STAN in the Land Down Under

Good Morning Nonsensical Nation!

Well, at least it's morning for me here in gorgeous, sunny, 82 degree Townsville, Australia! Yes I realize that Townsville is the most generic snap decision couldn't-think-of-anything-else-and-my-homework-was-due kinda of name for a place but there are kangaroos here so I can let it slide. So the time difference will put all my favorite UNH residents at about 7:10pm on Friday night, Saturday morning here. While I hope readers enjoy my first contribution I especially hope you're all getting silly after waiting in line for hours in the cold for your ticket to Wiz, as you damn well deserve. I have been doing my fair share of drinking here and already have some interesting, cross-bow guy free thank god, stories to tell about the night scene in Aussie land. HOWEVER, those stories are for later becaue the ridiculous crap Australia does started before I even got there.


Yes I'm talking about Qantas airlines. I was sitting in my seat next to a 17ish looking Australian guy who was wearing a Cincinnati Reds baseball had and a Kobe Bryant jersey... what? I thought it was an odd combination of teams to pretend to like but hey, to each their own. After fully contemplating what in the hell that kid was wearing I tried to reach for my book at the same moment the chick in front of me decided she needed to recline her seat as far as it could go. Bad airplane etiquette since she didn't ask first. Always ask first! It's just a dick move if you don't and makes the person whose lap you're in pissed. Anyhoo, couldn't reach the book so i reached for the only thing I could read. The flight safety card. Most amazing safety card ever! Apparently nostalgia is a big problem in Australia because this gem was staring at me from the front cover.Right?!? All I could think of while I was laughing to myself was "This is your captain speaking uuuhhhhh we're are now headed to the runway uuuuhhhh please turn off your FU%@ING FURBY!" I didn't even have time to think of a witty blog worthy retort before I turned the page and found this!
Alright now what the hell?? This was in the "in case of a crash" section. Note the proper bracing postures of the adult drawings. Now notice the complete disregard for the wellbeing of the baby!!! Granted drawing baby is still smiling like all of us would be in a freefalling airplane headed for doom, but come on! Nobody is gonna turn around and think "Oh, maybe I should help that infant that can't even hold it's own head up but apparently has a higher chance of survival here than me. Where are his/her parents?" Fortunately the plane didn't crash and nobody had to use an indestructo-baby as a flotation device. Qantas never crashes, good call Rainman. Okay, I know Australians actually DO care about their babies' safety in any situation, but this was one awful first impression. Hilarious though it was.
I have more stories to tell, but for now I need some food to get rid of this hangover...
I hope you enjoyed my first post, just trying to make Mr. New Hampshirite proud!
As always,
Stay Classy, AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!

Worst Mom Ever

I came across this news article today and I felt it was necessary to share it with you all. It appears that the worst mother ever lives in the UK. She is Leanne Salt, the mother of 8-month-old triplets, and claims she is too busy to do housework or to cook food for the babies.  So she takes them to McDonalds. 

'They were six months old when they had their first McDonald's,' she said. 'They had chicken nuggets and chips and loved it.

'They like fish and chips too, but I take the batter off the fish, so I guess that's healthy.'

Salt, who weights 30 stones (about 420 pounds) was the heaviest person ever to have triplets (40 stones or 560 pounds at the time of the birth) and it took a team of 68 doctors to perform her C-section. She blames her obesity on a thyroid problem. I found this piece of the article the most disturbing:

'Foods high in salt and fat can lead to diarrhoea, hyperactivity, diabetes and, in extreme cases, fitting and fatal heart attacks.

'These children are at extreme risk of becoming overweight in the near future if their diet continues in this way.'

The house is full of unwashed laundry and piles of toys, and Miss Salt says she and her babies only get dressed and go out once a week to collect her benefits.

Really? Thyroids? I think that you just like fast-food, and obviously you are just really lazy. You claim that you are too busy to cook and do housework, but you don't have a job and you live with your mother. Someone really needs to knock some sense into this lady. There is nothing I hate to see more then obese children because, unless it is a health problem, it is always the parent's fault. If you're wondering about the father, it was her boyfriend of four weeks, they split up about halfway through the pregnancy and he sends benefits. I hope that the children will grow up to live a healthy life. I recommend clicking the link above to read the full article, and to see pictures of Miss Salt. I think her last name is very appropriate. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.