Friday, April 30, 2010

Spring Climax

It is Friday. It is beautiful out. I don't feel like writing anything. I'm going to go do illegal things and then go to MGMT. Have a nice weekend. If you're going to the concert have fun, be smart and stay safe.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

How to Not End Up like Lindsay Lohan

Haha, great picture, I know. Everyone can definitely avoid the hangovers, illness, and her now allegedly having HIV. We will discuss hangovers, getting sick far too easily here on campus, and how condoms are absolutely essential. I even think the womyn's group can agree with me on that one. Maybe.

Another word for hangover is called dehydration. No, not Jack Black's definition of being drunk yesterday, which is partly true. However, fact remains you're completely deficient of some high quality H2O. Here's what happens: You pour poison, mine just happens to be vodka cranberry with lime, but hey all alcohol works the same. So, your drinking with that handy nalgene you bought at Hayden's and then all of a sudden you have a sudden urge to pee. Now guys, you have the luxury of peeing in public, most likely on building (whatever luxury this may be, watch out for the UNH po po, they'll tackle your ass). For us ladies we not only have to use the bathroom, but we absolutely feel the need to go as a group (it's a thing, don't judge). Actually I lied, we don't really need to go a toilet, although we would prefer to, but I, myself have resorted to bushes several times and whenever I see that bush I recall that night then shamelessly announce it to whomever is with me at that time (bless their soul). SO, back to the point we're in the bathroom with x amount of girls (at this point seeing other girls cooter is whatever) and you may have noticed your pee is clear. Your pee is pretty much 99% water. When alcohol enters your blood stream it blocks an important hormone called ADH, or anti-piss hormone. Hence, you pee A LOT, there's no way to avoid it. Now you might be thinking, "Oh, I'll replace my fluids with my mixer, dah!" Wrong. This will accomplish the exact opposite. It just ends up back into your urine and never gets absorbed. Anyways, after a fabulous night you either pass out in a bathtub/shower like me or like normal people in bed. Then BAM! Headache from HELL. This happens because your brain is literally trying to penetrate your skull. There is not lubrication between your brain and skull, so hence you feel your brain is as big as Pete Bouchard's 9-incher
(please note: Snorting the contents from the Astroglide packets you bashfully took from your RA's door won't help this lubrication situation, sorry).

Prevention: Honestly, I haven't had a hangover in about over a year. Now, of course I 'rage'. I've participated in kegstands, doing shots til I hit the floor, and case races. However, I always know that I must legit CHUG WATER. If you remember this, I PROMISE you will be able to make it through the following day. If you're dry heaving through a meeting though, sorry tough're fucked.

Illness Strikes If you follow me on twatter you may have seen that I was pretty much on my deathbed last week. I had the pleasure of having sandpaper in my throat and a cough that could unearth HoCo. I know EXACTLY where I got this from too. I spend a lot of my time at the Dimond computers, so basically what I see is people coughing/sneezing/sniffling/wiping their nose and then touching that goddamn keyboard. I'm sorry but enough is enough, I'm being brutal now. I wanna know how fucking hard is to take your arm and cover your mouth?! In case you just can't remember what to do when you feel that sneeze or cough coming on, here's nice little mnemonic phrase for you: "Cough in the cuff, sneeze in the sleeve." I think Stephen Hawking can do that with his eyes. Not hard. I hope Dimond sanitizes those, but probably not (clearly we don't pay them enough if they can already let go a library legend). I mean there are sanitizers, to the right... no maybe a little to the left, ah, right in front of your face! Utilize them! I mean don't become that OCD person who goes through a gallon of Purell a day to avoid all the germs in the world. OH! And speaking of Germs... there is no such thing. For you kids who took Germs 101...haahhahahhahhha (sorry Corey). They are called M-I-C-R-O-B-E-S.

Before I give my oh so helpful prevention tip, I need to discuss acrylic nails. Ladies, those are textbook in-fucking-fested disease dwellers. Those chlamydia claws carry everything including the pimple you popped, skin you've scratched, the oil from your hair you've tossed about 23904832043 times today, etc. That shit is embedded with bacteria. Just please clean those things.

Prevention: I'm a big advocate of sleep! I believe my health presides over my academic excellence any day. Anyone who does otherwise, you're a fucking moron and no one likes your scholastic endeavors. Good luck when you contract mono because of your compromised immune system HAHA (Mono is the worst virus ever, the only good thing is that you barely eat and you lose weight. Otherwise, you feel like you would much rather die). Also, avoid places that wreak of disease: hookah pipes, sharing of drinks, SLS building, med lab science labs (urine & blood YUM!), cigarettes/smokers, the Men's hockey team (just kidding love you boys!), health services, hippies, Libby's basement, Knot basement, ATO's basement, Wings Your Way (thanks for the food poisoning douchelords), and pretty much any bathroom on Main Street.

Condoms: Avoid babies and disease!
My last bit of common sense to you (and what Lindsay avoided and now allegedly has HIV) is the use of condoms. Know them, love them, use them. They are fabulous. You know why? Because you will avoid being an emotional wreck like that cunt club called 16 and Pregnant. Obviously, I understand if the condom breaks or whatever you wanna call it. But c'mon, how many birth control methods are out there? I don't think its hard and honestly, if you're hammered and there's isn't a condom, don't be a moron: make that man shamelessly go down to the local dispensable condom machine! Sure, babies are miracles but most people in college would rather avoid that situation.

Now, lets talk about those diseases. I mean you know they're out there! I wish there was an instant screening test too, but you know it comes down to a respect issue. I respect myself enough to be able to use protection and if I don't have it with me, too bad , boo-hoo for me, life goes on. Unless of course its like John Mayer or Robert Pattinson. I'd gladly have their bastard child (I hate it when the media uses 'love child'). Some condoms cost legit 99 cents. So how about you spend that one whole dollar instead of the walk of shame to Durham Rite Aid and spend 50 bucks on Plan B (who ever comments advertising/advocating/ranting about pro-life I will find you and throw hangers at you, take it somewhere else).

Prevention: Ladies, get the head out of your ass and guys, take a lap around your asshole and use a condom. Your life could change in an instant and could determine the rest of your life. Not hard.

Again, don't end up like Lindsanity! Got better things to do now like have multiple orgasms (which by the way, are SO MUCH better when you have to pee! Try it ladies!)

-Lady Meow

PS-In all my posts, I highly suggest clicking on my links.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.

