Nothing like a game of Wisest Wizard to break up finals week... PS, that jar on the stereo is all tabs. Over 2,000 and counting for the semester. We have a problem...
I woke up this morning, hungover/still drunk and went on a rant to my roommates about politics, media, natural gas and other bullshit. I think they were entertained. It also turned into a "what am I doing, how can I change things" type of rant. I think I might write a personal manifesto or a mission statement. I ended my rant by saying people like me either turn into crazy writers or politicians, but I don't want to be a politician. They all think they're going to be the one who changes things, but then they turn into the exact person they didn't want in power. It's the people, and usually the people on the fringe who move the middle and make changes, not the politicians. I have a lot of thinking to do. I don't think I've gone off the deep end, but maybe I have. Or maybe I'm just seeing things a whole lot clearer. It's strange how many times those are the two options.
It is the last week of finals at UNH and you know what that means! Books for cash at the book store and cash for booze at the booze store. As I see it: Books = cash and cash = booze, so books = cash = booze, therefore books = booze. If I paid attention to math I'd tell you what property that is, but I call it The New Hampshirite's Property of Alcoholism. (Even further, do the "boo" cancel each other out, therefore making it ks = ze? Whoa, I just blew my own mind.)
I just finished my last paper of the year and now I only have three exams to go until freedom. Actually, I have three exams to go until I have to start working, which I can't blow off like classes because I'm too hungover from drinking half a handle of cheap whiskey the night before. So actually I have three exams to go until I actually have to be semi-responsible. I swear that college is the real vacation.
Over the weekend I made some pretty big decisions regarding the blog next year, which is going to be my senior year (ooohhhh shit) and the last year I'll be writing this. But do not fear. I have some ideas that I'm really excited to work on this summer. Let me just saw that jaws will be dropped, minds will be melted, babies will cry and guts will be busted. For now, it remains a secret, only to be known as its code name "Project August." (First step of Project August is finding a different code name because Project August already means something else to me.) I am really excited and looking forward to the final year of this blog, but do not fear, The New Hampshirite will never die. Next year, history will be made and it will be my one last chance to raise hell and live vicariously through this identity.
Until then, good studying, good year and good luck. I'll be checking in throughout finals week, posting small things here and there as well as some random posts over the summer. It's been fun and I'll be on campus through the 18th, so I'll try to keep the posts daily until then.
I know I'm getting this post up late, but I've been cranking since 7 AM this morning. Polishing off my TNH column and then grinded out a couple final drafts and revisions between classes. Then of course I had to get in a game (or three) of NHL 2011. Bobby Butler is leading rookies in scoring in my season. No biggie. Then of course the Domino Effect kicked in. More on that in one second.
The other night I saw a live performance of Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You." It was performed on a banjo and accordion. I thought that was awesome and deserved to be mentioned.
TMZ UNH Sports Update: I saw hockey player Greg Burke in a sling in class today. I feel bad for that kid, he just can't stay healthy.
Anyways, back to the Domino Effect. The Domino Effect is a tradition here at Nonsensical Headquarters where if one person grabs a beer someone else must join in. I know what you're thinking, and yeah I know it is a Monday, but shit happens. Someone has a rough day and you can't let them drink alone. It has already risen to four people drinking and I expect a few more to join in as they finish their work for the night. Don't judge me or us, I've put in a solid day of writing and studying today and I don't have a class until after three tomorrow afternoon. Nonsensical Headquarters is a judgement free zone. Nonsensical Headquarters is also a bullshit free zone. New Hampshirite, Out!
Why yes, that is a pot full of pasta, an unopened PBR and a coffee pot (with a Coke can in it) all inside of our apartment's dishwasher. Luckily, we also didn't decided to try and run it. The funny thing is, the roommate who proclaimed "how much of a drunken idiot do you have to be to do this" turned out to be the very one who did the deed.
In short, I had quite the crazy weekend. I hosted an old high school friend (Commenter "Maine Guy") and a few of his friends who go to UMaine for the weekend, so that made UNH's two wins even sweeter. I'll have more on how all that went tomorrow. After Friday night's demolition of Maine the guys returned to Saturday night's game with a fake UNH Championship plaque without any years listed below it, a knock on UNH never winning a National Title. After the second win, and season sweep, we allowed them to hang it on the wall, but I made sure to make one final adjustment:
The way this year's team has played, I'm confident I'll be adding "2011" in a few months, which is the real reason I'm keeping their little gift.
