Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I'm not dead yet...

Well it's been almost a month since graduation and I think I'm starting to get accustomed to this whole "post-college real world thing." A few minor adjustments to my living style have changed and I'm learning as I go. For example, I've learned that my parents aren't as cool as my roommates were with me waking up passed out next to the fire pit with a empty fifth of Jack Honey in my hand, but other than that the past month as "The Living in my Parent's Basement-ite" has gone swimmingly. Literally. They were none to pleased when I fell out of my kayak either. According to them, no, the fishies do not want a sip of my gin and tonic.

Anyways, this blog is not dead... yet. I have one more final post in the works, but until then, I give you some of my personal favorite posts/moments in the history of the University of Nonsensical Happenings. Picking these was a lot harder than I expected and I'm sure I missed some, but it was nice looking back over the last few years. In no particular order, let's take a gander, shall we?

The events last fall surrounding the Gables and Woodsides quiet hours being restored. I had a handful of posts on this and, not to toot my own horn, I think it's safe to say my column in TNH, which caught the attention of housing and my subsequent meeting with them got the ball rolling. Soon after my meeting housing reissued a new survey and quickly restored the original quite hours.

My post on the hazing incident with CommUNHiversity. What I loved about this was how a reader/tipster stepped up and helped me get the PDF of the file report and it led to some intersting comments.This also showed how hazing (no matter the level of it) isn't just restricted to Greek Life.

My Surviving UNH tab. I spent some time one summer to put this together by combining past posts and columns and well as original content. I think it was around 14 pages in word when I first posted it. I've revised parts of it several times and I think it is my most useful work on this blog.

Remember when that Womyn's group wanted to hold a porn burning? That was amazing and so were the comments that it led too...

I don't think I have ever written something this great, but finding it on Craigslist was amazing.

UNH Media Relations Carlos Mencia-ing me with the "Paul Thompson for Hobey Baker" video.

Because forts are awesome. Not so much about the post, but the epic times that we had in this. Kinda more of an insider for my roommates and close friends.

And who can forget all my encounters with dining, the interesting Stephenson Billings and also my recent Q&As with some hockey players were also quite interesting.

Until next time - one last time-

Stay Classy, not UMassy.
(I will have one more post eventually!)

Saturday, May 19, 2012

So, I just graduated...

 My view from one of the COLA sections.

Well Nonsensical Nation, I have finally graduated. It was hard at times, it was stupidly easy at times, it was fun, it was stressful, it was educational, but most of all it was memorable.

I just got back to my apartment from commencement and wanted to share a few thoughts. While I thought some of speeches dragged on a bit, and others just seemed plain awkward, I really enjoy the Key Note speaker Ron Noble. Some people felt he only talked about himself, but I was fascinated by his story. It really shows that you can achieve great things you never expected... but I'm sure going to Stanford helped. (Calm down WSBE grads...) Maybe the message from Ronald Noble was saying "Experience it for yourself." Also, his moment of silence for Greenland police chief Michael Maloney was very nice. I'm happy there were any idiotic shouts during it (No matter what, that seems to always happen). It may have been the quietest moment of silence I've ever heard, which says a lot about UNH and our graduating class. And even if you didn't like him you have to admit, those snipers and security force was pretty badass.

I was lucky to have a decent group of people around me, but it only takes one or two people to take the enjoyment out of a great ceremony. During the entire second half of commencement this one kid kept blaming UNH (and just about every speak) for his COLA degree being worthless. Hey buddy, you got to pick your own major. It's your fault. Also, no degree is worthless if it is something you truly care about. Money isn't everything, but finding your passion in life is. I'm sorry your not mature enough to keep your mouth shut and let the people around you enjoy themselves. I'm sure that will really help you during the whole job search.

I am now officially a UNH alum and this blog is on it's final legs. I'm planning a few more posts to wrap things up over the next week or so, so don't check out just yet. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Thoughts on Graduation

I'm a few hours away from my last ever final. My final, final. Unless I end up in graduate school down the road. That being said, all year I have been terrified of graduation. I love it here and UNH has meant so much to me. I've learned a lot, about the world, politics, history and other various things I took courses in. But perhaps most importantly, I learned a lot about myself.

As graduation has rapidly approached over these last few months I had thought that I would become increasingly anxious. And surprisingly, I haven't.

It's May 16th and I haven't had a mental breakdown, an anxiety attack or anything like I thought might happen last August. Recently, I've even become more and more positive about graduation.

They way I look at it, the past four years, and really my entire academic career, I have been doing meaningless work. Other than bettering my own intellectual mind, the work that I have accomplished up until this point in my life is pretty bland. I'm just one person. My senior colloquium, exams and final papers that I have tried to do well one my whole career really mean nothing. Especially once I have my diploma.

But all of that changes on Saturday. On Saturday I, and the rest of the UNH graduating class, will no longer be students. We will no longer be charged with completing meaningless work under the concept that an "A" is good, a "C" is average and an "F" is a failure. But we will become active, contributing members of society.

Now whether that means we will be school teachers, accountants, lawyers or doctors down the road, lab workers, journalists, laborers, a cubical monkey or work in social services among the dozens of other options, we will no longer only be working for ourselves. Even the most greedy CEO does work that benefits others (even if it is just the people right below him). The point is, we are no longer working just for ourselves, our own personal grades. Even if we are just working for money, to get rich, we will still be contributing in many more ways than we do now.

Of course, first we must find jobs. That scary "J" word. There are jobs out there, I believe in them. It is not a myth. Sure, we will probably have to start at the bottom and work shitty entry level positions, but we all have to start somewhere.

So, UNH class of 2012, let's take these last few days we have here to celebrate our memories. But the way I look at it, our freedom isn't ending. It's only just beginning.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Final, Final Countdown

Welp, here we are. I'm a few days away from graduating and I still can't believe how fast these last four years went. Three (and a couple months) I spent sharing with you all on this blog. It's been a major part of my college experience and really my life. A lot of effort went into this, probably more than most of you realize (not to brag) but it is a lot more than just a few minutes here and there. Most of my posts are new and original. I'm not just posting the latest music video or whatever and writing three sentences about it. When I created this blog I wanted it to mean something, to provide people with news, opinions and stories on the undergrad life at UNH. I wanted it to be unique to UNH, unique to my experiences and unique to our time here and I think I accomplished that, for the most part at least.

A lot of you have asked about what will happen to this blog after graduation and the answer is that nothing will happen. Here is my reasoning.

This may sound a little selfish, but it is what I want. This blog has been my creation, my work and it took a lot of my own personal time. I'm leaving it as my own personal mark on UNH and really my own personal college memoir. I don't want to give it away, because quite frankly, even if I found someone better, I would never be happy with it. Someone else will create their own form of blog or twitter account to fill the void left by me and my fellow UNH social media personalities who are also graduating.

This blog has been filled with my personal stories, opinions and rants. It's been completely my own creation and done with my own style. Even the guest writers I've had never really seemed to fit in 100%. Don't get me wrong, they had some great posts, but they all seemed to fade away after a few posts (or due to graduation). Other people will make their own mark and leave their own path. I don't think it would be right for me to hand it on, not because I don't think it can be done, but simply because of how personal this blog is to me and what it means to me.

There is a reason I kept this blog mostly anonymous, although if you look in the right places you can figure a few things out. But at the same time for certain job applications this blog could actually be quite useful. (I'll be making my own personal twitter account and linking to it from my UNHBlog one when I do if you really care that much.) Also, there might be a little more "public" announcement come graduation...

Stay classy, not UMassy.
PS: I plan to have a couple more posts up over these next few days. I'm not done yet!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

SBP elect Rob Wilson continues to ruffle feathers

Not too long ago UNH held it's annual student body elections. Rob Wilson was the victorious candidate for the position as the new Student Body President for the next school year. Sadly, it appears that Mr. Wilson has been anything but the graceful winner. You know the old saying "act like you've been there before"? Due to recent actions, this can not be said for Wilson.

