Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Pommes Frites: Kurt's on Steriods

During my brief trip down to NYC I learned and experienced a lot of new things. For example, Glenn Beck is douche bag in real life too. (But really, how surprising is that?) I also learned that you shouldn't park on a side of a street just because other cars are already parked there. ($185 towing fees). I saw Gogol Bordello for my sixth time and their energy and performance still blows me away. It is crazy to think that you can see a band so many times (in just 2 1/2 years) and they still pull out new things. (Like crowd surfing on top of a drum.)
 But perhaps the best thing about New York is the amount of awesome restaurants and bars on every block. I made the trip with my older brother and his wife who lived in the city for three years and we met up with a few of their old friends so they took me to all their old spots in the small amount of time we had. The best food of the trip was this tiny french fry joint called "Pomme Frites" on 2nd avenue in Manhattan. If you like Kurt's cheesy fries, then Pomme Frites is the place for you.

Top: Big fries and delicious sauces (my photo). Bottom: front of shop (via google images.)

They have 25 different dipping sauces to go along with mouth watering, twice-fried, Belgian style french fries made from fresh potatoes. We sampled 9 of the sauces that included personal favorites such as pomegranate teriyaki mayo, dill lemon mayo, Mexican ketchup, the peanut satay and of course their own style of cheese. Bottom line is that if there was a Pomme Frites at UNH, Kurt's would be out of business before you could say "extra cheese." Even with the car-tow the trip was awesome and a great success. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, every bar we went to served me, which was pretty sweet. Although most places in NYC will serve you as long as you look 18, I like to think all the waitresses were digging my awesome neck beard.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Winter Break Updates

Hello committed blog readers, it has been a while. I hope you have all had an awesome break (and whatever holidays you celebrate). I'm already itching to get back to campus, but it has been nice to have a break from the college routine of sleeping in, going to class, studying, reading, drinking, and causing mischief... actually the only things I've really stopped doing is the going to class and studying portions. I've been reading up for some inspiration and I'm taking a quick trip down to NYC Monday morning (to see the amazingly awesome band Gogol Bordello. Trust me I've been to many concerts and  their live shows are second to none.) Last night my brothers and I hosted a small good old fashion barn party with live music a bucket full of snow and beer. It was a true New Hampshire experience. I'm not really sure how much I'll be posting over the next few weeks, but I am working on a few ideas for the new semester. Enjoy your time off because in a few weeks there will be work to do, beer to drink and puke to be puked.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Spring '10 Predictions

First of all we need to clear up this whole 2010 deal. How will we refer to the year? Just "10?" Or will it be  "20-10" (twenty-ten) or "2010" (two-thousand and ten) or "010" (O-ten)? I think I like 20-10. Okay, next on the agenda, a few predictions for the spring semester at UNH:

  • Robert J. Crossen won't be stealing anymore laptops. 
  • SCOPE gets a big band for climax.
  • Men's Hockey squeaks into the playoffs
  • Women's Hockey nets Durham a National Championship trophy (1st since '85 women's Lax)
  • Men's Basketball wins America East and goes dancing. They have shown they can play defense against major Big East teams (Pitt), but can they score consistently?
  • A student protest will make a difference (Not Smith Hall)
  • Smith Hall will become an admissions building (sorry, it's gonna happen.)
  • Bobby Boucher will show up at half-time and the Mud Dogs will win the Bourbon Bowl
  • Student senate gets a Good Samaritan Law approved
  • I will spend way too much money at the new China Buffet
  • I will write an a post that contains no grammar mistakes (Hey, anything could happen.)

Speaking of SCOPE getting a big band, I think I came to UNH about 35 years too late:

Had to cut that list a bit short, I got to go take my last final. I probably won't be posting too much over break, but we'll see. Have awesome month everyone, thanks for a great semester and see you all in 2010!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fall '09

With finals finishing up over the next couple days and the holiday season already here I have decided to wrap up the semester in a neat little package. And by package I mean a bulleted list of things I can think of in five minutes. Here of some of the highlights (and low points) of the 2009 fall semester at UNH.

  • A flag in a window questions UNH's patriotism
  • Halloween and other assaults make headlines for weeks
  • Akon sells out the Whittemore Center
  • UNH football stuns #2 Villanova, who returned the favor in the playoffs
  • Something about Smith Hall caused some type of news story
  • H1N1 is more than just letters and numbers
  • Tiger Woods bangs UNH psychology major turned hostess
  • Red Sox acquired John Lackey through the help of his wife who also went to UNH
  • Bo Burnham is a big hit 
  • Gas leaks, explosions and fireballs
  • Students wandering into swamps
  • NORML comes to UNH
  • Bobby Butler scores goals, it's what he does.
  • Gables get poopy
  • UNH bondage club gains attention
  • Professors threat to strike
  • Newspapers go missing
  • Knife fight wasn't really a fight
  • McCready is a douche
  • Homecoming highlighted by massive arrests
  • I made approximately 14 trips to D-Hop
  • Stephenson Billings and I go head to head (its not over)
  • The real Investigative Journalist leads me to new discoveries
Well, that is all I can think of for now. Sorry if I missed anything important, feel free to comment on what I forgot. Check in tomorrow for my predictions for the second semester.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Toasted Tuesday