I was in quite the celebratory mode Saturday night following the game and decided to try a Lambeau Leap over the kitchen counter. Can't say that I made it. Not my proudest moment. I wasn't going to say that, but if it were one of my roommates I'd never let them live it down. I try to be fair.
That wasn't quite the storm I was expecting, but hey, classes were cancelled so I really don't care. I made a trek across campus to Stillings around noon today and I don't think I've ever seen Main Street so empty while students are on campus. A-Lot was a massive winter wasteland, it felt like Antarctica or something. Quick tip, walking like a penguin makes walking on non-plowed sidewalks way easier. I do plan on constructing an igloo eventually, but I don't see that happening today.
Looking down Main Street this morning.
The following is a text saved in my drafts from last night:
"bus sliding down hill, octopus and fucking lobster... drunk texting is a myth."
Now before you completely judge me, allow me to explain. (First off you should note I started the night going 8-0 in beirut and finished around 12-2 or something like that, so yes, alcohol was involved.) I saved that in my drafts to remember things I wanted to write about. First, on the way to my class yesterday afternoon I was on a bus at the hill past the upper and lower quads. As the bus got towards the top of the hill the driver had to stop, but then the bus couldn't make it up the hill and it spun out. The driver had to back down the hill and then floor it to make it back up. But don't worry, operations were curtailed at 10 PM. I was pretty impressed that UNH did cancel classes so far in advanced, however I don't think I needed 5 text messages and three emails to tell me. One would have sufficed. Now, to the next part of that text draft. "Octopus and fucking lobster." A friend of ours came over and made hotdogs and pasta for dinner last night. The hotdogs were split like little kids like so they resemble an octopus. When she tried to explain the meal a few hours later (in a drunken state of course) she described it as octopus fucking lobster. You know, because pasta comes from lobster... a derh... and finally I have a theory that drunk texting is a myth, so I wanted to remember that to write about. Let me explain:
In my drunkest, "least-functionable" state I can still send a text that doesn't look like this "heydg wnaa met at dhOp at 11?" or "iM so wassteted, had likke 7 shits of wisky an 8 beeeerzs." I do however text very strange thoughts, but at least they are in proper grammar, for the most part. Seriously, my drunk texts have better grammar then this blog on most occasions. A lot of these texts are also sent to my twitter, so if you don't follow me yet you probably should. So, I don't mean that drunk texting as a whole is a myth, but rather the bad spelling of a drunk text is completely fabricated by the texter to try and convince the textee how drunk they are.
Anyways, enjoy your snow day and don't go insane out there.
With classes already cancelled for Wednesday, who else is ready for a Tipsy Tuesday? Ok, it doesn't have the same ring to it as Thirsty Thursday, but it still sounds like plenty of fun to me. Wednesdays are the worst day of the week for me so I couldn't be happier about having the day off.
I also got to give some credit to SCOPE. I'm not a huge Wiz Khalifa fan, I mean I do like some of his stuff and I am looking forward to the show, but SCOPE answered the haters by brining one of the best up and coming rappers. They had been taking a lot of heat for staying away from the rap scene for a while, but this shows that they really do listen to what students ask for while trying to cover different genres. After reading the article in TNH I saw that they tried to get Kid Cudi, which would have been a dream come true to me, but in the end he was too expensive. Kid Cudi was the number one requested act by the student body, with Khalifa being second, so I am ignoring all and any hate thrown SCOPE's way because in the end they got what the students requested. They also said there will be a second concert in the spring, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a band, preferable one of the rocking type. I doubt they can afford another big name, but then again last spring they had MGMT and Girl Talk who are both pretty well known.
With the hockey game in a few hours, it's about that time...
One of my roommates was in class the other day and when his professor wrote a large "B" on the board my roommate instantly started singing "B double E double R-UN..." to himself... I play this song a lot... Happy Saturday and Go 'Cats, lets get us a 4 point weekend!