Well UNH, it looks as though we have quite the weekend ahead of us. We are in the prime of our life so I recommend getting your homework done early and to plan for the weekend wars.

Friday afternoon will probably rival 4/20 for students on this campus, due to the MGMT show that night. The audience will dance until the heart explodes and it’ll make the Field House ignite. Just don't get mad at the walls. It is going to be a warm and sunny day so hippies will be in full force playing frisbee on any piece of green grass they can find. Speaking of 4/20, I was very surprised to see that only three people showed up in the UNH police logs for possession of a controlled drug. I was expecting much higher figures. Let's face it, the youth is starting to change. Following that concert people will be swarming downtown for some food, because the munchies will be unbearable. I am not telling people to smoke, do what you feel now, control yourself and take only what you need. 

On Saturday there will be the inaugural May Day carnival in C-Lot. It is going to have everything from circus rides to games and food. Even Kurt will be there. Between that and it being my roommate's birthday, Saturday should prove to be a day-drinking-day. There's no secrets to decode, I really think that this May Day carnival could be a lot of fun and hopefully it will grow in the upcoming years.

Sunday there will be a campus wide "beer" pong tournament in the Field House. Check out the facebook event page if you are interested. Out of fairness to other students I will not be in attendance as to not ruin the event through total domination. It may feel like someone's missing, but I will be there in spirit.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Life According To The Lunchbox (Extended Version)

“It’s been a slow night,” said Kurt with one eye on me and one eye on his customer. “This is the third person I’ve had all night. I just got this little rush of people before you walked in.”

I don’t fully sympathize with his plight since a rather sizeable line of students just accumulated on the grassy knoll adjacent to Kurt’s Lunchbox. They want fried food; it’s what their appetites created by PBRs crave more than anything. Kurt has fried food by the white truck-full. Kurt will end up with over three-hundred customers by the end of the night, I’m sure of it.

I climbed up into the van and looked around and had an expression on my face similar to the one I had the first time I saw The Never Ending Story. He greets me and has me stand back while he lifts a fresh batch of mozzarella sticks out of the roaring oil. “This is a hot one!,” Kurt exclaimed over the clamor of the customers and of my maneuvering on the cold steel floor. “Thanks for stopping by. It’s nice to have some company in here,” he said while walking over to dispense some food to a pair of college students.

Though his affable nature and genuine smile create a persona much like a neighborhood ice cream man, Kurt opts to listen to rock stations or Jane’s Addiction albums instead of the familiar summertime jingle. Kurt’s day job is a teacher’s aide in high school, and he can come up with the correct amount of change instantly for any combination of food from any cash amount, but he can’t remember if he’s had his food business for eleven or twelve years. The truck has an old and worn appearance, but the inside is a very clean and efficient system built to equip any amount of people who decide to show up. There isn’t much space, but you can move very quickly from the nacho staging area on one side to the Crock-Pot that holds barbeque chicken on the other side.

Kurt was nice enough to let me observe his weekend trade on a night where he was battling the elements of a cold and rainy night in Durham, New Hampshire. There was a chance that a leak would form and send cold water into the hot oil and cause splashes which could burn his skin, or if the wind happened to blow east, there was a chance fire would shoot out from under his original model Fryalator and could burn his entire being. Despite these potential dangers, Kurt will stand in harm’s way for a few extra seconds to wrap sold food in tin foil so his customers will be ensured that their cheesy fries stay crispy and warm. Kurt cares about his craft more than he cares about our personal safety. I made sure to stand back and let the master take care of business.

Kurt is the perfect example of a college late night mainstay. He is a well-known figure that goes by one name and one name only. Everyone who has been at UNH for more than a month knows where he is located. His “cheesy fries” are part of the local vernacular just as much as “HoCo,” “DHOP,” and “The Dump.” A good deal of college campuses have food trucks, and Kurt’s has all of the characteristics and ambiance of a typical one, including the slight air of mystery that Kurt himself seems to give off (the “Kurt is a teacher” rumor has floated around the campus for a long time, amongst other things of that nature). The food is delicious, especially after a night of drinking. The dude working the counter is one of the more cool laid back dudes you’ll see all night. He wears a funny hat and rings one of two bells depending on how much you tip him. He remembers the regulars and he gives out free samples to those who’ve yet to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Kurt is a late night college campus staple, and people like him are integral to a full college experience.

The feeling one gets attaining fried food after a night of drinking is the same feeling as finally beating the original Super Mario Bros; you got what you wanted and who cares if you got through being warped? The food isn’t the most important aspect of a food truck on a college campus; it’s the atmosphere just outside of it. The line at a place like this is always a post on the Facebook group “Overheard at UNH” waiting to happen. Approximately eight out of ten people in queue are relaxed, hungry people just looking for fries, and if they are lucky, a sideshow. The other two people in line are that very sideshow. “I’ve heard and saw just about everything by now,” Kurt told me with a slight grin and a laugh. With almost perfect comedic timing, a customer interrupted our conversation and asked Kurt to “grill a piece of cheese bread” and told him to put “whatever you want on it.”

The night kept up the trend of being interesting when two of Kurt’s “co-workers” showed up (I use the term co-workers loosely since they hadn’t been by the truck in a while). Two UNH students named Nicole and Chelsea entered the truck and they were very excited to be there. They started helping Kurt arrange the various food combos coming in waves through the outside and collecting money. “I have people help out if I know them and trust them with the responsibility of making change. There’s not that many people who have worked with me consistently.” Nicole was primarily handling the money and when she wasn’t asking me what the correct change for certain items were or listening to requests from guys asking for her number, she spoke warmly about the Kurt’s experience.

“This is one of the coolest places on campus. You see tons of people, and it is just a good time,” she said through a smile. Chelsea concurred with a whole hearted, “Kurt rocks!” The employee with the least spotty attendance record would be Dane DiLiegro, the starting center for the UNH basketball team. The low ceiling of Kurt’s wouldn’t seem like ideal working conditions for someone who stands at 6’9”, but Dane enjoys the experience. He also conceptualized “Danish Sauce,” a condiment of Dane and Kurt’s creative collaboration that is used to top french fries and hot dogs.