Following his victory Wilson refused to do an interview with TNH because they had written an editorial supporting another candidate. Real mature Mr. Wilson. I don't know what your future plans are, but politicians have to deal with critics everyday of their lives. Unless, of course, you don't plan on being a politician and you just wanted to be elected to pad your resume. Which would be totally acceptable because the student body president (and entire senate) is basically a sugar pill provided by the administration so that they can say that we have a voice. Let's face it, the student senate would never get anything done that the administration wasn't okay with.

Anyways, to get back on track. Wilson finally did agree to an interview with TNH, but only if it was with a reporter he knew. Because, of course, rejecting an interview with the one publication that most students read is the true sign of a leader. Along with that article,  TNH also published a second editorial saying:
But what was especially noteworthy from my short conversation with Wilson was his continued exaggeration and illusion of what he had accomplished at student senate. He still maintains that he has more experience than his counterparts, which is true if you don’t discount the semesters and meetings that he did not participate in.  

As 2010-2011 president Richard Peyser said of Wilson one year ago in this newspaper, “Wilson seemingly held his participation in the billiards club to be more pressing than representing his constituents; he frequently left and failed to show up at student senate meetings to attend his billiards club. That, however, is not the core concern I have. I take great offense to his statement that he has been working on medical amnesty since ‘it’s inception,’ when in fact he has not contributed to that pilot program in any capacity whatsoever.”

Clearly Wilson has tried to take credit for other students work, lied about his past, and blown off interviews and meetings. Actually, he sounds more and more like a real politician the more I think of it.

I wasn't planning on getting involved with this issue (because the student body president position is absolutely meaningless) but I was leaked more information about Wilson today that only continues to show his poor decision making and egotistical personality.

Apparently Wilson changed the door code to the Student Body President, locking out current President AJ Coukos who should have the office for the remainder of the semester. Reports say that Coukos "looked pissed" upon noticing he was locked out. Coukos' name was also removed from the door. Is Mr. Wilson looking to move in early? Renovate it? Or am I simply making nothing out of something because it's raining out and I don't feel like working on my final paper right now? 

All I know is that this (meaningless) victory for Mr. Wilson has clearly gotten to his head and he has only furthered to strain his relations with his own student body and student senate.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: Books, beer cans and everything in between

UNH, it’s been a wild ride. Four years jam-packed with all-nighters, cram sessions, essays galore and, of course, weekend parties. It’s been three years of me writing these columns every Sunday night or Monday morning. According to my count, this right here is my 76th, and final, “Like a Pro” column. Oh, and by the way I don’t call them “Like a Pro” because I’m full of myself; it’s an inside joke and maybe we’ll get to that explanation later on (cough hint hint cough).

My fellow 2012 classmates, thank you for everything. I am proud to call you my classmates, and even a few of you my friends. We will all do great things in the future and like our commencement speaker will probably say, “It’s our turn to go out in the world and make a positive difference.” It might be very cliché, but it is also very true.

I have made many great friends over the past four years and it is sad that our time here has come to an end. I am very appreciative of my education, but my new friends and the memories we’ve shared together, from our first days in Williamson up through graduation, is what I will really cherish down the road.

To be fair, college has not been all great memories, fun times and drunken shenanigans. There will definitely be a handful of things I will never miss. Scantron exams. Those stupid little bubbles just staring back at you almost like they know you skipped the last two weeks of classes because it is just a useless general education course. 

Blue books. I’ve filled out page after page of Blue Books for the last four years, and after my last final next week, I will never have to write in one again. Thinking about being done with Blue Books makes graduation slightly better. 

Essays. These are even worse than Blue Books because you actually have to put more than an hour or so into this form of BS. I’m actually multi-tasking this column and my last college essay ever, and it is rather bittersweet. Bitter because I have enjoyed writing a few papers, and sweet because I’ve despised writing way more than those few I actually enjoyed. And it’s my last one. Unless I end up in grad school. Crap. 

Living with other college students. Don’t get me wrong, I love my roommates. They’re my best friends and we have had tons of great memories. But college students are dirty, messy, smelly, and they may or may not have on the same pair of underwear for the fourth straight day. This is totally acceptable for most kids during college. Not having to put up with smelly, drunk people (including myself) might be nice.

Okay, so there are only a small handful of things I will actually miss about college, and that last one doesn’t really count. All of the best moments, my greatest memories and fun times far outweigh all of the exams, essays and dirty dishes. 

Personally, college has been an amazing experience. Reality has set in and I’m ready for the next chapter of my life. Or I could apply to graduate school, but I really like the idea of being done with schoolwork forever. Victories from in the classroom to the Beirut table and everything in between will be some of my greatest college memories. Over four years ago I was applying to college, and hopefully, four years from now, I’ll look back and feel just as accomplished as I do now. Something about this paragraph seems "telling." Try figuring it out and maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised (cough another hint here...)

One more thing to you all: Thank you. Thank you all for reading my rants and ramblings. This column and my blog have allowed my college experience to be so much more than just books and beer cans. Without readers, whether you love or hate my work, you all made this possible for me. I’d like to think that my writing impacted a few people, maybe even made a difference on this campus, but if it didn’t, at least I know that it definitely helped me along the way.

Good luck out there my fellow graduates. Cheers to you all. To the non-graduates here, keep doing your thing and keep UNH awesome. And lastly, one final time, say it with me: 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Why give?

For the past few weeks, @PrezHuddleston, @GTK18 (of college freshman fame) and I have been helping promote the senior gift. Why? Because we thought it would be nice to use our "fame" to give back to the university that has done so much for us.

The thing that I hear the most from other seniors is: "Why would I give them anymore money? I already pay a tuition that is probably too high and I'm graduating so I won't even benefit."

First of all, nice attitude, asshole.

Secondly, how many of you (yes, you the 18-22 year old student) actually pays the full cost of tuition without any help? No help from your parents, grants, loans or scholarships? Maybe one or two of you? How many pay the full price with some help, maybe a few thousand in loans or a wealthy and kind aunt or grandparent? Gee, that's awful nice of them. Helping to pay for your education where they wouldn't benefit.

This year's senior gift will  go to the rec center to help pay for new equipment or future expansions. Sure, it may not benefit you, but did you know the rec center used to be the hockey arena before the Whit? And the Whit was built through fundraising and donations? And not long ago the student gym was a "classroom" in the field house?

I didn't realize that we all paid future donations to help built the Whit and the rec center we have today... oh wait, no we didn't. It came from fundraising efforts and alumni donations.

Sure, students don't have a lot of money to give. Believe me, I'll be happy if I can still afford a 40 or two the night of graduation, but I still gave my $5. I gave my five dollars because UNH has done so much for me. I gave my five dollars because I'm not paying for my tuition all on my own, someone (my parents) are helping out quite a lot. I gave my five dollars because UNH students before me donated and that's why I've been able to enjoy my time at UNH so much. Five dollars is not a lot, but it still felt right to give.

If you're a super competitive type, 153 UNH seniors have already donated verses 143 at UMass and they have a much bigger student body than us. Let's kick their ass one final time.

Donate very easily right here. 
(You do not have to be a senior to give. So non-graduates you can see improvements for the gym while you're still here!)

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Survey Results

A few weeks ago I created a short survey (it's still open) about this blog to get a sense of what people like and don't like about this site. I thought it would be a nice way to better understand my readers and hopefully give me ideas and feedback for future writing projects. I thought it would be nice to share and respond to some of the results. This may seem long, but it should actually be entertaining and a quick read.