The "Spring" semester has started and Dirty Durham is once again crawling with students. It's good to be back. I started the semester off well with two of the drunkest nights of my life celebrating a new roommate and another's 21st birthday. There are currently 6 empty 30s in our recycling, along with a bottle of Jager, and about 30 various bottles of Smuttynose. Then of course the are the two handles of whisky still in the freezer. We've made some pretty good progress. Apart from apparently not having a meal plan (I switched mine to the 150 swipe/$365 dining dollars option, but there aren't any swipes on the card. Weird, because I got all the dining dollars) things have gone very smooth.
In other news SCOPE is announcing a new show in a week. I'm dying to see what direction they will go. I've heard a few rumors, but I really don't think the person had any real evidence.
It might be a few days for things to pick up on the blog. The best blogs are when things happen around campus, so go out and make some news. Send all your tips, pictures and questions to unhblog@yahoo.com... I have a few new ideas in store for the semester and we might have a new writer starting in February for the rest of the year. More on that when we go over the final details.
Also, if you're into the hockey team check out this video on the STD line. I plan on writing more about the team for the rest of the season so hopefully they'll keep winning.
This game was exactly like how one blog commenter described it, "Christmas came early this year." This win was great for UNH. However, while Christmas came early for UNH Football, it certainly became Christmas morning for my liver and stomach. We must have had 5 coolers of beer and food for a full three hours of nonstop tailgating. What a perfect day too, minus the windburn. Clearly UMASS doesn't know how to tailgate cause I rarely saw any UMASS people out in the lot, they probably got their asses kicked or too pussy to show up. Where's that chode Devlin? I kid, I kid. Don't worry UNH has got this. Tailgating is a skill: absolute sheer preparation and execution are key. I will teach you the skills young Skywalkers as well as some important do's don'ts for tailgating at Gillette Stadium so you're set for next year!
1.Fun attire is the best attire. Instead of wearing the classic UNH Wildcats, UNH Football, etc, do something different like wear a shirt saying, "We bust ours to bust yours." or like the guy at the St. Louis Blues game with the shirt "I shaved my balls for this" is absolutely fabulous (via Deadspin). Someone make the girl version, "I shaved my cooter for this". These witty garments show you're a true fan and not so serious and upstight. Also, loved the "BEAT UMASS" t-shirts I saw, someone hook me up with one.
No this is not me, only a great shirt my sister is wearing. Case in point.
2. Form and Function=A lot of food in a short amount of time. This grill is a beast. It folds, it holds, and it molds (hey I try) some great tasting chicken wangs, brats, hotdogs, burgers, etc. Its even on fucking WHEELS! I'm still full from Saturday. Also, a great chef who knows his hardware is also key. Honestly, just let the men takeover. Ladies, whip up that mac salad.
Damn youz a sexiii bitch
3. Have FUN tailgating games. We chose Kan Jam. This game requires skill, not recommended for the drunk. Key is to get the frisbee into the hole and some other rules (go to the website if you care). Otherwise, its a fucking challenge and definitely creates a lot of fun. Ruit was pretty hard considering the wind. Although we managed to do flip cup by blocking the wind with our bodies. Talk about a shitshow, but definitely a lot of fun. Other great games are Ladderball/golf, the Washer Game, or cornhole (fucking hard dammit!)
Fucking KanJam
4. Don't be a fucking moron. Hey if you're under 21, you're drinking, and in a public area...Your chances of getting arrested/caught are high. Keep it real. Don't be dumb. You'll get arrested by attracting attention, cops eat that shit up. They love stumbling biddies, loud ass bros, and puking fatties. You better check yoself before you wreck yoself. PS, bringing alcohol into Gillette underage will also get you arrested, my friend is a fucking dumbass. His loss.
Case in point: Here are 12 biddies getting into a police van after getting caught for 'unlawful possession'. Don't be a fucking moron.
5. Don't be that kid. It never fun feeling sick after some drinking. Know your limits. Drinking to oblivion/sickness/blackoutness is probably a significant sign of alcoholism. I know I was going to be at Gillette all day, I paced myself, because nothing sucks more than the world spinning right before your eyes. I drunkenly controlled myself and only left the stadium with a sunburn (yeah, wtf). So, sorry girl who was vomiting in the bathroom feeling like absolute shit. You're an idiot.
Don't end up on one of these. Embarrassing.
6. Sick seats make the experience that much better. I got my tickets way in advance because I'm an anal ass planner, but it was definitely worth it. I'll never get tickets like these during a Pats game and 5th row is definitely a great place to be.