“I find it therapeutic. It can get pretty busy, but it’s nice to work here and just live in the moment and not worry about anything else.” While Kurt has no plans to open a Day Spa off of his truck, the therapeutic atmosphere does make sense. Kurt is much unstressed by the environment and it rubs off on everyone. The students who wait in line for up to half an hour at a time don’t even get all that mad if he has to close up shop on them since Kurt genuinely does seem sorry if he cannot serve a customer due to having to close at 2pm, a rule kept fairly strict and monitored by the UNH Police Department. “The students have always been great to me and so have the administrators and the police. Everyone in the community has been very welcoming of me.”

One of the things I will always remember from my college experience is being lucky enough to have a window with a bird’s eye view of Kurt’s every single weekend. I always found something reassuring about the faint yellow light emanating out of the back door window; it reminds me that the weekend is here. I used Kurt’s as my weekly treat when I was spending the rest of the week exercising and dieting to lose weight. Although a Jared Fogel like campaign probably wouldn’t be met with much positive response in regards to Kurt’s, I have dropped around 60 pounds since going to Kurt’s on a regular basis. These connections are, to some extent, unique but simply having stories and Kurt’s experiences to recount when remembering college is not that unique since nearly everyone has something to remember. Perhaps you shared a drag of a clove cigarette with a really good friend and you had an intense conversation about life while waiting in line for corn dogs. Or, maybe you saw someone eat pavement falling off a skateboard after trying to do a kick flip onto the curb near the truck. The point is that Kurt’s Lunchbox is an epicenter of nostalgia if you allow it to be. Assuming, of course you can recollect what happened that night.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

"El Presidente" reacts to my column

I am not about to start a blog war or anything (because honestly, barstool would kick my ass) but I just want to make it known that "El Pres" from barstool sports wrote a post commenting on my column from today's TNH. On his blog he made it seem as if my column was all about him and not how students on this campus treat SCOPE. I referred to him exactly twice in the entire column. Sorry, El Pres, I just wanted to slip in a few lines in a column that really had nothing to do with you. (He even deleted a few lines from it to make it seem more about him.)

Also, I want to make it known that I am neither a "fat chick" nor am I apart of SCOPE, let alone the head of the organization. The Beatles quote I referenced was not from one of his posts, but a comment he had on his own post that also included "fucking morons." Don't get me wrong, I am happy that Stoolapalooza is coming to UNH, but I think that El Pres' response just further proves how immature he is.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sicko changes mind, signs with Dallas

Blog title says it all. UNH tight end has changed his mind and has signed with the Dallas Cowboys. Sicko's teammates RB Chad Kackert (Jacksonville) and LB/S Sean Ware (Carolina) also signed with NFL teams following the draft. Let's hope Sicko can play a role on the Cowboys, where he has an oppertunity to learn from one of the best TE's in the league, Jason Witten.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: End The Hate

Anyone who regularly reads my blog, or even those who just dip in once and a while, will be able to attest to the fact that I am not afraid to speak my mind and that write how I truly feel. Some people call it complaining, but usually a lot of people agree with it. If they don’t, at least it creates a discussion. With the end of the semester rapidly approaching, there has been a lot going on around campus. However, there has been one thing this year that has annoyed me more than anything—more than overpaid school coaches, more than UNH Dining, more than unjust school-employee releases, more than Stephenson Billings (props to anyone who understood that last reference), and yes even more than that immature crybaby Dave “El Presidente” Portnoy.

It is the amount of hate on this campus.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not some super-liberal hippy; I am actually pretty much independent when it comes to politics. I am not calling for every student to link arms, share a joint and sing “Kumbaya” or “Give Peace a Chance” on Thompson Hall Lawn. I am simply wondering why so many people have so much hate built up inside of them. If those songs do not make sense to you maybe “Where is the Love?” by the Black Eyed Peas will. How is that for a middle-school jam reference? If you understood that song reference and not the first two you should probably stop reading now.

The best example of this hate is the attitude so many people on this campus have about SCOPE. SCOPE is the Students Committee On Popular Entertainment at UNH and they are in charge of booking large-scale concerts for students. I know what some of you are thinking, and yes I have disagreed with SCOPE in the past, but it was always in an understanding manner. For example, I really do not like Akon and I was upset when SCOPE booked him, but I completely understand why they did, given his popularity.

When SCOPE announced MGMT for their spring climax show, they were instantly bombarded with disapproving comments, to put it lightly. Many students were also ecstatic, and that was shown by the fact that the show sold out in just four hours. This led to another problem—students called out SCOPE and MGMT for not wanting to play at the Whittemore Center. When SCOPE announced the Girl Talk show would also be in the Field House, uninformed students once again blasted them. Well, here’s some breaking news for those students—the Whittemore Center is actually unavailable due to renovations. Now will someone please tell me how that is SCOPE’s fault? Even if the Whittemore Center was available, it would cost twice as much as it would to rent as the Field House, and SCOPE has a strict budget to stick to.

I would also like to add that I am so happy Girl Talk is on May 7, the same day as Sam Adams. Take that, Stoolapalooza. Have fun with 250 people crammed in Libby’s basement. The rest of campus will be in the Field House watching an artist who is actually known outside of New England. If Stoolapalooza really “trumps the Beatles,” as Dave “El Presidente” Portnoy so eloquently put it, then I think it would cost more than $28 a ticket. Last I checked, Paul McCartney, who happens to be a big fan of MGMT, pulls in over $100 a ticket. Let’s take this a step further. For $28 I could see Sam Adams in Libby’s basement, or for $35 I could have seen Akon in the Whittemore Center, MGMT and Girl Talk in the Field House and Titus Andronicus—via MUSO (the Memorial Union Student Organization)—in the Granite State Room. Yeah, I’ll take UNH student organizations for the win.

I think this has been a great year for student entertainment organizations like SCOPE and MUSO. They combined to cover most major genres of music and I think it is safe to say there has truly been something for everyone. If they only booked rap artists a lot of the campus would have been left out. If they only booked bands, the other half would have been left out. Sadly, they will probably never get the respect that they actually deserve. Remember, no one’s taste in music is “right.” Good music is solely opinion. Just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean that they suck and everyone else should hate them too. This is why I propose that next year SCOPE and MUSO combine for a truly epic Spring Climax weekend. Imagine the possibilities.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: Speaking of MUSO I meet their student music director, Tim King, this past weekend. He seemed like a really chill kid and he also has a blog. He used to hate us, but now he doesn't. Be sure to check his blog out.