Out of the 68 people who took the survey:
  • 42 were female
  • 50 were current students
  • 9 were alumni
  • 9 were faculty staff (and another was a "staff spouse")
  • Ages varied from 18 to 52 (core 19-22)
  • Most people check it "a few times a week" (which means the amount people who read it is higher than my daily page views)
Here are some responses to the question: "What is your favorite part of UNH Blog?" (With my responses italicized)
  • You posts are generally entertaining, and I feel like the news is more 'honest' than may be portrayed in TNH
  • Your sarcasm towards certain UNH services (cough cough Dining) I also follow you on Twitter and find out a lot of what is going on through you (Wait, someone gets that I use sarcasm?!)
  • Tirades that remind me of my youth. Very important to you at a moment in time, not so much in the big picture. It's a lot of fun to read. (Wait, drinking cheap liquor and acting like a fool isn't important?!)
  • I love the New Hampshirite's insights into the workings of UNH and some of the different aspects that he comments on (dining, police, hockey, greek life, etc). I almost always laugh when I read this blog and I think it's a very funny, accurate portrayal of college life here at UNH and I'm actually really sad you're graduating. (It's just allergies, I'm not crying I swear).
  • articles for the TNH (The TNH...)
  • you are. I want to meet you. Im in love with you. Even if youre straight. I just want you so bad. want a bj? (No, thank you...?)
  • I think it's a great way to find out what's going on around school without having to rely on tnh. i feel like the blog has more about what the students actually care about. And with twitter, information is passed along pretty much instantly so we know what's going on, on campus. It's how I've gotten a great deal of information over the past couple of year
  • The hilarious posts about stuff like Cabinet Kid's shenanigans (Those posts write themselves, but sadly he's toned it down this year...)
  • Other general comments: Funny, honesty, realistic, represents student life well etc.
Here are some responses to "what is your least favorite part of"
  • references to over the top excessive drinking (Thanks, mom.)
  • It's not a pill that makes me bigger, stronger & faster. Also, I have a feeling it's not bear-proof... (I'm working on this one...)
  • Low frequency of posting, but I know you're busy (Second semester senior... senioritus is more than just school work... also, I feel like this semester has been pretty uneventful UNH news wise.)
  • That it exists. (Thanks for reading. Douche.)
  • dreaming about you fucking me after I read you, daily. (Apparently, I have not used this blog to its full potential.)
  • Not to be completely naive, because I know a lot of students do, but not every student drinks or drinks heavily (You're right. Only the cools ones do...)
  • the union leader rants are getting a little old. not saying i don't agree... but i get, you don't like it. (Ahem: Fuck the Union Leader.)
  • Complaints about UNH dining. Once you get into the real world, you'll miss the dining hall. (Yeah, I'm really gonna miss diarrhea, soggy sandwiches, and not being able to find salt.)
  • Ads. (Fucking anti-corporate liberal bastard!)
  • Other general complaints: Not updated enough, didn't like any guest writers, want more guest writers, should get a female blogger, didn't like the female blogger you had, I miss the female blogger, that you're graduating... (A lot of favorites/least favorites cancelled each other out like drinking stories and guest writers. Guess that means it is actually balanced).

Responses to "ways to improve the blog":
  • Include a campus map which shows all of the social area where people party. (You're doing it wrong.)
  • get deep and personal, spill your soul all over my screen. (Stalker level: 99)
  • Your tagline is Stay Classy, Not UMassy -which I really like. but many of your comments and behavior around alcohol are not too classy. I am not at all opposed to having fun on the weekends, but you seem to have no perspective on your attitude around drinking. (Do people not realize the tagline is part of the joke?)
  • don't let us graduate (I wish...)
  • General feedback here: More pictures, posts, videos, interviews etc...
Responses to "other general feedback, suggestions, comments or questions?"
  • get laid more and write about that (Go read Barstool)
  • Your awesome! PARTY WITH SLUTS! (Not having herpes is going really well for me right now.)
  • Fuck me. (I'm sensing a theme here...)
  • i feel like i'd like you as a person, good job (I probably wouldn't like you.... just kidding).
  • Other general feedback: good job, keep it going, find a successor, don't give it to a dumb kid...
 Overall, I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the survey (despite what I posted above, I got a lot of great feedback.) I feel sorry to say this, but I will not be passing the blog on. I'll explain this in full detail in another post, but it has to do with personal issues. Also I think someone will come along and create their own work for future UNH generations.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Some advice to the lucky ones who aren't graduating...

In less than one month I will be graduating, but most of you reading this will have at least another year or more here at UNH. I have experienced a lot of different things during my time here and I think it would be only fair to use one of my last columns to share some helpful advice with you all.

I know what you might be thinking, “Why would we want to take advice from a buffoon of a student who may or may not drink too much.” Well first of all, it is not a drinking problem until you graduate, so the joke is on you. Secondly, and if you have not figured this out by now you may need some language comprehension classes, but a lot of what I have written over the years is in character, sarcastic and satire. Well, other than the whole drinking stuff. That part is real. Anyways, here is some of what I think is the best advice I have to offer.

If a professor ever tells you, “This is not a paper/assignment/project that you can complete the night before it’s due” they are wrong. Just about any assignment can be completed in “A” fashion the night and/or early morning before it is due. Just do not make a habit of it or you may develop insomnia. I cannot tell you how many times I turned in a paper literally still warm from being freshly printed.

Try something new. Scratch that; try as many news things as you possibly can. I never expected to write a blog or a newspaper column, and I think that this turned out pretty well for me. Do not limit yourself to your comfort zone. I know a lot of people will say this about college, but I feel so many students still never step outside their regular routines.

Try to dedicate one night or weekend a year to become your personal ultimate college story. Everyone needs to graduate with his or her one go-to story to share to close friends for the future. This does not need to be a party or drinking story, rather it should be something that would be unusual for your lifestyle.

Study abroad for a semester. Even doing one of the shorter summer or J-term trips would be worth the experience and it is much cheaper than traveling on your own. Not studying abroad for a semester is probably my biggest regret about college. I have many friends who took advantage of the opportunity and I know they are happy that they did. However, I would not recommend doing it second semester senior year because you are going to want to be in Durham with all of your closest friends for your last few months of college.

Similar to the last one, another regret of mine is that I never took a big road trip with a group of friends for spring break, winter break or the summer. Sure, I took weekend trips to other colleges, but I would have loved to take some type of road trip with my roommates.

Try to pile up at least one or two minors. I will be graduating with three unfinished minors, in political science, English writing and communications because I could never make up my mind or commit to anything. I took more classes for my major than I needed, but part of that was that there were so many interesting ones, I could not resist.

This one comes directly from personal experience, but I think it is something everyone should do. Write on your own, outside of classes. I do not mean to keep a journal or diary or to write personal essays or poems. Just write. Keep track of funny things that happen to you or things you see, write down ideas, thoughts or future goals. It will help you stay organized, clear your mind and actually help reduce stress. Take 10 or 15 minutes just to write, think and clear your mind. It will pay off when it comes to studying or writing an essay because it will help you focus on the task at hand.

Finally, when you are in my position and preparing to graduate, make sure that you have as little regrets as possible. Make your own personal college bucket list because you will be able to do things in college that you will never be able to experience again. This may seem pretty cliché, but it is true. Enjoy your time here, because it really does go by faster than you expect.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Senior Gift

I had the pleasure of working with UNH video services, @PrezHuddleston, Griffin (Meme Guy @GTK18 on twitter) and the wonderful folks from the alumni association in brainstorming the idea for this video. I kinda took a back seat throughout the process and was really involved to help promote the senior gift, but it was really neat to see how UNH video services works from start to finish. Please help out with the senior gift. It really is a great way to give back and make UNH better for future students. Donate your $5 (or whatever you want) today, I already did and it is super easy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Vote! Everybody Vote!

Yesterday just got the following reader email:

Saw UNH's Tweet about student elections, and on a lark decided to see if my old account is still active. I graduated 3 years ago, but I can still get into Blackboard (not my UNH email though).
Turns out that even though I'm not a current student. I can still vote. Screen shots added. 
Don't worry, I didn't vote for any of the real candidates. Just my favorite perpetual write-ins.

Well it appears as though at least semi-recent alumni are still able to vote in the student body elections. Maybe UNH did this on purpose to help get more than just a few hundred votes. Last year I endorsed myself at the last minute as a small form of protest because the student body president has never really accomplished anything noteworthy during my time here. TNH endorsed a candidate, but I think a few votes for good ole' New Hampshirite could really do this campus some good. Who knows, with enough votes cast my way, maybe I'll stick around next year...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Zombies at UNH

There is one thing I have noticed during my time at UNH that many college students seem to be addicted to, and no, it is not alcohol. It is not drugs, partying or studying, either. It is zombies. Now before you get on my back, yes I know zombies aren’t for everyone. Not everyone likes zombies, so I don’t want to give you all a bad name.

