SB2012? Let's go to Maine... wait, what?

I'm heading up to UMaine tomorrow to visit my high school buddy for St. Patrick's Day weekend. Long time readers may know him as the commenter "Maine Guy." If I don't make it back alive, avenge my death by either killing Bananas or burning down Alfond. I'm not really sure what to expect because I know those Mainers aren't the brightest bunch, but I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun.

The last time I visited Maine, a lot of crazy stuff happened so I'm hoping this will be a fun way to wrap up my final spring break.

Once break is over I'll be returning to UNH for my final stretch of classes. Ever. That is terrifying and awesome at the same time. But I'd say about 98.7% terrifying. That being said, it will have to be the greatest two months or so in UNH's history. I have a couple final projects in the works so stay tuned and see you next week Nonsensical Nation.

White Out Lundy

Wednesday night is the annual "White Out Lundy" Men's Basketball game verse Maine. UNH basketball doesn't get much attention, but this is always a nice way to show support for the team and school. As you can see above 700 t-shirts will be given away to students and if you even think about taking one and leaving before the game then you are a selfish asshole and Gnarlz will eat you. Alive.

Please try to make it out because Lundholm is not a big gym so having a large student crowd really can make a huge home court advantage. The team has had an up and down season, but by beating Vermont and losing by only two against Boston University, UNH has shown they can compete with anyone in America East. Hopefully I'll see many of you there. Wear white, be loud and show Maine that we can kick their ass in any sport.

I also wanted to take a moment to recap some stuff from over winter break. I know many people don't check the blog while we're away from school and I don't post much, so I thought I'd link up and summarize a few of the posts.

First, I wrote up a Christmas UNH wishlist to fix all of our problems. No one was safe from a bad joke or two.

We also had a freshmen show some interest in writing for the blog. I'm still working out some details with him. In short, I offered him a chance to post once a week or every couple, but he is still figuring out what exactly he is willing to do and all that.

For all you alcoholics out there, I made my own personal power hour mix because I had nothing better to do. Check it out if your interested in a fun pregame and an interesting mix of tunes and genres.

I helped the Meathouse and Redhook Brewery promote their Polar Grill Fest, but I have already ended my ticket giveaway contest. (I needed enough time to contact the winners and mail the tickets if necessary.) However, it is this Saturday and tickets are still available. It's for a great cause so check it out!

And finally, I wrote a preview of the final stretch of games for the men's hockey team. This was written before the Merrimack series so it is not completely up to date.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow so check back and have a great semester!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Frozen Fenway: aka Lake Whittemore South

Ladies and gentlemen of Nonsensical Nation, mark your calenders because on January 7th, 2012 the University of New Hampshire men's hockey team will take on their arch-rival, the Black Bears of UMaine-Orono at the historical Fenway Park in Boston. It will be apart of a double header that also features Vermont and UMass, but every knows UNH-Maine is the main event. Last year UNH took the season series in a 3-0 sweep and with Maine losing Wildcat killer (I'll admit it) Gustav Nyquist to the pros, there's no reason to think UNH can't sweep again. On top of that, last I checked Maine still doesn't have a goalie. Maine might be the home team, but Fenway is about to become Lake Whittemore South. It may be during winter break, but I'm calling for a pre-game party train ride down from Durham. Who knows, I may even make my apartment available for pre-pre-game pre-train ride festivities. It may be cold so be sure to dress appropriate (painted up) to keep that Wildcat Blood warm (enough).

... and just incase The Maine Guy tries to post some trash talk...

I've single handedly conquered Maine before. Warm Ice Cubes, bitches. No hard feelings, buddy.

PS:

Game 1: UNH Win.

Game 2: UNH Win.

Game 3: UNH Win...

PPS/Update: Last year for men's hockey BC and BU played, so Northeastern really got shafted, huh? I kinda feel bad for the doghouse... I must admit, I love Matthew's Arena. The atmosphere, history and architecture is one of a kind. My favorite Hockey East venue I've visited, by far.

