Friday, May 29, 2009

Trans-Global Googlelization

Not having the internet these last few days has led me to better understand myself. Over this past week I couldn’t believe how many times I strolled into my house’s office in hopes of expanding my useless knowledge by using Google; only to realize that the room was completely empty. I kept track of a few of these things that I needed to know. The following is only a small fraction of the questions I asked myself over the past week. Without Google I didn't know where to go.

  • The name of the Clint Eastwood movie on AMC. (In the Line of Fire)
  • How many movies Morgan Freeman has narrated. (6)
  • Where my name ranked on the Social Security Administrations 2008 top baby names. (Top 50 but has declined each year since 2000.)
  • Jason Bay’s highest single season homerun tally. (35)
  • Red Sox hit streak record. (Dom DiMaggio 34 in 1949)
  • Beastie Boy’s new album release date. (December 29th)
  • What year The Godfather came out. (1972)

I realize that none of this information was even remotely relative to my life. This discovery has led me to believe that Google is trying to slowly take over the world by brainwashing and filling the minds of innocent people. I wouldn’t be surprised if Google is actually run by the US or the Chinese government. It is a tactic that has worked well to help take peoples’ minds off important events. Take a look at the latest Google Trends to see for yourself. Notice how nothing important comes up for a until at least the 20's. We have become dependent on search engines like Google to tell us what to do and if we are not careful soon we will feel the true rath of the Google and it's brainwashing capabilities.

Google Safely.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Internet Impossible

Hello all. I am currently half-way moved from my old house (which apparently is impossible to sell) to my new house (which is unfinished). So basically I don't have internet where I am currently living and in all honesty I have no idea where I will be living for the summer. Could be at a barn, in a trailer, a camper, an apartment, my old house or my unfinished new house. Currently my only internet access is at my barn where my new house is being built or at my local library. This means posts may be few and far between until things settle down. I do have a few (and hopefully good posts) saved on my laptop, but there is no such thing as wireless internet in small cow towns of New Hampshire. Hopefully I will be able to find some time to add a legitimate post within a few days but is has been pretty hectic for a while. You have no idea how many times over the past few days I've wanted to google something and I walked into my house's office to realize that it is completely empty with no computer or anything. Enjoy your summer.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Symbolic Photographs of the Day

Nothing like the buzz of a powerline in your ear while fishing on a warm summer day. I feel like this picture really defines and symbolizes our culture. I'm thinking of calling this something like
"Industry meets Tranquility."

If I may steal a line from The Simpsons, I call this one "Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory."

The only thing that beats casting a line out in the warm breeze after a long week of work is if you do that with a cooler full of cold beer.

Not the biggest fish of the day, but this little guy put up a helluva fight. Well, not really, it was just the only fish picture without a fisherman in frame.

Stay classy, not UMassy and have a nice Memorial Day weekend.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wikipedia? More like Wicked Awesome

Hello all, it has been a while so figured a post was due. I have realized now that I’m home it is a lot harder to post. UNH is my inspiration to write, like rappers are with drugs. Speaking of rap and drugs, Eminem’s new album Relapse came out today (how do you like that segway) and I purchased it off itunes. I haven’t heard the entire album yet, infact I’m listening it to right now, but I think that Eminem is back for good. Speaking of being back, how ‘bout David Ortiz finally going yard! And Jason Bay continues to prove how valuable his is. Plus, Bay is very modest and quiet off the field. I think he is so quiet because he is a Canadian and he feels that he’s a failure because he didn’t make it as a hockey player. The same theory works for fellow Canadian slugger and Minnesota Twin Justin Morneau. They are both very efficient players and they both do their jobs without causing a stir.

Speaking about efficiency, I believe that it is time that Wikipedia be recognized by professors as a legitimate research tool. Now before you start shouting about that fact that anyone can edit it let me finish. Honestly, every time I get a research paper or assignment that first thing I do is open up the Wikipedia page for the given topic. For those of you who haven't been on the internet before (welcome!) Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia.

