Friday, October 30, 2009

Vitamin Vodka

Seeing that it is now Halloween weekend I would like to present my idea for vitamin water. It's called vitamin vodka. It's simple, you take vodka, add vitamins and drink it. Delicious, refreshing, healthy? Probably not. But it will get you drunk and keep your body replenished with essential vitamins, as long as you don't puke it up later. The first vitamin "flavor" I have is called "Granite State of Mind." Here's the little explanation that would go on the side of the bottle:
granite state of mind
They say a little vodka can go a long way. But you know what? Every drunk needs a little vitamin boost to keep their night going, so that is why we invented vitamin vodka. And if there's anyone who knows their vodka it's the The New Hampshirite. Straight from UNH, granite state of mind keeps students partying harder, longer and with better consequences. The added vitamins allows drinkers to stay replenished all night long and reduces morning hangovers. So we have one goal for you, show off your school pride by entering a granite state of mind and live free or die!

I think that is a gold meddle idea, don't you? By the way UNH'ers I came across this little goodie earlier this morning. It looks as though UNH and Durham will be boosting the police force for Halloween weekend. What a fucking surprise, right? I've also been informed that at UMaine cops got search warrants to enter any frat at any time this weekend. So I guess it could be worse here. Stay smart out there and stay out of those illusive police logs. But don't let that affect your party habits. I hope to see you in your awesome costumes all night long. Just be aware that my costume can't be beat. It's wicked awesome. Party on UNH, party on.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Golden Ticket

On Tuesday I had a bunch of packages arrive with some flyers and business cards I made to help advertise the blog around campus. I will probably put up the flyers on different bulletin boards all over campus within a week, so if you see one point it out to a friend. The business cards will also be distributed in various locations, mostly in the MUB and other buildings on tables, or where ever the newspapers can be found. (On top of the trash units, the couches near HOCO, the half-wall around the food court ect...)
As for the t-shirts, I have decided like I originally planned, to put off ordering them until winter break. I think it could be a great way to kick off the spring. That was my original plan, I just got a little excited last week when I got such good feedback. Before winter break I will post the final designs (I am still working on a few) and I will allow you to vote on your favorite one. I will also be saving some of the business cards and the week before the shirts will be available some of the cards will have some special offers like a dollar or two off and maybe even one or two for a free shirt. I also have a couple other "goodies" for free on their way. I know that may seem like a long time, but it will be worth it. Think of it as your golden ticket like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... or South Park... or The Office:

So seriously do any of you have great ideas like me and Michael? I feel like self promotion would be a lot more effective if I didn't have to include the 'self' part. If any of you have some golden (and cheap) promotion ideas let me have it! I'm tired of spamming all of the UNH facebook groups...

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Christwire: Real or Satire?

On Monday I wrote about my reactions to a column from the website After reading the post by Stephenson Billings I decided to ask him where he got his information because he claimed that marijuana is equally dangerous as "heroin, tequila and cocaine all mixed together." When he did reply back it lead to a chain of emails between us.
(So yes, that was in fact the real Stephenson who commented on Monday's post.)
While reading over his emails to me I started to doubt the legitimacy of Christwire. I began to think that it was just satire, much like The Onion. He continuously mocked me and my beliefs (something a devout Christian shouldn't do) while I showed him respect in every email. Now, I have nothing against conservatives or Christians, I just wanted him to clarify his sources. I respect his opinions and beliefs, like I said, I just wanted him to clarify that statement. Any "investigative journalist" like he claims to be must provide accurate sources.
What I received in reply to my questions was nothing but jokes and verbal attacks against me and UNH. He refused to get into a "drug debate" with me, as he called it. I never wanted to start anything, I just wanted to see his sources. Here are some pieces of the a few of the emails between us. (To keep this shorter I did not include everything.)

I started by with this:
"I don’t understand how you claim that marijuana is as dangerous/hardcore as “cocaine, tequila and heroin mixed together?” They are completely different drugs with different effects. Also, everyone should know that mixing drugs (and alcohol too) is the easiest way to overdose. This is something I learned in high school health class... Just to let you know I am an honors student at UNH, I write for the school paper, play several intramural sports and I run a blog by myself. I also go to parties on weekends and play video games. I am not 21 and I drink alcohol. I still seem to be doing exceptionally well in all my classes and I take my newspaper assignments and blog very seriously. I guess you could say that I am very motivated."

