Overheard at UNH" from the weekend:
Drunk male, dorm hallway- "I can't see my nose... My feet are on backwards."
Drunk female, DHOP- "Yeah, I'm so drunk and I just snorted some perks."
Drunk male, bathroom urinal- "When your drunk, does alcohol stay in your pee? Cause I think I thought of a way to save some money."

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Overheard at UNH

Before I get started, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, after spending hours over Thanksgiving break I have decided to go with "Noncensors" for my name to refer to my readers. Stephen Colbert may have his Nation, but I have my faithful Noncensors. It was submitted by a reader who claims it is a play on the blog title and the fact that the blog isn't censored and neither should you be. If you think you have something better let me know. So listen up Noncensors, announcement number two: William Takefield will now be my roommate's code name. It is a play on "Tim Wakefield" from when we got baked one night. I'll be creating a vocab sheet for you all to study for my final exam.

 I haven't done an "Overheard" all semester and I feel like these are always good for a laugh:

UQ Hallway: Girl 1: "They were wrapped up in a towel. I mean he's 23 and she's 17." Girl 2: "Gross."

HOCO: Guy 1: "I slept with (girl) again." Guy 2 "Isn't that crabs girl?" Guy 1: "She got that taken care of... I think."

MUB Bookstore: Girl to guy: "Have you checked out that UNH blog, it's pretty cool."

If you ever want to freak out someone play this song. It helps if they are really high, just ask William Takefield.


Stay classy, not UMassy.

A New Beginning

With the new school year comes change and new opportunities. Over this summer I was contacted by some of the editors at TNH, they were hoping that I would write for them. At first I didn't want to because I felt as though I would be selling out on my blog and readers. But after some discussions at last nights writer's meeting I was offered the chance to simply submit clean posts for publication. I realized that this is probably the best thing that could have happened because it allows me to expand and without having to do more work. (Other than writing with good grammar.) And it will (hopefully) add some humor to an already well established newspaper. So I just want to let all of you loyal readers out there that the blog is still my top priority and you can still expect me to post as regularly as I ever have. Just keep an eye open for The New Hampshirite to make a few appearances in the only student newspaper here at UNH. I am very excited and honored about this opportunity.

Now that is out of the way, I have also overheard that SCOPE will be announcing this year's homecoming show tonight. Rumors have that it is not a comedian (I guess that means it could be Jimmy Fallon again) but a music show at the Whit. I guessing this means that it is obviously going to be a big name because there is always a homecoming comedian and they don't do Whit shows for just anyone. **EDIT 6:10PM Akon. Really? Akon, what year is it 2004?

Let us not forget that today is also Thirsty Thursday, meaning that I will get drunk tonight and I don't have classes for 3 days. Have a swell weekend, get drunk, go downtown and do something funny or dumb so that I can have something good to write about.

I was recently told a very funny "Overheard at UNH" by a source who wishes to remain anonymous:

At the gym:

Girl 1: "You how I stayed so skinny during high school soccer?"

Girl 2: "How?"

Girl 1: "I was doing cocaine and I hated it."

They continue to talk about cocaine and girl 2 obviously acted very shocked and disappointed so I believe that they were being serious.I didn't know that people were still that stupid now-a-days. I mean I've done some dumb shit, but I would never do fucking cocaine, especially enough times to stay skinny.

Have you heard anything ridiculous lately? If so email it in and I'll gladly share it. Also, I'm expecting to be working on and finishing my 100th post project this weekend. I hope everything goes well with it because I feel like a lot of people will get a kick out of it. It will put my "One Month Post" to shame. Have a good weekend, be Nonsensical, and don't let those douchebag cops keep you down.