There have been studies conducted that have proven Wikipedia is comparable in accuracy to other forms of encyclopedias. In 2005 the science journal Nature performed a study in order to compare Wikipedia’s reliability to the much more renowned Encyclopedia Britannica. The results of the study surprised many people. The study was simple and straightforward; 42 pairs of articles from Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica were randomly selected and sent out to professional editors. The editors were not told which source they were assigned. Out of all the articles the editors found eight major errors, which ranged from incorrect dates to misinterpreted concepts. Four of these mistakes came from each source. As expected, Encyclopedia Britannica tested better, but the difference was shockingly small. The average Encyclopedia Britannica article had 2.92 mistakes, while the average Wikipedia article had 3.86 mistakes. This was in 2005, and Wikipedia is always progressing with its validty. However, not all the mistakes were necessarily regarded as incorrect information. Many of the mistakes with the Wikipedia articles were actually grammar related. The editors often found the Wikipedia articles to be not professional, which makes sense because professionals do not write the articles. The article by Nature described Wikipedia’s downfall as having “poor readability,” but this means that the information may have been just as accurate as that found in the Encyclopedia Britannica articles. This study clearly shows that the information presented by Wikipedia can compete with other major encyclopedias.

The term “Wiki” actually is a reference to the Hawaiian word meaning “quick,” which leads to one of the best parts of Wikipedia. The ability for the site to be updated as quickly as events happen has become very useful over the past few years. This allows the latest information to be available to anyone with a computer and Internet access. In fact, Jonathan Dee of the New York Times praises Wikipedia, not only as an encyclopedic reference, but also as a frequently updated news source. Dee goes into detail on how many Virginia newspapers praised Wikipedia as a crucial source of detailed information after the school shootout at Virginia Tech in 2007. One of the problems with other encyclopedias, even with their online forms, is that they are quickly outdated, which is never a problem with Wikipedia.

Many people, such as professors and teachers, have prejudices against the online encyclopedia despite the fact that Wikipedia has gone through numerous changes to increase its reliability. On, the online version of Encyclopedia Britannica, there is an entry on “Wikipedia.” This article describes how the format of Wikipedia allows the site to have articles that are not covered by traditional encyclopedias. The article goes on to state that trusted contributors can be offered administrative access to Wikipedia, which allows them to delete unnecessary articles and more importantly block specific IP addresses from editing material on the site. One of the major problems with Wikipedia is that sometimes people will vandalize the site by purposely adding incorrect information. Thanks to wikiscanner, a tool that shows what IP address make edits, administrators are able to block repeat users from editing content. Wikipedia also has a tool known as “bots,” which are programmed to automatically remove or edit information that has not been cited. Bots can also send out e-mail messages to users if they do not follow the correct format. (This happened to me after I tried editing the UNH page several times. I can't believe that I'm not considered a notable alumni! Well, I haven't graduated yet, so technically I'm not an alumni. Wow, Wikipedia is even better than I thought.)

Wikipedia’s main competition throughout the years has come from Encyclopedia Britannica and Microsoft’s Encarta Software. However, just recently Microsoft announced that they will discontinue Encarta because they are unable to compete with the ever growing, and free, online encyclopedias such as Wikipedia. The online version of Encyclopedia Britannica has also been forced to make changes due to the success of Wikipedia. It appears as though Encyclopedia Britannica has been struggling to compete with the up to the minute style that has made Wikipedia the number 7 visited website on the Internet; and because of that Encyclopedia Britannica will follow a new model based off of the concept of Wikipedia.

Wikipedia has evolved over the past eight years, and it is clearly the top form of gathering information on the web. It is easy to use, contains up to the minute material and it is far more accurate than the general public would expect. There is a prejudice about Wikipedia due to past experiences where people have vandalized that site, but these are often corrected rather quickly. It is a shame that so many people, especially teachers and professors, tell others not to use Wikipedia despite not knowing anything about the site. Evidence has been presented that Wikipedia is equally informative as other sources of research. It has become such a success that other companies have had to change their ways in order to keep up with the times. Wikipedia should be allowed for research to because it is a great way to start research on any topic.

*This included a couple paragraphs of a paper I wrote this past semester. I left out some other paragraphs and added some things here and there. I did get an “A” on it, so haters back off.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Bold Predictions

Well I’m done with finals and I have moved back home with my parents. This has been an awesome year and I can’t believe that it is already over. I’m looking forward for the fall; I think that next year will be real fun. It will definitely be nice to make some money this summer, I got a job lined up working at a tree nursery so hopefully the cash will come rolling in. I know that TNH covered the year’s highlights in their final issue, so instead of looking back I’m going to look into the future. Here are my bold predictions for the 2009-2010 school year at UNH and around the world:

UNH Athletics

  • The Men’s basketball team will win the American East tournament and make their first ever NCAA appearance, where they will get blown out (by 30 +/- 10) in the first round by UCONN. They have a lot of solid talent returning and the team has continued to improve each year under Coach Herrion.
  • Blake Kessel will win Hockey East Defensemen of the year. Kessel was outstanding as a freshman and although at times he played his man a little too tight I think he will continue to improve. He will receive competition from BU goalie Kieran Millan, who will have to settle for Goaltender of the year.
  • The men’s hockey team will have a great season, but once again break our hearts in the national tournament. I hate to say it but I don’t think Umile has what it takes to coach a (national) championship team.
  • The women’s hockey team will break the curse and bring a National Championship to Durham… only 90% of the campus wont know/care. They have tremendous talent and two of the best goalies in Hockey East who will keep each other fresh down the stretch.
  • The football team will give Ball State a run for their money. UNH has beaten a Bowl Subdivision (DIA) team 4 times in the last 5 years, but Ball State is much better than the teams we’ve played in the past. I wouldn’t be surprised by a UNH win but it should be a good game either way.


  • At least one fraternity (remember your country isn’t a cunt) will get shut down.
  • A professor will be fired after a lecturing on the theory of evolution. Wait never mind, this isn’t Liberty University.
  • SCOPE will rebound from Jimmy Fallon and land a big time homecoming comedian.
  • The advising system will be reworked after another year of student complaints.
  • SCOPE will also get a decent band for the field house, which will surprisingly be a much better show than the spring climax in the Whit. (I feel like this always happens.)
  • Halloween 2009 will feature more arrests than this year’s spring climax weekend.


  • A Somalian Pirate will die from Swine Flu.
  • Two new flus will cause chaos and then disapear. It will be called "Flugate."
  • Al Gore will do something crazy. (Goregate?)
  • "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus" will be this years "Snakes on a Plane." (Props to RBM for being the first.)
  • A big named politician will go to jail.
  • Bill O'Reilly will piss me off. Stephen Colbert will make me feel better.
  • The greatest teacher sex scandle will occur in the spring of 2010. It will be called "Teachergate."
  • There will be at least seven things that happen that the media will dub ____gate.
  • 2010 will be known as Mediagate.

That's all I got. I hope that people will continue to read the blog as I get better at writing. It’s still a work in progress. I hope to continue with the recent success. I actually got my 3,000 visitor today and over 7,500 page hits. I’ll gladly take that for my first month and a half. While I’m on the topic the ‘UNH Porn” search experiment has reached 5. Fuckin’ creepers…

Stay classy, not UMassy and have a great summer.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Today's Post

Last night I attended the first ever flash-dance at UNH. Hundreds of students gathered in the courtyard in front of the library for a 15 minute rave thing. A lot of people had fun and I think the organizers did a great job, but I was hoping to capture UNH students at their finest. Only after it was said and done nothing really happened. Overall I came away disappointed. The music wasn't loud enough and clearly not enough people were belligerently drunk. Secretly I hoping for a huge mob of students to march around campus, but I guess we'll have to wait for the Sox to win the World Series in the fall. It's too bad the NBA and NHL championships won't occur while we're in school. Apart from election night (OBAMA!!!) we didn't have one good mob all year. Common! How do you expect to regain that top 10 party school ranking if we can't even have one legit mob? Jeez, kids these days... 

I was scanning over the Wikipedia page for "May 13th" looking for a musician's birthday or death  for inspiration for a song of the day and I saw that today is Ronnie "Lightweight" Coleman's 45th birthday. For those of you who don't spend your study time on youtube, Ronnie "Yeah Buddy" Coleman is an eight time Mr. Olympia, but he is perhaps even more famous for his youtube videos of him pumping himself up for a heavy lift. This is one of my personal favorites. I did hear that comedian/youtube sensation Bo Burnham will be appearing on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon tonight, meaning that I may actual enjoy the show for a few minutes. (I'm sorry, i just haven't gotten into Fallon yet, although he is getting better. I usually watch clips from the show on Hulu, mainly just to see the Roots.) (<-- Great song.) 

Seeing as how I have already used a Roots song I have decided to  use one of Burnham's for today's song of the day. I hope this will make you laugh and ease some of the tension during your finals. 

That's it for now, I to got to study for a change. I apologize for being brief but I have my hardest final tomorrow and it also happens to be the only one I need to do really well on. I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned to never take Politics 401.