He replied:
"Well, I understand that you can fall prey to drug addiction up there in that state. It has always had a reputation for the lazy. What sort of industry is up there anyway? And I'm sure UNH rank's at the top of pot smoking schools... I don't know why, but those kids always like their Grateful Dead nonsense and now Phish. It is sad to think of the thousands of children lost to that "Dead head" lifestyle. There really is nothing redeeming in the pro-green, pro-destruction of your body with drugs Hippie world. You're white for crying out loud, why the dreadlocks???...I can't imagine someone like you even finishing college with such a monkey on his shoulder, but then again the bar has been lowered on college achievement especially at UNH. They graduate anybody these days. Probably just to raise more money from your desperate parents so they can hire a bunch of liberals and expand their school swimming pools."

I replied:
"After reading your article I spent some time researching marijuana. I couldn't find anywhere that said that marijuana is equally dangerous as mixing tequila, heroin and cocaine. Could you please clarify that for me, or send me the source of that statement?"

He replied:
"I don't need to debate you on drugs. They are bad. PERIOD. Stop trying to sell your "junk" theory to me anymore. People like you should be imprisoned for a long, long time. I can just think of all the little children you hurt, the children you make CRY!"

(To keep it short I replied to his comment below, explaining my blog, and how I have a solid group of readers. I asked him if Christwire was real or satire.)

He replied:
"I can hardly believe that UNH students are sober enough to make it through a morning shower, let alone a blog post. I have to genuinely question the credibility of anyone who states otherwise. Please wave the bong smoke from your eyes and focus on reality. How can you ever expect to be a moral leader or a manager of a fast food restaurant with such fuzzy beliefs and self-proclaimed indulgences? Well, best of luck regardless of your obvious affection for socialistic liberalism.
Sarah Palin 2012, my friend!"

My final email, which he has not yet replied to said:

"Sarah Palin 2012? Thanks, now I am 100% sure that your website is complete satire. There is no way anyone in their right mind would support a candidate for president who can't handle her duties as thegovernor of Alaska."

I am hoping that he will reply back.
Please do not start a religious or political debate with me, I hope I didn't offend any of you, and I apologize if I did. I fully respect other's views. I would like to point out that he never gave me a source or answered my original question. That leads me to believe he (obviously) made up that statement, which started this whole episode. Any idiot knows that marijuana isn't as dangerous as cocaine, heroin or tequila by themselves, let alone mixed together.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Like a Pro:The Positives of Fraternities

Once again, this week's column from TNH all linked up. Anything in parentheses was not in the newspaper version.

When students first arrive at UNH in the fall of their freshman year they are faced with the decision of going Greek. Many times students associate Greek life, especially fraternities, with the Delta Tau Chi fraternity from Animal House. (Which was actually based on a real fraternity from Dartmouth.) Students expect that Greek life revolves around throwing huge parties every weekend and skipping classes. I feel like these stereotypes and presumptions are only hurting the Greek society here at UNH. These problems seem to be connected more with fraternities rather than sororities. Students are not the only people who buy into these stereotypes, but also many parents. A few weeks ago a parent left this comment on The New Hampshire website: “I will openly admit I have discouraged my son from joining a fraternity. I have yet to see how the Greek community does anything consistently positive.”

What annoys me most about that quote is the second part about the Greek community not doing “anything consistently positive.” I want to let it be known that I am not involved in Greek life in any way, I just wish to show those organizations support. I have noticed how fraternities often make the news when there is an arrest on their property, but when they host a charity event it often goes unnoticed.

Let us examine a couple key stats that can be found on the Morehead State University website. According to this website former Greek students are the head of 43 out of the 50 largest corporations in America. Greek alumni also make up 85% of the Fortune 500 executives and 76% of U.S. Congressmen and Senators. Every U.S. President and Vice President, except two in each office, born since 1825 have been members of a fraternity. Greek students also have a higher graduation rate than non-Greeks and they raise over $7 million annually.

Those statistics do not lie. It appears as though fraternities consistently help students get secure jobs in future, which may be worth spending a few extra dollars during your college career. The most amazing part is that just a small fraction of college students decide to go Greek, yet these organizations still turn out alumni who basically run our country. Even if fraternities are known to host parties on weekends, these statistics show that they still prepare young men for their future. The social aspects of mutual respect and brotherhood obviously impact Greek students more then non-Greeks would expect. I strongly believe that what students learn outside of the classroom is equally important as course materials. It is the same as the old “book smart” verse “street smart” debate.