Others may think that zombies are a thing of the past and vampires are the new zombies. First of all, if you think that, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. Zombies are, always have been and always will be, the greatest Sci-Fi monsters of all time. (Unless you considered the velociraptors depicted in Jurassic Park, even though they weren’t accurately portrayed, but that is neither here nor there.) Vampires have been tarnished by the book and movie series that shall not be named.

But with the huge success of the TV series “The Walking Dead,” zombies have been restored to their rightful place among the most terrifying, awesome and even comical monsters. A good zombie story has everything you need: a widespread pandemic, gore, hero characters, characters you want to see suffer and usually a comical death or zombie killing sequence. (Think “Shaun of the Dead” for that one.)

Anyways, this got me thinking: if the zombie apocalypse actually does happen, what would be the best chance to survive here at UNH? Let’s say in a hypothetical situation that the breakout began in one of the science buildings (how about Gregg Hall, because no one knows what actually goes on there) and UNH was barricaded from the rest of the world so no one could get out.

Option one: Barricade yourself inside your dorm room. Sure you’ll be safe for a short while, but soon the isolation will set in. Maybe you are lucky enough that your roommate is there or you can stay in contact with your neighbors, but then you run out of food. Game over.

Option two: Barricade yourself inside the DUMP like in Stephen King’s “The Mist.” You will have plenty of food to stay alive, people to stay in contact with, and beer to help pass the time. But there is always that one person who goes insane way too fast and ruins it for everyone by leaving and not locking the back door. If you’re lucky, you make it out, but where do you go from there?

Option three: Join the mass relief center put up at the Whit or Rec Center. Food, shelter and other people all seem good, but somehow the outbreak has breached the doors. Someone inside was bitten earlier and kept it a secret. This always happens.

Option four: Thompson Hall clock tower. This seems like a good idea at first, but when the zombies break in you have nowhere to run.

Option five: You decide to get adventurous and decide to explore the tunnel that runs underneath Spaulding only to find a secret lab where there is a crazy professor testing cures for the zombies. It seems safe at first, but you soon realize he is out of his mind and is a danger for other reasons. If you’re lucky, you escape to the tunnels rumored to be under Main Street. You try to follow them out of town, but they are blocked off as well.

Option six: You decide to Jeremiah-Johnson-it out in College Woods. You live off of the wildlife and build a nice fort, and it seems like you will outlast the outbreak by living off the land. But you stumble across a commune where the hippies are trying to live in peace with the zombies. They’re all dead in a few days.

Option seven: You decide to take matters in your own hands by setting a trap for the zombies. You manage to lure them all underneath the stands at Cowell Stadium and by simply removing one keystone beam, the entire stadium collapses crushing all the zombies and leaving you the hero.

Plot twist! It wasn’t actually a zombie outbreak; it was just a massive walk of shame that took place on a quiet Sunday morning.

Stay classy, not UMassy

Thursday, April 12, 2012

President Huddleston. I like this guy.

Earlier this morning I sent a twit pic of that cop car parked next to a "No vehicles" sign to President Huddleston. This is how he replied:

Huddleston for the win.

UNH's finest at their best...

Hat tip to Derek for finding this beauty of a picture. As well all know, the rules only apply to the students and as the emailer put it "Maybe they were just doing that so those new paint jobs with the fierce logo could scare away other cars!" You'd think with all their segways the cops on campus wouldn't have to be this lazy. Where is UNH parking services when you need them? Ticket this vehicle, this is easily worth a $75 violation. Where is the justice? Are not all men created equal and therefore we deserve to be treated the same under the law? But what if the law enforcement doesn't follow their own rules? Chaos! Anarchy!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Will You Hire Me?

Hey you. Yeah, you there. The one reading this right now. Will you hire me? Before you answer, let me tell you a little bit about myself, the world I live in, my college career and a few things I think I think. Hey, shut up and listen, I’m the one writing this, not you.

This interview is going great.

Every time I turn on the TV to a 24-hour news channel, I basically hear the same thing: jobs, economy, jobs, jobs, economy, gas prices, jobs, unemployment, jobs, economy, OIL!, jobs, economy, jobs, jobs. I think that just about covers it.

And here I am, just over a month away from graduating college with a degree in history and a concentration in modern America, and from what I have been told, apparently there are no jobs. Absolutely nothing. Zero. No possible jobs for anyone.

One of the major issues of the current presidential election is the American economy and the different possibilities to “fix it.” In fact, it could be the deciding factor for the entire election. Will the millionaire with the Harvard degree win or the other millionaire with the Harvard degree win? Let’s face it, the contraceptive crusader does not really stand a chance.

Sorry, I got slightly off track there. Where was I? Oh right, jobs, especially the part about me not having one and having no chance at finding one. Let me present to you, my potential future employer, a brief résumé:

High school graduate? Check. College degree? Check (well, I got this pretty much locked up). Former jobs: miniature golf and ice cream cashier, camp counselor (summer and baseball), and landscaping. Other notable things: student-athlete award winner in high school, will graduate college with honors, National History Honors Society member (Phi Alpha Theta), blogger extraordinaire, three-year columnist for college paper, and I have almost 1,500 followers on Twitter. That’s impressive, right?

Okay, now let me move on to jobs that I think I might actually be qualified to perform:

History researcher. Is this an actual job? Because I am actually pretty good at that, you know, finding interesting articles about things that happened by using online databases. Hey Steven Spielberg, let me fact check your next period film. Sweet, thanks.

History teacher. I know some stuff about American history. Enough to write solid papers and earn good grades, and I’m pretty sure I can create a solid course curriculum. Although, I never did take any education courses at UNH, because I think you can pretty much get teenagers to believe anything you want if you tell them the right way.

Although, I feel like I’d be the type of teacher who would be punished because helicopter parents would complain about me teaching their son or daughter that Christopher Columbus might not have been such a good guy after all.

So, where do I go from here? I mean there really have to be some jobs out there somewhere? Right? I heard that there is a place where the jobs multiply like baby rabbits in the springtime and there are no evil hawks to eat them up. Some say that this job utopia is just a myth. Others swear to have seen it or even been there before. I’m not sure what I believe, but I do know that I will never give up.

There is the old saying, “you have to spend money to make money.” But what if I don’t have any money to spend in the first place in order to make more money back in return? This whole college thing, with the mandatory fees and textbook prices and weekend benders has kind of dried up the old bank account.

I am only 22 years old, but I am ready for the inevitable job hunt in front of me. It will not be easy; it will take blood, sweat and tears, but I will not perish without a fight. The last of the jobs have not dried up, you just have to know where to look. The American dream is still possible; it just is not the same American dream of the generations before us.

I mean come on, with self-motivation like that who wouldn’t want to hire me? So, I will ask you one more time. Will you hire me? Please? Because my parents are going to be pissed if I don’t find a job real soon.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Yup. We really are graduating.

So you may remember a while back how I hinted that @PrezHuddleston and I were working behind the scenes with each other on a project. Well, it ended up going in a slightly different direction then we anticipated, but it is actually much better this way.

Here is how it went down. I wrote a column last semester about what the senior gift should be. Although, it was mostly in a sarcastic manner. Pretty much I just didn't want it to go to the business school (because that only helps a small percentage of campus) and I didn't want it to be a bench or something. Anyways, Prez tweets me saying that he's on board for trying to do something bigger (a video screen at the Whit would be in the 1-2 million range, it will not happen) and that he knows who I am. I then realized I also know who he is and we've know each other for a while now.

Long story short, we bounced ideas around, but then got in touch with the alumni department and decided that we would help them promote the senior gift using our followings. Through the help of a few focus groups they decided that giving the money to the rec center (to immediately add equipment or for future expansion) would be the best use of the senior gift money. Usually the senior gift money just goes into a generic UNH fund for whatever needs money (from painting rooms to sidewalk repair etc).