Oh here we are...kicking ass per usual.
7. Know your team. Well, know the hot players. My hot player is Dontra Peters. He played a great game with that great ass. Keep it up sport. Sorry guys, um, the cheerleaders look good? Sorry didn't get pics of them, not my type.
do me.
8. Who the fuck in Gnarlz? This person has the best seat in the house. I would love to be him/her (trying not to be sexist mmmkay?) for a day at UNH football or hockey game. Taking pictures with people, getting the crowd amped, and getting the best seat in the house every time. So jealous. I hope you comment.
Fucking Gnarlz, Fucking Wild E. You suck. I want your life that day.
9a.Let's shit on UMASS. Why is there a man in a chicken suit on the UMASS side? As El Pres would *maybe* say, "does wearing a chicken suit on the losing team's fan side get you laid?." the answer is no. GTFO.
Go back to your coop.
9b. UMASS should invest more in its football program than a scholarship funded band. I love the UNH band, they play because they love it. Not because they're motivated to keep their scholarship. They feed of the intensity of the hockey and football games. Honestly Amherst, stop recruiting people who are overweight who blow inanimate objects and fuck within their own social circle. Recruit some real people that can play football against UNH. Embarrassing Amherst, just embarrassing.
I think the tuba section would have a better chance of winning than the 'team' that showed up for UMASS
9c. Stadium fights are hilarious. You look like tool. Sit down, drink you beer and enjoy the game. You're attracting attention by a swarm of fluorescent men. Honestly, you're distracting me because you don't know how to act civil. Let's do the grown up thing and think to ourselves, fuck the guy who is slamming your team for being shitty; maybe you should accept it because its true. Deal with it dude. Lets not act like our balls haven't dropped yet.
Kinda blurry, but you get the point. Just creates negative attention.
As you can see, I observe a lot on this campus. Through my observations, I group people together and conclude something out of them, it makes sense in regards to me; hence the nerdy science major thing. WSBE kids, I don't know how you do it, but more power to you. I should probably be paying attention in class; however I'm too busy thinking how these kids are so distracting and how much of an inconvenience to my life they are. I'm sure you can all agree on some level, but so far I have had the distinctive pleasure throughout my college career to sit next to at least one of these sorts of people in each of my classes. They’re always there. If you have anymore that you’d like to share, comment!
Going with the medical thing I thought it would be different to give these kids a diagnosis and treatment...so I did. The ultimate cure, however, is to not sit next to them.
1.Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS): The kid who always SHAKES his/her legs. This shaking of the legs causes the floor to vibrate as if you were sitting on a giant cell phone. You'd think there’s some sort of natural disaster coming, but the worst is that person who has a set of keys attached to their belt loop. The excessive jingling can only make you think one thing: Christmas. It's nice at first, but then you realize it's the middle of April and you're not getting those presents anytime soon. God dammit.
Treatment: muscle relaxer, or just a stab to the leg. They’ll stop moving then.
2.Polytextia – This condition is where the person is ALWAYS TEXTING. This is especially annoying when you can hear all the taps (tap-tap-taparoo) on their phone. Guess what, everyone else is in fucking class too and I’m sure the people around them doesn't wanna hear it either. Think about this...what if someone could pick out the correct pitches of whatever keys this Hollywood douchetit hammered in. They could figure out what you're saying. But, the douchetit shouldn't worry; nothing they are saying is important anyway. At least sometimes they get caught by the professor and it's hilarious, so someone with a case of Polytextia could be somewhat useful in boring classes.
Treatment: Get a touch phone, idiot.
3.Elephantitus of the Cranium- This kid always has to sit in front of you. You think you have a clear view of the notes, so you start copying and when you look back up, his/her head or giant hair or hat is in your way. No matter which way you move to compensate, it’s there. No notes for you today (and boom goes the dynamite).
Treatment: sleeping pill so they sleep on their desk. I hear Ambien is fabulous. Concussions work too.
4.Maximus Questionius- This person always, ALWAYS has the answer to every question in class. Whether it be a professor’s question or even another student’s question, it must be answered. He/she has no issue speaking abnormally loud and obnoxiously to whomever has not addressed them. This person continues to the point where the class has run out of time and you need some Excedrin.
Treatment: Ex-lax should keep them occupied.