I also understand that certain stereotypes exist for a reason. Of course there are fraternity brothers who fit the mold of muscle heads who cannot think on their own (aka douchebags), but there are still non-Greeks who can be described the same way. There are also students who live in houses or apartments who throw more parties than fraternity houses, and without checking ID’s. Yes, the checking ID’s thing really doesn’t make a difference, but at least it is a small effort.

During my time at UNH I have been to parties at several different fraternities. I have had a lot of great experiences at these parties, but I have also been soon annoyed that I’ve left after just a few minutes. I have friends who range from current pledges to upperclassmen who are big brothers. They all love their respected fraternities, but they still become frustrated when they are categorized as “frat kids.” These stereotypes exist because of ignorant people who do not understand the deeper values that Greek life provides. For over a century fraternities have been preparing young men for the future and it is unfortunate that despite what they do, fraternities still receive a bad reputation.

The bottom line is that no matter how much community service or fundraisers fraternities accomplish, having a Greek membership on an application is a very positive attribute. Many students decide to go Greek simply for their future applications. This is why it is not fair to group every Greek student together as one collective body. We are all 18 for the most part, meaning that we are adults, isn’t it time for us to stop allowing misguided judgments rule our lives? I am not telling you to go out and join a fraternity or sorority, or even to make friends with Greek students, but give these students some respect because in the end they are just other students at UNH.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Sex, Drugs and Video games...

... are all wicked fun. But some people think they are ruining the lives of college students. To read the entire article I am about to dissect click here. (Link isn't cooperating, can be found on or copy and paste: )If you are lazy I will be selecting a few quotes from this super conservative christian and giving my two cents worth. (I do not want to start a crazy debate where no one wins.)

"when you compare today’s college children with those principled and hardworking youths of the past, the diagnosis is painfully necessary."

Exactly! I mean students in the 60's and 70's never smoked marijuana and they would never protest!

"Only a few decades ago, dormitories had faculty members living on each floor. There were counselors, resident advisors and helpful professors on hand. Today, school administrators, campus priests and other elders have become conspicuously absent from the daily lives of our kids. They’re off writing books, attending pointless conferences or hiding from fear of lawsuits. Most of them don’t have a clue what happens behind closed dorm room doors, nor do they care. On the flip side, youth culture has become so insular and intense; adults are purposely left out of what’s happening in young people’s secret lives."

Seriously, what college doesn't have RA's and why do I not go there? And I hate it when my professors attend seminars that help them make their classes better... What type of professor or staff member doesn't know what college kids do? Seriously, I have professors who are always joking about students drinking and smoking.

"Reckless, nonstop dorm masturbation is another major college issue. Without mothers around to patrol a young man’s bedroom and check their bedsheets, children find their bodies to be fascinating playgrounds for their curious, restless hands... Masturbation is academic procrastination."

That is just disgusting. This guy is fucked up.

"Marijuana! What an awful thing. News reports have stated that the major Mexican and Columbian drug cartels have hired the world’s top Chinese scientists to make modern day “mary jane” a hundred times more potent than it was in the 1960s. It’s about as hardcore as cocaine, tequila and heroin mixed together. The old cliché of the pot puffer being lazy and harmless is shamefully outdated. Today’s stoner is an agitated radical, more likely to jump out a window to join a liberal protest march than to sleep on the couch watching Bugs Bunny."

That may be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. "It's about as hardcore as cocaine, tequila and heroin mixed together." Obviously this dude has never smoked pot. I'm pretty sure if you mixed those three things you would probably die. And trust me, nothing beats watching Bugs Bunny after smoking a fatty. Seriously, this guy needs to relax, smoke a J and get laid.

"School administrators have long turned a blind eye to campus dealers, who are called via pagers and arrive as sweaty bike messengers (additionally dangerous, they use this time to scope out our children’s rooms for a future rape or burglary potential). And when your son or daughter smokes up this stinky buddy of theirs, they find solace in the suicidal music of renowned hedonists like Phish, Amy Winehouse and ColdPlay. Would anyone really enjoy these deathbed jingles if they were sober? Of course not, but it has become the psychedelic soundtrack of their ludicrous, imaginary lives."

Damn you Coldplay and your deathbed jingles! I always knew your were up to something! But seriously, colleges turning a blind eye to drug dealers, I wish that were the case... Oh yeah, and what the fuck is a pager? Anyone? We all know of course that if someone sells marijuana, they are also a rapist.