Stay classy, not UMassy.*
*Maybe I should change this signature if I'm so set on regaining that top 10 ranking during my time here. I'll think about it. 

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Finals Study Tips

I realize that since you have all made it this far, you have probably had study tips jammed down your throat several times before. But I have decided to take time out of my "studying" to clarify some of the cliche study tips. These are my study habits that have gotten me where I am today. 
  • Be well rested. Sleep is a very important part in preparing for taking a final. I highly recommend getting at least the college average of 2.5 hours the night before any final.
  • Cram. All the "experts" say that there is no use in cramming. Umm really? Did these experts even go to college? If they did I bet they were all bookworms who never left the library. Hey experts, get a life and have some fun. I have my first final Thursday afternoon and you don't see me studying for it. I probably wont even open a book until Wednesday night. I have alcohol to drink.
  • Eat a healthy breakfast. This one seems to contradict the first two tactics. Unless you're dining hall has breakfast all day I don't understand how you could cram, get 2.5 hours of sleep and still wake up in time for breakfast. 
  • Find a quiet place. If you are like me you are easily distracted. For example before  I sat down to write this I was planing on studying. Then I went to the dining hall for some breakfast (at 1:15pm) and when I got back to my room I had the idea to write a post about how to study correctly. The library can tend to get really crowded so take advantage of the study lounges/halls in the various academic buildings. 
  • Don't just read. You will probably start day dreaming and you'll be halfway through a chapter before you realize what book you're reading. Highlight key phrases and then go back and take notes on everything you highlighted. It is especially important to study actively for dense reading. 
  • Don't rely on spark notes. Take advantage of the various sources you have. For example I usually read spark notes, then I google the author and read his Wikipedia page. Cross-referencing is a great study tactic. 
  • Study in chunks. Study for 25-45 minutes and take a break. You brain wont learn if it is tired. I usually will listen to some music or play video games for about 10-15 minutes. Sometimes I'll take a shot or two or seven or smoke a bowl to stay relaxed between study sessions. 
  • Remember the college diet. You can never go wrong will drinking a few Red Bulls all day while you study and then pounding some Nyquil to get that important 2.5 hours of sleep. Then wake up and drink a few more Red Bulls and ace that exam. Caffeine pills always work too. 
  • Time management. Don't waste you're time studying things yo already know. Figure out what you don't know and learn that. Also, figure out which final will be harder (or which class you need a better grade in) and spend more time studying for that one. This correlates well with the next tip.
  • Make priorities. It's up to you to decide what is more important, studying or going to that awesome party. It can be a tough decision especially if you heard that cute girl who sits behind you in lecture talking about going to the party. If you do decide to study (loser!) chances are that you wont fail all your classes, even if you fail all your finals, maybe just one or two. So put more effort into the more important final. 
  • Don't over study. Many students over study and they loose sight of what college is really about, beer. Relax, take a deep breath and pound that beer bong! 
Good luck with you're finals. You can do it! 
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Finals Week Preview

Well it is that time of the year again. Finals here at UNH begin Thursday, which means our lives will be dedicated to reading, studying and cramming for the next few days. If you're looking for something to ease the stress of finals week head over to the lower quad at midnight tonight to see the final show of the year for improv anonymous. According to my inside sources they expect it to be a great show and turnout. That is not all of the late night festivities here at UNH this week. Tomorrow night there will be the first ever flash dance at UNH. At approximately 11:45pm the music and strobe lights will be queued for a 15 minute dance in the courtyard in front of the library. Over 1,000 students are expected to attend, but now that I have announced that I will go I'm guessing at least 5,000 will show up. It sounds like it will be really fun and it will be cool to be apart of the first one ever here at UNH. Go have fun and study hard these next few days because summer is rapidly approaching and I guarantee after a few weeks being home you will be dying to come back. 

As a side note, today happens to be the birthday of Eric Burdon, formerly the lead singer of The Animals. In honor of Mr. Burdon, todays song of the day is the Animals rendition of the old blues song "House of the Rising Sun." Is it just me or is this one creepy music video?

Stay classy, not UMassy. 

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Cowell Stadium Renovations

There are high schools with better facilities.