White Out the Whitt Video

This video has been making the rounds over the last day. It's a pretty interesting behind the scenes look at the White Out the Whitt games, but I wish they had footage from both nights. The second game seemed like a better crowd in my opinion.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

I Brokered Peace (Like a Pro)

This past weekend I did something that many people may have thought was impossible. I brokered peace between UNH and Maine hockey fans, for an entire weekend, nonetheless. Not since the Camp David Accords in 1978 have two hated opposing sides with years of tension between them been joined so wonderfully. Jimmy Carter would be proud. It was not nearly as hard of a task as I thought it might be. All it took was a couple handles of Canadian Hunter whiskey, a couple 30 racks of PBR and some good music and the Mainers seemed to fit right in at UNH. Now, before you call me a traitor or weak for not only allowing up to five Mainers in my apartment, but also actually inviting them, let me explain myself.

One of my best friends from high school is a student up at UMaine. Many of you may know him as the commenter, "The Maine Guy." He and a couple of his friends bought tickets for the two hockey games and I offered my couches for them to crash on, which they happily accepted. I feel that while there is so much history of hate between the two teams and our fan bases, there is also a feeling of mutual respect for each other. UNH and Maine fans aren't made, we're born. No one is born a Duke basketball fan and that is why I have absolutely no respect at all for those rich, spoiled elitists. It might be hard as a fan or student of one of the schools to realize it, but Wildcat and Black Bear fans are not so different after all.

For the most part we are from small rural towns from blue collar families, are smart about our teams and the game, but most importantly we love hockey. I grew up waiting for the day that I could stand in the UNH student section, and I know for a fact many Maine fans were the same. It is a passion that is inside of us, in our blood, and through good times and bad, our love for our respected teams never fades. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying I like Maine or its fans as a whole, but I do respect them. I respect their traditions and their crowd and atmosphere. I love that they play in that old barn- style arena, which does actually have replay board. The fans have character, and whether you like them or not, you have to respect their passion.

After several whiskey and Cokes we were able to come to the conclusion that BU and BC fans are so much worse, and best of all – and this came directly from a Maine fan born in that state – that UMass is the worst when it comes to its fan base. I don't care if we couldn't agree on one thing, but that right there was enough for me to think they weren't so bad after all.

Of course there were a few U-N-H chants throughout both nights, and the rivalry carried over to the Beirut table, with yours truly defending UNH's glory. We also made sure to bring some thunder sticks back to the apartment, and we broke them out around midnight for one final jab. By Sunday morning not one comment had gone too fan or was there anything close to a physical altercation. Well, unless you count me trying to hurdle the kitchen sink and counter and completely eating it, but that was on my own. Not my proudest moment.

Of course, I probably wouldn't be writing this if UNH didn't sweep the series. The Black Bears didn't give their fans too much to cheer about. I have never seen anything like the first period of the first game, or the third period of the second game. Those are two of the best hockey games I have ever been to. Last year's 5-5 tie against Miami where the teams combined for nine second-period goals was pretty crazy, but that doesn't compare to this weekend's series. I mean, probably one of the best pro prospects in the country, Maine's Gustav Nyquist, missed an empty-netter, and UNH came back with Paul Thompson banking in a backhand shot from behind the net. And when I say Paul Thompson, I mean future Hobey Baker winner Paul Thompson. It's time for the nation to show him some respect. Paul Thompson for the Hobey Baker. Let's do this.

Stay classy, not UMassy

This is why we can't have nice things

Why yes, that is a pot full of pasta, an unopened PBR and a coffee pot (with a Coke can in it) all inside of our apartment's dishwasher. Luckily, we also didn't decided to try and run it. The funny thing is, the roommate who proclaimed "how much of a drunken idiot do you have to be to do this" turned out to be the very one who did the deed.

In short, I had quite the crazy weekend. I hosted an old high school friend (Commenter "Maine Guy") and a few of his friends who go to UMaine for the weekend, so that made UNH's two wins even sweeter. I'll have more on how all that went tomorrow. After Friday night's demolition of Maine the guys returned to Saturday night's game with a fake UNH Championship plaque without any years listed below it, a knock on UNH never winning a National Title. After the second win, and season sweep, we allowed them to hang it on the wall, but I made sure to make one final adjustment:

The way this year's team has played, I'm confident I'll be adding "2011" in a few months, which is the real reason I'm keeping their little gift.

I was in quite the celebratory mode Saturday night following the game and decided to try a Lambeau Leap over the kitchen counter. Can't say that I made it. Not my proudest moment. I wasn't going to say that, but if it were one of my roommates I'd never let them live it down. I try to be fair.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Oh my Darling!

That puck probably went 5-hole, however if it was a beer he'd have it covered up.