So how do @PrezHuddleston and I fit in with all of this? Basically, if we get 50% to donate (even just $5) PHudd will reveal himself at the lobster back. I'm being used for educational and promotional purposes. (Basically UNH knows that students don't check their websites, but they do follow me and Prez much more closely.)

Here's how I come in: Basically UNH has a terrible history of raising a senior gift fund and our alumni donations are terrible. In the past they have asked the class to donate their graduating year in money. For example last year they asked students to donate $20.11. Guess what? 35 friggin' people donated and about half of it was staff. I think we can beat 35 people. UMass historical raises a ton of money through donations. We're classy, so I think we can get 50%.

Stay tuned, there will also be a video and more featuring PrezHuddleston and the real Huddleston and other special guests (I declined a role in the video because I'm still working on my own plans). Also, you don't have to be a senior to give.

Underclassmen, remember, the gym is going to benefit you. Not too long ago the student gym was a small classroom in the Field House, imagine what it could become.

We've worked to make the donation process very simple and I really hope we can make this work.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Here, have a sticker.

I wrote the following rant in my notebook during a class today and it is something I have thought for a while now. Maybe it is because I'm an upperclassmen and I find myself in classes with younger students who haven't experienced all the feedback and constructive criticisms I have, but sometimes I can't help but become frustrated while sitting in a class discussion. So, I will write what I dislike about discussions and offer some advice that will hopefully help you. I am actually pretty shy, I usually don't like participating too much, so I know what it is like. Maybe this can help you.

I have a small bone to pick with how some students perform in classes with a dedicated discussion time. Participating in a college class discussion is not merely repeating what the professor said during the previous lecture. This is not high school, middle school or even elementary school for that matter. You are not supposed to copy you teacher's statements, it is not a game of Simon Says, it is supposed to be a mind stimulating exercise. What are you proving to everyone when you simply repeat a point the professor, or even another student has made? How good of a listener you are? Here, have a smiley sticker.

Please note that there is a difference between when a professor calls on you in search of a specific answer and an open discussion about a book, article or selected reading.

Also, professors who let students get away with this type of behavior are just as bad, if not worse. They are training brainless, thoughtless and creativity-deprived puppets. A generation that does not think for themselves will not progress and that is a generation lost.

Excellent, you remembered the themes of our previous lecture - have a cookie - but how is that reflected in the reading? Great, you recall the point I made when I introduced this article to you - have a lollipop - but what did you extract from the reading?

Personally, I don't speak a lot in class discussion, but when I do I always try to bring something new to the table. A counterpoint or an alternative viewpoint. I guess what I'm saying is don't waste class or discussion time by repeating something that is already a given, already known by the class and especially if it was already spoken by the professor. Use your brain to think, analyze or critique. Don't be broad, general and safe. That is boring. If you really want to help that discussion and boost your participation points, be creative with you talking points.

Quality, not quantity. Nobody likes a know-it-all, even professors (which is why they will delay and ask if anyone has an idea or thought if the same kid(s) keep raising their hand). Students like that, while knowledgeable (although there is nothing better when they are wrong) generally don't change their discussion methods. Try throwing out a curveball once and a while and you will be rewarded.

That being said, I have been involved in some great discussions where I walk away very happy, but those seem to be rare as of late... and maybe I'm just an old fart now.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: RIP Kurt:

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Dodgeball for Autism

Because I'm a nice guy, I'll post things like this for a good cause when orgs send them to me...

Come join the sisters of Alpha Xi Delta and Dodge For A Cure (<-- facebook event link) to help support our philanthropy, Autism Speaks. Autism affects the brain development of a child, which can then be associated with intellectual disabilities and physical health issues. A child may also develop difficulties in motor coordination. Less than 5% of research funding goes back to Autism yet this disorder affects 1 in every 110 children.

Helping to raise money for this special cause is easy by signing up for our Dodge Ball Tournament. This event will be held on Tuesday, April 10th at the Field House at 7pm. The teams will consist of 6 members each. There will be a $5 general admission fee and 100% of the funding will be donated to the Autism Speaks Foundation. Please contact Shayla Stewart to register a team at

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

So You're Graduating...

UNH commencement is 46 days away and if you’re a second semester senior like me, you are probably having some mixed emotions. Part of me is excited to move on to the next phase of my life, part of me is sad about leaving and part of me is terrified, yet anxious to graduate. Out of everything, I think that the worst part of being a second semester senior is answering the same questions over and over again.

“What are your plans after graduation?” is the most annoying and frustrating question I have ever had to answer in my entire life. Partially because every time I answer it, which seems to be more and more frequent as graduation approaches, I answer it differently.

I know that many of my classmates already have potential jobs and internships lined up and others have already been hired, but not all of us are in that position. Many of us simply do not know what we want to do. How can you answer that question if you don’t even know?

So, I have been devising a scheme over the last few months in which I tailor my answer depending on who had asked me the question.

If it is someone who knows all about me, including my blogging side, I explain how I am looking at a few potential cities in search of writing jobs. Sometimes I may even slip in how my older brother, who majored in screenwriting, and I have a few movie ideas we may even write. This is actually semi-serious.

To other people, like family, I explain how I plan on working for a year before applying for graduate schools where I would study anything from law to politics to secondary education.

Then comes the people that I let myself have a little fun with, and if you are in a similar position to me, I recommend giving a few of these a shot.

One of my favorites, which I usually use on more free thinkers or people with super strict social values (for the shock of course) is explaining how I want to follow one of my favorite bands on a world tour and write about my experiences with the different cultures and how the music is a part of their life. Think of it as an anthropologic, cross-cultural study with a dash of gonzo-journalism thrown in. Using those terms only sweetens the deal. I should add that deep down, that would actually be pretty awesome; I just don’t have the money to make it economically feasible.

If the person who asks the question is technologically disabled and unaware of the musings of the Internet, sometimes I will use that to my advantage.

I may say something like, “Well, I just received a job offer from this web-based company called Reddit. They think I would be great as a researcher/writer and a weekend editor, so I am pretty excited about that potential opportunity.”

Other times, I say something so ridiculous I know that the person won’t be able to quickly think up a follow-up question, so they will awkwardly smile and end the conversation, which is a win in my book. Studying the effects of various illegal narcotics and over-the-counter pharmaceuticals on skateboarding bears usually does the trick.

Another trick to avoid a long conversation is to not allow for any possibility of a follow-up question. For example: “Well, I actually have been interviewed by a specific governmental bureau and will be traveling to a secret location in Nevada in July. I’m sorry, I’ve already said too much.”

Sometimes I get really into the conversation, but avoid talking about my potential career at all. I do this by explaining a huge summer trip in detail so it will distract the person from bringing up jobs again.

Canoeing down the Mississippi, backpacking through Europe, walking across America and other various outdoor adventures usually does the trick just fine.

When all is said and done, I realize that in less than two months I will be done with my undergrad career. Whether I end up in graduate school, freelance writing or studying bear brains, I am going to make the most of these last 46 days.

UNH has prepared me for the real world, but I still have 46 days to spend time with my closest friends and get every last bit of nonsense out of me before I leave Durham.

Stay classy, not UMassy

Sunday, April 1, 2012

UNH Blog: Now 100% More Bearproof

You asked. We listened. Thanks to Hunter S Thompson and Conan, UNH Blog is proud to announce we are now 100% more bearproof. You're welcome.

("Make it more bearproof" was an actual suggestion from the survey.)

Budget cuts beginning to take toll on UNH

The budget cuts for USNH that the state senate approved last year are beginning to take a toll on the UNH campus. Roughly $33 million from UNH's budget was slashed and already dozens of UNH employees have been laid off, labs are on the brink of being shut down and many more fear for their future.

UNH has been looking at ways to help raise more money, especially since the cuts arrived while trying to build a new $50 million business school with barely half the money raised and other buildings remain in poor conditions.

Students have been asked to help out in even the smallest ways. Dorms are implementing new "lights out" policy that requires students to shut of all the lights and electrical devices by 11PM. This will help save on the school's energy bill and will force students to study more during the daylight, which should take away from their free time when illegal activities may occur.