On Saturday I attended the annual blue/white spring football game and I came away with two impressions. The first is that I truly believe this year's team will be making headlines in the fall. Over the past few seasons they have proven that they can score points on anyone, but it looks as if they may finally be able to play some solid defense. The second impression I came away with is that UNH needs a new football stadium; immediately. It really is an embarrassment to the university. UNH has the potential to compete for a national championship and they have to play at a field where ESPN once refused to cover a game because of the condition of the press box. There are talks of a 40 million dollar project that would include lights, a new stadium with luxury suites and press boxes; as well as repairs and upgrades to the Field House. This may seem like a lot of money, especially with the economic issues, but this is something that needs to be done. Take a look at some of the other stadiums in the Colonial Athletic Association. 

James Madison 


One of the proposed renovations. New stadium with press boxes on visitor's side.

Expansion in visitors side. Beautiful, but I think we could go bigger. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Fuck Yeah Friday

Hello readers. It’s me again. I hope you’re doing well, I’m sorry I never called last night. With finals, summer and graduation rapidly I wanted to take a moment to thank you for reading the blog. Without you guys I would have given up a while ago. Also, once summer comes around I may start posting at a less frequent rate, but do not fear I have big things planned for the fall (with the help of my dear friend Al Gore, I'll fill you in later), including a campus advertising blitz. Alas, loyal readers who will check over the summer I still plan on posting high quality pieces a few times a week. I cannot wait for the fall because I have a feeling things are about to take off, especially if all my plans go through. I will need your help though, please tell others about the blog, the more readers I have, the better the blog will be. Trust me.

Alright back to business. Hey TNH, I really enjoyed today’s paper that looked back on the highs and lows of the year. Except I have one major problem. You completely neglected the underground sensation known as The University of Nonsensical Happenings. I was expecting a piece on the rags to riches story about your truly. How could you not include the awesomeness that is I? UNH blog readers makeup a huge majority of campus… or at least they will in the future… In my imagination…Ok so maybe you were right not to include me. But I expect a headlining article in the fall. You just wait; this will be the biggest thing at UNH since 1893 when the Durham campus first opened. You had a chance to “discover” me before my fame and you blew it. (Although, I must admit that “Thumbs Up” you gave me was one of my proudest moments in my life.) I have had fun poking fun at  you over the last two months and I do this because I know a few of you are blog readers. No harm intended. 

So after about a week of rigorously checking my page hits I have found that two people came across my blog by google searching for UNH porn. Creepers. At approximately  3:00 pm today I made an edit on the Wikipedia article for UNH. This is my second experiment. Comment if you see it, but please do not change it. I want to see how long it lasts before it is taken down. 

I hope you all have a great weekend, I'll be spending mine getting rid of the last of my alcohol. I hope I don't die. And with that I present to you the Felice Brothers with "Whiskey in my Whiskey."

Stay classy, not UMassy.

EDIT: 4:12 pm- It took less then an hour for a wikipedia bot to fix my edit. Somehow they knew that The New Hampshirite wasn't a notable alumni. Which is true because I haven't graduated yet. Hats off to wikipedia, you win this round. If you are a true follower, you will change it back

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thursday's Thoughts

I want to know what the fuck is up with all these college students I have classes with that don’t know how to write an essay. I know that I’m not exactly Einstein when it comes to grammar. (That was a joke Einstein supposedly failed English.) But I have classes with people who complain that they don’t know how to write an analytical essay. What the fuck? I do not understand how these people were able to get into an above average university without attending high school. Or middle school or even elementary school for that matter. A book report is basically an analytical essay. Are these kids trying to say that they never wrote a book report? What did these kids read when they were in elementary school?  When I was much younger I played a lot of sports, hung out with friends and watched movies. But I also grew up on Cynthia Rylant (Henry and Mudge series) Matt Christopher (Sports novels) Gary Paulson (The Hatchet series and other outdoors/adventure novels). I probably read The Hatchet about 10 times. Then we have these college students who claim that they don’t like to (or don't know how to) read. The other day a girl in my class said that “our generation doesn’t read.” I had to bite my tough to not flip out. I think kids like this just haven’t found the find the right book or author. It is a shame to see kids like this and I completely blame it on high schools. There are so many great authors that are neglected by high school teachers because they write about "controversial" topics. But those books are interesting and kids would want to read them. Two of my all-time favorite books is also two of my favorite movies. They are Jurassic Park and A Clockwork Orange, and in both cases the books blow the movie out of the water. At least you are reading this, but how about you read a book.

While on the topic of literature here is today's song of the day. It is by Granite State, a couple of rappers out of the 603.

Stay classy, not UMassy. 

