Sunday, April 1, 2012

Budget cuts beginning to take toll on UNH

The budget cuts for USNH that the state senate approved last year are beginning to take a toll on the UNH campus. Roughly $33 million from UNH's budget was slashed and already dozens of UNH employees have been laid off, labs are on the brink of being shut down and many more fear for their future.

UNH has been looking at ways to help raise more money, especially since the cuts arrived while trying to build a new $50 million business school with barely half the money raised and other buildings remain in poor conditions.

Students have been asked to help out in even the smallest ways. Dorms are implementing new "lights out" policy that requires students to shut of all the lights and electrical devices by 11PM. This will help save on the school's energy bill and will force students to study more during the daylight, which should take away from their free time when illegal activities may occur.

UNH dormitories have also officially adopted the slogan "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" in hopes to keep the water bill down.

All parking ticket fines will be  doubled as of Monday, April 9th and those funds will go directly into all the athletic coaches' raises.

In order to save on the internet bill, UNH will also be blocking all adult websites, including pornography and Reddit, because that is estimated to reduce internet usage by approximately 78% campus wide.

Lastly, all tuition (and other various payments) made online to UNH will now have a $25 "convenience charge," because fuck you.


  1. APRIL FOOLS! :)

  2. i actually believed most of this for a second... the last one made me laugh

  3. They say 84% of statistics are made right there on the spot