I wasn't going to write this, but I decided it was too strange to pass up. I realize that we are all in college (or if your an alum you've been through it). That being said a lot of you have probably tried marijuana before. I have many times (I don't want to sound like a complete stoner. I'm not really sure what defines being a "stoner." Like more than once a week? Then I'm not.) Don't be ashamed of yourself, it is a natural plant that can really take the edge off a stressful time (like finals week). So last night I had some weird experiences that I have never encountered before. Maybe it was really good weed or maybe my mind was just wondering. So after I smoked I proceeded to watch all of Pink Floyd's The Wall movie off google videos. I was amazed. Then I vaped again, this is when weird things started happening.
When I get high I drink a lot of water. I mean I probably filled my water bottle up around 8 times last night.  This meant that I also had to pee a lot. During a trip to the restroom I had a few strange experiences. I walked into the bathroom and there was this kid shaving. His face was so close to the mirror I thought his head was going into the mirror. I couldn't figure out where his face ended and the mirror began. I hope I didn't stare, that would have been awkward. All of a sudden I noticed the drain in the floor. I thought that it was a sink hole and I was being sucked into it. Then I thought the kid shaving was getting sucked into the mirror. It was happening, and I had to get out. I could not be a witness to what surely must have been a tragic, and bloody, event. Tingles went up my spine and I quickly finished peeing and got the hell out of there. On the way back to my room I couldn't help but feel bad for that poor soul who got sucked into the mirror.
I returned to my room to watch some videos on youtube. I found the entire PULSE concert by Pink Floyd. I was enthralled, simply amazed at the band's musicianship. It was around this time I texted my older brother in California "Dude, I totally get why you dig Neil (musician Neil Young) so much. Floyd too, so sick! You prophesized what music I like before I understood." I shut my eyes and listened to the music. Then it happened again. My laptop began trying to suck me through the screen, it was terrifying. I slammed it shut and proclaimed to William Takefield that computers are evil devices and that the aliens had a plan for us all. I grabbed my ipod, listened to some UYD and played solitaire, which I am awesome at.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

One done...

Well I've gotten through one final, it was an essay and presentation. It wasn't too bad, but the paper took a lot of time. Tomorrow I have what will be my easiest exam, but it is at 8 AM and weather.com is calling for it to be 11 degrees. I realize that finals suck and they are pretty pointless. I mean if I didn't learn the material in 3 months, how should I expect to teach it to myself in a 3 hour crams session. That is why I really don't waste too much time studying. Just being well rested and stress-free is much better because cramming doesn't really work. I mean I've spent more time this week deciding how to bring alcohol and weed home without being detected.

How fun are those class and professor evaluations? Maybe it isn't fair that I fill those out as if all my professors are like Mr. Hand from Fasttimes. I'm keeping this short, but I have better posts for Thursday and Friday before cutting back over break. Be prepared for some interesting posts in 2010. Damn this decade flew by.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The best finals tip ever: Take a Break

The best thing you can do for finals is to take a break from studying and clear your mind. Yesterday I planned on checking out that Smith Hall protest, I just wanted to observe and get a feel for the atmosphere. I ate at HOCO and arrived at Thompson Hall just after one. Nothing had started yet so I just kept walking. I always walk to get around campus, but I am always going some where. To a class, to the gym, to a game, to a party. I always have a plan to arrive at a specific place at a specific time. But yesterday I was just walking. I wasn't going anywhere and I didn't have to be there on time, and that felt good. I was just walking, thinking, but at the same time not thinking. I couldn't tell you the path I took but I pretty much walked all over campus. I never chose were or when to turn, I just walked. And before I knew it I had pretty much explored the whole campus, something I haven't done since the first weekend of my freshman year. My mind was cleared. I wasn't stressed over finals. I was very content. I think this is something that more students should try. If you are ever feeling really bogged down in your studies throw on a pair of comfortable shoes and just take a walk. It may just take 10 minutes or an hour, but just walk. It will clear your mind and you will feel better. Walk until you stop thinking about your work. The fresh air will be calming and the stress will leave.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, December 14, 2009

UNH Monday Updates 12/14

Well, finals week is here. Prepare for over-crowded libraries, extended quiet hours, massive amounts of coffee intake (which leads to massive urine output) and compulsive room cleaning. Personally, I don't have any finals until Wednesday night and I plan on leaving Friday. So, I honestly don't know how frequently I'll be posting this week. I'll try for everyday, but they'll probably be short and sweet. As for break, I probably won't be posting too much, I'll be heading down to NYC for a few days and getting in as much skiing as possible before heading back to Durham.

Just a reminder, the Smith Hall/student voice walk is today (Monday) at one. Students plan on gathering in front of Smith at one PM. Whether you are for or against the repurposing of Smith Hall this is a great opportunity to show the university that you deserve a voice on campus. Weather.com is calling for it to be 40 degrees and sunny, but this is New Hampshire...

Speaking of weather/news services. It looks as if WMUR is trying to steal my steeze:

Not cool.

In sports news the men's hockey team finished out the first half of the season leading hockey east in average attendance with 6,222 per game, which was over 600 more than UMass, the next closest. UNH also has the best record in the conference after going 6-0-1 in their last 7 games.

 On Friday night, comedian Bo Burnham was on campus and he was hilarious; much better than I anticipated. MC Mr. Napkins opened the show up with a few of his witty raps to the best of his white-Jewish-rapper ability. As for Burnham, he was excellent at crowd interaction between songs  and having to deal with a crappy guitar connection. During his encore when someone in the crowd squeaked an air horn Burnham quickly shouted "Whoa, that scared me. I thought a four-year-old queefed." I'm not sure if that is how to spell it, but I'd rather not Google that.

In more recent news UNH professors are threatening to boycott summer school in protest over contract issues. Read this Boston Herald article for more info.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Making Changes

If you're not blind, which I am assuming unless you have a brail print out of this blog, you may have noticed that I have made some layout and format changes. If you didn't notice I changed the color scheme a bit. I also changes some things on the right sidebar. Where the UNH logo is I plan on changing each week (starting next semester)  to a different picture taken by me or a reader. Feel free to send funny, cool and blog appropriate pictures as submissions. All my contacts are also listed over there as well as some reader confessionals. So if you leave an awesome comment (like how this blog changed your life) it could be added. (I will not add anonymous comments though so make up a nickname or whatever.) Let me know if you have any suggestions to make the blog better and more appealing.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, December 11, 2009

SCOPE: Primed for a big spring show.

