Random Thoughts

So the other day a friend was chatting on Like a Little while we were watching TV because it is hilarious what people say on there. All of a sudden she yells out "Ah, gross listen to what this guy said"... "I just woke up from a nap and there was a load of drool that came out of my mouth!" The funny thing it turned out to be our other friend (who is also female) and was sitting on the other couch. They were chatting for a while and never realized it. Absolutely hilarious. While on that topic, the chat function on Like a Little has began to make me question other students. That thing is about to go down hill like Chat Roulette.

Charlie Sheen is invading UNH! Other spray paint stencils have been spotted too. What does it mean?! Wildcat blood?

This is inside of Stillings. "Nourish. Discover. Energize." Last time I checked, a plate full of french fries and cheesy bread doesn't provide nourishment. What are we supposed to discover? How much of a fat ass we are? And whenever I leave Stillings I don't feel energized. I usually barely make it back and then crash on my couch. Choices matter.

Lastly, I realized why UNH couldn't pull out the win last night. Gnarlz wasn't on the ice. That cat is clutch, look at this deke he put on that dirty hippy Rally:

Dangle, snipe and celly. (Top notch quality I know.)

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: Congratulations to Paul Thompson, who signed a contract with the Pittsburgh Penguins today.

This week in Dining: Dining strikes back

BLOG HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE!

This is the debut post of "This Week in Dining," which will be a reoccurring theme every week. This is an effort to continue my vendetta against the UNH dining system because it is time someone puts them in their place.

But this week they struck back.

For the first time in the history of the blog I have finally made an actual difference on campus. I am pretty confident that the following sign in HoCo, which describes their new policy, was set up specifically because of my past newspaper column.

It is a little blurry, but it reads: "Our new policy requires that all food and beverages be consumed within the dining hall. We appreciate your support and understanding... Violators are subject to a $25 fine for the removal of food, beverages or dining ware from the dining halls."

Well fuck a duck! I must say that I am very disappointed in dining's decision to release this new policy. Obviously they realized that when I issued a vendetta against them all of UNH would soon turn against them. They are actually just trying to discourage my "massive" following on campus from coming together. So, actually I am pretty honored because they acknowledged how influential I have become. (What?) I guess this sign has been up for a few days, but I didn't notice it until today when my roommate pointed it out as I walked out with a banana.

First of all, who the fuck would support this? "We appreciate your support and understanding." I am pretty sure that every student will be pissed about this (my bad, I appologize if it really did have anything to do with it. I apologize to the students that is. Dining can fuck themselves). I highly doubt any one student would support this. Most students probably haven't noticed the changes because we don't read signs, but eventually our voices will be heard. Hunter S. Thompson once said "It is very important to learn, early in life, that you can beat City Hall and that You can change the System. You might be beaten and gassed by Police a few times before you succeed, but that stuff goes with the territory. And you will be proud of it later, just as you will make many smart friends who will stand with you all your life." It is time we make those swines at Dining here our rage. I ask everyone of you to listen to Rage Against the Machine and then write one of those napkin letters and demand that we have the right to take one piece of fruit and a mug full of a beverage out of the dining halls. First they waste OUR money with the stupid salt and peppermills, then they take away our trays on Tuesdays and now this!

Our money from meal plans allows the dining system to run. Therefore we should have a say in the decision making process. It is the same problem with the entire Smith Hall fiasco, most students probably wouldn't have cared if the administration discussed it with students first, but they acted without communication. I guarantee that if dining asked for student input not one student would have said "I think we need $32 salt shakers." Because only a douche who only cares about their image would say that. Right, dining? I have said it before and I will say it again, they only care about their image. Every year UNH dining is considered one of the tops in the country. This is true only because they have longer hours than most dining halls, we have unlimited meal plans, they are "green" and they have a buffet style (some schools you can only pick one type of meal and others are set up like the MUB food court). Those are really awesome things and the food usually is pretty decent, but I feel like the past few weeks there has been a terrible selection. Anyone else notice that the further away from a holiday, parent's weekend, or local harvest day the worse the food gets? Dining thinks they are hot shit, but in reality, they only cause hot shit.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