UNH dormitories have also officially adopted the slogan "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" in hopes to keep the water bill down.

All parking ticket fines will be  doubled as of Monday, April 9th and those funds will go directly into all the athletic coaches' raises.

In order to save on the internet bill, UNH will also be blocking all adult websites, including pornography and Reddit, because that is estimated to reduce internet usage by approximately 78% campus wide.

Lastly, all tuition (and other various payments) made online to UNH will now have a $25 "convenience charge," because fuck you.

Friday, March 30, 2012

3 Years of Nonsensical Happenings

Today, March 30th is a big day. Not only is it The Cabinet Kid's 22nd birthday, but it is also the third anniversary of this very blog. (I still don't know if I should call it an anniversary or birthday. Fuck it, birthday it is.)

In honor of this blog turning three years old I want you all to go out and have a helluva weekend. You all deserve it. Have a drink on me. (No I won't buy it, but think of this blog as you take your first swig). We've been through a lot together. In celebration of this blog turning three I don't want a gift or anything, in fact some of you may be receiving one (more on that hopefully by the end of the weekend or next week) but I do ask that you fill out the survey on this blog if you haven't yet. It only takes a few minutes and I've already had about 60 responses. The best answers will probably be posted soon, but please take it seriously. Thanks.

So in honor of this blog's 3rd birthday, I give you the best account I can imagine of my 22nd last week. (So far on the survey the drinking stories/alcohol posts are balancing each other out in the "least" and "most" favorite parts. Here's a drinking tale so if you don't like them stop reading here.)

I never had the super crazy 21st birthday that most college kids get to experience. Last year when I turned 21 it fell upon the last Sunday of Spring Break, so the night before many of my friends had not yet returned to campus so I stayed in a drank with a few friends for the night. That next day my older brothers, who I am very close with, took me around Portsmouth and some other area bars for some good ole day drinking. That night, a Sunday, wasn't fit for a party, but I still had fun.

That being said, when I turned 22 last week my roommates and friends were sure to make up for it in a big way and being the loving assholes that they are, they kept the drinks coming fast down at the Knot, but I'm already getting ahead of myself. The night began in my apartment with 3 or 4 Rolling Rocks, possibly the most underrated cheap beer, before we headed downtown. Somewhere around 8 well drinks later (a combo of whiskey and rum and cokes) the shots and "fun" drinks came. First it was a Three Wise Men shot, which is a combo of Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Johnnie Walker mixed together. Not bad at all. The Jack and Johnnie easily cancel out ole' Jimmy and as a whiskey fan I approved.

Next came the Irish Car Bomb and I pounded that son of a bitch like a pro. Next, a birthday cake shot from the ladies. Super sugary, but not a bad shot to take. Another round of whiskey cokes was followed up by the biggest jackass move and what I believed would be the knockout punch later on: a jagerbomb. And it wasn't even the jager, but the massive amount of Red Bull I had to drink so quickly. A few more whiskey cokes and I was ready head home.

This was taken roughly 3/4 into the night.

I made it to the apartment, hit the couch and then came the spins. Vomit after vomit. The toilet seat was my best friend and I wouldn't let go. Every time I made it back to bed, I'd sprint back to the bathroom in double time. Now, usually when one vomits the hangover is less intense, sometimes even nonexistent at times the following morning. I didn't have class until 3PM and even that was too soon.

Now why am I telling you all this story you ask? Well, I think that it is good to celebrate and just go nuts once in a while. I have great roommates and friends and we always watch out for one another, even if we're responsible for another spending the night praying to the porcelain god. This is my last semester at UNH and we're trying to make the most of every night we have left here.

Cheers to 3 great years!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Joggling: It takes balls

You've seen him running up and down Main Street. With balls. Juggling. Faster than you can run. UNH senior Thomas Gounley is set to run the Boston Marathon, while juggling. Yeah, you read that right. He is also a twitter extraordinaire and also has been a TNH editor for a few years now. Next time you see him joggling down Main Street give him a shout out or send him a tweet.

On the blog tomorrow: A graphic recap of the New Hampshirite's 22nd birthday in honor of the blog's third birthday. That's right, tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of the University of Nonsensical Happenings launching and taking UNH by storm.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It knows...

Hey Facebook, quit creepin' on me! How you know UNH has given me memories? You stalkin' my pics? I make my own memories!

Help me, Help You

Dear Nonsensical Nation,

With just a few months left of the school year, and my final year here at UNH, I have been brainstorming ways to give back to UNH. I have a few small projects in mind. But, I would also like your help. This blog has been a major part of my UNH career. I'm very proud of what it evolved into and I am always looking for ways to improve it and my own writing style and ability. I decided to create a short survey to help me get a better understanding of what my readers are like and why you come to this blog. It will not only help improve this blog over the last few months, but it will also help me with future projects as well. Please take a few minutes to fill out the survey, it is only 10 questions long and about half of it is multiple choice so it won't take long. Thank you so much.


The New Hampshirite

Click here to take survey

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

It Can Happen to You

Note: This post is my TNH column for today. I decided to rewrite and formalize my last piece about the recent roofying incidences because I felt it was important to receive a wider audience. I rewrote parts of the intro and conclusion and extended some details so I felt the need to republish it on the blog. Thanks.

In a perfect world this type of column would not be necessary for college students, because we have all heard the warnings, been through health classes and probably seen “The Hangover,” but after a few recent events it appears a small PSA might be necessary.

In a perfect world students could go out and have fun without having to worry what is in their drink, or whether or not someone is being friendly or has a secret agenda. But this is not a perfect world.

When you go out at night, whether to the bar or to a party, please be smart about your drinks. Over the past few weeks, there have been two incidents where a friend or an acquaintance of mine has been roofied, or at least there was an attempt. Luckily neither attempt was 100 percent successful, and the worst that happened was a minor brownout and some vomit. Let me explain.

The first incident took place at Scorps a few weeks ago. One of my roommate’s friends had one drink in him when he drank his girlfriend’s drink because she didn’t want it. In a short time he began acting strange and completely out of it, which was weird because he had only had two drinks. The friends he was with took him to one of their nearby apartments, where he passed out and later woke up unsure of what had happened. Clearly, his girlfriend’s drink had been spiked, and luckily nothing serious happened as the result.

The second incident took place more this past weekend at Libby’s. A friend of ours foolishly accepted a drink from a guy because it was her birthday and she assumed he was just being friendly. When she returned to our friend’s table she put the drink down where one of my roommate’s accidentally drank part of it because it was the same type of drink he had. He thought it tasted a little weird, but didn’t think much of it.

Soon, and much like the first incident, he began acting weird as the night progressed. While at Kurt’s he suddenly did not recognize his girlfriend of over six months, but then quickly snapped out of it. He couldn’t understand why he had been so confused. Upon returning to our apartment he randomly punched another roommate quite hard in the shoulder, and then again snapped out if it. Apologizing and saying he had no idea why he just did that.

In the morning he remembered being at the bar and Kurt’s, but he did not remember being at our apartment or hitting our roommate. Clearly the drink was spiked, but it didn’t fully hit him as he faded in and out of being aware of his surroundings.

What we do know is that both girls who were “targeted” were small blondes, but obviously there is no way to find out if it was the same person or really anything else, because of how the situations and nights played out. In the first situation there must have been a quick slip that went unnoticed, while in the second situation our friend could not recall what the guy looked liked who handed her the drink.

There are a few simple tips that can help prevent situations like these from happening. There are always going to be jerks who break the law and try to drug people, so the best thing you can do is be prepared to lower the probability of it happening to you.

Obviously you should never accept a drink from someone you don’t know. Always keep your drink in your hand or directly in front of you if you are sitting down, and while standing hold your drink with the “claw” grip, covering the top with your palm and fingers. It won’t completely cover your drink, but it will make it much more difficult for someone to drop a pill in. As you get more drunk you are more likely to make stupid mistakes and dumb decisions, but really the best prevention is to simple make better decisions and watch out for your friends. Luckily both of these incidents turned out to be harmless considering their potential consequences, but it goes to show that stuff like this really does happen quite frequently.