Don't believe me? Well for once I have facts to back up my statements. Everyone at UNH already knows about SCOPE, the Student Committee On Popular Entertainment. They are the students who hire different bands, various musicians and comedians to entertain, or at least attempt to entertain, the student body. I have already dedicated several posts in the past to mocking SCOPE, but I feel it is necessary to take a look inside SCOPE.
Through the help of several anonymous field agents at various universities I have been able gather information that is usually not released to the public. This is serious stuff, one student has already been fired for tipping off one of my field agents at UMaine. Don't believe me? Read this.
What I have learned is that for this year SCOPE has a budget of $203,000 to cover artist and agent fees and a production budget of $65,000. The production fee covers expenses such as security, renting the Whittemore Center, lighting, sound equipment and other things of that nature. SCOPE is budgeted for a revenue of $140,000 a year, which actually goes to the Student Activity Fee. The SAF is where the original money comes from and SCOPE must get an approval from that office before committing to a specific performer. If SCOPE meets or exceeds that $140,000 they are more easily approved for a bigger show in the spring or the following year. So the bottom line is if we by tickets to the homecoming and winter shows (preferably make them sellout) we can expect a bigger and better show for Spring Climax.
My Maine agent was able to find out (through the VP of their student entertainment board who has since been fired) that UMaine was alloted $260,000 this year. And for that I applaud SCOPE because we have had Akon (who although I don't like is a huge name that made a lot of money) and a very funny, but not a hugely named comedian. (Bo Burnham tonight!)  So far this year UMaine has had The Decemberists, Dierks Bentley and Bob "I suck dick for coke" Saget. Saget may be a bigger name than Burnham, but he is old and past his prime. I don't really see him appealing to a younger college-aged audience. SCOPE has been getting better college shows for less money, well done. (But is that really a surprise, I mean who would want to go perform at UMaine, even if they can pay more?) I feel as though SCOPE has set themselves up nicely for a big Spring Climax show because of how much money they probably brought in from Akon alone, plus tonight's show. This means that they should have a nice amount left to spend and an approval for a bigger show. SCOPE, please do not let me down. You have earned my trust that the spring show will be big. Please don't make me eat my words.  Let's see what you got!

On a side note I heard this song the other day and I think I like it. It's by Goldfish who I guess are like South Africa's answer to MGMT. It's different from my usual music taste, but it's kind of catchy.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So there's this new invention called a shovel...

 Hey UNH, If you decide not to cancel classes during a fucking blizzard would it be possible to shovel or plow the paths around campus? That wouldn't be too much trouble would it? I mean I walk outside my dorm this morning to get some grub at HOCO and it's like fucking Alaska out there. Luckily my $15 boots from Wal*Mart can handle the snow, slush,  and ice. That's Wal*Mart for all your campus needs. (This blog is now sponsored by Wal*Mart.) I actually lucked out big time today, one of my professors canceled class, which only meets once a week, and we got an extra week on a final paper.

Got to feel bad for commuters! At least those paths are cleared.

So how about that campus alert yesterday? According to rumors gathered by some of my trusty field agents and the boredatunh message board a student had his room searched and cops found small smoke bombs and a giant tarantula. (Insert Samuel L Jackson sound bite "I want this motherfucking tarantula out of this motherfucking dorm room.") The police determined that this student was not the suspect and he was asked to return the spider to a lab where already had 24 hour access for bio projects. I am not sure how accurate that is, but I heard that from a few close friends who live on his floor.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

(PS: I'm not really sponsored by Wal*Mart...)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Like a Pro: The UNH Wish List

When I was a young child I used to love flipping through the toy catalogues to help me prepare my holiday wish list. I remember circling the different toys and arguing with my brothers about which of us would ask for a specific item. I remember racing to the mailbox to see if any new catalogues had arrived; these days were almost exciting as Christmas itself. In recent years I have missed those days when I could get away with asking for all toys, even if I knew I wouldn’t get half of them. Now everything I ask for is boring, like a new printer or some clothes. So, to relive some of my best memories, I have created the UNH holiday wish list, where anything is possible.
For this year’s holidays, UNH is asking for…

A new football stadium. Over the past few seasons our beloved Wildcats have become one of the premier teams in all of the FCS, yet they play home games at one of the worst stadiums in the league. It is old, tiny and ugly. I feel like a plan for a new stadium and a renovated Field House have been in the works for years now. A new stadium would help attract more recruits and fans, which would lead to an increase in revenue.
A varsity baseball team. Since 1997 when UNH adopted Title IX, which requires equal athletic scholarships to men and women, varsity baseball, softball and men’s lacrosse were all cut. Is this not America? Is baseball not America’s favorite pastime? As long as there is no baseball at UNH, it is quite obvious that UNH hates America. I think the old dugouts without an infield behind the Field House is one of the saddest sights on campus.
SCOPE to put on a concert that doesn’t enrage half of the student body. I admit that SCOPE does a great job with their limited budget and that everyone has a different taste in music, but I feel like every show they put on people flip out over it. Maybe this wish should actually be for more understanding students.
No more campus violence and for the Halloween assault to be solved. Is it possible to go a semester without some type of assault? With the amount of students at UNH there will always be conflict, so maybe we should be more protective of one another. Establishing a Good Samaritan Law would also help with prevent violence and could help raise campus awareness. It could also save a life.
Students to have a greater voice on campus. I feel like the university is too rash in making decisions and changes without approaching the students. Even the student senate has had trouble making progress this year. Students need to realize, that despite the university’s best efforts, we can make a difference.
A new and improved advising system. Year after year advisors cancel meetings, miss emails and seem overly busy with their work as professors. A possible solution is that professors only advise upperclassmen once they have picked their focus within a major; the different colleges, like WSBE or COLA, would provide advisors to the freshmen. This way advisors and students would have more in common. It’s just a thought.
A replay board at the Whittemore Center. Seriously, what good does that yellow light bulb scoreboard at the far end from the student section do?  A nice little replay board would be awesome and create a better atmosphere at the Whitt. It could also help cut down on vulgarity when fans realize that a call went the right way.
Students to show support for all sports teams. Men’s hockey and football get all the glory at UNH, but let us not forget that the women’s hockey team is currently ranked third in the country and they have had more playoff success in recent years then their male counterparts. The basketball team put up a tough fight last week to Pittsburgh, who was a top seed in last year’s NCAA tournament, and they are looking to be a contender in America East, yet they regularly play in front of embarrassingly small crowds.
Well, that about wraps up the UNH holiday wish list. If just one of these things were to come true I am sure it would lead to a better campus. It had been a semester to remember. Until next year,

Stay classy, not UMassy,

The New Hampshirite

Monday, December 7, 2009

Worst. Video. Ever.

Why? Okay, I know Boston Barstool already posted this video, but it is so terrible I had to share it with all of you. Like, was this a joke? So awesomely bad. My mind is broke. I can't... I'm lost... wow. I mean, he wears a Yankee hat... and "raps" about the Red Sox and Celtics... and the pictures of his friends and... why?

