Like a Pro: Goodbye... for now

Please note this is only my last TNH newspaper column of the year. The blog will continue on through finals (although posts may slow down) and into the summer. Last summer I only posted about 4 or 5 times, but I am hoping to try and post once a week or every other week this summer. But it depends on what is really happening.

Seeing as this is my last column of the school year, it would be fitting for you to listen to Green Day’s “Good Riddance” on repeat as you read. Why? Because cheesy is awesome, just ask Kurt.

I know a lot of you are probably on edge about what my plans are for the future. I have heard the rumors about me leaving school to turn professional and I would like to address those rumors now. It was not an easy decision and I took the weekend to talk with my family, friends and advisors. I have decided that it would be best for me to turn down Barstool’s contract offer to go “pro” meaning that I will return to UNH next fall. I really feel that finishing my education needs to be my top priority. This decision is final.

I have already started brainstorming new ideas and directions to go in. When I started, I can honestly say that I had no idea where this column would take me, and as it turned out I ended up having a post on Barstool Sports make fun of me. In all honesty, I actually had a feeling that column would find its way to Barstool. That was probably the proudest moment of my life. Through this column I have made many friends, and apparently many enemies. I enraged the director of UNH Dining, was reported to UNH’s Office of Conduct and Mediation, infuriated RAs, and hurt little El Pres’ feelings. Despite that, this really has been the best year of my life.

It wouldn’t be right for me to continue without thanking those who helped me get to this position. Towards the end of last summer and into the beginning of the school year then TNH editors Cameron Kittle and Keeley Smith convinced me to give the newspaper a shot, and for that I am forever thankful to them. Another thanks goes to the current executive editor Thomas Gounley – and his staff – for not firing me the second he took over. 
Coming up on the blog there will be an award “ceremony” to look back on some of the most nonsensical happenings of the year, but I would like to use the remainder of this post to highlight of few things.

My favorite “overheard” of the year took place a few weeks ago at DHOP. It was probably around one in the morning and I’m sitting at a table with a few buddies. From across the dining area I hear a girl say quite loudly to her male friend, “Please, just sit on my face.” Short, simple and to the point. Classic. I really wish I could have heard more of the conversation, because I feel as though I do not have enough information to fully understand the context of that quote.

The next category is the best “text from last night” message received. Choosing the best newspaper-appropriate text was very hard. For one reason or another, I always get the most hilarious drunk texts. I think that “I’m on LSD my phone is sinking,” which was sent via my roommate following the MGMT concert tops the list. It may have made me laugh harder than anything I’ve read all year.

My best “Hangover” moment took place back in February when I awoke with my pants inside out, my dorm room full of balloons and my roommate’s couch upside-down. No, there wasn’t a tiger or a baby, and sadly I never found $80,000, but it was fun trying to recall what happened.

Students, mostly freshmen, often debate which fraternity throws the best parties. It is not really a necessary debate because they are all pretty much the same. I am not real big on the frat party scene, but I will say that the best frat party I attended this year was at Pike.

This has been a great year, and I’d like to say thank you to all my loyal readers. I know there are few students who actually read this on purpose and that is awesome. I can really say that I am happy that I have two more years at UNH because these last two have been really special, and I am terrified of trying to find a job with a history degree and a writing minor. Well UNH, I guess this is where I leave you for now. To those graduating, congratulations and good luck out there. To those returning, have a great summer break and I look forward to another great year with you. To incoming freshman, when I applied to UNH I never imagined I would have a column in the school paper. Welcome and don’t be afraid to try something new, because at UNH new opportunities will arise. 



Stay classy not Umassy.