Maine recently announced that goalie Scott Darling will not be returning to the team following his third suspension in two seasons. Although the suspension was listed as violating the "school's code of conduct", it isn't a secret that he had several alcohol related incidences. Maine has two incoming goalies, including Martin Ouellette, who is considered a top goalie prospect. I think it is safe to say that when Maine visits the Whit this fall chants of "Where is Darling?" will be prominent. I apologize for this bad pun: Someone should have told him it's the Maine Black Bears, not the "blackouts." Although if I went to Maine, I'd probably want to be blacked out all the time too...

I'm currently compiling a list of all the hockey chants for the upcoming season. I know it is a ways off, but I can't wait for the season to start!

Bob Marley? Eh....

by: Corey

I was just as excited as everyone else when I saw the posters CAB plastered around the dorms and the campus forewarning us of a “comedian of epic proportions” performing in the Granite State Room. The phrase “epic proportions,” to me, means just that. Epic is a big word to throw around and should not be used loosely. For example, the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey is epic. The album Colors by Between the Buried and Me is epic, even though me and five other people are the only ones who think so. Three dollar pitchers during a Red Sox-Yankee game? That’s dripping with epicsauce.

The term epic (and epicsauce….especially epicsauce) can most certainly be applied to comedians, as well, so when I saw the posters I became very excited. Seeing as CAB has brought Patton Oswalt, one of my all-time favorite comedians, to the Granite State Room just two years prior, I was expecting something big. I was anxious to find out who it was since CAB must realize that Patton Oswalt is a comedian of epic proportions so whomever it is they are bragging about getting must be comparable to him, right? When we came back from Spring Break a whole bunch of new flyers were adorning our campus walls, and I was immediately disappointed.

Hey! I know that finger! It was on a flyer last year! The epic comedian is Bob Marley? They are trying to say that a comedian that mainly tours around New England telling jokes about New England, best known for constantly getting Dunkin’ Donuts coffee for Willem Dafoe in the most overrated movie ever, and THAT WAS HERE LAST YEAR is a comedian of epic proportions? Did the definition of the word “epic” change over break? Next time, why don’t we go with “regional proportions” on the flyer? Sure, it’s cool that’s he’s free, but have you seen his act? It is also free to go outside and listen to people talk with a New England accent.

Bob Marley has his moments, but I am not from Maine, and a good deal of his material is about Vacation Land. My mother is from Maine, I have friends who are from Maine and I understand the accent specific to Northern Maine and how cool Portland is and all that jazz, but some of his material is lost on me. Also, I don’t think I have ever seen him without a leather jacket on, which is the least epic fashion choice for a full grown adult male to make. He is a hit-or-miss comedian with a name that confuses pretty much every white Rastafarian (pothead) on this campus. (I told a friend from back home who graduated recently that Bob Marley was coming to UNH and his response was “is he going to be in a glass casket?”)

A lot of discussion has been taking place concerning the acts that the groups responsible for bringing entertainment to UNH. The Sam Adams fiasco (which, I find confusing because making rap songs on Garage Band is what people do as a joke, not as a music career, but I would have loved to have seen Barstool Palooza) has called into question (unfairly) SCOPE’s clout and the organization as a whole. SCOPE’s brining of MGMT to the Field House has also drawn some ire since it is a smaller venue and they most certainly could have filled the Whitt. The Whitt is undergoing renovations for the remainder of this year, and as an unfortunate and unintended consequence of that, people became excluded since the show sold out very quickly. SCOPE will most likely try to bring another big act this year to appease all of us, whereas CAB probably will not. I think more attention should be spent on this comedy show.

Bob Marley was here last year, so the variety being offered here leaves something to be desired. Even if the show is free, I really don’t want to see the same person again. Comedians that are deemed “epic” by the general consensus of comedy fans are likely more expensive than we realize, like a Daniel Tosh or a Jim Gaffigan, so Bob Marley was likely a budgetary move. Not an epic budgetary move, however, so the claims that CAB made surrounding who they were bringing were erroneous. And a word to the wise: if you’re going to call the comedian you are bringing a “secret comedian,” don’t use the same picture used to advertise him with last year and put a black square over his face. That just reeks of lazy and lacks creativity.