Stay classy, not UMassy.

UNH Monday Updates

UNH has new famous alumni... and it is Rachel Uchitel, one of the women Tiger Woods supposedly had an affair with. Uchitel graduated from UNH in 1996 with a degree in psychology. Good to see she's putting her education to work with her job as a hostess in New York City.  I'm not sure if she is at the level of Jackie MacMullan, Jason Krog, Mike O'Malley or John Irving, but she is making her case. No word yet on how many professor Uchitel slept with to get her degree, although it can be assumed that a 9 iron was involved. (Bad joke of the day: check)

In other news, last night a 6 hour student senate meeting took place where Smith Hall residents and supporters were able to voice their opinions on the repurposing of UNH's oldest dorm. The student senate passed a resolution condemning the actions of President Huddelston. Students are still hoping that they can change the administrations mind over the decision to turn Smith Hall into the new admissions office... if only a famous alumni who lived in Smith would speak on it's behalf... Hey, Rachel, where did you live on campus?

I would now like to explain a few things about this blog. I have been writing it for 8 months now (counting the summer even though I barely wrote) and a few things have come to fruition. First of all, I realize that I have built a dedicated fan base of regular readers. That is awesome, thank you so much. Every week it seems as though more people have been reading and that really is an honor. I have also been receiving more campus tips via email, facebook and twitter, which is awesome. Those people know who they are and they are the best. I would love to be able to continue this growth through the support of fellow students. If you have an issue or tip about a campus happening let me know. Even if it is something small like your band is playing at Panache, I can write up a quick preview or something.

Secondly, I realize that other people don't like the blog, which makes sense because you can't please everyone. I'm not going to try and win those people over or explain myself, but I would like to say a few things. Not everything on here is meant to be taken 100% seriously. Most of the negative feedback I get comes form people who seem to be missing the bigger picture. This is a blog, not a textbook, which means I don't have to have sources and I can make up ridiculous statements for comical purposes. Sarcasm and irony can be very difficult concepts for some people. Also, if you don't like this, then don't read it. Nobody's making you.

A quick note my final TNH column of the semester will be in tomorrow's paper and it is awesome as always.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Karma's a Bitch

Last May, just over a month after this blog was born, I received a facebook message from someone with the name "Mark W Huddleston." Obviously, I knew it wasn't the UNH president, but just some random student.  In this message the kid made fun of the blog, it was actually kind of funny because I could tell he took everything I wrote way too literally.  However, I will admit that in the beginning I had no idea what I was doing or what direction to go in. I actually saved this message, even though I ignored it's content. And am I glad that I saved it after coming across this article: (From seacoastonline.com click to see full story. And more from the Union Leader.) 

CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — A recent University of New Hampshire graduate is facing misdemeanor criminal charges after police said he used the Internet to falsely claim he had beaten up a student on Halloween and impersonate the university's president.
Scott Holbrook, 23, of Manchester, was arrested Thursday after turning himself in, university police said Friday.
Holbrook also was charged with criminal defamation for allegedly identifying himself as University President Mark Huddleston in instant messages and Facebook postings that included "inappropriate and suggestive comments." Sgt. Steven Lee declined to elaborate, but described the comments as crass and inflammatory.He was charged with hindering apprehension, unsworn falsification and disorderly conduct for allegedly posting information online claiming responsibility for the attack that left a 21-year-old student seriously injured.

So this kid gets arrested because he made a fake facebook account claiming to be President Huddleston  and pretends to be the assaulter. I am not positive but I believe the AIM screen name was "unh," which has been around for a while. (Even before I started my blog I remember seeing that he left messages in different facebook groups such as the incoming freshman class ones.) Wow, nice life. I mean this is absolutely the greatest thing ever. I knew when I read his message that he was a little off, but I never would have guessed it would lead to something like this. Here are a few lines from the message he sent me last year: "first off, your blog is meaningless; as your opinion is shared by almost all of the other ignorant cavemen on our campus... the only people reading your blog are these indie faggots and other fat slobs who are interested in journalism... get your act together. you're only impressing nerds and scene kids. what a disgrace you are... you are so cliche, so stereotypical."

Hey dude, I hope you're happy. If you still read this, which I wouldn't doubt, congratulations. I hope that you have accomplished all of your intended goals. Does it make you feel cool to make fake facebook accounts to and make fun of people? Really, what did he think he would accomplish with that? I'm glad that he was caught because I read some of the things he wrote about the assault and he went over the line. I don't know if the charges will stick, but hopefully it will teach him a lesson. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

TKE to lose recognition?

Word around dirty Durham is that the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity is in some major hot water. Do not quote me on anything but from what I have gathered a pledge (possibly a former pledge) informed Greek life coordinator Adam McCready about some hazing incidents. It is believed that TKE national representatives came to Durham to negotiate with McCready and that possible arrests are not out of the question. This raises the question of how many fraternities do haze (probably all of them) and what they actually do. Please realize that hazing is very general and UNH policy defines it as anything "that humiliates, degrades or risks emotional and/or physical harm, regardless of the person's willingness to participate." The "humiliation" portion is key, because something as simple as making a pledge sing could be considered hazing. Although, if the losing recognition rumor is true, these hazing incidents must be pretty severe. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Power to the Students

“It is very important to learn, early in life, that you can beat City Hall and that You can change the System. You might be beaten and gassed by Police a few times before you succeed, but that stuff goes with the territory. And you will be proud of it later, just as you will make many smart friends who will stand with you all your life.”- Hunter S. Thompson
The students of UNH need to realize that we can have a voice on issues. Over the past few years the administration has made it very difficult for the student body, and even the student senate, to make changes.  College is a place where teenagers become adults by gaining more responsibilities. How the fuck does society expect us to adapt to this "real world" if the universities we attend control our every move? The administration is scum. We should not fear them. They should fear us. We make the university run, so why can't we run the university? Our tuition money, which is increased every year, allows UNH to continue to expand, so I believe that the students need to have a greater impact on that expansion. Where is that money going? To help pay the contract of hockey coach Dick Umile, who is the highest paid state employee? In 2007 he made $170,000 and in 2008 he made $382,299.  Don't get me wrong, I fully support UNH hockey and have been a die hard fan for years, but at this university, in this economy $382,299 a year is absolutely ridiculous.

