Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Alcohol: The Gasoline of the College Student

 It gives us motivation, it keeps us going through good times and bad, it provides us with a reason to celebrate and it is always just a little bit too expensive.

Alcohol is the college student's gasoline.

Just like our more productive members of society who always need to save money to pay for gas, college students are always sure to have enough money for a weekend's worth of booze. Not every college student drinks alcohol, but not everyone relies on gas. That is what bikes, electricity and running shoes are for.

Alcohol is the college student's savior. It helps us celebrate following a solid performance on an exam, project, lab report or paper. But it is also there for us when we need to feel better following an equally poor performance. Alcohol lets you step outside your normal comfort zone in good ways. You may never bust out "Sweet Child O' Mine" at karaoke sober, but after a few gin and tonics you will be the reincarnation of Axl Rose himself. It might be embarrassing in the afterthought, but you had the time of your life when you took center stage.

Now, some of you may argue that coffee is the real gasoline of the college student, but let me explain why it is not. While it may give you energy in the morning or help you stay up that extra hour to study, coffee doesn't compare to all the bonuses of alcohol. When you finish up an exam or a rough week of schoolwork, you don't sit back with a hot cup of coffee to celebrate. No, you break out something special. And by special, I do not mean Keystone or Natty Light, and definitely not a hard alcohol that comes in a plastic bottle. I am talking like a decent six or 12 pack; I may go with Newcastle or a Sam Adams variety pack. If I'm looking to really celebrate, I'm going with Wild Turkey bourbon, because there is no way anything bad could possibly happen.

Some students may see a fun-filled alcohol weekend as motivation to get one's work done ahead of time. It may not be the best method, but let's face it, no student becomes motivated by thinking, "If I finish this research paper by Thursday afternoon I'm going to drink so much coffee this weekend!" And lastly, what do people put in coffee to make it even better? Bailey's Irish Cream. Enough said.

If you claim that energy drinks are the true gasoline of the college student, let me ask you a question: Have you ever heard of a Jagerbomb or a Red Bull and vodka? Vodka might be my least favorite of all hard alcohols, but it makes Red Bull that much better. Before I go on, I should probably explain why vodka is my least favorite alcohol. Other than a White Russian or a screwdriver, I do not think vodka has much to offer. It definitely doesn't make you any cooler like the other major hard alcohols.

For example, whiskey, while also a favorite drink of the Irish, is the true American drink. After a lot of whiskey, you will only lose arguments to people who have drunk more whiskey than you, and you will also believe that you are better than everyone else. Whiskey was the drink of the American cowboys and on top of that, bourbons, a type of whiskey, must be made in America and nowhere else. If you drink bourbon, you are directly contributing to the American economy. Gin was a common drink among old blues musicians, and there is arguably no one more badass then an old blues musician. Last, but certainly not least, rum makes you feel like a pirate.

Alcohol doesn't give humanity a bad name; rather, a select percentage of our population gives alcohol a bad name. People who drink irresponsibly take away from all the best parts of alcohol: the fun times and the memories it helps provide. It is no secret that college students drink, and it is actually pretty acceptable when done correctly.

If you need any more proof of why alcohol is the gasoline of the college student, think of this: How many times have you woken up, head pounding, mouth and throat dry, stomach hurting and you promise to never do that again? Yet the next night you are back at it because you remember you had the time of your life the night before.

Stay classy, not UMassy.


  1. Well said. Whiskey in our faces forever.

  2. Unfortunately, gasoline is my gasoline. Cuts into my alcohol budget, that's for sure.