"Video games like Gangstar, Halo and Metal Gear Solid are turning our clean-cut college children into drug addicted bisexual libertines who live in a nasty world of imaginary radical terrorists (Perfect Dark), sadistic nymphos (Soul Calibur) or hero athletes (Pro Skater)."

That one lost me, playing video games turns people into gay liberal potheads?

I feel like the author who wrote this is extremely uneducated and ignorant. Marijuana isn't the slightest fraction of how dangerous he portrayed it as. Video games can be a waste of time but it is the kids fault, not the games. And the fact that he thinks students of the past were more productive is just frightening. In the 60's and 70's marijuana students were constantly protesting and smoking pot just as much as today, if not more. (Probably a lot more actually.) And really, Coldplay being hedonistic and suicidal music? They sound pretty low-key to me. Fuck man, really this is the biggest piece of bull shit I have ever read in my life. Stephenson Billings is what is wrong with America now-a-days. Fuck this guy. Follow that link to look at some of his past articles. "The Dark Underside of America's Obsession with Cat Ownership," "Is NCIS the Worst Television Show Ever Made," "Do you Really Think You're That Funny Stephen Colbert." Stephenson Billings reminds me of Liberty University. I am out.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Burn a Bear Lives On!

UNH student organization commUNHiversity had planned to burn a wooden bear before the UMaine hockey game. The administration shut them down. I made it personal.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, October 23, 2009

10,000th Visitor Spectacular

Okay, so this was supposed to be published about a month ago for my 100th post, but I was never really happy with it. It is something we just made for fun and it isn't quite what I envisioned (meaning editing was way more of a bitch than I hoped.) I hope you get a laugh or two out of it.

Have a nice weekend, stay safe, stay smart, stay drunk and most of all:
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Updates and Previews

I've been pretty busy lately designing shirts and wheeling and dealing behind the scenes here at the University of Nonsensical Happenings. It's looking like those blue shirts below are the keepers. I'll probably order them in about a week when I can get a better idea of how many to order and it will take two weeks for them to arrive. I'll give further details on how to obtain one when they are in. I will probably just grab a table in the MUB food court. It should be a nice way to have a little meet and greet, maybe buy a t-shirt, request an autograph or something.
I also have put in an order for some flyers and business cards (which I got for free from that I will be littering the campus with in about two weeks tops. I'm really trying to make an advertising push if you haven't noticed and the t-shirts will be the finale. Within any minute the blog will get it's 10,000th visitor (Also closing in on 25,000 hits) it's kind of a big deal, but not really...
As for the secretary post from Monday, I've received emails from a few worried readers that I would be shutting down the blog if I didn't receive a legitimate application. But don't worry, I'm never gonna dessert you. (That was the first time I've ever linked that. I apologize.) That is not the case and it's looking like it could be a tough decision so get your applications in!
I'm pretty pumped for the White out the Whit this weekend, Maine doesn't have a clue what they are in for:

$20 says that was Justin Vaive's mom.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

These Shirts are the Sex!

Okay, I've been trying to compromise with everyone and I feel like this is the favorite design. Because of the blue T-shirt I would have to sell them for $12. (But you would get a chance to meet me and I'll throw in an autographed newspaper with every shirt!)

Post comments and vote in the new poll!
Stay classy, not UMassy.

T-Shirts Ideas

Okay, now on to the T-shirts. I have decided to use for the shirts and below I have posted the first draft of the blog t-shirts. I know that they are very simple, but I want to able able to keep the price per shirt at $10. ($12 max, I promise) Let me know if you have any suggestions, ideas, tips, critiques, or anything. I want the shirts to be appealing to anyone. There is a good chance these will not be the final product. I want your opinions because these shirts are for YOU.
Any ideas are welcome. Text styles, size, anything?

Hayden Sports Style (plain back)
Hayden Sports # 2
Please let me know what you think.
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Quick Story

Before I get into the T-shirt stuff I have a quick story. So, last night, around 8:30pm, I was walking back to my dorm from the library. I was alone and I was nearing that wooden footbridge at the bottom of the big hill kind of behind Ham Smith. A girl was walking in the opposite direction and we passed right at the bridge. As we passed she let out a heavy breath/gasp and took off running towards Ham Smith. She only ran for about 20 yards or so. I have a slight feeling, but I hope this is not the case, that she saw me as a threat. If that is the case I deeply apologize. I understand how being alone at night on campus can be scary for a girl, even I get freaked out once in a while. We were at opposite sides of the bridge, which is kind of wide. I really hope that she was just late for a meeting or something. Did I do something wrong? Is there a night walking etiquette that I don't know about? Because I don't want this to happen again. I really did feel bad even though I didn't do anything.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Like a Pro: Shorts Stories

The following is my column from today's TNH. Anything in brackets did not appear in the actual paper.