I don't care what the issues are and what side you take, but let your voice be heard. Whether it is this whole Smith Hall fiasco, passing a Good Samaritan Law, or changing the advising system - make a stand. I feel like I don't go through a day without being told that it is up to our generation to make changes, from environmental issues to the economy. "The children are our future" has been a slogan for change for decades. Why not start right now, right here?

There will be a rally On Monday December 14th, at 1PM  about the issues with Smith Hall. (facebook event page here.) Students plan on meeting at T-Hall and marching down main street. No matter which side you take this could be a great opportunity to show the administration that you care and that you deserve a voice. Not voicing your opinions only tightens the universities grip on us. They have their cold dead hands around our necks, don't let yourself become a puppet. Speak for yourself. Show them that you care.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

On A Warm December Night

The semester is almost over and it is a rare warm December night at UNH. That means we must get in some good partying before finals and the holiday break. So I'm going to keep this short today. Go get trashed and do you're part in helping UNH reclaim that party school reputation. In other news, Stephenson Billings commented on an older post. He called me a pervert for naming my vaporizer "The Investigative Journalist," but he actually found the blog by Google searching his own, albeit it fake, name. Google searching yourself is pretty much like masturbating in the mirror, so who is the pervert now? Here is a good life lesson: If you ever find yourself in an intense match of hangman, use the word "sphinx" it is a guaranteed stumper. Also, I refuse to play "Farmville" on facebook until you can grow weed or use the barns as meth labs. It isn't realistic enough for me. Did you know that British Columbia's top export is marijuana? Fuck apple orchards...

This is an awesome performance of one of my new favorite songs, hope you like it.

Stay safe, stay smart, stay drunk and most of all,
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The UNH advising system sucks.

 I can't put it any simpler than that. Well, maybe I shouldn't go that far... but my advisor is absolutely terrible at advising and the secretaries in my major's department aren't any better. For the first time in blog history I'm admitting that I am only sophomore. Yeah, I started this as a freshman... I'm an arrogant bastard blah blah blah, I know. (Not really... ladies)
So anyways, I emailed my advisor over the weekend about setting up a meeting and she is yet to reply back. I feel like our advisors should try and be a little more communicative, especially at this time of year when students are stressing over finals and registration. If I recall from last year she treated me like a child and was extremely bitchy, so this actually doesn't surprise me. Last year she said right in front of me that she hates that she has to be an advisor and just wants to teach.
Anyways, back to my previous point. I already know what classes I need to take, what I want to take and what I can take and in the past these meanings have been pretty meaningless. So today I go into the department office and I explain to the secretary my situation. I ask her if I can get my RAC and time and she seems shocked and appalled by that question. Which angered me because I tried to schedule a meeting, it's not like I was being lazy or ignorant. She treated me like I had no idea what is going on and told me to fill out one of those registration first and second choices sheets and bring it back before she would give me my RAC. Those sheets are absolutely pointless and a waste of time to any student with common sense. I don't understand why we need to fill them out before choosing our classes on blackboard. Last year I only took one class I had on that list. I guess they come in handy for students who can't keep track of their requirements and pre-requisites, but we are in college so it shouldn't be that difficult. Anyways, I think this prompts the question of whether or not the UNH advising system (and maybe even registration system) needs to be changed.
 Maybe not all professors within each department should be advisors. I know that some actually enjoy it and it makes it much easier for their students. Another thing that could be helpful would be if the entire registration times were moved up so students don't have to deal with that and preparing for finals. I know that at Maine all registration was completed a few weeks ago. I feel like it is very last minute and can be kind of hectic, especially if your advisor (like mine) doesn't respond to emails or honor their office hours. What the fuck? Really? She has office hours for 1 hour once a week and she isn't even there. Whatever, I know what I need to do and how to do it, it just seems that as a professor and an advisor she should be more available and at the very least reply to emails. It's not like she is sick or gone for an emergency, she is just being a bitch. (I know this because I asked the secretary who told me she was around earlier.)

But I'll end this with some good news. Over 800 people have already joined the facebook group asking for UNH to adopt a form a the Good Samaritan Law. A member of student senate, who is working on it already, contacted me and provided the group with a bunch of info. Hopefully this will generate some interest around campus, because the students can have an impact.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Good Samaritan Law at UNH

After talking with several friends today, we decided that a Good Samaritan Law would be excellent for UNH. The student senate has already discussed it and with your support we can make it happen! The students of UNH have the power to make a change. State funding is down, which means that our tuition makes UNH run. This means that we have the power. Join the facebook group to Bring a Good Samaritan Law to UNH. Making this a reality could save a life. If you oppose this idea think about this: students will not stop drinking if it fails, we already drink without it! So why not support it?

Think about it.
Bob Dylan says it best:

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: Good Samaritan Law

"Like a Pro" can be found in the Tuesday issues of the UNH student newspaper "The New Hampshire." This is the blogified version:

