IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED STOP READING NOW.
by: Lady Meow
As you may have noticed the seasons they are a changin', warm weather is finally here, (about time) but remember its still the BEGINNING of April. Our weather is slightly fickle: the monsoon of last week, Sahara desert earlier this week, and today boring :(.
With the warm weather fast approaching I see some significant wardrobe changes some classy, hot, casual, comfortable, etc. Some... not so much. I'm not talking about what brand you're wearing because I could care less about that aspect of fashion. I'm talking about the practicality of the weather correlating with your apparel choice of that particular day. Something doesn't connect... and bluntly, you look like a fucking moron. We'll discuss the positives.
For the weather being seasonably warm recently on campus I saw mostly:
- Rainbows (highly suggested!). Rainbows are leather flipflops that have a life-time guarantee of never breaking and they mold to your feet. I have had mine for about 3 years now and they are all I wear during the summer. They make both men and women flipflops.
- Jesus shoes aka Birkenstocks-comfortable and timeless. Pair these with these a UNH tye dye t-shirt and you're officially in UNH hippie mode.
- Gladiators-the more rugged-glamorous form of Jesus shoes. These sandals prepare you for battle of the classes throughout the day by staying snug to your feet and sometimes for some flash appeal you can find some with some rhinestones. I think the disciple John would have worn these, he was always the gay one.
- good work gentlemen keep it up (: Just remember no shirt, no shoes, no service in HoCo. I would suggest stealing food and having a picnic but oh wait they'll fine your ass for that one (talk about rude).
- highwaaaasted skirts: these are great because they go up to the tiniest part of your waist making you look slimmer. I love these, they are classy and casual, plus there's hardly any effort involved.
- Floral printed skirts: these can be cute, but watch out for the granny prints, you're a college student not in the women's section at Sears.
- wayfarers- the cool, calm, and collected look.
- thats pretty much all I have for that one. Aviators are so last season. dah. (No, I don't really talk like this).
Here's the bad news....You think you chose something that makes you 'look better'...actually, its the exact opposite. ruh roooh.I would like to thank my willing friend tittertatters for modeling for me :D
1st on the agenda, we NEED to discuss fucking LEGGINGS. GOOD LORD! Some of you completely labeled yourself as a 'ruh-tard', holy fucking shit. I don't know if you ladies know this, but those leggings you bought at Charlotte Hooch, are as thin as tissue paper and I don't care to know that we have the same thong from Victoria's secret and I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR COTTAGE CHEESE ASS CHEEKS. By the beard of Zeus put that shit in a cage. If you're gunna wear them, long t-shirts work... even better... THROW THEM OUT, use them as a cum rag or something. Alright, I wear them too but I like to pair mine with a pair of flats, a long printed tanktop/t-shirt and a short jacket. That's how you do it ladies. Have some self-respect.
Next order of business, ORANGE IS NOT A NORMAL SKIN COLOR. You are another race of incompetent human beings. You look like a fucking idiot. I laughed when people clearly went on spring break and came back and you can see brown flakes of skin peeling off their crusty orange forehead. You not only exceeded your daily amount of Vitamin D, but congratulations you are one step closer to Melanoma! Good fucking call. Even better, in 10 years you're going to look like a 1970's Gucci leather bag and don't be surprised if people like me refer to you as leatherface. That shit is hard to reverse. Good luck with that.
I have no words for this.
Another thing I would like to point out is when 'athletic' girls are playing in a sporting event or seen locally at the Hamel Center they are wearing the shorts they bought at an acceptable athletic length. For example take these womens' soccer shorts: Here's what you'll see: You will see (what I like to call) a moosenose aka cameltoe. This is NOT cute. I don't see James Franco watching you workout so why are you doing this to your poor cooch? Let it breathe! No one likes a fishy vag. LASTLY, I promise unless you want more ridiculousness. With the warm weather fastly approaching I see we get a bit confused on what to wear for the appropriate temperture outside. If it's 83 degrees, you don't wear Ugg boots unless you enjoy your feet swimming in a cess pool of your own sweat. Pairing these boots with a skirt just makes you look confused as in are you hot? Are you cold? What?! JUST KIDDING. ONE MORE THING. Ladies PLEASE, PLEASE if you're going to wear a skirt make sure its the appropriate length, I'm sorry to sound like you're principal, but just imagine yourself going up a set of stairs and a PIG is right behind you and looks up your skirt. Fair warning. And guys if you do, do this, go fuck yourselves. Yes, it's her fault she's an idiot, but have some fucking respect. THIS IS NOT OKAY! But here's what I like to call an 'Uggycooter'. I love you tittertatters for being an AMAZING model!. Also, this is FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. I don't care what you wear, go ahead look orange, wear those leggings, and flaunt that twat. I don't care. But this is merely what I see and your peers see. For this entry I got my inspiration from: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com and http://www.peopleofthepark.com Both amazing websites when your bored or in class. Hope you had a good laugh and enjoy the weekend I have a bet to win. I must gargoyle and kegstand in one night. Consider it done. Live Free or Die bitches! -LadyMeOW<3