The following are true stories that I, or a close friend, was directly involved in. Out of respect for the victims, all names have been changed or omitted.

Last week, I woke up early one morning so I would be able to finish an essay I had due later that afternoon. I decided that I would be much more productive if I went to the library. I spent about three hours working on the paper before I returned to my dorm room around 11 a.m. There was one problem; I forgot that my roommate’s girlfriend was visiting for the day. As I opened the door, the three of us froze in place and I backed out of the room as fast as possible.

This is a prime example of why roommates should make some kind of code or signal when there is a young lady in the room. The old “sock on the doorknob” is an open invitation for floor-mates to mess with you; so take the time to make an arrangement with your roommate to prevent awkward situations. I guess the only thing that could have been more awkward would be if my roommate were by himself, which was the case with my last roommate. Three times.

My older brother goes to college in San Francisco and he has this friend who I will refer to as “Tom.” One night Tom was at a dorm party and he was very intoxicated. He decided to go smoke a cigarette outside. After he was done smoking he realized that he would need to have someone come down to let him back into the building. He decided that it would be better to climb the fire escape to the third floor and jump through the window to surprise everyone.

So, Tom climbs up the ladder and finds the window. He slings it open, jumps into the room and shouts “Hey!” As he does this he realizes that it was the wrong room and there is only a girl sleeping in her bed. The girl wakes up and starts screaming so Tom jumps back out the window and runs away to his own dorm. The next day there were fliers all over the dorms describing an attempted robbery by a 35-year-old fat, bald guy who climbed up the fire escape. This is how my brother’s friend came to realize that he looks like a 35-year-old fat, bald guy.

From this story we can learn that when drinking alcohol you should never be by yourself. If Tom fell he could have been badly injured. Also, do not encourage drunken people to do anything that could harm them or other people. Think of Tom next time you get the urge to climb up a building, because when alcohol is involved the best ideas are usually terrible. Drawing attention to yourself is a very bad idea, especially if you are underage.

This next story takes place in Montreal, a magical place where under-aged Americans can visit for long weekends. During a night of bar hoping around the city, a friend of mine was asked to leave a club for acting rude to a waitress. By the time we got our coats, he was nowhere to be found. He has a tendency to run away when he reaches a high level of intoxication, so we searched around a while and later returned to our hotel without any luck of finding him. We did not see him until the next morning when he arrived at the hotel wearing only a hospital gown and no shoes. Apparently he had passed out in the street and someone brought him to the hospital. When he woke up that morning he escaped the hospital without talking to any nurses or doctors. About a month later a $600 hospital bill arrived for him in the mail.

[Other bad ideas to do in Montreal... or anywhere for that matter

  • lie down on the sidewalk and cry
  • buy $50 tickets from a stranger in a club to that "awesome" party...
  • play real life frogger with cars]

This is a prime example of why moderation is key because blacking out can be very dangerous. Our friend was lucky that the person who found him got him to a hospital. Learning your limits is a major responsibility to drinking alcohol. Of course my other friends and I should have paid more attention to how much we were having, but we were just out of high school and immature. I am not telling you to go out and drink, or not to drink, I am just saying that students should have fun but they must always prepare themselves to be held accountable for their actions.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, October 19, 2009


I have been searching the internet for different T-shirt designs and packages. Please vote in the poll located at the top right hand corner of the page to let me know if you would be willing to buy a T-shirt. I do not plan on making a profit off this. I just want to break even. Let me know if you know any good websites, (I have been thinking of either cafepress or vistaprint.) Also, I don't have photoshop so if you have any good designs or ideas send them over to I was thinking of keeping it simple like the slogan "University of Nonsensical Happenings" on the front and "Stay classy, not UMassy" over the back shoulders.

Really let me know what you think. If I do this I want to order in bulk so I can charge less. They will be very simple, probably just a line or two of text, but I think it could be a great for everyone involved.