Just a few months ago Saint Anselm junior and New Hampshire State Representative Brian Poznanski, D-Hillsborough, proposed the “Good Samaritan Law.” This law would protect underage and intoxicated students who need medical assistance from an immediate arrest. The idea behind this piece of legislature would be that students would be less fearful of the law when they, or a friend, had a few too many alcoholic drinks. The bill had begun to build steam as more representatives began to sponsor it in order to protect students across the state. However, all of this changed on Oct. 30. The emergency brakes where thrown on and the bill screeched to a halt. It died faster than McNeese State’s defense did against UNH’s spread offense last Saturday. All of the progress that had been made was lost because of the ignorance of the one person the bill most heavily relied on: Brian Poznanski.
You see, Representative Poznanski is just 20 years old and on that night he was arrested for underage drinking. Yes, Mr. Trebek, I’ll take the definition of irony for 1000, please. His arrest forced him to be dropped as the sponsor of the bill, which will not be brought before state legislature in January as it had previously been planned. The bill is still being pursued by the New Hampshire College Democrats, who are looking for a new sponsor for next fall. The Dartmouth College Democrats, who had worked with Poznanski on the bill, has been supported by various student organizations from nearly every college in the state, including UNH.
I ask you today to help make this bill a reality. Writing to your state representative can make a difference. Every weekend college students face the debate of “Should I call an ambulance, or will they be all right? If I call an ambulance they will be arrested, but they could actually be in fine health.” Most of the time the student is okay after some time goes by, but alcohol poisoning can also be a quick death. Students should not have to make this decision, because second-guessing yourself for just three seconds could be the difference of life and death. Life is already a gamble as it is; this added decision does not help anyone. I think that it is terrible that students would be afraid to call for help, but it is the truth. Of course being alive is more important than having an underage drinking arrest on your record, but it is not that easy. It is a scary situation to be in. No one wants to be the kid who got their roommate arrested when they were going to be fine, or to have the worst happen without making a call.
This passing of this bill could save a life of a young college student. It is a travesty that because of the poor decision of one person, the rest of our state’s college students have to face the consequences. Before you call me a hypocrite because I have admitted to underage drinking, also remember that I am not a state representative. I am not trying to pass a piece of legislature that would, indirectly, create amnesty for underage drinkers. It is important for college students to explore everything that a university has to offer, including new social opportunities.
I have said it before and I will say it again, it is time for everyone to face the fact that college students drink alcohol. UNH health services have advertised around campus that 27 percent of students do not drink alcohol. Using simple subtraction it can be said that 73 percent of the students do drink, which is a huge majority. Why not make it a safer campus and make this bill a priority? Alcohol, when not consumed responsibly, is a dangerous substance and the result of this bill could mean life or death for our future students. I know there will be doubters out there, but what happens when a student dies of alcohol poisoning? What if that student is your friend? Or your brother or your sister? Or son or daughter? Would you say that “he shouldn’t have been drinking in the first place” if “he” was your son?
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Conversion of Smith Hall

If any of you are in the 2009-2010 UNH facebook group you may have received this message from our student body President and VP:
Hello Everyone,  
There are plans in action to convert Smith Hall into an administrative building. In order for us to change their plans we as students need to make a strong, united stance on this topic. Please tell us how you feel about this, if you are for or against it and why. Also please make sure to tell us which dorm you live in or if you live off campus. Thank you for your input!

- Charlotte and Richie

I think that it is an outrage that the UNH administration would be willing to change the rich tradition of Smith Hall on campus. Smith Hall is the oldest residence hall on campus and it has been home to the International Living Theme for years now. Smith Hall was finished in 1908 and was originally built as an all-female dorm. It may not be the nicest dorm, but every year students choose to live there because of the tradition and diversity of the International theme.

Smith Hall circa 1915

The Smith Hall we know today.
Turning Smith Hall into administrative buildings would just be another step that UNH would take to ruin it's rich history. UNH needs to be able to recognize and appreciate it's century old history. New buildings and dorms are always nice, but there should be a good balance of new and old to remind us how UNH has grown over the years.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Overheard at UNH

Before I get started, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, after spending hours over Thanksgiving break I have decided to go with "Noncensors" for my name to refer to my readers. Stephen Colbert may have his Nation, but I have my faithful Noncensors. It was submitted by a reader who claims it is a play on the blog title and the fact that the blog isn't censored and neither should you be. If you think you have something better let me know. So listen up Noncensors, announcement number two: William Takefield will now be my roommate's code name. It is a play on "Tim Wakefield" from when we got baked one night. I'll be creating a vocab sheet for you all to study for my final exam.

 I haven't done an "Overheard" all semester and I feel like these are always good for a laugh:

UQ Hallway: Girl 1: "They were wrapped up in a towel. I mean he's 23 and she's 17." Girl 2: "Gross."

HOCO: Guy 1: "I slept with (girl) again." Guy 2 "Isn't that crabs girl?" Guy 1: "She got that taken care of... I think."

MUB Bookstore: Girl to guy: "Have you checked out that UNH blog, it's pretty cool."

If you ever want to freak out someone play this song. It helps if they are really high, just ask William Takefield.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sober Week

For a while now I have been thinking about writing a post about my experiences doing a “Sober Week.” It was going to be a timeline/narrative about a week in which I restrained from drugs (weed) and alcohol (including wine). I decided that a week that included a visit home would be best because I’m not 21 so I can’t drink around my parents. I ended up deciding to give it a shot for Thanksgiving weekend, because I would be home Wednesday morning to Sunday night so that would limit my drinking, and obviously, any “weeding” situations.  I decided to start on that Tuesday and finish off the following Tuesday. So I was sure to make Monday extra fun pounding Miller High-Lifes and using the Investigative Journalist to do some hardcore investigation. I made sure to finish up before midnight so Tuesday could count towards Sober Week.

Night One Tuesday: 8:00PM (20 hours sober):
I realize that I have a bunch beers left in my fridge. Never in my life/in my time at college had I had beer in my fridge for over a week and I so I never learned how long it can last. I decide it is too great a risk to leave in there for the duration of Thanksgiving break. Therefore I threw back a few, but I left one, a number I was willing to sacrifice. I decide that this was an emergency to prevent stale beer so therefore it wouldn’t count against sober week. I had made it threw the first day.

Day Two Wednesday: 2:30PM (38.5 hours sober)
I am playing hide-and-seek with two younger cousins. I realize that it would be way better if I was bakedest maximus.

Night Two Wednesday: 8PM (44 hours sober)
I am at my brother’s apartment before going to see the new Warren Miller ski movie in Portsmouth. A Rolling Rock beer is placed in front me. In fear of it going warm I drink it down. Crisis averted. So was once again it was an emergency so my sober streak continues.

Day Three: Thursday: 4PM Thanksgiving: (64 hours sober)
I’m at my aunt and uncle’s in Maine. My brother slips a few shots of rum into my diet Pepsi. None of the adults notice. Plus 5 ninja points for him. I can’t waist a perfectly good soda so I am forced to drink it. It was for the sake of the environment so the sober streak in unharmed.

