"Only a few decades ago, dormitories had faculty members living on each floor. There were counselors, resident advisors and helpful professors on hand. Today, school administrators, campus priests and other elders have become conspicuously absent from the daily lives of our kids. They’re off writing books, attending pointless conferences or hiding from fear of lawsuits. Most of them don’t have a clue what happens behind closed dorm room doors, nor do they care. On the flip side, youth culture has become so insular and intense; adults are purposely left out of what’s happening in young people’s secret lives."
Seriously, what college doesn't have RA's and why do I not go there? And I hate it when my professors attend seminars that help them make their classes better... What type of professor or staff member doesn't know what college kids do? Seriously, I have professors who are always joking about students drinking and smoking.
"Reckless, nonstop dorm masturbation is another major college issue. Without mothers around to patrol a young man’s bedroom and check their bedsheets, children find their bodies to be fascinating playgrounds for their curious, restless hands... Masturbation is academic procrastination."
That is just disgusting. This guy is fucked up.
"Marijuana! What an awful thing. News reports have stated that the major Mexican and Columbian drug cartels have hired the world’s top Chinese scientists to make modern day “mary jane” a hundred times more potent than it was in the 1960s. It’s about as hardcore as cocaine, tequila and heroin mixed together. The old cliché of the pot puffer being lazy and harmless is shamefully outdated. Today’s stoner is an agitated radical, more likely to jump out a window to join a liberal protest march than to sleep on the couch watching Bugs Bunny."
That may be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. "It's about as hardcore as cocaine, tequila and heroin mixed together." Obviously this dude has never smoked pot. I'm pretty sure if you mixed those three things you would probably die. And trust me, nothing beats watching Bugs Bunny after smoking a fatty. Seriously, this guy needs to relax, smoke a J and get laid.
"School administrators have long turned a blind eye to campus dealers, who are called via pagers and arrive as sweaty bike messengers (additionally dangerous, they use this time to scope out our children’s rooms for a future rape or burglary potential). And when your son or daughter smokes up this stinky buddy of theirs, they find solace in the suicidal music of renowned hedonists like Phish, Amy Winehouse and ColdPlay. Would anyone really enjoy these deathbed jingles if they were sober? Of course not, but it has become the psychedelic soundtrack of their ludicrous, imaginary lives."
Damn you Coldplay and your deathbed jingles! I always knew your were up to something! But seriously, colleges turning a blind eye to drug dealers, I wish that were the case... Oh yeah, and what the fuck is a pager? Anyone? We all know of course that if someone sells marijuana, they are also a rapist.
"Video games like Gangstar, Halo and Metal Gear Solid are turning our clean-cut college children into drug addicted bisexual libertines who live in a nasty world of imaginary radical terrorists (Perfect Dark), sadistic nymphos (Soul Calibur) or hero athletes (Pro Skater)."
That one lost me, playing video games turns people into gay liberal potheads?
I feel like the author who wrote this is extremely uneducated and ignorant. Marijuana isn't the slightest fraction of how dangerous he portrayed it as. Video games can be a waste of time but it is the kids fault, not the games. And the fact that he thinks students of the past were more productive is just frightening. In the 60's and 70's marijuana students were constantly protesting and smoking pot just as much as today, if not more. (Probably a lot more actually.) And really, Coldplay being hedonistic and suicidal music? They sound pretty low-key to me. Fuck man, really this is the biggest piece of bull shit I have ever read in my life. Stephenson Billings is what is wrong with America now-a-days. Fuck this guy. Follow that link to look at some of his past articles. "The Dark Underside of America's Obsession with Cat Ownership," "Is NCIS the Worst Television Show Ever Made," "Do you Really Think You're That Funny Stephen Colbert." Stephenson Billings reminds me of Liberty University. I am out.
Stay classy, not UMassy.
Procrastination is like masturbation: feels good in the begginning, but in the end you're only screwing yourself.
ReplyDeleteHow disheartening and outrageous that you must take up the banner and defend your masturbation addiction on your crudely-designed college blog. Are there many self-gratification experts at UMass? Do you share exploits in the morning cafeteria? You and you vice-gripped ilk scare me. You should be studying economics or history instead of lusting after your own tumescence. I feel sorry for your mother as she must inevitably read your blog and cry each night knowing your fornicate on the very bed sheets you probably bought you for Christmas. For Christ's birthday! And you use them to spray the sickest of your seed.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to even dwell on your love of marijuana. Well, there goes your chance for working for a law firm or the government (do you even care about saving your country?). You can't pass a drug test with the "major mary jane" flowing in your veins. You are a disgrace to the memory of a noble collegiate education.
I can just imagine you wanking away your afternoons while sucking on some cruddy bong hit. It is a sad statement that so many young men are follow in your sticky footsteps these days.
^^Not the real Stepehnson^^
ReplyDeleteActually, it was him. I've been emailing back and forth with him for two days. In the first email he said he saw and commented on my post. Check back to see what else he said.
ReplyDelete