Monday, April 26, 2010

UNH's Sicko turns down NFL

As most of you may have heard, the NFL draft took place at the end of last week and over the weekend. While no UNH players were selected, several were contacted by teams just hours after the draft ended. Running back Chad Kackert signed a deal with the Jacksonville Jaguars. Kackert is a solid option on offense as a pass catcher out of the backfield and can be dangerous on special teams. I think he has a pretty good chance to make the team.

I was really surprised that Scott Sicko was not selected in the draft, especially when so many tight ends were taken. Sports Illustrated had Sicko listed as a sleeper pick to keep an eye on. Following in the draft Sicko was contacted by at least three teams, including the Dallas Cowboys who basically offered him a spot on their active roster. Sicko turned down all three teams, saying that he was only going to play in the NFL if he got drafted.

Um, what?

Sicko plans on pursuing a post-graduate degree in history, but playing in the NFL is a once in a lifetime opportunity that very few people ever get a chance at. Why not give the NFL a shot? He has the size, the speed and the hands to be a solid receiving tight end. In Dallas he could have played in a passing offense, at the nicest stadium in the league and he could have learned from one of the best tight ends in the league in Jason Witten. Maybe he would have shown up at mini-camp and realized the NFL wasn't for him, but at least he would have tried.

If Sicko truly loves football than he is being over dramatic and a coward. Anyone can get a post graduate degree, many athletes do so in the offseason or after retiring. This will be a decision that haunts Sicko down the road. If he didn't want to play in the NFL why would he have flown out to visit teams, go to the combine and have his own pro-day? I just don't see any legitimate reason to not give the NFL a shot, then again I don't know Sicko or his family, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. I wouldn't be surprised if he signed by the end of the week, but you never know.

Anyways, I wish Scott the best of luck in whatever direction he ends up going, but I would have loved to see him playing on Sundays, even if it was for the Cowboys.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

We almost just hit a hooker!

Yes, this blog title does not lie. This past Friday night I went to the Red Sox game with three friends from UNH. It was a really fun game, even thought the captains from the BC hockey team threw out the first pitch of the game. We were in the right-centerfield bleachers, where apparently everyone hated BC. I heard everything from "Terriers" to "Black Bears" and even a few other UNH shout outs. Anyways the Red Sox won 4-3 thanks to David Ortiz hitting his first homerun of the year and Adrian Beltre drawing a bases loaded walk in the 8th inning. Once the game ended the real fun began.

First we were heading down a dark back street to cut through to Storrow Drive to get out of the city. All of a sudden this "woman" crosses the street right in front of the car. The driver had to slam on his breaks and swerve, she literally came out of nowhere. Instantly all four of us shouted "We almost just his a hooker!" or some variation of "hit" and "hooker." Now, if you asked me to describe a prostitute in general I would include the following: tall high heeled-boots, booty shorts, tank top, big hair, big boobs and kind of dirty and sad looking in a general way. That is exactly how this "lady" looked, which is why we all assumed that she was in fact, a hooker.

So once we left the city we decided to grab some McDonalds, but the one we exited the highway for was closed. We somehow ended up at another one and eventually made it back to the  highway thanks to the driver's GPS. But before that we had to search for a place to pee, went to about four or five places that were all closed or "didn't have a bathroom," but they all had groups of guys sitting on the hoods of suped up imported cars who looked like they wanted to stab us.

On the way back home we stopped at the rest stop on the New Hampshire boarder on route 95. At the restroom we ran into a group of older guys who were also at the game, extremely intoxicated and had a limo. One guy looks at my friend, who had a Sox hat and shirt on and goes "were you guys at the game too?"
"Yeah" I replied.
"Ah, so who won... Ortiz?"
None of us replied and the guy goes, "Oh, so Papelbon won?"
He then continued on about loosing his cellphone in the limo or something like that. Seriously, this guy was more of a mess than someone who didn't keep their eye on their drink at (insert any sketchy UNH party spot that you can relate to.)

One can say that it was quite the eventful night.
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Preview of MGMT: Performance on SNL

By Lady Meow

Going from the initial tweets and I some what agree (I edited this after New Hampshirite put in that tid bit, a-hole) But they might be totally different when they perform here.
Tweets, the bad:

Wow, this MGMT performance on SNL was excruciatingly awful. I can't imagine paying money to see these hacks play live. Simply terrible.

Dear MGMT on SNL. You are terrible. It sounds like you are playing three different songs and forgot to bring a singer with you.

I just don't like MGMT. Fuckin' weird shit. my friend came into my room and asked me why I was listening to a sonic seizure

Before tonight, I'd never seen what #MGMT looked like. Now I've gone from ambivalent to hating them.

Tweets, the good: None. I guess they played "Brian Eno" and played "Flash Delirium"off their new album. I hear Paul McCartney loves them, but I thought their 2nd performance was horrific. Honestly at the end they literally danced & played how mentally challenged people do. I'm sorry but I tell it like it is. But you be the judge and I hope they are million times better when they come here!

For real, you be the judge though:

Friday, April 23, 2010

Student body election results

From TNHonline: Richard Peyser and Christina Caiazza were announced as the incoming student body president and vice-president on Friday, April 23 at noon in the student senate office. The pair received 747 votes, beating out four other pairs of candidates in the election. Voting was held Tuesday through Thursday on Blackboard. Students Jeffrey Jett and Gregg Moody received the second-highest total number of votes with 567. Other candidates were Sarah Kelley and Chris Chagnon (546 votes), Bekah Hawley and Michael Sanchez (393), and Jeff Moyer and Robert Wilson (391).

I'm not here to brag, but maybe I have a career in covering politics, because that is pretty much the exact order I predicted earlier this week. Okay, I didn't list an exact outcome, but I did say it would come down to Peyser/Caiazza and Jett/Moody.  I also said that Kelley/Chagnon were the third best option due to their poor goals. I indirectly said that Moyer/Wilson and Hawley/Sanchez didn't have chance.

I would like to congratulate Richard Peyser and Christina Caiazza for their victory. I wish them the best of luck next and I hope they can continue what Richard started this year as VP.

Also, the blog now has a fan page on facebook. Check it out, we're hoping it will help provide a source of communication and connection to our readers. We are trying to get a better feel of our audience and the campus as a whole.

That is all for now, I'm off to Boston for the Red Sox game tonight. Have a good weekend UNH.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The NFL Draft Drinking Game

Okay, I'm sure there are versions other of this online, but I am coming up with this on the spot on my own without looking up ideas. Seeing as this is the NFL draft you should be drinking Budweiser, but any alcohol will do. The first round is tonight, rounds 2 and 3 are tomorrow and rounds 4-7 are Saturday.

