Friday, April 24, 2009

Student Body Election Results Rigged, Blog Readers Outraged

After viewing the results of this years student body elections I have come to the conclusion that the election was rigged. If you look at the figures it is quite obvious that foul play was conducted. According to today’s article by Michaela Christensen in TNH about the election, only 1,958 out of 11,720 students voted. At the time of the election this blog had recorded over 1,000 faithful visitors. Over the past week I wrote two articles not only encouraging students to vote, but also expressing my candidate of choice, Chris McGown. However, McGown and his running mate Brendan Jones only recorded 413 votes, which was good for a third place finish. (At least they beat the kid who wore the sweater vest; I told you that wouldn’t end well.) I know my readers, and they would jump off a bridge if I told them too. So how could they not vote for the candidate I backed? This leads to two possible explanations:

  1. Blackboard malfunctioned and gave votes to the wrong people.
  2. The university realized that my blog single handedly decided who would win the election. They didn’t want me to realize my influential power so over 600 votes weren’t counted. That’s voter fraud, bitches.

Either way, that means that I was responsible for over half the voters in this year’s election. You’re welcome, I know that the voter turnout was low, but without me it would have been an epic fail. I would like to congratulate Marie Charlotte Noreng and Richard Washburn Peyser III on their victory, but I have my eye on you two, so you better not screw up.

Stay Classy, Not UMassy. 

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