The Last Hurrah

Spring break is basically done, and some of us might be pissed that it falls on the week of St. Patrick's Day (I am), and also the first week of the Hockey East Tournament.. Oh wait! Luckily, UNH hockey saved us the trouble of missing the Wildcats play for some kind of hardware by shitting the bed in the first round against Vermont at home! Awesome! Thanks again!

Spring break is great because it can be used for a week of relaxing at home, watching the snow dwindle away and catching some college basketball, or going on a trip somewhere warm around or outside of the country. It's a very versatile week of not having to do anything. Most of the time, there's one thing missing from most spring breaks: partying with your friends from college. That's because all of them are on spring break too probably not doing what you're doing, but I really don't have a better way to introduce this point across, so bear with me.

Let me put on some music first before I get this thing rolling.



There's about two months left of being at UNH for the majority of campus. That's about eight or nine more weekends of partying. I'm not doing any more math, but that's not a lot of time left. This is the end of the year. Why do you think SCOPE calls their concert the Spring Climax? It's so the last months before summer can jizz booze and bad decisions all over the campus for the residents of Durham to clean off before the cycle begins all over again. At least, that's my understanding of it.

If this is your freshman year, make the rest of your time here count. If you're a senior, make the rest of your time here count, because DAMN LIFE IS GOING TO SUCK AFTER THIS. Have you been reading any of the news? Most college students don't really listen to it since they're in a protective bubble on campus where the only problems are when you're going to get beer and how you're going to get into that frat. Also, you think it's acceptable to drink on Thursdays in the real world? Do it a couple times and your friends will hold an intervention for your alcoholism.

With the warm months comes the magical hobby of drinking outside while it's sunny. There are few feelings that beat the experience of sitting on a lawn at Young Drive or anywhere else holding a beer/Solo cup/whatever you're drinking while it's one in the afternoon. Outside beer pong? Much more interesting with the wind as a factor. And probably one of the best things about the warm months of college? Skirt day, when all the girls decide to ditch sweatpants and actually gussy themselves up and wear something that leaves less to the imagination. THIS IS YOUR TIME. MAKE IT COUNT.

You might ask why the fuck I'm repeating the same thing over and over again. I want to get it through your heads. Colleges in Florida, California, and places like that? It's warm over there for so much longer than it is up here. They're spoiled with great months like this. Skirt day is every day. They can drink outside as frequently as they want. Since we're in New Hampshire, the time with warm weather that we have is much shorter than them. Sure, global warming might equalize things in a couple decades but you won't be in college then.

When we get back, I want porch drinking. I want day-long parties. I want Polish horseshoes. No, that's not a sex act. Look it up.

We've only got a handful of weekends left to make Durham residents consider selling their house and moving somewhere less rowdy. MAKE IT COUNT.

Spring Break

I don't think I have ever been so happy for a vacation from school more than today. I love everything about UNH, but these past few weeks have been exhausting, so I plan on doing absolutely nothing over next week. It will be awesome. I hope you all have a wonderful break and be ready for the semester to pick up again. The are two problems I have with UNH's break though. The first is that we will be home for St. Patrick's day, which takes away from some shenanigans, don't worry there will be shenanigans, just not top notch shenanigans. The second problem is that once again my birthday falls over break so I am yet to have a birthday at UNH. It is like the administration somehow knows that if we were in school for the New Hampshirite's birthday shit would go down. Speaking of birthdays the blog will turn one year old just over a week after break so I have a few plans for that. That is all I really have and I probably won't post much, if at all, over break; but be prepared for the second half of the semester. Have a nice break and enjoy your time off. Shenanigans. 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

This is coming kind of late in the day, but today is spring cleaning after all. What's spring cleaning at UNH you ask? It is the last Thirsty Thursday before spring break, which means for all of us still living in dorms it is time to clean out all of our alcohol and any other substances that you don't want to take home or leave at school. It really is a great day, and one of my personal favorite holidays. This will be my last spring cleaning since I'm moving into the Gables next year so I am going to keep this quick and make sure the night is memorable. This has been one crazy week from essays, to projects to exams to waiting in line for 4 hours so I think we all deserve to kick back and cut loose tonight. Have fun UNH, and enjoy every sandwich.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Thoughts on Spring Climax