The draft can take a while so be sure to take at least a sip for every pick to keep your buzz going.

Take 2 sips:

  • When Mel Kiper Jr guesses wrong
  • Any trade is made
  • Patriots make a trade (3 sips)
  • Patriots draft a tight end
  • If Bradford goes number 1
  • If Bradford, Suh, and Gerald McCoy go 1,2,3.
  • If Ryan Leaf is mentioned about possible busts
  • Mel Kiper's hair is mentioned
  • Brett Favre is mentioned
  • If Jet's fans boo the Jets pick
Finish your drink:
  • If Ben Roethlisberger is traded
  • If the Raiders draft a guy based on his 40 speed
  • If Minnesota runs out of time. (Or any team for that matter.)
  • If the Patriots make a trade with the Raiders
  • When Tim Tebow gets drafted
  • If Scott Sicko or Sean Ware from UNH get picked
  • If the Rams trade out of the top pick
  • If Sam Bradford doesn't go number 1
  • If no player from Ohio State goes in the first round.
And finish all your alcohol if Brett Favre retires and un-retires between the 1st round and final pick Saturday.

I'll add more as the draft goes and I think of some. Let me know if you think or known of any good ones.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday Thoughts

Okay, I have had quite the eventful past two weeks or so. By that I mean I had more work and exams in the past two weeks than pretty much all year. It was tough, tiring and stressful but it was all worth it, because I pretty much have no work until finals week... which is 18 days away. Damn, this semester flew by. Seriously, today was my first day off in weeks and I spent it doing laundry and cleaning. I would just like to share a few thoughts I've had lately:

First of all if you didn't vote for student body President and VP it is not too late. Due to that weird computer virus thing polls will remain open until mid-night tonight.

I think that student organizations need to stop trying to one up each other and work together. Think about it. What if Scope, Muso and CAB combined next year for a true spring climax weekend? Every year I have friends who go down to UConn's spring weekend, UNH needs to have something like that. I know UConn is way bigger than us, but we could definitely have a good one. Girl Talk and Titus Andronicus on the same weekend is kind of a start.

I think that May 7th is going to be an absolute shit show, I'm talking Halloween night level. Sam Adams and Stoolapalooza and Girl Talk on the same night will make for an epic night of downtown mayhem. All we have to do now is pray for nice weather. (By the way I have lost the rest of the little respect I had for El Pres. Have fun with 200 frat guys at Libby's while all the "smoke-shows" will be dancing their asses off at the Field House with 2,000 other people. Isn't barstool a sports blog anyways?)

That being said this has been a hell of a year for entertainment. Scope brought Akon, Bo Burnham, MGMT, and Girl Talk. There truly is something for everyone, especially if you factor is MUSO's shows with The Mountain Goats and now Titus Andronicus. Well done everyone.

I think that there should be a bridge/path from the Woodsides to the Gables. I was just thinking this last weekend and someone mentioned it on the "You known you to UNH..." facebook group. Nice call.

I really think this could be my year to get drafted to the NFL. The first round is tonight, but I could see myself falling to day three. If any teams are looking for a 5'11 wide receiver with great hands and a 40 yard dash you can time with a sun dial then they are in luck!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

MUSO Wins.

WOW. My mind is blown! I have been waiting all day to find out SCOPE and MUSO's shows for the weekend of May 7th, and let me say that there will be something for everyone that weekend! On Friday May 7th UNH students have Sam Adams and Stoolapalooza at Libby's and SCOPE is presenting Girl Talk at the Field house. For only $5 that is a pretty good show, especially if you like to dance... but MUSO got Girl Talk two years ago... Show far students seemed to be pretty pleased with Girl Talk.

Also, The Whit is unavailable due to renovations so I don't want to hear people bitching about there only being 2500 tickets or so.

 But then along came MUSO and I lost my shit! May 9th, TITUS ANDRONICUS is coming to UNH! The very band I talked about like last week and how I thought they would be a cool show. Holy fuck I am pumped up. I really think that Titus Andronicus will be the show of the weekend. Thank you MUSO, you are awesome. I have nothing left to say.

I cannot wait for this show. I am so fucking happy.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Smoking Reefer

If you have nothing to do tonight go to Sketched Out's stand-up show at 8 in the Strafford Room. A few friends of mine are performing and it is bound to be entertaining. Also, I meant to post this video yesterday, but I forgot. You can probably guess why... (I'll have another post up later tonight, I am waiting on something though.)

Stay classy, not UMassy.

I will not be posting this week, but I want to share my favorite youtube vids

By: Lady Meow

I have no time this week to post because I have a shitton of work to do/sick as a dog. Since laughter is the best medicine, enjoy my favorite youtube vids instead! love, lady meow


My friend Alex Letvinchuk throwin down an ORIGINAL version of the 603:

my push up bra will help me get my man:

mario frustration:

fabulous lip sync of blah blah blah i love this kid.

great app!

new FAVE/defines my life:

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Student Body Elections

Today is 4/20, which means one thing... don't forget to vote in the student body elections! If you do forget to vote today that is okay because you can vote tomorrow too. It is really easy and only takes a few seconds. Plus voting is online via blackboard so you really don't have an excuse to not vote. Today TNH ran Q&A's with all the candidates. Remember this is a blog, I am not here to tell you who to vote for, I just want to voice my opinion on the various candidates.

**PLEASE NOTE: I do not know any of the candidates. This is just how I feel from reading about their stances.

I watched the videos from TNH and read the interviews and quite honestly most of the candidates had pretty similar responses and goals. There was not really one specific group that jumped out at me. All of the teams either have a senate member or an RA or both which is good because thats means they have experience leadership roles. When it comes down to it I really feel like the final decision is between the following two teams: Peyser/Caiazza and Jett/Moody. Here is why:

Sanchez/Hawley: Simply, although Sanchez is a senate member, he is only a freshman he hasn't been here long enough to truly understand what UNH needs. Hawley is in practically every activist group on campus. Although they both support the medical amnesty policy they also have quite a few turn-offs.  I think it is great that Hawley stands up for what she believes in, but I feel she might have trouble separating her personal beliefs from what would benefit the university as a whole. (see: porn burning). A true leader makes decisions to better the community, not necessarily their personal beliefs... And that's why LBJ was one of the best domestic presidents ever! (Sorry, that's the history major in me.)

