Sunday, December 25, 2011

Santa Gnarlz, please come to Durham!

If only UNH's problems could be solved with an extra big Santa bag...

For President Huddleston:
A couple money trees to plant around campus. As a bonus, they produce more money when drunk students pee on them! Take that Concord, you're budget cuts mean nothing now!

For Hockey coach Dick Umile:
Team defense: A team that plays both ways for three full periods! I'm sorry, but they have let up way too many easy goals and it's not all on the goalies. I love the team, but they need something to change going into the second half of the season.

For football coach Sean McDonnell:
Wider field goal posts! (Too soon/harsh?) Okay, okay, how about that new stadium they drew plans for years ago?
For the Whittemore Center:

Earmuffs! What you don't hear, won't hurt you.

For Dean of the Business School Dan Innis:
Acela Train tickets! No more slumming it like the rest of us! (Probably one person gets this...)

For the new business school:
The indoor waterfall from Trump Plaza. You only deserve the best! 

For Hamilton-Smith and Nesmith Hall:
Even Santa doesn't care about you.

Basketball coach Bill Herrion:
Okay, maybe not the Ray Allen, but someone who can hit a free throw now and again would be nice.

For the dining halls:
Salt shakers on every table! Imagine the possibilities!

For ATO brothers:
Also a hammer and nails. Maybe they can borrow some duct tape from Ham-Smith too...

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and have a great New Years,
from The New Hampshirite. Stay classy, not UMassy.


  1. touche sir. well done.

  2. i may be very incorrect but i thought our basketball team had a high free throw percentage

  3. Just looked it up to be safe, their team free throw percentage is 53.2. That's terrible.