Porn fire Update: Denied

By: The New Hampshirite
So apparently the Durham Fire Department decided to pull the permit (full article) for the Womyn's group who had planned to burn porn. You see it is illegal to burn household waste and the group didn't know that law. On the bright side, they won't have to plant any trees to "make up for the pollution" (you know because that would have totally balanced things out, that's how environment works, der! ) The womyn's club still plans to hold a demonstration during the same time (noon to 3) on the Great Lawn in front of Murkland Hall on Thursday. Now, a lot has been said in the comments section (some were overly derogatory, remember the comments do not represent the members of this blog) on my earlier post regarding this subject. While I don't believe that pornography has "ruined humanity" I completely understand that some of it (child, rape, drug induced) is terrible and needs to be stopped. The main problem I really had with this was the burning on school grounds and now that the burning won't happen I really don't have too much to say on the subject. There are just as many women with strange fetishes as men and I am not here to judge. Honestly, I don't think that "regular" and legal pornography has anything to do with gender equality. If both sides are enjoying what they do, how are we allowed to say that it is wrong, degrading or immoral?


Stay classy, not UMassy.
PS: posting links to bias articles and websites isn't very persuasive. As a history major determining a bias viewpoint in an article is pretty important and some of those links (for both sides of the argument) were ridiculous.

Strange Google Hits

By: The New Hampshirite

Guess who just got their tax return! Oh yes, this will be a great weekend... if only this rain will stop. Over the past week the blog has been expanding with new writers, topics and ventures. Readership is skyrocketing (compared to was it usually is), while that can be attributed to the recent growth, I can't help but wonder how certain people end up here. Thanks to sitemeter I can read Google searches that lead to the blog. Usually people search "UNH blog," "University of Nonsensical Happenings" or "The New Hampshirite," but here are a few of my personal favorites that people have actually searched and wound up here:

• "UNH Porn" (around 8 times)
• "frat hazing videos" (3x - different variations)
• "Naked UNH girls" (3 or 4x)
• “Nonsensical Porn” (2x)
• “Dick Umile George Bush” (1x)
• “university of new hampshire sucks” (1x)
• “belt in Greek is” (1x)
• “awesome boobs on chat roulette” (2x)
• “streaming cum clothes” (1x)
• "UNH fight club" (3 or 4x)
• "Fire Dick Umile" (2x)
• "Third Eye Blind at UNH 2010" (1x)

Now, most of those can be related to the blog in one way or another, but others are a little too ridiculous for me to put my finger on. I am kind of disturbed by how many people look for UNH specific porn... and "streaming cum clothes" whatever the fuck that is. Also, what is up with some trying to search Umile and Bush together, like are they looking for a list of worst leaders ever? I wonder if the Third Eye Blind search is a hint to a spring show, for their own safety (and not my own preferences) I hope Scope gets a rapper for the second spring show. Well, UNH I really don't think I can compete right now with Lady Meow's post from last night so that is it. Have a nice weekend and hopefully this rain will clear up.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Who wants to be a Predator?

To make a long story short, I have an older brother who lives in San Francisco. We are on the same cellphone plan so I have a SF area code. That info is vital for some events that took place last night.

At approximately 10:59 PM I get a call from an 800 number, I decided to pick up because the same number had tried calling a few times over the past week. I knew it would be a telemarketer and I figured if I picked up and humored them, they would stop calling. I pick up and say "Hello! Hello?! What are you up to?" He is already laughing, probably realizing I was drunk, and says "Hi, I am calling for the San Francisco Chronicle..." I tell my friends it's a telemarketer from California and my roommate's girlfriend grabs the phone and says "Hey, you kind of interrupted an intimate moment. We're having a crazy fuck-fest!" This guy immediately replies with "Oh, damn! I need some footage of that!"So she replies "Awe, no doubt babe, I'm a stripper so it's all good. Where you at?" He tells her that he is in Oakland. So then she says, "Oakland? I'm at a party at UNH, in New Hampshire. What's you number?" The guy then gives her his own cell number and I write it down. Remember, he is a telemarketer, supposed to be selling me newspaper subscriptions. I'm pretty sure all their calls are recorded. About 30 minutes later, she calls his cell on another kid's phone and leaves a voicemail asking what his favorite positions are for that footage he so badly wanted. A few minutes later we get a text that says "Hey I'm still at work. I love sex! Period baby. Any and all positions." Needless to say about 25 minutes later this guy calls us. My roommate's girlfriend picks up and he tells her how he is going out to the bars with some coworkers and he wants some footage and to know when she is going to fly out to California to meet him. This fucking guy was ready to go and he meant business. Like what was this guy thinking? That this chick, claiming to be a stripper from New Hampshire, was actually going to fly across the country to meet him. Is that desperate or is that how this guy gets off? Where the fuck is Chris Hanson when you need him! Anyways about an hour later he sends us a picture of himself in a suit (of course telemarketers wear suits) and he was a middle-aged black guy. We never replied back so this guy is probably thinking she didn't like the picture he sent. Perhaps the best part is that the kid's whose phone we used didn't remember it. So he seemed a little puzzled when he checked his texts this morning. After last night I realized how fucked up some people are. This dude sent complete strangers his own number and seriously wanted some footage and pictures. Isn't that was craigslist and internet porn are for?

