Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Kicked Some UMASS

By: LadyMeow

This game was exactly like how one blog commenter described it, "Christmas came early this year." This win was great for UNH. However, while Christmas came early for UNH Football, it certainly became Christmas morning for my liver and stomach. We must have had 5 coolers of beer and food for a full three hours of nonstop tailgating. What a perfect day too, minus the windburn.  Clearly UMASS doesn't know how to tailgate cause I rarely saw any UMASS people out in the lot, they probably got their asses kicked or too pussy to show up. Where's that chode Devlin? I kid, I kid. Don't worry UNH has got this. Tailgating is a skill: absolute sheer preparation and execution are key. I will teach you the skills young Skywalkers as well as some important do's don'ts for tailgating at Gillette Stadium so you're set for next year!


1.Fun attire is the best attire. Instead of wearing the classic UNH Wildcats, UNH Football, etc, do something different like wear a shirt saying, "We bust ours to bust yours." or like the guy at the St. Louis Blues game with the shirt "I shaved my balls for this" is absolutely fabulous (via Deadspin). Someone make the girl version, "I shaved my cooter for this". These witty garments show you're a true fan and not so serious and upstight. Also, loved the "BEAT UMASS" t-shirts I saw, someone hook me up with one.

No this is not me, only a great shirt my sister is wearing. Case in point.
2. Form and Function=A lot of food in a short amount of time. This grill is a beast. It folds, it holds, and it molds (hey I try) some great tasting chicken wangs, brats, hotdogs, burgers, etc. Its even on fucking WHEELS! I'm still full from Saturday. Also, a great chef who knows his hardware is also key. Honestly, just let the men takeover. Ladies, whip up that mac salad.
Damn youz a sexiii bitch
3. Have FUN tailgating games. We chose Kan Jam. This game requires skill, not recommended for the drunk. Key is to get the frisbee into the hole and some other rules (go to the website if you care). Otherwise, its a fucking challenge and definitely creates a lot of fun. Ruit was pretty hard considering the wind. Although we managed to do flip cup by blocking the wind with our bodies. Talk about a shitshow, but definitely a lot of fun. Other great games are Ladderball/golf, the Washer Game, or cornhole (fucking hard dammit!)
Fucking KanJam
4. Don't be a fucking moron. Hey if you're under 21, you're drinking, and in a public area...Your chances of getting arrested/caught are high. Keep it real. Don't be dumb. You'll get arrested by attracting attention, cops eat that shit up. They love stumbling biddies, loud ass bros, and puking fatties. You better check yoself before you wreck yoself. PS, bringing alcohol into Gillette underage will also get you arrested, my friend is a fucking dumbass. His loss.
Case in point: Here are 12 biddies getting into a police van after getting caught for 'unlawful possession'. Don't be a fucking moron.
5. Don't be that kid. It never fun feeling sick after some drinking. Know your limits. Drinking to oblivion/sickness/blackoutness is probably a significant sign of alcoholism. I know I was going to be at Gillette all day, I paced myself, because nothing sucks more than the world spinning right before your eyes. I drunkenly controlled myself and only left the stadium with a sunburn (yeah, wtf). So, sorry girl who was vomiting in the bathroom feeling like absolute shit. You're an idiot.
Don't end up on one of these. Embarrassing.
6. Sick seats make the experience that much better. I got my tickets way in advance because I'm an anal ass planner, but it was definitely worth it. I'll never get tickets like these during a Pats game and 5th row is definitely a great place to be.
Oh here we are...kicking ass per usual. 
7. Know your team. Well, know the hot players. My hot player is Dontra Peters. He played a great game with that great ass. Keep it up sport. Sorry guys, um, the cheerleaders look good? Sorry didn't get pics of them, not my type.
do me.
8. Who the fuck in Gnarlz? This person has the best seat in the house. I would love to be him/her (trying not to be sexist mmmkay?) for a day at UNH football or hockey game. Taking pictures with people, getting the crowd amped, and getting the best seat in the house every time. So jealous. I hope you comment.
Fucking Gnarlz, Fucking Wild E. You suck. I want your life that day.

9a.Let's shit on UMASS. Why is there a man in a chicken suit on the UMASS side? As El Pres would *maybe* say, "does wearing a chicken suit on the losing team's fan side get you laid?." the answer is no. GTFO.
Go back to your coop.
9b. UMASS should invest more in its football program than a scholarship funded band. I love the UNH band, they play because they love it. Not because they're motivated to keep their scholarship. They feed of the intensity of the hockey and football games. Honestly Amherst, stop recruiting people who are overweight who blow inanimate objects and fuck within their own social circle. Recruit some real people that can play football against UNH. Embarrassing Amherst, just embarrassing.
I think the tuba section would have a better chance of winning than the 'team' that showed up for UMASS
9c. Stadium fights are hilarious. You look like tool. Sit down, drink you beer and enjoy the game. You're attracting attention by a swarm of fluorescent men. Honestly, you're distracting me because you don't know how to act civil. Let's do the grown up thing and think to ourselves, fuck the guy who is slamming your team for being shitty; maybe you should accept it because its true. Deal with it dude. Lets not act like our balls haven't dropped yet.
Kinda blurry, but you get the point. Just creates negative attention.
10. Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.



Cannot wait for next year!

xoxo!

6 comments:

  1. 10 bucks says this was the first UNH football game ladymeows attended.

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  2. Lady Meow,

    Your comments about the UMass band are completely inappropriate.

    As I'm sure you're completely unaware of anything that goes on outside of your "look at me, I'm cool because i drink" bubble, let me enlighten you on the recent tragedy that UMass has been through: Earlier this semester, the longtime director of this "scholarship funded band" had a heart attack and died while on a trip with the band. These musicians were completely devastated at the loss of a leader and family member, but chose to go on and play at Michigan in his honor.

    The UMass band is made up of highly talented and dedicated musicians. How dare you refer to them as anything less than that, especially following this tragedy. It is the comments like that from students like you who make me embarrassed to say that I'm a UNH student. How about you grow up?

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  3. this post is hilarious. im sorry serious people fuck it up. but that sucks.

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  4. because I keep tabs on the UMASS band 24/7? I'm sorry to hear that, my condolences. its all for shits. none of this is serious. hence the blog title. thanks for the comment.

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  5. like Meow knew of the tragedy that the UMass band went though. I am sorry to hear that, but you can't get mad over that. Meow obviously didn't know that recently happened.

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