UNH Cops Part III: Return of the Douchebags

Last Friday I got out of class at 2pm, it was a beautiful day and I decided to spend my afternoon skateboarding around campus. I knew that people were still in classes so I decided to be courteous and I avoided skating around the academic buildings because I know skating can be quite noisy.  So I made my way over to the Whittemore Center to throw down some grinds on the benches out front on the concourse adjacent to the turf field. I was skating for a while and there was nobody around. I figured that most people were either in class or already left for Easter weekend. After about a half an hour a cop approached me, I didn’t see him coming until he was about 25 feet away.

“Excuse Me,” he shouted. I turned and realized that he was talking to me because there was literally no one else around. “There is no skateboarding allowed on university property,” he continued. I tried to remain polite because I knew his thick skull was probably full of endless stereotypes, and I was right. I replied back “why not?” He said “skateboards can be used to get from point A to point B, but no stunting is allowed.” I had to try so hard from laughing because I have never heard of skate tricks being referred to as “stunting.”

I was very confused because this past fall I was skateboarding in the same exact place and a motorcycle cop drove by, on the concourse, and gave me a friendly head nod. Obviously it didn’t bother him that I was “stunting” on university property.

Anyways, back to the king of the douches. The cop then looks at my backpack and says “Is that your bag, mind if I take a look in it?” Remember it is about 3 in the afternoon. I knew he had no right to but I just wanted to get this unlawful interrogation over as soon as possible so I gave him permission. As he reached for it he said “I noticed your eyes are a little red and puffy, you been smoking dope.” I almost fucking lost it. What is up with these UNH cops and saying, “dope?” And why the fuck do they always accuse me of smoking it? I had not been smoking at all, but I do have bad allergies and that is what I told him.

He looked through my bag, which contained the following:

• 1 plastic box with skateboard tools.
• 1 camera bag with a video camera and extra tapes
• 1 water bottle (which he sniffed)
• 1 bottle of eye drops

I knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth: “So why do you have these eye drops.” I replied “they help with my allergies, my eyes become itchy and the drops help sooth them quickly.” He asked to see my ID and I pulled out my license, behind my license I noticed I had my health card. I showed him my health card too because on the back are some medications that I’m allergic to, so if there is an emergency the medics would know what not to give me. I said “I know these are just medications but this proves that I do have several allergies.” Then all of sudden I realized that there is a God because I sneezed about 4 or 5 times in a row.

 The cop told me not to skate the benches anymore and that I should carry more proof of my allergies because next time I may not be so lucky. Fuck you cop. I have no idea what he could have done because I had nothing illegal on me and I was blatantly sober. I don’t understand why “I may not be lucky” because he couldn’t arrest me even if I didn’t sneeze. He was just another prick of a cop trying to scare some skater. Hey cops, its a fucking Friday at UNH, don't you have anything better to do then to harass kids trying to get some fucking exercise. Actually don't do that either, we need to get UNH back in the top 10 in the nation for party schools. 

I highly recommend watching those two links, at least UNH Cops aren't as bad as Officer Riviera. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.