UNH Dining Steals from students

I have been doing a lot of thinking about these new salt and pepper mills in the dining halls. They have been around since the start of the new semester and during that time, after extensive research, examination and testing, I have come to the following conclusion: Dining could not have wasted money in a worse way. Seriously, what the fuck? But what do you expect from those incompetent bastards who run the show over there? They can't read very well, take a joke, or spend money efficiently. Those mills cost $32.25 EACH. And I'll tell you what, I'm willing to guarantee it wasn't because they care about our health! They don't give a fuck, the more we eat the more money they get to charge for next year's meal plans. When the new semester started they said the new salt and pepper mills where bought because they use sea-salt which is healthier. Also, not having the salt shakers on the table would cause more students to not use salt. Meaning that they expected us to be extremely lazy. Hmm, I really want salt on these fries, but I'm not going to walk 12 feet to get it. I know people who have said this tactic has worked, but most people still use the salt. I say that they are acknowledging the stereotype that young American's are lazy. Well fuck them. Apparently UNH dining hates America. Now, if we were to boycott using salt it would prove them right and I can't let that happen. So, I expect every UNHer out there to not only use salt, but a lot of it. Sure, it means that they will order more, but it would also prove them wrong. I believe that we can make a difference, we can change! We can eat all the fucking salt we want! 

Now, you're probably wondering why I am ranting about salt, I actually don't even like my food salty, but it is because I now have a vendetta against everyone at dining. I still eat at HoCo about 4 times a day and I won't stop because I already paid my meal plan. I truly think that the real reason dining wasted all that money, which could have been spent on less diarrhetic foods, is because the salt and pepper mills look nice. I have been getting this notion that appearance is becoming too much of a concern for dining, and the University as a whole. Either that or... (inappropriate joke about the mills being used as sex toys.)

By the way, the email from the conduct office I got was never followed up upon. They must have realized that the dining director completely misunderstood my column. At least some administrators have common sense and know how to take a joke. The funniest thing is that in the email he sent me, where he criticized me for "encouraging stealing" he also mentioned that stealing costs the meal-plan holders. Well how about paying $32.25 for a shit-load of completely unnecessary salt and pepper mills? That, my friends, is thievery. UNH is strapped for cash and relaying on a bunch of alumni donations to continue to grow, so how about they stop spending the little money they do have on items that are completely worthless. If it ain't broke don't fix it!

On to my next topic. Anyone see that hockey game last night?

Stay classy, not UMassy.

An Apology

First of all I really feel it is necessary for me to make an open apology. No, not to dining because they thought my last column was encouraging thievery so they reported me to the conduct office. Even though I was actually doing the opposite by exposing how easy it is and the ridiculous reasons why students choose to steal. I mean, what the fuck? I know I suck at writing but am I so bad that I did the exact opposite of what I meant to do? Everything from that column was what I learned from other students, I just wrote it down. (Exact quote referring to what people told me: "Some of their answers were down right hysterical. I was surprised at how many students admitted to stealing cups, plates, coffee mugs, silverware the old salt and pepper shakers and even trays."  Half of the people I asked admitted to taking shit and dining points the finger at me. Well, I'm pointing one back at them too. (And it is the bad one). We all loose out when students steal, and even if my sample was small it is pretty obvious that a lot of money goes to waste from all the little things adding up. I didn't say that in the column because I figured people would be smart enough to make that connection on their own. Is that really the column or post that could get me in trouble? The one time I don't talk about underage drinking or drugs! Fuck. Don't worry, next week's column will encourage parties so I should be fine.

I do however owe an apology to my fellow students. Starting on February 8th there was a new food truck on campus. They are called "Irie Taco" and are located next to the lower quad, where the dumpsters are between C-Lot and Engelhardt. I just saw it this morning and as at the campuses premier blogger I feel as though I should have been all over that shit on day one. I haven't had a chance to eat their food yet but you can find their menu here. I have heard that they are really good and have decent prices: $1 soda cans, $2.50 for tacos and around $5 for burritos. I was told they are only here during the day, and I'm not sure if they plan on staying late on weekends, but I'll try to find out ASAP.