Any entertainment organization owes it to themselves and the students that their organization knows what is going on in the music and in the comedy world. Since CAB mostly deals only with comedy, they ought to know who some of the big up and coming comedians are. Aziz Ansari and Eugene Mirman would have been wise choices since both of them are rising stars with original material and styles that always seem to go over well with audiences, and they could have been had fairly cheap. Longtime stand up star Louis CK would have been an excellent choice as well, and he is not expensive to book either. Mike Birbiglia and Michael Ian Black may have been more expensive, but they would have sold out any room that they were booked in, probably even the Field House. Bob Marley isn’t on a level that is epic or even approaching epic. He’s average, and not a new face, and I’m staying home.

White Out Wednesday Night

Just a quick reminder that Wednesday (today) night's basketball game against Maine is a White out game. So be sure to get to Lundholm by 7pm for tip-off. It should be a good game so I hope a nice big crowd shows up to make some noise.

So I downloaded a free trial of photoshop and I was goofing around and came up with this: (click for full size)


It is the first photoshop I've done and it isn't perfect but I thought it was blog worthy. I only have it for 30 days but I'm hoping to add a few pictures for the blog.

Stay classy, not UMassy

SCOPE: Primed for a big spring show.

Don't believe me? Well for once I have facts to back up my statements. Everyone at UNH already knows about SCOPE, the Student Committee On Popular Entertainment. They are the students who hire different bands, various musicians and comedians to entertain, or at least attempt to entertain, the student body. I have already dedicated several posts in the past to mocking SCOPE, but I feel it is necessary to take a look inside SCOPE.
Through the help of several anonymous field agents at various universities I have been able gather information that is usually not released to the public. This is serious stuff, one student has already been fired for tipping off one of my field agents at UMaine. Don't believe me? Read this.
What I have learned is that for this year SCOPE has a budget of $203,000 to cover artist and agent fees and a production budget of $65,000. The production fee covers expenses such as security, renting the Whittemore Center, lighting, sound equipment and other things of that nature. SCOPE is budgeted for a revenue of $140,000 a year, which actually goes to the Student Activity Fee. The SAF is where the original money comes from and SCOPE must get an approval from that office before committing to a specific performer. If SCOPE meets or exceeds that $140,000 they are more easily approved for a bigger show in the spring or the following year. So the bottom line is if we by tickets to the homecoming and winter shows (preferably make them sellout) we can expect a bigger and better show for Spring Climax.
My Maine agent was able to find out (through the VP of their student entertainment board who has since been fired) that UMaine was alloted $260,000 this year. And for that I applaud SCOPE because we have had Akon (who although I don't like is a huge name that made a lot of money) and a very funny, but not a hugely named comedian. (Bo Burnham tonight!)  So far this year UMaine has had The Decemberists, Dierks Bentley and Bob "I suck dick for coke" Saget. Saget may be a bigger name than Burnham, but he is old and past his prime. I don't really see him appealing to a younger college-aged audience. SCOPE has been getting better college shows for less money, well done. (But is that really a surprise, I mean who would want to go perform at UMaine, even if they can pay more?) I feel as though SCOPE has set themselves up nicely for a big Spring Climax show because of how much money they probably brought in from Akon alone, plus tonight's show. This means that they should have a nice amount left to spend and an approval for a bigger show. SCOPE, please do not let me down. You have earned my trust that the spring show will be big. Please don't make me eat my words.  Let's see what you got!

On a side note I heard this song the other day and I think I like it. It's by Goldfish who I guess are like South Africa's answer to MGMT. It's different from my usual music taste, but it's kind of catchy.


Stay classy, not UMassy.

Burn a Bear Lives On!

UNH student organization commUNHiversity had planned to burn a wooden bear before the UMaine hockey game. The administration shut them down. I made it personal.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thirsty Thursday

I got to be quick because I'm heading home for the night before making the trek up to Orono tomorrow to fuck shit up at UMaine. I got to show 'em what we do. I expect to get extremely drunk Friday night, but I'll be keeping a notecard in my pocket to document, as best I can, the night's activities. I expect to have a post detailing it all up by Monday. I hope you are pumped up for this weekend, even if it is parent's weekend. I'm sure that you will all find something to do, don't let the man put you down. And by man I mean those fucking cops and UNH administrators. Keep an eye out for a future column on that topic.

If you aren't pumped up by now watch this video of Rage Against the Machine. If this video doesn't make you want to fuck shit up, I don't know what will. Their stage presence is amazing.