Stay classy, not UMassy

Friday, March 23, 2012

Watch Yo Drank

I feel like this type of post shouldn't be necessary for college students because we have all heard the warnings, been through health classes and probably seen The Hangover, but after a few recent events it appears a small PSA might be necessary.

When you go out at night it, whether to the bar or to a party, please be smart about your drinks. Over the past few weeks there have been two incidences where a friend of mine has been roofied, or at there was an attempt. Luckily neither were successful and the worst that happened was a minor brownout and some vomit. Let me explain.

The first incident took place at Scorps a few weeks ago. A friend of ours had one drink in him when he drank his girlfriend's drink because she didn't want it. In a short time he began acting strange and completely out of it which was weird because he had only had two drinks. His friends he was with took him to one of their nearby apartments where he passed out. Clearly his girlfriend's drink had been spiked and luckily nothing serious happened as the result.

The second incident took place last night at Libby's. A friend of ours foolishly accepted a drink from a guy (of course she doesn't recall what he looks like at all and also it was her birthday so she stupidly accepted it) and she returned to our friend's table. She put the drink down where one of my roommate's accidentally drank part of it because it was the same type of drink he had. He thought it tasted a little weird, but didn't think much of it.

Again, he began acting weird not too long later. While at Kurt's he suddenly didn't recognize his girlfriend, but then quickly snapped out of it. Upon returning to our apartment he randomly punched another roommate quite hard in the shoulder (which was actually quite humorous) and then again snapped out if it. Apologizing and saying he had no idea why he just did that. This morning he remembers the bar and Kurt's, but he doesn't remember being at our apartment. Clearly the drink was spiked, but it didn't fully hit him as he faded in and out of being aware of his surroundings.

What we do know is that both girls who were "targeted" were small blondes, but obviously there is no way to find out if it was the same scumbag or really anything else because of how the situations and nights played out.

So, obviously you should never accept a drink from someone you don't know. Always keep your drink in your hand or directly in front of you if you are sitting down and while standing hold your drink with the "claw" grip, covering the top with your palm and fingers. It won't completely cover your drink, but it will make it much more difficult. As you get more drunk your more likely to make stupid mistakes and dumb decisions, but really the best prevention is to simple make better decisions. Luckily both of these incidences turned out to be harmless considering the potential, but it goes to show that stuff like this really does happen quite frequently.

Stay smart out there and stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: To people who need to roofy chicks: FUCK you, you piece of shit scum. You are the lowest of the low. If you can't pick up a girl or flirt without drugging her then you're doing it wrong. I hope you get caught and get in a lot of trouble because you deserve it. Dick head.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Get off Your Ass and Walk to Class

I have a proposition for UNH and Wildcat Transit: If you really care about the overall health and well being of the students, the environment and the school's budget, then why the hell do you feel the need to run all three Gables/A Lot connectors on days like today? It's so fricken' beautiful out how would anyone want to take the bus? (Okay, other than the fact that they have AC). I have a new health campaign for the school to advertise.

It's called "Get off your ass and walk to class."

Personally, as a Gables resident I only take the bus if it is raining or I am vastly under-dressed for a nippy New England morning. I know a lot of people probably think this is stupid, would be impossible to run and would only make things more confusing, and I would agree, but it is more about making a point. Also, don't complain about the gym being too crowded if you're too lazy to walk to class.

While I'm on this slight rant I would just like to throw this out there: Why the hell do students show up to a class where attendance is not mandatory and then talk the entire class? Just stay the hell home or keep your mouth shut. You are not more important than anyone else and everyone in the class hates you. Shouldn't you be at the beach on a day like today anyways?

And while on that topic, I've missed classes this week because I've been under the weather, not because of the weather. This just isn't fair because it is probably the one week of the semester my professors wouldn't believe me. Spring colds are the worst.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Someone is late to the party...

These comments were left on a two-year-old post yesterday. I have a hankering that they were left by the same person. Needless to say, they made my hangover feel much better this morning.

This stuff with dining just never seems to go away...

Oh, and in case you're wondering why I am hungover on a Wednesday...

This was before the night was over. My 22nd birthday just kicked my 21st in the ass.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Looking back to move forward

Over three and a half years ago on a hot and humid August morning I remember pulling onto campus with my mom in her blue Ford Freestyle. We followed the signs that directed us towards Williamson Hall and we pulled up on the sidewalk and began unpacking. I remember exchanging awkward glances and head nods with different kids on my floor, a few of who I currently share an apartment with today. We had an extremely tight floor, which really helped mold my non-academic career at UNH. It has been an absolutely insane few years for me at UNH and I do not plan to change that for my last couple of months here.

On of the most common things I’ve written, whether it is in this column or on my blog, is that I would not start worrying about life in the “real world” until the second semester senior year. Now that I am a second semester senior, even now that my final spring break has ended, I can say that not much has changed. Am I worried about my future? No, not really. Am I anxious about finding a job out there? That is starting to build a little more with each passing week. Am I going to miss UNH, the friends I’ve made here and all our shenanigans? Absolutely.

I have always been the easygoing “one-day at a time” type of person. For example, I commonly say “well, I can always just start that paper tomorrow.” I am honestly not sure if it is good or bad that I am like this, but it definitely makes things a lot less stressful, which is a huge bonus in college and my grades have always been really well. If there is one thing I have noticed that hurt people in their college careers, it is not being able to appropriately deal with the levels of stress they encounter.

UNH has been such a special place for me and with graduation (that evil “G” word that should not be spoken) right around the corner it is safe to say that I would not have wanted to go anywhere else. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t change anything. To put it simply I wish I could have done more during my time here, to have made a bigger impact on the UNH community.

UNH is far from perfect, but it has been such a perfect fit for me. I’m more educated, well rounded and I can honestly say that the most important thing that college has taught me is to think on my own. But to put that in even simpler terms, college had taught me how to think. That is really important.

Side note to the Union Leader: notice how I said UNH has taught me “how” to think and not “what” to think. There is a major difference. UNH has done more for this state and our young people than the Union Leader could ever dream of doing.

Academics aside, UNH has done even better things for me. Most important to me is my close group of friends. These are people who I know I will remain in contact with for the rest of my life no matter where our different paths take us. A major knock against UNH that many people have is that we lack a strong sense of community and traditions. But UNH is what you make of it and that freedom is undeniable. Whether your best friend is a specific carrel in Dimond or your floor mates from freshman year, UNH is everything you allow it to be.

As a senior who is about to move on I would like to issue a challenge to the underclassman here. Never be satisfied, always strive for more out of yourself, your school and this state. UNH is a fantastic place, but it is up the students to make it even better. Even if it is something simple like changing quiet hours, the students have proven that we have the upper hand against the administration if you use it correctly.

Continue to make the UNH community stronger by creating new traditions and our school will become impossible for the state to ignore. UNH already deserves a higher respect from the state, we are its flagship university, but until the voters and the people in Concord, and sadly the people who run the Union Leader because it is the state’s only major newspaper realize that, UNH is going to have to keep fighting for itself. The administration cannot do that alone, so student support is absolutely necessary. Keep fighting, do not be satisfied and demand respect because UNH deserves it.

Stay classy, not UMassy

Monday, March 19, 2012

Post Spring Break Thoughts

 Another great UNH Meme

I have survived my final spring break, I survived a trip into the depths of UMaine and now I can survive a week of classes with beautiful weather... I hope. It probably won't help that my birthday is this week, but I believe in myself. It's kind of scary to think that today is my last day as a 21-year-old. This past year flew by, but it was absolutely amazing. I wish I could turn 21 all over again. (The only reason I feel the need to mention this is because you should all send me a present or buy me a drink. You can figure out how somehow...) 

Over break UNH experienced another heart breaking end to a hockey season. This one, perhaps because it was my final year as a student fan hurt even more, but failing to make the NCAA tournament for what would have been an 11th straight year is really frustrating. But, it is not all bad news. The last time UNH finished a season with a losing record, they followed it up by going 28-11 the next year. This team has a lot of young talent and I will enjoy following them as an alumni as much as I hate the thought of that. 

