I have been doing a lot of thinking about these new salt and pepper mills in the dining halls. They have been around since the start of the new semester and during that time, after extensive research, examination and testing, I have come to the following conclusion: Dining could not have wasted money in a worse way. Seriously, what the fuck? But what do you expect from those incompetent bastards who run the show over there? They can't read very well, take a joke, or spend money efficiently. Those mills cost $32.25 EACH. And I'll tell you what, I'm willing to guarantee it wasn't because they care about our health! They don't give a fuck, the more we eat the more money they get to charge for next year's meal plans. When the new semester started they said the new salt and pepper mills where bought because they use sea-salt which is healthier. Also, not having the salt shakers on the table would cause more students to not use salt. Meaning that they expected us to be extremely lazy. Hmm, I really want salt on these fries, but I'm not going to walk 12 feet to get it. I know people who have said this tactic has worked, but most people still use the salt. I say that they are acknowledging the stereotype that young American's are lazy. Well fuck them. Apparently UNH dining hates America. Now, if we were to boycott using salt it would prove them right and I can't let that happen. So, I expect every UNHer out there to not only use salt, but a lot of it. Sure, it means that they will order more, but it would also prove them wrong. I believe that we can make a difference, we can change! We can eat all the fucking salt we want!
Now, you're probably wondering why I am ranting about salt, I actually don't even like my food salty, but it is because I now have a vendetta against everyone at dining. I still eat at HoCo about 4 times a day and I won't stop because I already paid my meal plan. I truly think that the real reason dining wasted all that money, which could have been spent on less diarrhetic foods, is because the salt and pepper mills look nice. I have been getting this notion that appearance is becoming too much of a concern for dining, and the University as a whole. Either that or... (inappropriate joke about the mills being used as sex toys.)
By the way, the email from the conduct office I got was never followed up upon. They must have realized that the dining director completely misunderstood my column. At least some administrators have common sense and know how to take a joke. The funniest thing is that in the email he sent me, where he criticized me for "encouraging stealing" he also mentioned that stealing costs the meal-plan holders. Well how about paying $32.25 for a shit-load of completely unnecessary salt and pepper mills? That, my friends, is thievery. UNH is strapped for cash and relaying on a bunch of alumni donations to continue to grow, so how about they stop spending the little money they do have on items that are completely worthless. If it ain't broke don't fix it!
On to my next topic. Anyone see that hockey game last night?
Stay classy, not UMassy.