It may take a while for this project to develop. I may even wait until winter break because I want to get a good idea of what type of numbers to expect. I also want to get the best deal possible because I know most of your are probably poor like me.
Any ideas?

Help Me Help You: A Job Opportunity

Hello dedicated readers, fellow students, friends and alumnae. I have a very important announcement to make. Over this past weekend I came to realize a few things about the blog. Because of the mass amounts of fan mail I have been receiving and the amount of time the blog has required there is noway I can continue to run the blog.

So, I have decided to create a competition for the volunteer job (I'm poor give me a break) for the position of official blog secretary beginning ASAP. I have realized that with the new year I have thousands of new readers and running the blog has simply become to much of hassle for my busy schedule. The blog has been receiving record page hits on almost a daily basis and the blog's email inbox has been flooded with comments, constructive criticism, advice, and especially from people who want my social security number. NOTE: Never give anyone who claims to work at an off shores bank in Nigeria your social security number. I learned that one the hard way.

But seriously people I need you to help me, help you. This is what the secretary position consists of:
  • Reading fan mail
  • Deleting hateful fan mail before I read it
  • Responding to fan mail (when I am too busy researching)
  • Typing out posts through dictation when my carpal tunnel flares up
  • Pretending to be my girlfriend in public
  • Helping me find UNH related issues
  • Editing blog posts before publishing
  • Going to my classes when I am busy writing
  • Getting my hockey tickets on Monday mornings
  • BONUS: If 21, buying me alcohol
Here are some basic requirements that I ask of all applicants:
  • Be a current UNH student
  • Speaks English fluently
  • Types at or above 45 words per minute
  • Preferably (but not required) female
  • Arriving to work on time and prepared
  • Understands the rules and basic principles of grammar
  • Able to access and use the internet
  • You must own your own laptop
Here are some basic specifications:
  • Any major is acceptable
  • The position will require about 1 hour per day
  • There are no set hours, work at your own time
  • You must be on-call incase of an emergency
  • Some work can be done from your home
This is a very serious preposition and a great opportunity for anyone looking to get into the secretary fields. Unfortunately this does not qualify as an internship, but it will provide you with great experience for your future.

Please email all applications and resumes to An attached word document or directly in the the email is acceptable. Please use your UNH email to confirm that your are a student. With your applications I am requiring an essay of no more than 1 page on why you would be such a good member of the University of Nonsensical Happenings team. No recommendations are necessary. If you can make me laugh and have a good attitude you have a great shot for this one of a kind opportunity.

The deadline for you to submit your applications is October 28th at 10 p.m. I know that is only 9 days away but I expect to receive a large amount of submissions. This will give me plenty of time to set up interviews with the finalists because I need this to be done quickly, before I die of over exhaustion.

Thank you. I look forward to receiving your applications.

Stay classy, not UMassy

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Knee-Jerk Reactions to UNH/Miami

Okay, where to start... Personally, I took two different approaches to the game this weekend. For Friday night's game I showed up very intoxicated and for Saturday's game I waited until after the game to get very drunk. Before I get into my "game analysis" I want to start this off by saying:
Why the FUCK to people who don't care or know anything about hockey get tickets to the games? During the first game I was stuck behind and next to a group of girls (and a few guys) who apparently could care less about UNH hockey. Not only that, but they arrived about 45 minutes early to get good seats in the second/third rows. These two girls in front of me spent the entire game taking pictures of themselves and talking about what they were going to wear for Halloween. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH THE GAME. You are wasting a ticket for someone who may actually like hockey. I had several friends who couldn't go because stupid people like you are a waste of a seat. (And a human soul?) It's nice that you are trying to support the team, but if you plan on talking the whole time then go the the back of the student section. I was about 2 seconds from taking her camera and throwing it onto the ice. At least the girls kind of participated in the cheers (the only time they stopped taking self-portraits) the guys they were with just stood there like thing 1 and thing 2 acting like they were too cool to cheer along with the rest of the student section. Kids like that really piss me off.