You know what, this weather is just to damn nice and I need to read before my next class so I'll just leave you all with this. Enjoy it out there UNH.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

SB2012? Let's go to Maine... wait, what?

I'm heading up to UMaine tomorrow to visit my high school buddy for St. Patrick's Day weekend. Long time readers may know him as the commenter "Maine Guy." If I don't make it back alive, avenge my death by either killing Bananas or burning down Alfond. I'm not really sure what to expect because I know those Mainers aren't the brightest bunch, but I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun.

The last time I visited Maine, a lot of crazy stuff happened so I'm hoping this will be a fun way to wrap up my final spring break.

Once break is over I'll be returning to UNH for my final stretch of classes. Ever. That is terrifying and awesome at the same time. But I'd say about 98.7% terrifying. That being said, it will have to be the greatest two months or so in UNH's history. I have a couple final projects in the works so stay tuned and see you next week Nonsensical Nation.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Stop Kony

Over the past few days this video has been spreading across the internets. It is about a half-hour long, but it is well worth it and it will probably make you think differently about the world and yourself. In short, Joseph Kony is a rebel leader in Uganda who moves from village to village capturing children and forcing them into his child army. But he has no motives or and ulterior other than just being in charge. Think Blood Diamond without the diamonds. Watch and see how you can help stop Kony. Put down your xbox controller or your text book for 30 minutes, because this is more important and well worth it.

If you are interested, there is already a UNH chapter on Twitter and a Facebook Event Page. Follow them for updates and more information about how you can help here at UNH.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Alcohol: The Gasoline of the College Student

 It gives us motivation, it keeps us going through good times and bad, it provides us with a reason to celebrate and it is always just a little bit too expensive.

Alcohol is the college student's gasoline.

Just like our more productive members of society who always need to save money to pay for gas, college students are always sure to have enough money for a weekend's worth of booze. Not every college student drinks alcohol, but not everyone relies on gas. That is what bikes, electricity and running shoes are for.

Alcohol is the college student's savior. It helps us celebrate following a solid performance on an exam, project, lab report or paper. But it is also there for us when we need to feel better following an equally poor performance. Alcohol lets you step outside your normal comfort zone in good ways. You may never bust out "Sweet Child O' Mine" at karaoke sober, but after a few gin and tonics you will be the reincarnation of Axl Rose himself. It might be embarrassing in the afterthought, but you had the time of your life when you took center stage.

Now, some of you may argue that coffee is the real gasoline of the college student, but let me explain why it is not. While it may give you energy in the morning or help you stay up that extra hour to study, coffee doesn't compare to all the bonuses of alcohol. When you finish up an exam or a rough week of schoolwork, you don't sit back with a hot cup of coffee to celebrate. No, you break out something special. And by special, I do not mean Keystone or Natty Light, and definitely not a hard alcohol that comes in a plastic bottle. I am talking like a decent six or 12 pack; I may go with Newcastle or a Sam Adams variety pack. If I'm looking to really celebrate, I'm going with Wild Turkey bourbon, because there is no way anything bad could possibly happen.

Some students may see a fun-filled alcohol weekend as motivation to get one's work done ahead of time. It may not be the best method, but let's face it, no student becomes motivated by thinking, "If I finish this research paper by Thursday afternoon I'm going to drink so much coffee this weekend!" And lastly, what do people put in coffee to make it even better? Bailey's Irish Cream. Enough said.

If you claim that energy drinks are the true gasoline of the college student, let me ask you a question: Have you ever heard of a Jagerbomb or a Red Bull and vodka? Vodka might be my least favorite of all hard alcohols, but it makes Red Bull that much better. Before I go on, I should probably explain why vodka is my least favorite alcohol. Other than a White Russian or a screwdriver, I do not think vodka has much to offer. It definitely doesn't make you any cooler like the other major hard alcohols.

For example, whiskey, while also a favorite drink of the Irish, is the true American drink. After a lot of whiskey, you will only lose arguments to people who have drunk more whiskey than you, and you will also believe that you are better than everyone else. Whiskey was the drink of the American cowboys and on top of that, bourbons, a type of whiskey, must be made in America and nowhere else. If you drink bourbon, you are directly contributing to the American economy. Gin was a common drink among old blues musicians, and there is arguably no one more badass then an old blues musician. Last, but certainly not least, rum makes you feel like a pirate.

Alcohol doesn't give humanity a bad name; rather, a select percentage of our population gives alcohol a bad name. People who drink irresponsibly take away from all the best parts of alcohol: the fun times and the memories it helps provide. It is no secret that college students drink, and it is actually pretty acceptable when done correctly.

If you need any more proof of why alcohol is the gasoline of the college student, think of this: How many times have you woken up, head pounding, mouth and throat dry, stomach hurting and you promise to never do that again? Yet the next night you are back at it because you remember you had the time of your life the night before.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, March 5, 2012

This alcohol survey seems... off

I was about to start working on one of my midterm essays I have due this week, but then new alcohol awareness survey in my UNH email got my attention. Some of the questions seemed, well like the person who made it had a few too many drinks while making it. Let's take a look.

The survey began with this note to the takers. Notice it says "1 oz of 100 proof alcohol." This seems a bit off because the average proof of hard liquor is 80, meaning it is 40% alcohol. Also, the a shot is actually 1.5 ounces. So either someone doesn't understand how proof or alcohol % works, or they expect me to do way too much math conversion.

And all this time I thought that there were only 7 days in a week. I guess I've always been to hungover to notice that day between Friday and Saturday, "Ican'tmathday."

Does a bear shit in the woods? No seriously does it? And yes, I do drink alcohol. Why else would I be taking this ridiculous survey? Clicking "'I do not socialize', 'party', or 'go out'" for every answer seems lame and boring. Who would do that to themselves?

If by "alcohol-free social events" you mean class... then yes. If not, what type of social events are alcohol free? My 5-year-old cousin's ballet recital? Because I pregamed for that too.

I always go with my favorite caffeinated alcoholic drink "Red Bull." I can't believe they still sell that shit at campus stores. I get so wasted pregaming off Red Bull, suckers!

The survey also asked students to rank how many times they had done certain things over the past year because of drinking, between 0 to more than 8 times, for things such as being hungover, memory loss, missing class etc. However, one of the questions really annoyed me. It asked "How many times have you gotten into a fight or argument because of your drinking?" I think that this is a ridiculous question because a simple argument and a fight are very different. One is my explaining why I'm always right, which happens frequently and the other is a violent, physical confrontation, which I have never done. That's right, I like to drink a lot and I've never been in an actual fight! Shocking, I know. But I feel like this question gives all of us debaters a bad name. A few whiskey drinks in me and I'll argue all night long about anything. It's fun. Violence and fighting are not fun. You don't get arrested for explaining to your roommate why the fact that there are polar bears on the tropical island in Lost doesn't make the show unwatchable. However, if I stabbed him, then yes, I would be arrested.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

How do UNH students tip downtown?

 Earlier today The Knot shared this link on Facebook about proper tipping. I found it pretty interesting and for the most part I agree with it. But it got me thinking, how do most UNH students tips at the bars on campus? When paying with cash, for the most part my friends and will leave an extra dollar per drink order, or sometimes depending on the type of drink or special. For example, if it's dollar drink night I'll order two wells and leave three dollars. Or two, two dollar drinks and I'll leave a 5. If I know it is going to be a long night, I may take a order off without tipping, but I'm always sure to let the bartender know I'll get them back on my next order. Usually when I do this I'll order a beer in a bottle or can. If it's a mixed drink or a beer on tap I'm always sure to leave something.

If I'm keeping a tab I usually use the old trick of doubling the sales tax or as the blogger pointed out, moving the decimal over and doubling. (Ex $25.00 becomes 2.50 x 2 = a $5 tip).

Anyways, I'd like to know the tipping habits of other UNH students when they go out downtown. I know some people tip differently during specials like beat the clock or dollar drink nights. Comment below or send me a tweet to let me know your tipping habits. If you're a lousy tipper you can always comment anonymously here.