5.Alcoholism: Usually is a woman, but this person either A. comes in with a travel mug of ‘coffee’ or B. comes in hungover, with smudged Ke$ha-ish eyeliner, wreaking of frat boy sweat, and tends to look absolutely miserable. The reason why person goes to class is unknown.
Treatment: Just come into class drunk to avoid the hangover or an intervention.
6.Disturbia: This person tends to always interrupt your concentration or attention from class to ask about what the professor just said or what they want to know about the assignment, the notes, and etc.. So when you help them, you miss the shit the professor said. It’s a horrible lose-lose situation. Good Lord, if you would just take your damn Adderall today you would have been all set.
Treatment: Adderall! Or, be that bitch and ignore them.
7.BO-The smelly kid in class that always smells like fucking BO. Pretty obvious, but stay with me. How can you go throughout your day and NOT get a look of disgust directed at you? I’d rather smell one of those guys who put on WAY too much cologne versus your swamp ass. You’re impressing no one so I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
Treatment: Fucking shower, fishvag.
8.Smokey McWeedhead: Clearly the HIGH kid in class *cough* The New Hampshirite *cough, cough*. This person, I laugh at because they ‘try’ to cover up the smell by putting excessive amount of Axe on, which, gentlemen DOES NOT WORK. I don’t understand what you’re trying to get away with. Here at UNH though, I really don’t think some professors would judge this kid.
Treatment: Light him on fire, clambake in the class, if he’s getting some, why shouldn’t we? It’s like Spicoli and the pizza: You’re on my time buddy. Share the wealth.
Currently, I’m too lazy to think of treatments for some more people but I’ll give them a shout out: the gum snapper, the person who tries to open a loud bag of chips (fuck you, Sun Chips! I'd rather litter than deal with that loud fucking thing) , the person who doesn’t attend class but demands the notes anyways, the person who always comes in late, and the person who brings his computer but uses it for anything BUT class.
Again, if you have more, share them. Hope you enjoyed this somewhat clean post (cunt), but don’t worry, my ruthlessness is not gone forever.
I’ve got better things to do now, like have multiple orgasms (the blogteam & others want this to be my new signoff).
I just want to say thank you. The blog has been getting pretty big page hits over the past week or two and I'm guessing it has been through word of mouth because I haven't been advertising at all... I have a bunch of pocket calenders and business cards and random printouts I have been meaning to liter campus with, but to put it simple, I am lazy. I'm trying to get the hang of photoshop and I might make a few posters, but seeing that I'm poor, I don't want to waste too much ink. Shits expensive. This semester has been pretty hectic work wise but I feel as though things are settling down. I may have finally kicked my drug addiction and alcoholism so it has been kind of rough... Just kidding! I would never do that to you. How else would I come up with blog material? Seriously though, I am still hoping to get a few guest posts going to open up the blog variety so email me if you're interested.
Also, I was unable to put up a drink of the week yesterday. So today's drink of the week is my all-time favorite beer, Newcastle Brown Ale. So delicious, you should all try it out if you haven't yet. I never met anyone who has tried Newcastle and not liked it. That is all I am going to say about that because if I keep thinking about it I'm going to need some. I'm sweating and shaking already. Okay, maybe I should speak with someone, where's Stephenson Billings when you need him?!? I'll start writing some lesser seen drinks on campus starting next week. I also have a few campus favorites lined up so keep reading. (And continue telling everyone you know about the blog.)
According to this article in the Union Leader crime on campus has actually decreased over the last 3 years, but students and faculty feel less safe. Police say that they made 347 arrests during the fall semester, compared to 445 arrests in the fall of 2006. I take pride in that I was not one of those 347, and if your weren't either, congratulations! I think the reason that more people feel less safe has been the degree of some of the recent crimes. The Halloween assault obviously gained a lot of attention as well as some other assaults and the supposed man with gun situation. Once again that article brought up the issue of the text warning system and whether or not it is good or bad for the students. I think it is good because if there is a crazy dude with a magnum pacing back in forth by HoCo, I'd like to know about it. One problem with the message alerts is that all the local media (WMUR) gets tipped off and they report it before anything is known. Then they are bombarded with parents calling for more info when nothing is known. Other people claim that the text alerts just create more tension and cause chaos when a situation comes up. It is something interesting to think about.