Now to make some notes about the games:
  • Foster allowed 11 goals in 5 periods.
  • 9 goals combined in the 2nd period of both games.
  • Bad goaltending or bad defense? Or both?
  • We still competed with the #1 team in the country for 5 periods.
  • Miami-Ohio is named after a River Valley.
  • Bobby Butler has 3 goals in 3 games.
  • Blake Kessel is running the point well.
  • 2 power-play goals in 1 period. Already an improvement from last year.
  • Hey Miami, how does it feel to have your most famous alumni be Ben Roethlisjghkfhgjkshkberger? (Steeler's QB and 2 time scumbag of the year.)
  • The Whit had way too many empty seats...
  • Blame it on pumpkin-fest or overpriced tickets?
  • Senior Defenseman Nick Krates recorded his first career goal. Congrats!
  • Definitely a rebuilding year with a lot of young players.
  • Should lead to a roller-coaster season.
  • After 3 games can it be said that Mike Sislo was a product of James van Riesmdyk? Please prove me wrong Sislo, we need you!
  • Expect a lot of high scoring games.
  • NCAA referees still suck.
  • Miami forward Justin Vaive had a career weekend with one assist, one hitting after the whistle, two hooks and 3 punches thrown. All without a game misconduct!

Vaive's arm. I call that a punch. NCAA suspend this man!

In honor of Vaive I will be naming the hack of the game after every game I attend. No matter what happens it will always be an opposing player. (Because Danny Dries is gone.) The first ever Vaive-Hack award goes to none other than Vaive himself. (A no brainer.) Literally, this kid arguably has no brain. I need to think of a name for the award. Words that should be included: Vaive, douch(er), hack...

Justin "World's-Biggest-Hack-Douche" Vaive

Stay classy, not Vaive-y. Douchebag.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Fuck Yeah Friday

I just realized that I haven't done a "Fuck Yeah Friday" post all year. Probably because I don't have Friday classes, but still it is a shame. So congratulations students, on getting through another week at good ole U of NH! It's that time of the week (if you didn't on Thursday) to kick back, get drunk (in the bars or your rooms) maybe turn on the tube to catch a game, throw some darts or play some beirut. So turn up your boom box (or if your not living in the 90's your laptop) and relax. We got a couple a big hockey games this weekend as well as the UMass football game. Take some time out of your busy schedules to enjoy college, and life, to its fullest.

Now I have a few reactions about today's TNH. Since I didn't have an article this week I feel I can comment on other columns, overall I was very impressed with todays issue.

If you didn't see this column in TNH today than click that link and read it. It is by a former RA and it give some really good advice (as well as a shout-out to me) on dealing with cops. If you didn't see the video he mentioned I have reposted it below. I feel like I am starting a revolution. Awesome.
I was really taken back by the extensive length of the police log today. I mean it was a full page and had to be continued. Good work UNH, proving my theory that students will still get drunk no matter how many cops they hire!
I also really enjoyed the front page story about the alcohol policy. Hopefully, combined with the opinion column, it will help a few students smarten up and realize how to not get arrested.

So seriously watch this video because it could save your ass one day:

Have a great weekend, stay smart, stay safe, stay drunk, but most of all

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Subliminal Message

Hello fellow students and other stalkers blog readers. I have been absolutely busy as fuck these past two weeks, but I am not complaining because I know you're in college too. I actually want to thank you for continuing to read the blog during these midterm exam weeks. I haven't had time to be creative lately so here are a few lists I have put together. The first is about things that make me happy, maybe the overall message will make you happy too. The second list is of things that annoy me, but the overall message is positive.

Things that make me happy:
  • Skipping classes
  • Miami Ohio getting blown out this weekend... hopefully.
  • Owning my roommate in video games
  • Killing it on my first two exams. 96 and 86... suck it!
  • Educate thy neighbor
  • Watching drunk people (and being drunk too)
  • Elevating blog cred with a page view record 4 days in a row
  • Exercising my mind on Sporcle
  • Dominating The College Blog Network by having 4 of their top 10 posts.
Things that annoy me:
  • Gross people who don't wash their hands. Its flu season!
  • Eating at Philly 'cause Hoco doesn't have late night
  • Tours of high schoolers getting in my way
  • Dumb and unhelpful TA's
  • Reading 150 pages in a day
  • Undercover cops
  • Not having excessive amounts of alcohol
  • Kids complaining about the temperature. It's fucking NH, get over it!
Did you get my overall message? Capitalization is key. I feel like Dan Brown. This is college, have fun and don't stress over every little thing. It's Thirsty Thursday, do you know where your alcohol is?

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I Fail.

Which of these little kids makes you feel more like a failure?

A)Nine-year-old version of Alexander Ovechkin:

I love the goalies reaction. He's just like "what the fuck just happened?"