While I was walking around campus this morning, running some errands before the weekend and I realized that there are some little things that make me happy. For example, perfectly timing the walk signal at the intersection across from the Whit when there is a lot of traffic. Or getting two items from a vending machine when I only pay for one. Okay, that is all I got for now. Enjoy you're thirsty Thursday and if you don't have plans you should all attend the men's basketball game tonight against Binghamton at 7. The coach and players have really appreciated the bigger crowds and they need good momentum heading into the final stretch of the season. Plus, they are giving out free T-shirts again.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: Stealing from Dining

UNH dining halls have a strict policy on what can and cannot be taken, but many students choose to ignore the rules. Students are permitted to take one piece of fruit, a brownie or cookie, and to fill up their Mug Club for free at HoCo, Philbrook or Stillings. These restrictions, which were put in place last year, are meant to save money and waste. During last year trays were also removed from Philbrook and Stillings in an attempt to cut down on uneaten foods and to save water. All of the dining halls have cameras outside the exit doors so students must be at least somewhat sneaky to get away with stealing.  Throughout my time at UNH I have noticed that many students take more than what they are allowed from our dining hall, and I will admit that I do it too.

Before I sat down to write this I went to HoCo and partook in some observational research by watching students leave the dining hall. I felt like a creep, but it seemed as though every third or fourth student was attempting to steal. The thieves always had their hands shoved deep in the pockets of a baggy sweatshirt or jacket as if they were hiding something. They all looked nervous and they turned away from the person at the register as they walked by. Over the past two weeks I have been asking friends, acquaintances and complete strangers what they take from the dining halls and why.

Out of the 50 students I polled, 16 students admitted that they take food from the dining halls and seven said they have taken utensils or dishware. Exactly half of the students claimed that they take anything that they can fit under a jacket, while only two students said that they have never stolen from a dining hall. Just about every student has snuck out an extra piece of fruit now and then or maybe a handful of soup crackers, but that is not what I was interested in. Some of their answers are down right hysterical. I was surprised at how many students admitted to taking cups, plates, coffee mugs, silverware, the old salt and peppershakers and even trays.

 I bet half the dorm rooms at UNH are fully furnished with kitchen sets from our dining halls. There are obvious reasons for taking certain items; the average student is not MacGyver, so if they take a fork they probably have a bunch of Ramen noodles back at their room. Then there are some items that are less obvious for their uses, such as the small ketchup containers. Now why would some steal one of those? Because they make excellent shot glasses.

The most common use of a tray is for sledding down library hill, trust me it is a blast. Trays can also be used for more practical uses such as a TV dinner stand. For all you romantics out there, remember Valentines Day is right around the corner. Why don’t you surprise you’re special someone with breakfast in bed? All you need is a winter jacket to slip the tray under and you are golden.

In order to write this article as accurately as possible I had to do some true gonzo-journalism. I enlisted several of my closest friends to take an item or two from a dining hall to see what we could get away with. All of our successful thefts were returned later on. Some of the things we got away with included a full salad bowl, trays, cups, and various pieces of silverware. We did return everything though; it was for the good of the study. Things we were not successful with included an armful of oranges, one of the cup carts, a container of cereal and a tray full of food. We did make it out the door with the oranges and the tray of food, but were caught by the register lady. Luckily it was two different people on two different days. When my roommate got caught with the oranges he was told, “this is not a grocery store.” I got caught with the tray and explained how I was a new transfer student and thought I could eat it in the food court. Denied.

According to Jon Plodzik, the director of dining, students who are caught stealing are reported the school’s Judicial Program in violation of the Student Rights, Rules and Conduct Code. Although a total monetary loss is not known, six of the new peppermills have already been stolen, which are priced at $30.25 a piece.

Stay classy, not UMassy.