Oh one more thing, hey kid down the hall if you read this, try playing this song next time you leave your door open trying to pick up girls.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Porn at UNH

You may not realize this but, I have the ability to see how people find, or are referred to, the blog. So if you do a google search and you click on a link to my blog I can see what you searched for. For example, many times people find the site by google searching terms such as "UNH Blog," "New Hampshirite" and many others. Often times people come across my blog by google searching terms found in one of my articles or the title. This gave me an idea for my first experiment. In case you have not noticed I titled this post "Porn at UNH." Haha fuck you if you're a pervert! Gotcha Bitch! I want to see if I have an increase in page hits or views by simply using the word "Porn" in an article. I had a feeling that "Porn" alone would not lead google to link the blog so I added "UNH."   

 I have noticed that several people have searched "Stay classy, not UMassy" and came across the blog. I'm not sure if they do this in hopes of figuring out what I mean by that or if that is all the remember about the blog. "Stay classy, not UMassy" is a play on "We're classy, not UMassy" a common term heard in the student section at UNH hockey games. It simply means "don't act like those douchebags at UMass, show some respect." (Apologies to any readers at UMass, I know there is at least one  because I can also see your IP address, internet provider and location. I know you are not all douchebags, but I thought it would be a catchy way to sign off after each post.) 

Now that I got that out of the way I can start off my weekend update post. Let's see... Swine Flu may be receding (or not), the Celtics beat the Bulls, Joakim Noah is a bitch, there was some type of concert at UNH Saturday night, the Bruins took game one against the Hurricanes, Wolverine owned at the box office, A-Rod has a needle dick, and Manny Pacquiao is a beast. 

After writing that, and in honor of Manny Pacquiao, I just got an awesome idea. I present to you the top five living people I would love to punch in the face:

1. Alex Rodriguez
2. Joakim Noah
3. Ryan Sheckler
4. The Jonas Brothers 
5. The Entire Fox News Team

Okay, maybe that constitutes as more than 5 people, but that was rewarding. Who would you like to punch in the face? Back to the University of Nonsensical Happenings. I was all over campus this weekend and I heard some extremely funny comments. I haven't done an "Overheard at UNH" in a while so I figured I would throw a few in. 

• Girl: "Why do you go here?'' Guy: "Marine Biology." Girl: "Are you gonna be a SCUBA diver!?!?"
  
• Girl: "I'm not gonna puke, I'm not gay!"
  
• Guy 1: "Do you wanna go to DHOP?" Guy 2: "...you.... have two mouths."
  

This weekend I also talked to the trumpet and banjo kids who play outside at DHOP. I gave them a buck told them I would be back with change but I don't think they believed me because when I returned an hour and a half later they were gone. I also witnessed a fellow drunk kid convince the owner of DHOP to tip them after he walked by. It was awesome. I asked if they knew "Dirty Old Town" and the banjo player told me he knows the Pogues and the song, but not how to play it. However, they did play "Toxic" by Brittany Spears; but they ignored my "Freebird" request. 

Okay, that was a long and rambling post. I wish I saved some of that for later use. Whatever, I have a couple of new ideas I will be posting about later in the week. Have a good last week of classes.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Overheard at UNH

Happy Friday night at UNH! Time to step up our party school ranking! 11th, what is this shit? We should be top fucking 10 every year. We Are UNH!

Recent things heard around campus:

• C Lot: Male yells “I tried your Colgate toothpaste and it made me feel like piece of shit!”
• MUB Food Court: Male “Do you think it’s more than 12?” Female “Definitely, it’s like… 10!”
  
• Downtown: Drunken Male "How much wood could a wood chuck... Fuck, what was I saying?"

Sometimes my fellow students just make me wonder...

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Overheard at UNH

In today's edition of "Overheard at UNH..."

• McConnell Hall- Male: "...There was bloody puke everywhere!"
• Outside pathway- Guy 1: "Yeah, that chick gave me crabs." Guy 2 "That must be how I got 'em!" 
• DHOP-Drunk Girl: "Keep the change" (handed cashier a 10 for one slice.) 

Post a comment if you have any good ones!