B) 13-year-old guitar prodigy: (only 11 in this video)

C) The 6-year-old female Mozart:

D) 8-year-old skateboarding twins:

Well, after watching those videos I feel like my life has been a complete failure... but I bet I can beat any of them in a game of beirut! I think my vote goes to that girl on the piano, if she really did write that song in 10 minutes. If not I would go with the guitar player. I know for a fact he has composed his own material and it is amazing. The hockey player is obviously a snipper but I need to see more of his game. And the two skateboarders have great tricks but their styles are wack. Bottom line is if any of these kids sticks with their talent they can all be amazing.

I know this was a very lazy and unoriginal post but I have been crazy busy all day and week. I also have a couple bigger pieces in the works both for TNH and the blog so keep on reading!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

UNH Cops Part IV: A New Hope

For those of you who read this blog on purpose you may have read my three stories about my run ins with UNH cops last year, but for the first time in a long time I saw a UNH cop do something non-douchbagic.
UNH cops have been taking a lot of heat around campus and here on this blog lately, and I am not sure if it is all justified. When you break it down they are just doing what they are told to do. Don't get me wrong, there are way too many cops on campus and they really do suck... but...
I was at the homecoming football game this past weekend and from the student section I saw a cop take what looked to be a Motts Grape Juice bottle from a young lady and sniff it. I thought, "Oh, shit" to myself because I figured this girl was getting arrested. But no!
The cop took the girl to the side of the student section and talk to her for a few seconds. He threw away the bottle and let the girl go back to her friends.
I know what you're thinking, a UNH cop didn't arrest someone when it was actually legal to. What the fuck is going on? Even if this girl was 21 (she didn't look it) she still had alcohol in an alcohol free zone and an open container. Two things that UNH students get arrested for every weekend.
I applaud this cop for doing the right thing. He could obviously tell this is girl was in a safe state and that an arrest was unnecessary. Luckily this girl encountered the one cop on campus who wasn't on a power trip or 'roid rage. For once a UNH student won, usually it is the other way around... come on those link were perfect and actually relevant!

In all seriousness watch this 42 second video and you might better understand police:


Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Well That Was Fun...

Happy Columbus day and I hope you all had a great long weekend. I would probably rate this as one of my best weekends ever here at UNH. I got things off with a bang by drinking before my last class on Thursday and that was just the beginning. I spent Friday night at my brother's in Portsmouth, catching up, reminiscing on old times, watching the Sox (shit...) and the new Gogol Bordello live DVD. (Awesome.) Needless to say a lot of alcohol was consumed as well as another substance that should be legalized. I returned to campus in time for the football game Saturday and was pumped to see UNH upset number 2 ranked Villanova. Then the real fun began.

At 6:30 my friend and I each have a heavily mixed Red Bull and vodka. I could already tell it will be a great night. Two more of my friends arrived around 7pm (one commuter and the Maine Guy who was home for the weekend.) Around 8pm we left my room in the upper quad for the gables to meet up with some other people. Drinking ensued. Around 9:15pm we left Gable C tower and went to Gable South tower. More drinking ensued. Just after 10pm we left the Gables all together and ventured across campus for one of our lovely fraternities. (No names will be used.) There more drinking of alcoholic beverages ensued. It was easily the most fun I have ever had at a frat and a tip of the hat to them for keeping it in control with a positive atmosphere. After being there for about an hour or so we decided to leave for D-hop because we were starving... (and out of beer).

We arrived at D-hop around 11:30 or so and mowed down on some tasty pizza. At midnight we were back at my room to refill our backpacks. And we were once again off to the Gables. More drinking ensued upon our arrival. We ordered out from Dominos and it never tasted so good. Especially the cina-sticks. After playing some youtube clips of UYD, we returned to my room where we promptly passed out around 3am. It was fucking freezing cold walking around campus, but it was worth it. We saw friends new and old and had a great time. None of us puked (well at least the people who came back with me) and none of us will be showing up in the police logs. That is the definition of a great fucking night.

Moral of this story is that you can still have a great time around campus without being hassled by cops. You just got to be smart. We saw a bunch in cars, on bikes and just walking around and we never bothered. Several of us had backpacks and they left us alone because we didn't make a scene. Make a plan before you go out, and you should be fine. Don't let the man bring you down.

Then came Sunday. After watching both my beloved Sox and Patriots loose I decided the only way to feel better would be to watch The Big Lebowski and drink every time "dude" or "man" is spoken. Success.

Stay classy, Not UMassy.