Friday, February 11, 2011

STAN in the Land Down Under

Good Morning Nonsensical Nation!

Well, at least it's morning for me here in gorgeous, sunny, 82 degree Townsville, Australia! Yes I realize that Townsville is the most generic snap decision couldn't-think-of-anything-else-and-my-homework-was-due kinda of name for a place but there are kangaroos here so I can let it slide. So the time difference will put all my favorite UNH residents at about 7:10pm on Friday night, Saturday morning here. While I hope readers enjoy my first contribution I especially hope you're all getting silly after waiting in line for hours in the cold for your ticket to Wiz, as you damn well deserve. I have been doing my fair share of drinking here and already have some interesting, cross-bow guy free thank god, stories to tell about the night scene in Aussie land. HOWEVER, those stories are for later becaue the ridiculous crap Australia does started before I even got there.

Yes I'm talking about Qantas airlines. I was sitting in my seat next to a 17ish looking Australian guy who was wearing a Cincinnati Reds baseball had and a Kobe Bryant jersey... what? I thought it was an odd combination of teams to pretend to like but hey, to each their own. After fully contemplating what in the hell that kid was wearing I tried to reach for my book at the same moment the chick in front of me decided she needed to recline her seat as far as it could go. Bad airplane etiquette since she didn't ask first. Always ask first! It's just a dick move if you don't and makes the person whose lap you're in pissed. Anyhoo, couldn't reach the book so i reached for the only thing I could read. The flight safety card. Most amazing safety card ever! Apparently nostalgia is a big problem in Australia because this gem was staring at me from the front cover.Right?!? All I could think of while I was laughing to myself was "This is your captain speaking uuuhhhhh we're are now headed to the runway uuuuhhhh please turn off your FU%@ING FURBY!" I didn't even have time to think of a witty blog worthy retort before I turned the page and found this!
Alright now what the hell?? This was in the "in case of a crash" section. Note the proper bracing postures of the adult drawings. Now notice the complete disregard for the wellbeing of the baby!!! Granted drawing baby is still smiling like all of us would be in a freefalling airplane headed for doom, but come on! Nobody is gonna turn around and think "Oh, maybe I should help that infant that can't even hold it's own head up but apparently has a higher chance of survival here than me. Where are his/her parents?" Fortunately the plane didn't crash and nobody had to use an indestructo-baby as a flotation device. Qantas never crashes, good call Rainman. Okay, I know Australians actually DO care about their babies' safety in any situation, but this was one awful first impression. Hilarious though it was.
I have more stories to tell, but for now I need some food to get rid of this hangover...
I hope you enjoyed my first post, just trying to make Mr. New Hampshirite proud!
As always,


  1. i don't know why FU%@ING got a hyperlink.. doesn't go to anything.

  2. my computer interprets it as an email address...anyway good first post, looking forward to what you have to offer to the blog

  3. fucking furby never should have been allowed, anywhere

  4. "So the time difference will put all my favorite UNH residents at about 7:10pm on Friday night, Saturday morning here"

    Ahhh! Stan's in the future!!! Send an almanac so we can bet on sporting events like in Back to the Future!!!