Sunday, April 19, 2009

Liberty University: "Training Champions for Christ"

“It could be worse”

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that phrase, I would have enough money to afford my books for a whole year. Just recently, while discussing the conduct policy here at UNH, a friend of mine said this phrase. For the first time in my life I truly believe that things could be worse. He brought my attention to the conduct policy at Liberty University, a Baptist school in Lynchburg, Virginia.

The LU conduct policy, known as “The Liberty Way  revolves around “reprimands” with the idea being that if a student accumulates a certain amount they will be fined and eventually kicked out. Students can be fined, given community service and receive scholarship deductions for more “serious” offenses. To view the actual policy it requires a student ID on LU's website, but thanks to the world wide web I was able to locate it in its entirety here. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

The following results in 6 reprimands and a $35 fine:

  • Attending a dance
  • Gambling
  • Possession or use of tobacco (even for those over age 18)

 12 reprimands and a $70 fine:

 18 reprimands, $100 fine, 18 hours community service, 50% scholarship reduction:

  • Associating with those consuming alcohol
  • Visiting the bedroom of the opposite sex on or off campus

 30 Reprimands, $150 Fine, 30 hours Disciplinary Community Service, possible Administrative Withdrawal and/or possible 100% Scholarship Reduction:

  • Use/possession/distribution of illegal drugs (plus automatic 2 semester suspension)
  • Abortion
  • Involvement with witchcraft or other satanic or demonic activity
  • Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages
  • Spending the night with a person of the opposite sex
  • Two or more individuals of the opposite sex together in motel room

 NOTE: For each accumulation of six (6) or more reprimands after 30, an additional $150 fine will be assessed.

 If I attended Liberty University this would be my record for only the above infractions. It would take way too long to go through all of their conduct policy. (Note: I haven’t kept track of all of those things, so the figures below are rough estimates.)

I would have acquired:

  • 2,850 reprimands
  • $15,225 in fines (not including the $150 for every 6 reprimands over 30, that's too much math.) 
  • 2,040 hours of community service.

I have no idea how many fucking times I have used “profane language” so I didn’t count that one. I do however, watch an incredible amount of porn. Thankfully I do not attend that horrible place and I hope to never even have to step inside their premises.

Oh, by the way this isn’t a tiny school like you may think. Liberty University’s enrollment is 11,300;  about the same as UNH.

Stay classy, not UMassy… But don’t restrict yourself to “The Liberty Way.” 

p.s. The title of this post is LU's actual motto

7 comments:

  1. Darn, I guess I shouldn't even bother applying...

    ReplyDelete
  2. this may be a huge contradiction... but that school is unholy!

    ReplyDelete
  3. jeez, i wonder what happens if you own harry potter. i know its not "R" but it portrays magic... im thinking 45 lashes and some community service.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i bet if you get caught whacking it, they cut your arm off. and then bet you with it. while you pray for forgiveness.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love wine. This school is lame. Even I know you go to college to party. That's why I had them leave my teenage years out of the Bible.

    ReplyDelete