Moyer/Wilson: They asked me to sign their petition so they could run. When I asked them what they wanted to do they seemed confused and didn't give me a straight answer. No communication skills. Nope.

Kelley/Chagnon: Neither has any senate experience, but they are both RA's. Although I have shit on RA's in the past it is a very tough job and takes a strong person to be one. They could be serious contenders if not for their goals... extending MUB hours on the weekends because there is nothing to do on the weekends and that's why students make poor decisions. What? I make bad decisions because bad decisions are fun! There are much more important things than expanding MUB hours.

Peyser/Caiazza: Peyser is the current VP and this year's senate and officials have made great improvements and his experience is essential. Peyser is a poly sci major and Caiazza is a history major, which shows that they might actually have an idea of what politics are all about. They support expanding the gym to the New England center and Peyser has been involved with the advancement of the Medical Amnesty/Good Samaritan policy (which unanimously passed in the student senate this weekend!)

Jett/Moody: Jett has been in the senate and an RA for two years. Moody was a founding brother of the SAE fraternity, which is one of the most well respected fraternities on campus. (Their house is like the Congreve of frats.) Like Peyser and Caiazza they support expanding the gym, more wireless and the Medical Amnesty Policy. Jett played a key role in expanding library hours this year. They have good experience and solid goals.

So for those reasons that is why I believe the real decision comes down to Jett/Moody and Peyser/Caiazza. If you think Peyser has done a solid job then he should remain, if you think he didn't do enough than it is time to go in another direction. Out of the other four teams I feel as though Jett/Moody combine to have the best experience, goals and leadership skills.

Please remember to vote and actually think about which candidate would most benefit the university.
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, April 19, 2010

This Is Truly Nonsensical

I hardly ever get to sleep anymore, so when I do, I really try to cherish it. I got to bed around 3pm the last three nights for various reasons. Exhausted is an understatement. It isn't easy being a second semester senior with five classes, several extra curricular activities, while looking for a job, and helping maintain the lightning rod of controversy that is this blog. I need my sleep.

Now, UNH has been in the schooling business for quite sometime now and they must realize that there are students who are in similar, if not more stressful, situations in regards to sleep. Ever since our semesters have been shortened, the work load is much more dense. (I am just a lowly communication major and I've noticed this. If you're a bio-chem or an engineering major and you're reading this, I am honored you are spending your free time here. How are you not passing out due to fatigue?)

The last two weekdays, I have been awoken to the sound of incessant, mono-tonal beeping. You know the sound a truck makes when they are backing up? Think of that, but more grating and without a consistent pattern. It would better if the pattern was steady so it could lull me back into a coma, but there's no way I can fall asleep to it, even with my windows shut. This has been starting at 7:30 in the morning. 7:30 in the morning! I didn't even know there was a 7:30 in the morning! Why would an academic institution such as UNH hire construction workers to work on the side of The MUB at 7:30 in the fucking morning?!?! This is boggling my mind!

There's a cherry picker parked by the entrance facing my dorm room window for the past few days. At some point in the morning, these two guys drive to our previously peaceful campus and then proceed to fuck it up. They start moving the cherry picker all over the place which makes that beeping noise. Once they feel that they have annoyed and awoken a sufficient amount of students, they pull out these metal brick cleaning guns and go to town on the walls just to make sure to get all the rest of the unfortunate souls out of bed. These guns sound like mini-jackhammers or a bunch of woodpeckers on PCP. What is going on is some sort of brick grinding process that cleans the white spaces in-between. I'd understand the reasoning for this noise if the MUB were falling down, but this is for vanity purposes only. I got four hours of sleep last night thanks to UNH wanting to look good.

Some residents of Mills, Fairchild, Hunter, Hitchcock, Devine and a few more buildings have been woken up by this unnecessary racket. I am probably more cranky than I should be since I am woefully tired, but this is bullshit.

I have been here for four years now, and this is actually not the first time this has happened. For a few days, while living in Jessie Doe as a sophomore, a bunch of leaf blowers went to town right outside of my window at approximately 8 in the morning. I had class at 2pm. There was no reason for me to get up that early. Benjamin Thompson wouldn't even get up that early if he had nothing to do until 2. Did the leaves really need to be taken care of that early? I'm sure the poor bastard who dealt with me yelling at him with my shirt off through my open window didn't want to get up that early. Why make him deal with my abuse or a shirtless version of me (which is another form of abuse)?

I don't think the bricks are going anywhere. Why don't you wait until all of us are off campus before you start cleaning them next time, okay? God damn, I'm cranky...

You Know You Go to UNH when…

By: All of us! And a few of Corey's roommates...

We have all seen these lists on Facebook so it was a surprise to us when we realized there was not one for dear old UNH. Needless to say we got together one night and brainstormed up a quick list. UNH is a pretty unique campus and we know this list could go on forever so feel free to share any we missed online. (Props to Lady Meow for the idea to do this.) Join the facebook group here!