The Art of: The Motivational Speech

Over the history of time there have been thousands inspirational speeches that have provided quotes for others to live by. There was Dr. Suess with "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" speech. Thomas Edison also had a few, perhaps his most famous included the line "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." I have narrowed down all of the great motivational speeches in Hollywood and I present to you: The New Hampshrite's Top 5 Movie Motivational Speeches. 

5) Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa in Rocky Balboa. What makes it great: It makes me want to be better. 
4) Chris Farley as Matt Foley SNL. What makes it great: It may not be a movie but it is truly a comedy classic. You can't talk about motivational speakers without mentioning Farley. 
3) Denzel Washington and Will Patton as as Coach Herman Boone and Coach Bill Yoast from Remember the Titans. What makes it great: This movie is full of motivational/inspirational moments. But on this list it comes it at number 3, even with a 2 for 1. 
2)R. Lee Ermey as  Sergeant Hartmen in Full Metal Jacket. What makes it great: It is the classic 'break 'em down to prove me wrong style." A must see movie and a must see clip. 
1) Emilio Estevez as Coach Gordon Bombay in D2: The Mighty Ducks. What makes it great: See for yourself, truly epic.

As a side note, that is one diverse hockey team! Texas, Miami, South Central LA! 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Move Over Swine Flu: UNH's New Problem

Over the past few months something has come to my attention. I think that the UNH campus is on the verge of a very serious epidemic. It is more serious than Swine Flu, more serious than terrorists and yes, even pirates.

 Squirrels. They may look soft and furry but inside they are filled with rage and any moment they will attack. The UNH campus is home to hundreds, probably thousands of Eastern Grey Squirrels. We have encroached on their territory and its evident that they are planning an invasion. Next time your out around campus take a look around; chances are that there are at least three or four grey squirrels already watching your every move. These squirrels are natural born killers and they have the ability to attack in unison. The squirrels aren’t afraid of us; they cross our path and stare us down with eyes that are darker than Satan’s.  If we aren’t careful this could be a real life version of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, only with squirrels. Our only hope is that enough students leave for summer break before the attack. Hopefully it will relieve the tension so in the fall we can walk outside in peace. It is only time before a drunk kid hits one with a rock that will be the tipping point. Apparently there is one way to control the squirrel problem: get 'em drunk! 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Text-Tattling: Fuck that Shit

Incase you missed the article in today's TNH I will fill you in. Apparently the UNH athletic department is considering creating a text messaging service for fans at UNH athletic events to report inappropriate behavior. In the article the Associate Director of Athletics Steve Metcalf said, "We get a lot of complaints from parents about students being drunk and bad language" in reference to UNH hockey games.  

What the fuck!

 One of the best parts of attending UNH is getting shit-faced and yelling belligerent things at hockey games; I already outlined that in a previous post. And as for inappropriate chants try going any of the other major DI hockey schools. Remember "We're classy, not UMassy." The Boston schools and Vermont are much worse than UNH. First they took away Black Betty and now they don't want us to swear! 

Fuck that! This is college, kids get drunk. It happens. You can't prevent it. 

Hey parents, if you want to take your kids to a game go out to Manchester and watch the Monarchs. Then you wont have to worry about drunk ass college kids teaching your innocent children bad words. Also, you wont have to explain to your six year old son what an "orgy" is. Its really a better situation for us all. What type of parent thinks that any type of college sporting event is appropriate to take their kids to anyway? 

Players from the team admit that they like the rowdy atmosphere and that it helps them perform better. One player, Damon Kipp,  even said that a rowdy crowd will help attract more recruits. So apparently the athletic department is full of nazis who want the hockey team to fail. No wonder why Umile hasn't been fired yet! 

When UNH scores a goal, even on not as pretty as this one, I'm going to let the other team know about it! I will be drunk. And I will be belligerent, because it is my duty as a UNH hockey fan.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Who Are You?