Night Three: Thursday: 9:30 PM (69.5 hours sober)
Both my parents go off to bed, tired from the party and drive home. I suddenly realize that I “accidentally” packed my vaporizer and weed. I realize that I couldn’t risk my mom finding them, especially together so I come to the conclusion that I must get rid of the weed. The best way to get rid of weed is to smoke it, or vape it in my case. I bring it down to the basement heat it up and inhale; because that is the point, right Obama? Here is a timeline inside a timeline. Yeah, a double timeline. Or timeline2
  • 9:45PM Vape
  • 9:55PM Return item to hidden location in my closet.
  • 10:00PM Eat half a family sized box of Triscits.
  • 10:20PM Eat massive amounts of sunflower seeds.
  • 10:55PM Eat sleeve of Ritz crackers.
  • 11:00PM Eat cold pepperoni, wish I had more Ritz or Triscuts and some cheese.
  • 11:15PM Make and eat peanut-butter sandwich.
  • 11:27PM I start writing this. And listening to my itunes. I start with a few from The Band off the Last Waltz. As I skim through my itunes I come to Boston’s “More than a Feeling” I am too tempted to do karaoke and my parents are sleeping so I decide to skip it. Next is Bruce’s “Glory Days” same situation. I realize that I have an awesome selection on my itunes and I give Old Crow Medicine Show a few songs and soon move onto Pink Floyd
  • 11:48PM It is right now. I guess I should stop, because I can’t write about the future… yet... Well, I have investigated that due to the difficulty of typing and how badly I am relying on spell check I say that I am still quite high.
  • 11:50PM I’ve always liked Pink Floyd, but holy shit! This is insane. I feel every note in my body. David Gilmour’s solo in “Dogs” has an acupuncture/prickly feeling when you’re high.
  • 11:58 PM All of fucking “Animals” by Floyd is so fucking awesome. Wow. Damn vaporizers are efficient. Fuck. Yes.
 *(NOTE: Everything to this point was written under the influence of marijuana.) 

Day Four: Friday 10:07AM (82 hours sober)
I can’t believe I have lasted this long. This is pretty insane. Taking care of that herb was for my own protection, therefore my sober streak in still intact. Take that Joe DiMaggio! Your hit-streak lasted 56 games, but only a true Iron Horse could go 82 hours sober.

Day Five: Saturday 2:00 PM (110 hours sober)
In order to complete some more ninja missions my brothers and I vape up the rest of that herb. The ninja missions are 100% successful, but the details must be kept on the down-low for now. Be prepared for the ultimate multi-media project yet, but it may be a while. This doesn't impact my sober streak because it was for the good of a ninja mission.

Day Six: Sunday 2:30PM (134.5 hours sober)
This is right now, as I write this. I'm back at my dorm and I finish off that last beer and watch some football. Good news it that it still tasted fine. But I have decided to give up on my sober streak because I can't lie to myself anymore. I guess Stephenson Billings is right I am a no-good alcoholic pot addict. Oh, well at least I'm enjoying college to the fullest.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Random Thoughts and Things

This will probably be my last post until Sunday or Monday, so I would just like to throw a few things out there. It is about 1:30AM and I have a meeting in the morning and then I'm off for home so I just wanted to throw up a quick post before I left. First off, I need to thank the people at Crooked Monkey, who sent me a free t-shirt and a nice thank you note after I wrote a review about their website and services. You should really check them out, they have high quality products and a very nice customer service... Unlike vistaprint (where I ordered that free stuff from.) They started charging me because I was a "VP club" member. I never signed up for that, it was something that automatically happens without them telling you. (It's called a scam.)  I looked into it and apparently anyone who orders "free" business cards from them ends up getting charged $14.95 a month until they cancel their membership. Luckily if you catch it and call them out on it (which I did) you get your money back. They are this legitimate company with big time credentials (listed towards the top of the Boston Globes "Best Places to Work") and they get away with these fucking bullshit scams! No wonder the place is so great to work, they scam money out of poor saps who are just trying to advertise their upstart businesses! FUCK YOU vistaprint!

Monday night I got absolutely ripped off The Investigative Journalist (a vaporizer) and I was unable to take notes, I apologize. I did however, pass out in my chair on my stomach, with my head on the ground and my feet in the air. Yeah, I still can't figure that one out. I think the best way to describe that night is this:

 I will now post two videos of extremely passionate musicians. I truly think that this first video is of the most soulful musician out there today, some people say his voice is a little to rough, but I think it fits him and his band perfectly. Eugene Hutz of Gogol Bordello:

How is it that I never knew of the shredding abilities of My Morning Jacket? After watching this performance from the Conan O'Brien all I can say is "wow."

Okay, University of Nonsensical Happenites (I need a name to refer to you all blog readers. Like how Stephen Colbert calls his audience "Nation." Seriously, comment any ideas you have!) Have a great break and I'll see you on the other side.
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Like a Pro: Thanksgiving

"Like a Pro" can be found in the Tuesday issues of the UNH student newspaper "The New Hampshire." This is the original, uncut, and unedited version.

It is that time of year again when Americans are encouraged to pause their busy lives and take moment to do some holiday shopping. I mean, give thanks for everything we have. When I was younger I used to be thankful for my idols like Batman, the Power Rangers, and Nomar Garciaparra, but as I have matured I have learned that there are far more important things that I should be thankful for. Especially since I now realize that two of those things were not real and the third probably did steroids.
This year I am not thankful for specific people or events, I am thankful for who I am. I guess the simplest way to put it is that I am a student at a great university, which provides huge opportunities for my future. Do not get me wrong; the university has made its share of mistakes – like once again scheduling classes on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
Luckily, like every other year I have been here, all of my professors cancelled those classes. When will the administration realize this and just officially give us the extra day off? Hey, at least we still have our football team, right Northeastern?
I am also thankful that I’m not the one out of the roughly 12,000 undergraduates at UNH who was arrested for receiving marijuana through the mail last week. That ratio is pretty strong in the university’s favor; maybe Heath Services should print that on those cards in Holloway. That would look better than admitting about 70 percent of campus drinks alcohol on the weekends. I think it is safe to say that we are all thankful we were not that one student, unless of course, he is reading this.
I do not want to be my super cliché self by saying what I am thankful for, like cheap alcohol and other mind-morphing substances, but instead slightly more serious things around campus.
I am thankful for Kurt’s Lunchbox because this time of year when the weather is cold, walking to DHOP can be treacherous. A nice order of cheesy fries will warm you right up without trekking all the way downtown. Depending on where you live Wildcatessen and the Philbrook CafĂ© serve as great cold weather alternatives too. Sure, their respected atmospheres do not match up to DHOP, but at least you will get some food.
With finals just around the corner, I am also thankful that the library is open until 2 a.m. 
More importantly, I am thankful for classes that do not have finals, because one less final means one more night of me being a campus statistic about alcohol consumption. Perhaps what I am most thankful for, in regards to finals, is knowing ahead of time that I can pass a class no matter how badly I do on the final. That really takes the pressure off so I recommend that you all try and calculate your grades before finals week. Why would you want to waste your time studying, I mean this is college right?