You know you go to UNH when:
1. You’ve taken a suggestive picture with the Wildcat statue. (The Wildcat statue in front of the Whit makes for a perfect location for that new Facebook profile picture to show everyone how fun and creative you can be. Although, this spot just lost a lot of creativity points since we just mentioned it. Quick! Find something else to take a photo in front of before we write again!)
2. You're sick of being Umili-ated and called the University of No Hardware
3. You know that the UNH version of Hansel & Gretel is when you can follow a trail of pizza vomit from DHop to Madbury Road or Stoke.
4. You go to T-Hall beach even though there’s no water.(Every spring when weather begins to get warm students flock to Thompson Hall lawn to get in some much needed tanning and some new sport called “not swimming.”)
5. Classes are never canceled. (They would rather you become buried under snow, frigid from power loss, and paddle down Main Street in monsoons with your Kayak and lifejacket.)
6. When your two most famous alumni are as follows: The guy who hosted Global Guts and the first person who admitted to fucking Tiger Woods. (Go Wildcats!)
7. You can’t tell the difference between Sketched Out and Improv Anonymous. (Here is a hint. Sketched Out does sketch comedy. Improv Anonymous does improvisational comedy. Both are hilarious and really attractive.)
8. You have a love/hate relationship with Scope. (For every MGMT there is a Lupe Fiasco. Pick your side.)
9. When you have cut someone off on the Durham 500. (The one-way oval surrounding downtown, that makes for a perfect NASCAR track. Always remember: stay low on the corners and hug the outside on the straight-aways. )
10. You get police texts about hot dogs assaulting people. That’s an interesting text message to wake up to.
11. When you constantly go to frat parties, leave disappointed and comeback the following week anyways.
12. You feel a true connection with a specific librarian. *cough* David Severn *cough*.
13. On Fridays you have to navigate your way around 400 kegs of Keystone on Main Street.
14. Fuck Maine even though Massachusetts way more of a douche bag.
15. You’ve taken Nutrition 400 yet you still order cheesy fries from Kurt’s. (Oh, boy, do we ever!)
16. You get run over by a horse when the Red Sox win the World Series.
17. The main dining hall is considered one of the best in the country but you don’t have any salt. You do however, have $32 shakers that are hidden in the most inconvenient places possible.
18. When Making Babies is an actual class, but sadly, not a lab.
19. The sciences building always smells of road kill, rotting research, or general death. (Nothing scares away a Liberal Arts students like creating a morgue-like environment for your students!)
20. Someone tells you they live in the Greens and you immediately shudder.
21. You’ve been affected by a Stoke fire alarm. (Either you lived there and had to leave the building for hours at a time, or you have taken a Stoke refugee in for the night.)
22. When Bob Marley is an epic comedian.
23. You buy your fresh produce at the DUMP, and by fresh produce we mean beer.
24. Somebody serves alcohol in a sketchy basement and calls it an Irish Pub.
25. The best party of the night took place at Wildcatessen.
26. Thompson School and CAB…. Hahahaha.
27. God thanked your campus ministry by giving it antrax.
28. A certain convenience store accepts words of honor for ID.

 A cut-down version will also appear in the newspaper Tuesday and there will be a facebook group for this so stay tuned.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Keene State "Narnia" Party Room

KEENE, N.H. Keene State College has punished students who attended a party in a secret storage room dubbed "Narnia" by restricting where they can live next semester. The New Hampshire Union Leader reported that students turned the 20-by-40 foot room accessed by a hatch in a dorm room closet into a party spot named after the fantasy world in C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."When photos of a September party showed up on Facebook, someone brought them to the administration's attention, and both the hosts and guests were punished last month. Four students who live in the suite adjacent to the room were banned from living on campus next year. Others were banned from living in apartments or suites on campus but they can still live in other dorms.

I have a whole new respect for Keene Staters. I want a Narnia party room. Fuck the person who turned them in. That is all.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, April 16, 2010

No Justice For All...

I hate Metallica. I loathe almost everything about Metallica, and it has nothing to do with their music at all. In fact, I enjoy a great deal of their pre-1990 catalogue and a few songs that have come out since then. They are one of the bands that generated my real interest in metal during my youth and this interest has stayed with me ever since then…but I still hate Metallica.

It’s not because they sold out, nor is it because they cut their hair when I was six-years-old. The reason why I hate Metallica is they made music piracy a hot button topic back in 2000. What makes me hate Metallica even more is that I can’t, no matter how I try, justify music piracy even though I actively participate in it.

I was in seventh-grade, and Napster just came out. Since I was only twelve, I pretty much only downloaded “The Bad Touch” by The Bloodhound Gang and “The Thong Song” by Sisqo. This was a wonderful time for me and my fellow seventh-graders due to the fact that the average age of our teachers was around two-hundred-fourteen and they just recently traded in their abacuses for internet machines. Explaining Napster to them would be like teaching Latin to your dog, so it goes without saying that the little Gateway hard drives that the school board shelled out big bucks for were chock-full of DMX songs. Metallica ruined it for all of us when their lawsuit against Napster hit the mainstream news.

The job market is very limited for pre-teens, so going out and buying music like a responsible adult just wasn’t in the cards. With my love of music ever growing and my main means of going about getting it for free being taken away, I cried foul. Very often, the people who were on the receiving end of my uneducated and un-researched claims asked me to explain how downloading music could possibly be okay. I never had a good answer, except for the old standby: “those bands are rich enough all ready.”

Now that I am older and theoretically smarter, I probably should have some sort of logical argument pertaining to the legality of downloading music for free. The sad reality is that I don’t, and it’s not due to a lack of trying.

The only real argument that I could come up with stems from the idea that Napster and programs like it are file sharing services, meaning that the people we download the music from are not the artists, but regular Joes and Jills who have bought the albums and decided to upload them onto the internet, and they are not doing it for any sort of profit. Since bands typically make most of their money from touring and merchandise and not from record sales, the sharing of their music wouldn’t hurt their wallets too much and it actually may increase the chances of someone going to see them live and buy a wristband with their name stitched into it. The counter argument is that if purchasing albums were truly so meaningless, then why do artists bother to put them in stores? The answer is to appease their labels, mostly, since they are the ones who see most of the money. Say what you want to about labels and how they built an industry built upon parity and marketing to ethically questionable demographics, and not through finding talented, unique bands, but a lot of work goes into the recording, production, packaging, and distributing of an album just like anything else we would be expected to buy without a single audible sigh. Why should buying albums be any different than buying a sandwich from Subway, a book, or a Sea-Doo? I wish I could download a Sea-Doo.

Other file-sharing programs and torrents have come out by the dozens since the ending of Napster (although, they have a paid subscription music service now, but it doesn’t work with iPods which is totally not epicsauce. Can we convince Steve Jobs to give the go ahead to a subscription service for the iPod? Somebody already convinced him that making a giant iPhone would be a good idea, so it can’t be that hard, right?). Using the examples of Napster, DC++, Kazaa, Limewire, and The Pirate Bay it has become apparent that music, movies, and game piracy will be around in at least one form or another as long as the internet remains in its current modus operandi. Even without the internet, we also get music for free from our friends through flash drives or ripping someone else’s CD onto our computers. I don’t feel like a hypocrite for saying these sorts of things since, despite the questionable legality of the situation (no, not The Situation), downloading music has become a part of our generation’s identity. A few pure souls may exist, but the probability of finding someone our age that has never downloaded a song through some sort of questionable method is about as likely as Lars Ulrich learning how to correctly play drums.

