Wednesday, April 14, 2010

How to pick a Major

Today, I would like to spend a little time to talk about a very important subject: pornography. Just kidding, I'm already sick of hearing about that, NEXT! No porn for you! (Yes, that was a Seinfeld Soup Nazi reference, anyone who picked up on that gets plus five points.)

Anyways... I had a discovery a while back that I subsequently forgot about (you'll understand why) but I just thought of it again. I discovered a great way how to pick a major. It is very simple, but some would say it is "illegal" or "wrong" but fuck them. Yeah, I'm real mature. What you do, is get high and just see what you like to do afterwards. Then relate that to a specific topic.

For example, my roommate likes to watch Planet Earth or Life after a good toke and he is an Earth Science major. (fucking hippy.) Unfortunately for me, buying everything in the vending machine is not a major offered at UNH, so I had to settle with my other post-smoking habit. Watching the history channel. Now, I understand that being a history major doesn't really involve Monster Quest, aliens, UFO specials and crazy conspiracy theories, but they are on the history channel. I also come up with ideas for documentaries and posts, which shows why I'll be adding a journalism or English minor or double major soon.

Other examples: you like to play music? Be a music major. You like to write poetry or stories? Take creative writing or poetry classes. You like having sex and cheating on your girlfriend? WSBE! Come on future executives of America, we all know you're going to hate you're job and life, but at least you'll be rich and successful! Right?  Maybe you like listening to what others have to say because your too stoned to say anything yourself... psychology! And if you're really good at finding the remote control you should dropout and become a detective.

In all seriousness, whether you are high or not, your major should be something that you really enjoy. College is an important 4 (or 5... or 6... or 9) years of your life so do something that makes you happy. Because whenever you are done, you're going to have to enter the real word and we all know how much that sucks. (That's why I plan on changing my major about a month before my graduation. I can picture it now... Hey mom and dad, looks like I'm going to need another two years here. Oh well...)

Quick announcements:
For anyone who couldn't get tickets to see MGMT, the same night the premier Pink Floyd cover band, The Machine, is playing at the Portsmouth Music Hall. I am a huge Floyd fan and I highly recommend The Machine. I saw them last year at the Music Hall and I couldn't believe how well they sounded. They even have the light and lazer show to go along with the music. I really wish these concerts were on separate nights because I would definitely like to see The Machine again... hmm, The Machine and MGMT playing just a few miles apart... I am willing to guess quite a few people will be ripped (or on mushrooms or acid) in lovely old New Hampshire that night.

If your not attending the porn... paper shredding event... check out Travapalooza from 11-2 on Congreve Hall to learn about the local sustainable transportation and possibly win Red Sox tickets. You can also order your UNH "Life was Good" t-shirt for those of you moving on this year.

Lastly, a new texts from last night has been released specifically for party schools. Represent UNH well and make me proud.

Stay classy, not UMassy.
PS: If you actually pick a major depending on your highDEAs then just give up.


  1. Just read this out loud to my suitemates. We are all dying laughing. One of them just stares when she is high. We don't know what kind of major that would relate to though..

  2. My gut reaction is some sort of art or photography but I may have to think about that one...

  3. Philosophy major. They do that even when they're not high.