As much as I have ripped on the police forces of UNH and Durham, I am thankful that they do not have quite the same thirst for power as some other local units.
Some of you may have heard about the party at Colby-Sawyer College in New London that resulted in 105 underage drinking arrests, 55 of which were internal possession. Here at UNH the police usually just send us on our way after breaking up a party, only arresting a select few, if any.
Too often students at UNH (especially me) complain about every little thing such as poorly prioritized police officers, overrated parties, over-hyped concerts, the administration, the alcohol policy, the terribleness of blackboard, overpaid coaches, violence, pointless course requirements, unbalanced heating systems, lack of ATMs on campus, parking issues, H1N1, rising tuition costs and the advising system, just to name a few.
I feel that is very important to think about what we do have because any large college campus in the country will have dozens of similar issues that UNH students complain about.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Meet "The Investigative Journalist"

For those of you who read this more than once by accident you may remember my email conversation I had with Christwire writer, and fraud, Stephenson Billings. If I didn't make it clear before Christwire is complete satire, but they try hard to make it seem like they are true fundamentalists. This is why I emailed Stephenson again. When I asked him how he felt about me naming a new drug device after him he said:
"Hello dope fiend,
I am saddened to hear you are still addicted to pot, even at your age. I'm sure your poor mother cries every night over your failure to achieve anything in life. How many years have you been at UNH? Six? Eight? I hear most students don't graduate in less than a decade they're in such a stupor. Well, the cold weather is my only consolation. You must be freezing up there in that hellish little corner of Canada South. Good luck with your homework and please don't name any more narcotic apparatuses after me.
Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist"

This is why I have decided to name my new vape "The Investigative Journalist." I think it will have a great impact on future blog posts. Maybe like a summary of events about what goes on after breaking out The Investigative Journalist. Last night my roommate and I decided to test this idea. So after we "vaped' (remember it is not smoking) we decided to play some video games, MLB The Show 2009 to be exact. After realizing that all three base umpires was the same guy (this really freaked us out, we thought he was spying on us) we began to nickname some of the players on the Red Sox. Luckily I wrote them down, here are a few of the best ones:
  • Mike Lowell- The Dirty Cigar (he's Cuban)
  • Jed Lowrie- The Antelope (Lowrie->Logan Airport->planes->plains->Antelope)
  • Jacoby Ellsbury- Squanto McGahee (He's a Native American and fast like Willis McGahee)
  • Dustin Pedrioa- The Steamroller (he packs a punch)
  • Jason Bay- Roswell (he looks like an alien)
  • Tim Wakefield - William Takefield (purely awesome)
During the game I turned a triple play and I feel that it is extremely important to add that I won. I didn't write anything else, but next time I'll try to take better notes.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Mail Room Drug Bust

So earlier this week Fed Ex intercepted a suspicious package and tipped off the police. While the package was in the mailroom an undercover cop was disguised as a mailroom employee and three other plain-clothed cops were in the MUB computer store. When a student arrived to pick up the package he was placed under arrest. The package contained an ounce of marijuana. I must admit that is some pretty good work from Fed-Ex, police and the university. What type of kid is stupid enough to try and mail weed or get it through the mail? Even if it was some potent California medical herb that is not worth the risk. Some people just make me wonder.

I was tipped off by an awesome reader, thanks!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Dart Games

This is what happens when you combine a lot of alcohol, a vaporizer (YES!) and some darts. In this video I am holding all the objects, and some how I was never hit by a dart. If that isn't luck I don't know what is. The kid throwing the darts was about 8-10 feet away. The last video clip is kind of blurry, much like our vision around that time...

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Kegerators: I want one.

Friday was my brother's birthday, so being the awesome brother I am, I gave my hockey ticket to a friend and went to the party in Portsmouth. I knew I was making the right choice, and I can now confirm that I did. Sure the hockey team won, but I can say that my night involved a kegerator and Mr. Guilty. (No asshole, Mr. Guilty was not a stripper, but it did have a warning for shooting fireballs.)

Weed, fire, ninja missions, fireworks and a kegerator full of PBR will never lead to dull night. And we definitely proved that to be true. So I'm going to skip all of the less awesome parts of the night when darts, Celtics, Bruins and and sing-along jam sessions were the main forms of entertainment.

"Learn to drink like a pro" motherfuckers.

Around one am, after I ate an entire medium pizza, my brother's roommate informed me that we needed to lead a ninja mission. We gathered and headed for the freight train tracks. There were only 6 of us who dared to make the trek to the Portsmouth fire pond to light off Mr. Guilty and friends. It took about 30 minutes to walk the tracks from just outside downtown to past the hospital. One kid kept trying to use GPS and Google maps on his cellphone. What type of ninja not only uses GPS and maps, but also gives up his location to the government? Minus 5 ninja points for him. Plus 2 for me for calling out his poor ninjaship. At 1:25 I tweeted "Being un-ninja like" because we were being way too loud. A few minutes later we decided that ninja rule number 2 is that you can never be in the same spot for more than 2 seconds. I'm not sure what the first rule was, and I think we had a 3rd rule that we established later. The believe the 3rd rule is that you must never take the same path both ways, so we made a loop. At roughly 2:07 am we reached the fire pond. I know this because I texted "Ports fire pond. Fireworks. Middle of woods. Off railroad tracks." to three friends. It was time for Mr. Guilty:

At 2:30 I tweeted that I felt like I was in the movie "Stand by Me." Which is a great fucking movie by the way. We returned to the apartment around 3am and I was upset to learn the guy-on-couch positions 1 and 2 were both taken, but the floor seemed soft enough.
Bottom line is that fireworks kick ass. And so do ninja missions.
Stay classy, not UMassy.