Trans-Continental Hustle

What do you get when you take a Ukrainian signer/guitarist, a Russian fiddler, a Russian accordionist, an Israeli guitarist, an Ethiopian bassist, an American drummer, an Ecuadorian MC/rapper/percussionist and two Asian-American back-up signers/percussionists and put them in Brazil while writing an album? You get "Trans-Continental Hustle" by Gogol Bordello, which might be the most appropriately titled album since Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." TCH is Gogol Bordello's fifth studio album and first since joining up with producer Rick Rueben and Columbia Records. I started listening to Gogol after their last album came out in the summer of 2007 and over the past two years I have seen them live six times. They are more well known for their theatrical live performances and gained attention after former Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave guitarist Tom Morello called them "the best band in the world." I have seen them twice in Philadelphia, twice in New York City, once in Boston and once at Hampton Beach and  I swear they get better with every show. Since 2006 they have played around 200 live shows... a year!

When I first heard their studio work I wasn't sure what to think but after my first live show I realized I would never see a better concert. I realized I was wrong after seeing them again... only they can top themselves live. Just watch this video of their performance on Jools Holland, a BBC music show from across the pond. Small stages and TV appearance can't control them and they instantly win over the audience.

Trans-Continental Hustle is set to be released on April 27th, the day before they play at Boston's House of Blues. It can currently be streamed for free off the band's myspace page and I think this is by far Gogol's most complete album. It has everything from slow soulful performances to rapid punk songs. Over the years the band has grown musically thanks to the passion of lead man Eugene Hutz who's rough voice perfectly fits the bands style. Hutz, who plays a nylon string accoustic guitar, sings of his past, of freedom and of hope. Born in Ukraine, Hutz and his parents were forced to relocate following the Chernobyl meltdown. For a few years they spent time living in refugee camps across Eastern Europe until immigrating to Vermont and eventually settling in New York City, which the band considers their home. They call their genre "Gypsy Punk" do to Hutz's Romani background.

If any of these songs even slightly spark your interest I highly recommend you attend their up coming show in Boston. I promise it will be an experience like no other.

Stay classy, not Umassy.

The Diagnosis & Treatment of the Most Annoying People in Class

By: Lady Meow
As you can see, I observe a lot on this campus. Through my observations, I group people together and conclude something out of them, it makes sense in regards to me; hence the nerdy science major thing. WSBE kids, I don't know how you do it, but more power to you. I should probably be paying attention in class; however I'm too busy thinking how these kids are so distracting and how much of an inconvenience to my life they are. I'm sure you can all agree on some level, but so far I have had the distinctive pleasure throughout my college career to sit next to at least one of these sorts of people in each of my classes. They’re always there. If you have anymore that you’d like to share, comment!
Going with the medical thing I thought it would be different to give these kids a diagnosis and I did. The ultimate cure, however, is to not sit next to them.
1. Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS): The kid who always SHAKES his/her legs. This shaking of the legs causes the floor to vibrate as if you were sitting on a giant cell phone. You'd think there’s some sort of natural disaster coming, but the worst is that person who has a set of keys attached to their belt loop. The excessive jingling can only make you think one thing: Christmas. It's nice at first, but then you realize it's the middle of April and you're not getting those presents anytime soon. God dammit.
Treatment: muscle relaxer, or just a stab to the leg. They’ll stop moving then.

2. Polytextia – This condition is where the person is ALWAYS TEXTING. This is especially annoying when you can hear all the taps (tap-tap-taparoo) on their phone. Guess what, everyone else is in fucking class too and I’m sure the people around them doesn't wanna hear it either. Think about this...what if someone could pick out the correct pitches of whatever keys this Hollywood douchetit hammered in. They could figure out what you're saying. But, the douchetit shouldn't worry; nothing they are saying is important anyway. At least sometimes they get caught by the professor and it's hilarious, so someone with a case of Polytextia could be somewhat useful in boring classes.
Treatment: Get a touch phone, idiot.

3. Elephantitus of the Cranium- This kid always has to sit in front of you. You think you have a clear view of the notes, so you start copying and when you look back up, his/her head or giant hair or hat is in your way. No matter which way you move to compensate, it’s there. No notes for you today (and boom goes the dynamite).
Treatment: sleeping pill so they sleep on their desk. I hear Ambien is fabulous. Concussions work too.

4. Maximus Questionius- This person always, ALWAYS has the answer to every question in class. Whether it be a professor’s question or even another student’s question, it must be answered. He/she has no issue speaking abnormally loud and obnoxiously to whomever has not addressed them. This person continues to the point where the class has run out of time and you need some Excedrin.
Treatment: Ex-lax should keep them occupied.

5. Alcoholism: Usually is a woman, but this person either A. comes in with a travel mug of ‘coffee’ or B. comes in hungover, with smudged Ke$ha-ish eyeliner, wreaking of frat boy sweat, and tends to look absolutely miserable. The reason why person goes to class is unknown.
Treatment: Just come into class drunk to avoid the hangover or an intervention.

6. Disturbia: This person tends to always interrupt your concentration or attention from class to ask about what the professor just said or what they want to know about the assignment, the notes, and etc.. So when you help them, you miss the shit the professor said. It’s a horrible lose-lose situation. Good Lord, if you would just take your damn Adderall today you would have been all set.
Treatment: Adderall! Or, be that bitch and ignore them.

7. BO-The smelly kid in class that always smells like fucking BO. Pretty obvious, but stay with me. How can you go throughout your day and NOT get a look of disgust directed at you? I’d rather smell one of those guys who put on WAY too much cologne versus your swamp ass. You’re impressing no one so I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
Treatment: Fucking shower, fishvag.

8. Smokey McWeedhead: Clearly the HIGH kid in class *cough* The New Hampshirite *cough, cough*. This person, I laugh at because they ‘try’ to cover up the smell by putting excessive amount of Axe on, which, gentlemen DOES NOT WORK. I don’t understand what you’re trying to get away with. Here at UNH though, I really don’t think some professors would judge this kid.
Treatment: Light him on fire, clambake in the class, if he’s getting some, why shouldn’t we? It’s like Spicoli and the pizza: You’re on my time buddy. Share the wealth.
Currently, I’m too lazy to think of treatments for some more people but I’ll give them a shout out: the gum snapper, the person who tries to open a loud bag of chips (fuck you, Sun Chips! I'd rather litter than deal with that loud fucking thing) , the person who doesn’t attend class but demands the notes anyways, the person who always comes in late, and the person who brings his computer but uses it for anything BUT class.
Again, if you have more, share them. Hope you enjoyed this somewhat clean post (cunt), but don’t worry, my ruthlessness is not gone forever.
I’ve got better things to do now, like have multiple orgasms (the blogteam & others want this to be my new signoff).