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Bold Predictions

Well I’m done with finals and I have moved back home with my parents. This has been an awesome year and I can’t believe that it is already over. I’m looking forward for the fall; I think that next year will be real fun. It will definitely be nice to make some money this summer, I got a job lined up working at a tree nursery so hopefully the cash will come rolling in. I know that TNH covered the year’s highlights in their final issue, so instead of looking back I’m going to look into the future. Here are my bold predictions for the 2009-2010 school year at UNH and around the world:

UNH Athletics

• The Men’s basketball team will win the American East tournament and make their first ever NCAA appearance, where they will get blown out (by 30 +/- 10) in the first round by UCONN. They have a lot of solid talent returning and the team has continued to improve each year under Coach Herrion.
• Blake Kessel will win Hockey East Defensemen of the year. Kessel was outstanding as a freshman and although at times he played his man a little too tight I think he will continue to improve. He will receive competition from BU goalie Kieran Millan, who will have to settle for Goaltender of the year.
• The men’s hockey team will have a great season, but once again break our hearts in the national tournament. I hate to say it but I don’t think Umile has what it takes to coach a (national) championship team.
• The women’s hockey team will break the curse and bring a National Championship to Durham… only 90% of the campus wont know/care. They have tremendous talent and two of the best goalies in Hockey East who will keep each other fresh down the stretch.
• The football team will give Ball State a run for their money. UNH has beaten a Bowl Subdivision (DIA) team 4 times in the last 5 years, but Ball State is much better than the teams we’ve played in the past. I wouldn’t be surprised by a UNH win but it should be a good game either way.

Campus

• At least one fraternity (remember your country isn’t a cunt) will get shut down.
• A professor will be fired after a lecturing on the theory of evolution. Wait never mind, this isn’t Liberty University.
• SCOPE will rebound from Jimmy Fallon and land a big time homecoming comedian.
• The advising system will be reworked after another year of student complaints.
• SCOPE will also get a decent band for the field house, which will surprisingly be a much better show than the spring climax in the Whit. (I feel like this always happens.)
• Halloween 2009 will feature more arrests than this year’s spring climax weekend.

Other

• A Somalian Pirate will die from Swine Flu.
• Two new flus will cause chaos and then disapear. It will be called "Flugate."
• Al Gore will do something crazy. (Goregate?)
• "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus" will be this years "Snakes on a Plane." (Props to RBM for being the first.)
• A big named politician will go to jail.
• Bill O'Reilly will piss me off. Stephen Colbert will make me feel better.
• The greatest teacher sex scandle will occur in the spring of 2010. It will be called "Teachergate."
• There will be at least seven things that happen that the media will dub ____gate.
• 2010 will be known as Mediagate.

That's all I got. I hope that people will continue to read the blog as I get better at writing. It’s still a work in progress. I hope to continue with the recent success. I actually got my 3,000 visitor today and over 7,500 page hits. I’ll gladly take that for my first month and a half. While I’m on the topic the ‘UNH Porn” search experiment has reached 5. Fuckin’ creepers…

Stay classy, not UMassy and have a great summer.

Porn at UNH

You may not realize this but, I have the ability to see how people find, or are referred to, the blog. So if you do a google search and you click on a link to my blog I can see what you searched for. For example, many times people find the site by google searching terms such as "UNH Blog," "New Hampshirite" and many others. Often times people come across my blog by google searching terms found in one of my articles or the title. This gave me an idea for my first experiment. In case you have not noticed I titled this post "Porn at UNH." Haha fuck you if you're a pervert! Gotcha Bitch! I want to see if I have an increase in page hits or views by simply using the word "Porn" in an article. I had a feeling that "Porn" alone would not lead google to link the blog so I added "UNH."   

 I have noticed that several people have searched "Stay classy, not UMassy" and came across the blog. I'm not sure if they do this in hopes of figuring out what I mean by that or if that is all the remember about the blog. "Stay classy, not UMassy" is a play on "We're classy, not UMassy" a common term heard in the student section at UNH hockey games. It simply means "don't act like those douchebags at UMass, show some respect." (Apologies to any readers at UMass, I know there is at least one  because I can also see your IP address, internet provider and location. I know you are not all douchebags, but I thought it would be a catchy way to sign off after each post.) 

Now that I got that out of the way I can start off my weekend update post. Let's see... Swine Flu may be receding (or not), the Celtics beat the Bulls, Joakim Noah is a bitch, there was some type of concert at UNH Saturday night, the Bruins took game one against the Hurricanes, Wolverine owned at the box office, A-Rod has a needle dick, and Manny Pacquiao is a beast. 

After writing that, and in honor of Manny Pacquiao, I just got an awesome idea. I present to you the top five living people I would love to punch in the face:

1. Alex Rodriguez
2. Joakim Noah
3. Ryan Sheckler
4. The Jonas Brothers 
5. The Entire Fox News Team

Okay, maybe that constitutes as more than 5 people, but that was rewarding. Who would you like to punch in the face? Back to the University of Nonsensical Happenings. I was all over campus this weekend and I heard some extremely funny comments. I haven't done an "Overheard at UNH" in a while so I figured I would throw a few in. 

• Girl: "Why do you go here?'' Guy: "Marine Biology." Girl: "Are you gonna be a SCUBA diver!?!?"
  
• Girl: "I'm not gonna puke, I'm not gay!"
  
• Guy 1: "Do you wanna go to DHOP?" Guy 2: "...you.... have two mouths."
  

This weekend I also talked to the trumpet and banjo kids who play outside at DHOP. I gave them a buck told them I would be back with change but I don't think they believed me because when I returned an hour and a half later they were gone. I also witnessed a fellow drunk kid convince the owner of DHOP to tip them after he walked by. It was awesome. I asked if they knew "Dirty Old Town" and the banjo player told me he knows the Pogues and the song, but not how to play it. However, they did play "Toxic" by Brittany Spears; but they ignored my "Freebird" request. 

Okay, that was a long and rambling post. I wish I saved some of that for later use. Whatever, I have a couple of new ideas I will be posting about later in the week. Have a good last week of classes.

Stay classy, not UMassy.