This morning I began to write a new article about our school newspaper, The New Hampshire. This entry was going to include things that annoy me about the paper and other things that I really like about it. The funny thing is the entire piece was going to be a joke based on the fact that TNH had failed to mention my blog so far. So this afternoon I get out of class and I check the website and what do I see, a comment from none other than Executive Editor John Wayne Ferguson, who may have the most badass name ever.
I was going to write a fake story about TNH offering me a job and then how I turned it down because that would be a sellout move. Wow, TNH, way to ruin my idea for three future entries I had been planning about you guys. I mean really? I've mentioned that I don’t have many ideas and now your fucking it up for me! You have really put me in a bind for future articles... So now I’m going to include my original opinions about The New Hampshire (the entry, and the previous one in which I called TNH out, were originally meant to be very sarcastic and in the end it would be obvious that I actually admire what TNH staff does.)
One thing that annoys me about the paper is the “World” section. I feel that as a school paper it should focus more on things surrounding the university (like my awesome blog). What I’m saying is that because there are two issues a week, (which is very impressive) I usually hear about the world news a day or two before TNH comes out. If the only reason they include the “World” section is to make the paper appear longer, try changing all the periods to size 14 font or make the margins bigger. That always works for me.
At this point I went into a rant about how they hadn’t wrote an article about me called “Who is The New Hampshirite?” much like the new South Park episode, “The Coon.” I even made t-shirts for them to give out about me:
Pretty damn snazzy I must admit.
Then I wrote about how I enjoy the “Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down” section because I almost always agree with their statements, seriously. Another one of my favorite articles is the one they title “Police Log.” My favorite part about this article is how my name has never appeared in it, despite the attempts of the local police force.
So Mr. Ferguson, if you’re still reading, how about a shout out in an upcoming issue? I think you owe it to me since you blew several of my ideas... basically for being way better than I ever expected. I could really use some advertising help! I would like to thank the staff of TNH, they deserve a lot more respect then students give them. I could never handle the type of pressure they do, which is why I post a blog under a fake identity.
Well, The New Hampshire, keep up the good work. Stay classy, not Umassy,
The New Hampshirite