Have an awesome weekend and stay safe, stay smart, stay drunk and most of all:

Stay classy not UMassy.

Mid Week Update

It's Wednesday evening already, which means that tomorrow is thirsty Thursday all you future alcoholics. Just kidding, you already are! But in all seriousness, I came across these stats yesterday and I would like to share them with you:

Deaths/year by tobacco: 440,000 (Center for Disease control)

Deaths/year by poor dieting & inactivity: 400,000 (US Dept of Health and Human Services)

Deaths/year by alcohol: 85,000 (Journal of the American Medical Association)

Deaths/year by marijuana: 0 (US Drug Abuse Warning Network)

I think you are all smart enough here to make some connections so that is all I have to say on that topic.

Hey, how about that power outage today? I still had to sit in class for an hour and a half in the dark. You have no idea how hard it was to not fall asleep. School has been happening now for 3 1/2 weeks I have officially fallen into "drone mode." Drone mode is when you wake up and the next thing you know you're in the middle of a huge lecture and you have no recollection of walking to the building or anything the professor has said. It's like in driver's ED when they talk about "high way hypnosis." Drone mode is aided by drinking coffee all day and then half a bottle of Nyquil before you go to bed. I have a feeling alcohol doesn't help either. For example this morning I woke up, took a shower, ate at HOCO and then read at the library for two hours. When I got back to my dorm I didn't remember leaving the library or walking back at all. Luckily I did remember most of what I read.

So, this weekend I'll be heading north to Orono, Maine to visit a friend from high school. I plan on terrorizing the UMaine campus and then writing about it on the blog next week. Because of my departure I may not have a blog post on Thursday or Friday so I apologize in advance. Also, for those of you who read my Tuesday columns in TNH, I have already started my next piece. it will be my first one to be highly opinionated and bias like my blog so I am very excited to see how that goes. Keep an eye out for next Tuesday's issue.

Bigs news for the blog, yesterday's post is up to number 3 on The College Blog Network blog-wire hotlist. The University of Nonsensical Happenings is also ranked as the number 1 comedy blog ...cough*with 3 thumbs up*cough... The site is basically a directorial for college blogs across the country, so I'm pretty pumped about that. If any of you are new readers, I hope I gained some because yesterday was my highest page hit view counter of the semester, I have a facebook account for the blog. Feel free to friend request the New Hampshirite if you wish to stalk me even more.

Stay classy not UMassy.

PS: Happy Birthday to the boss!

GQ Names 25 Douchiest Colleges

GQ recently released their first list of the Top 25 Douchiest Colleges in America and (obviously) UNH was left off the list. Congratulations everyone! We are not considered to be highly douchebagic! I expect you all to text any of your friends whose schools do appear on the list, just to let them know how lame they are. (Even though most kids who goes to some of these schools will probably be our bosses in 10 years...)

In fact the only America East/Hockey East school on the list was BU, which received the title of "The Future Marketing Executives of America Douche" at number 18. UVM was giving an Honorable Mention at #10 for the "Kind-Bud Douche" which went to Colorado. Honestly, I was very surprised to see that UMass was left of the list considering the amount of douchbaggery that goes on down there. I know what you're thinking, "How about UMaine, aren't they considered to be our biggest rival?" Yes they are and I would be all over GQ but UMaine doesn't have anything really going for them right now. Especially because of the lack of talent on their hockey team over the past few years. Unfortunately I believe that Mrs. Kariya (mother of several UMaine standouts) is past her hockey-talent-producing-prime.

Yeah...

Here is the list in it's entirety. Click the top link to see GQ's reasons behind each ranking.

25)University of Virginia

24)University of Texas

23) Randolph-Macon

22)Vassar

21)Trinity

20)Morehouse

19)Ohio State

18)Boston University

17)University of Chicago

16)University of Southern California

15)Notre Dame

14) Arizona State

13) University of Georgia

12)University of Phoenix

11)NYU

10)University of Colorado (UVM runner-up)

9)Charter College, Wasilla

8)Rollins College

7)Amherst College

6)Bob Jones

5)Deep Springs

4)Harvard

3)Princeton

2)Duke

1)Brown

I still insist that UMass is the douchiest college in America for the simple fact that they once threw apples at UNH football players and fans. It is one thing to yell and curse at others, but potentially causing bodily harm is barbaric and completely out of line. Therefore I will continue using the same old sign-off as always.

Stay classy, not UMassy.