Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Attention Longboarders: Don’t Be Dicks

By: Geoff Cunningham
Recently, one of my suitemates was walking toward our dorm, and he saw that a few people were congregating in front of the door. They didn’t appear to want to move, so he attempted to walk around them and through the door. While he was doing this, one of the guys turned around and smacked my suitemate in the leg with the longboard that he was holding. Instead of saying something like, “Sorry” or “Excuse me,” you know, like a human being would do, he said, “Dude! Watch the board” in the pitch-perfect tone of a bro.

Just a few days prior, I was walking down the sidewalk outside of Hoco, and a dude on a longboard was rolling directly toward me, looking as if he had no intention of slowing down. I certainly wasn’t going to get out of the way. It’s a sidewalk for God’s sake. They’re for walking. But he didn’t seem to care. When he was less than a foot away from me, he jumped off the sidewalk and onto the street where he belongs, leaving behind a slight scent of AXE in the air.

This brings me to my point: Just because you board, doesn’t mean you’re cool. I know. For some of you out there, that may seem like a foreign concept. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not referring to all longboarders. One of my suitemates longboards, and I love the guy. However, I am referring to the, how shall I say, douchebags and/or bros who think that they’re the shit and that they don’t need to exhibit common courtesy because they longboard (refer back to paragraphs one and two).

I’m sure many of you have noticed that all of a sudden there seems to have been a massive increase of longboarders on campus. I don’t remember there being giant packs of people longboarding during my previous three years here. Most likely, it’s just a fad, and a bunch of people are jumping on the bandwagon because they think it’ll make them look cool. Hence, the douchebags I mentioned earlier. But that’s what our society is all about, right? “I better do this because everybody else is doing it. If I don’t do it, everybody will think I’m lame. And if everybody thinks I’m lame, I’ll die alone.”

But I don’t want to be completely negative here. Longboarders can also provide me with fantastic entertainment. One of my favorite hobbies is watching the longboarders tank it from my window. You can say I’m a terrible person, but we all know it’s amusing. This is America, dammit! We love to watch people hurt themselves, don’t we?

In conclusion, longboarders…don’t be dicks. Seriously.


  1. Fuck longboarders. They try and get all the praise of skateboarders without doing any actual tricks. Oh sweet, you can cross your legs and walk on your board while coasting? Totes rad, bro.

  2. Also, bikers that ride on the sidewalk. THERE ARE BIKE LANES FOR A REASON. Whenever I ride by bike I use the bike lanes, and if I am forced to ride on a pathway through large crowds of people I go slow. I do not zip through and say "Fuck anyone in my way."

    So, to the guy that did this earlier today, fuck you.

  3. Geoff, when you were on the sidewalk it didn't sound like the longboarder was trying to be a dick. It sounded like YOU were being the dick cause you refused take one side step to let him/her by. *note that skateboards don't have brakes.
    I stopped longboarding around campus years ago, too many pedestrians. maybe the new fad of longboarders will give it up too.

  4. Persnickety PedestrianOctober 13, 2010 at 8:32 PM

    Campbell, a sidewalk is for pedestrians. A longboarder is not a pedestrian. If you have wheels, get off the sidewalk.

    But, now that I think about it, maybe you're right. Maybe I should move off the sidewalk and walk in the mud and dirt so that the longboarder can look cool. Or maybe I should show some common courtesy to the longboarders and walk in the road.

  5. Thesaurus using Pedestrian, all I am saying is that it would be courteous to let a skateboarder ride by, like it is to hold a door open for a woman. Or for a motorist to share the road with bicyclist.