I really wanna know... who are these people who want to go home? I don't know about you but I have had more fun going back to August then I ever had in my life. This is fucking college!(I'm sorry that song is too true, except for the dollar a slice pizza... fuckin' DHOP.) How the fuck do people want to go home? This is not just at UNH either. Sign on to facebook, I bet about half your friends from other schools will have statuses like "2 more days and back in the 603!!!" or "one more final and then going home!!" I've tried to think of all the possible explanations and I still find it hard to understand why. 
  • School work: I understand not wanting to do work, but in all honesty if you can manage your time well classes really aren't that hard. I get pretty good grades and I still have a lot of fun when I want. Plus I write a kick-ass blog. That takes a lot more time then reading a kick-ass blog. 
  • Homesick: I find great joy in laughing at my friends who refuse to go to UNH because it is too close to home or too many kids from their high school go here. (I'm sure it is like this for you local state school if you aren't from New Hampshire.) There are a pretty good amount of kids from my high school here, but I hardly see any of them. UNH is not your high school part 2. 
  • See Friends: For the most part my friends at UNH (yes I do have friends) are just as fun as kids from home.  I have hung out with most of my good friends from home on breaks or long weekends. 
  • Food: Food at UNH is actually pretty good. You may not realize it but UNH dining is much better than at other universities. I have a few friends who have transfered to UNH from other schools and they love the food here. Stop taking it for granted. 
  • Money: This is understandable because I am poor. I could get a job here but I would much rather write this than be flipping burgers at HOCO. When I'm home I'll probably spend more time working than I do in classes. Which means I will have less free time at home than at school. 
  • Alcohol/Parties: Believe it or not, some people want to go home to party. I don't know about you but partying at UNH is infinitely better than back home. Also at UNH, providing you have sources, alcohol is readily available at all times. I know many people drink at home with friends on a regular basis but personally, the two circumstances don't compare. 
That is all I can think of. I guess since I want to stay I had a hard time thinking up of reasons to want to leave. 

I will be doing a quote of the day at the end of each days first post. Sometimes it will be a "Overheard at UNH" and other times it will be something I have read or heard elsewhere. Today's quote comes from an actual fortune cookie I opened at a restaurant.

"You may be hungry soon: order a take out now."

Stay classy, not UMassy. 

Monday, May 4, 2009

This Day's Song of the Day in History

Today's song of the day also includes a quick history lesson. On May 4th 1970 the students at Kent State University in Ohio held a protest over the United States invasion of Cambodia during the Vietnam War. The protested resulted in the Ohio National Guard shooting into the crowd, killing four students. Nine other students were injured, some who weren't even protesting. The situation is clearly described in the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song "Ohio." 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

ps: I've already had a page hit from someone who googled "UNH girls porn."

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Porn at UNH

You may not realize this but, I have the ability to see how people find, or are referred to, the blog. So if you do a google search and you click on a link to my blog I can see what you searched for. For example, many times people find the site by google searching terms such as "UNH Blog," "New Hampshirite" and many others. Often times people come across my blog by google searching terms found in one of my articles or the title. This gave me an idea for my first experiment. In case you have not noticed I titled this post "Porn at UNH." Haha fuck you if you're a pervert! Gotcha Bitch! I want to see if I have an increase in page hits or views by simply using the word "Porn" in an article. I had a feeling that "Porn" alone would not lead google to link the blog so I added "UNH."   

 I have noticed that several people have searched "Stay classy, not UMassy" and came across the blog. I'm not sure if they do this in hopes of figuring out what I mean by that or if that is all the remember about the blog. "Stay classy, not UMassy" is a play on "We're classy, not UMassy" a common term heard in the student section at UNH hockey games. It simply means "don't act like those douchebags at UMass, show some respect." (Apologies to any readers at UMass, I know there is at least one  because I can also see your IP address, internet provider and location. I know you are not all douchebags, but I thought it would be a catchy way to sign off after each post.) 

Now that I got that out of the way I can start off my weekend update post. Let's see... Swine Flu may be receding (or not), the Celtics beat the Bulls, Joakim Noah is a bitch, there was some type of concert at UNH Saturday night, the Bruins took game one against the Hurricanes, Wolverine owned at the box office, A-Rod has a needle dick, and Manny Pacquiao is a beast. 

After writing that, and in honor of Manny Pacquiao, I just got an awesome idea. I present to you the top five living people I would love to punch in the face:
  1. Alex Rodriguez
  2. Joakim Noah
  3. Ryan Sheckler
  4. The Jonas Brothers 
  5. The Entire Fox News Team
Okay, maybe that constitutes as more than 5 people, but that was rewarding. Who would you like to punch in the face? Back to the University of Nonsensical Happenings. I was all over campus this weekend and I heard some extremely funny comments. I haven't done an "Overheard at UNH" in a while so I figured I would throw a few in. 

