Just got done with another glorious day at the beach here in, once again, sunny Australia. When I say glorious I of course imply that there was not a cloud in the sky, the water was roughly 86 degrees (not even kidding 30 celsius!), and the sand was pristine. Those things are super, but not quite glorious. The thing, or things, that made this day one to remember was the quite attractive woman sunbathing next to me topless. Do you get the joke when I said "or things"? Eeehhh? ha. She was actually the fourth topless beauty that I have come across so apparently that flies here!! And no I didn't sit there just because she was there, I got there first! Being American I began to wonder what the etiquette of sitting adjacent to a topless sunbather is. Upon further review, I came up with a few rules/general guidelines to follow to enjoy the view whilst remaining off sex offender lists.
1. Look. Just do it. If she took her top off in a public place, then she's obviously okay with people seeing her ta-tas. And if you're one of those people that is going to say you wouldn't look just to be respectful of her privacy, shut up you asshole.
2. Don't pretend like you're NOT going to look when you know for damn sure that you will. I promise you that you look more awkward than any person that is openly gawking. Looking the other way as if the other half of the world doesn't exist; dumb.
3. Don't openly gawk. Snatch a glance every now and then, then look one more time, then look one more time. Repeat. This will allow you to get your fill with the added bonus of keeping your neck unbroken from the strain of resisting looking at the boobs.
4. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE A PICTURE!!!!!! That is creepy and completely unacceptable. You can find billions off tits on the internet without having to include that poor unsuspecting woman into the mix. Taking voyeur pictures of boobies is bad, m'kay?
5. Don't touch. I feel like that goes without saying but I know there are people that will do something like that just because no one told them not to. These people need to be bashed in the head with a rock.
6. Freaking LOOK! I feel the need to reiterate this just to eliminate any doubts. They're there, its okay to observe the wonder! Your nude sunbather story is really going to suck dick if you can't even describe what the breasts were like.
7. Lastly, one for the girls. If you don't want people looking don't whip them out! Plain and simple.
So those are STAN's general rules for your behavior around nude babes dude! I encourage one and all to put in their two cents if you have any ideas or arguments. For now, I have a pub to visit!
Stay Classy, AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!