  • Girl: "Why do you go here?'' Guy: "Marine Biology." Girl: "Are you gonna be a SCUBA diver!?!?"
  • Girl: "I'm not gonna puke, I'm not gay!"
  • Guy 1: "Do you wanna go to DHOP?" Guy 2: " have two mouths."
This weekend I also talked to the trumpet and banjo kids who play outside at DHOP. I gave them a buck told them I would be back with change but I don't think they believed me because when I returned an hour and a half later they were gone. I also witnessed a fellow drunk kid convince the owner of DHOP to tip them after he walked by. It was awesome. I asked if they knew "Dirty Old Town" and the banjo player told me he knows the Pogues and the song, but not how to play it. However, they did play "Toxic" by Brittany Spears; but they ignored my "Freebird" request. 

Okay, that was a long and rambling post. I wish I saved some of that for later use. Whatever, I have a couple of new ideas I will be posting about later in the week. Have a good last week of classes.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

This is Music

I just want to quickly say that on May 28th Steve Earle will be kicking off his new Townes van Zandt tribute tour at the Portsmouth City Music Hall. I know that none of you have probably never heard of Earle or van Zandt so I’ll fill you in. Townes van Zandt, who battled depression, alcoholism and drug addictions throughout his life, is considered to be one of the greatest American folk and blues singers. Van Zandt, who passed away in 1997, was often called  "a songwriter's songwriter" with artists like Bob Dylan, Neil Young and Robert Plant citing him as source of inspiration. Earle was a very close friend of van Zandt and his tribute album “Townes” is set to be released on May 12th. The 15-song album features a guest appearance of Tom Morello, formerly of Rage Against the Machine. I'm sure this will be an extremely intimate show in the Music Hall. I highly recommend it to any locals who really enjoy music and the art of songwriting.  

Townes van Zandt plays "Pancho and Lefty."

Steve Earle "Tennessee Blues" 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, May 1, 2009

A Letter to TNH

Dear TNH, 

I have noticed through comments, facebook friend requests and twitter followers that many of your writers and editors read the blog. I really appreciate that. It means a lot to see that the premier source of UNH student news enjoys the up and coming phenomenon known as "The University of Nonsensical Happenings."  I look at TNH as my older brother. I am the spoiled younger brother who can get away with what ever I write. But you have editors and rules and you understand grammar and you know how to spell words more then two syllables long without Word spell check and you know how to avoid run on sentences and you understand the basic principles of journalism. I don’t have those things, but as a blogger I have my creativity. Over the past few issues I have noticed some suspicious articles that made me wonder how you came about them.

In a recent issue TNH picked up an AP story about Liberty University. Hmm, I recall writing an article on LU and their ridiculous rules on Sunday April 19th, which was well before your issue. There are thousands of news articles everyday and you just happened to choose one and put it into your paper that I had very recently discussed. I wonder what gave you the idea to research that topic. You’re welcome.

In your issue from Tuesday April 28th (No. 49 Volume 98) there was a front-page article on the UNH advising system. On Tuesday April 21st I wrote an article on some general education classes offered here at UNH. In the final paragraph I called out my advisor for not being helpful at all. I even quoted her saying, “I don't know why they assume that just because I am a professor I can help advise students. I have my own things to worry about.” Your article was about how professor-advisors aren’t helpful. Hmm, again strange similarities… You’re welcome.

In same post I wrote about classes I had this to say about Germs 101: “Germs requires you to buy a clicker and access code which are about $18-20 each, but you probably only use them about 7 times the entire semester.” In this statement I meant that the clickers were a waste of money. And what do I see on the front page of today’s TNH (Friday May 1st)? I see an article about the pros and cons and whether or not clickers are needed. Wow, that’s strike three.

 TNH, I really enjoy that you read the blog, but please stop taking my ideas and turning them into more well written and organized front-page articles. It’s like you’re saying “hey here’s a good idea, now let’s edit it, make it longer and better and print it.” (In my mind the person saying this has a top hot, a monocle and is smoking a cigar.) I am not your creativity slave. I like the relationship we have built, don’t ruin it by taking advantage of the fact that you have a much larger audience than I do. At first I was a little upset about these "coincidences", but I have decided to take this as a compliment. You obviously think that my posts are awesome and you wish that you could be awesome too. I think that is your way of giving me some credit, even though only a very small percentage of students would notice it. I would normally end a post about TNH with “keep up the good work” but I will end this one with: Thanks; I’ll continue to work hard. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.