Let me start this off by saying I was very happy to see SCOPE book MGMT for a show. I think this will be a great concert and many students were obviously pleased seeing how quickly it sold out. I was in line at 8:30 a.m. and finally was able to buy a ticket just after 12:30. During those four hours I missed two classes because I determined that MGMT > latin and anthropology. Also, some friends had required classes or tests that they couldn't miss. I was in line to buy three tickets, one for me, one for my roommate and one for a friend who doesn't go to UNH. Needless to say the 200 non-student tickets went fast so I bought a third student ticket for a kid who couldn't wait longer (and I made $5 for it.) Anyways, a lot of people were very upset to learn the show sold out before they could get tickets, especially those who waited in line all morning. Take a peek at this email one blog reader sent in:

"It's disappointing that Scope booked an artist that isn't going to play in the Whit to allow the most amount of the student population to see the show.  I skipped a mandatory class and I know my friends and other people skipped their classes and missed tests to wait in line.  Some were lucky to get a ticket but most of them, like me,  just waited and wasted their time to find out that the show was sold out. Why would Scope pick a band that didn't want to play for a large group of kids?  It doesn't make sense when there are 12,000+ undergrads at UNH. I like the that Scope mixed it up and chose MGMT and was really looking forward to the show but they should've picked a band that was willing to play for a larger audience since there's such a large group of people here or at least work things out with MGMT to get them to play at the Whit.  Someone said Akon had about 5,000-6,000 kids but the Spring CLIMAX is only going to have 2,400?!  I feel bad for the Seniors this year that wanted but didn't get a ticket, this is their last Climax and they won't be a part of it.  Students should at least get some of their $93 student activity fee back if Scope isn't going to give them an opportunity to purchase a ticket that they already basically half paid for.  I know you are excited to see MGMT lets see you use some of your pull and try to get more of the UNH students the ability to enjoy the show by trying to get the show moved to the Whit.  I read your blog everyday and if you can get UNH dining shaking in their boots you're my hope to try and reach out to Scope.  I really want to see this show. Thanks."


First of all, that was an awesome email to read, so thank you. I do own dining, but they are run by immature and self-conscience adults who are much easier to piss of than students who get bitched at 4 times a year for not booking everybody's favorite band. I said before that I wouldn't bash on SCOPE because I think they did a great job landing MGMT, but I completely understand where this reader is coming from. So, as much as it pains me, I am not going to take a side for once. I think that SCOPE needs to respect MGMT's request for the smaller venue, but don't forget last year's climax with Lupe was also scheduled for the field house and later moved into the Whit. Personally, I have always felt that the field house actually has better sound quality than the Whit. With such a high ceiling and open concourse the sound can become lost and distorted in the Whit. On the other side of the spectrum I feel terrible for people who had to wait in line without getting a ticket in the end. I would have been absolute rip-shit if that happened to me... and you would never here the end of it.

However, I feel there were two main problems that go beyond who is playing and where. The first is that non-student tickets should not be sold until the day after student tickets go on sale. And they should be treated as regular tickets if the student tickets sellout. 200 activity-fee-paying-UNH students cannot attend this concert because non-student tickets went on sale at the same time. I think that is the most unfair situation of all. The second problem was SCOPE members being terrible at organization. When I entered the GSR at 8:30 this morning I was asked if I was paying cash or credit. I said cash and was directed to one line. After about an hour I saw a sign that said "cash and student tickets only," and I was planning on buying one non-student ticket. (So I would have been a part of the first problem, back off.) So I needed to switch lines and in another hour we were told non-student tickets were sold out. I then switched back into the cash line and eventually (2 hours later) got my tickets. I don't understand why in the beginning that the SCOPE member didn't tell me that it was cash and students only. Luckily I realized this before it was too late, or I might have been out a ticket too.

At least SCOPE doesn't charge ridiculous fees like ticket master. Check out this screen shot I took after purchasing a ticket to see Gogol Bordello in Boston:

 

Really? $8.05 convenience charge? $2.95 to oder online and $2.50 to print a ticket. Bullshit!

I had to pay $40.50 for a $27 ticket! Whatever, I guess between that and waiting in line for 4 hours today will be worth it to see two sick concerts two nights apart. Before I leave I really would like to see SCOPE contact MGMT and inquire about a larger show at the Whit. How nice would it be to see MGMT outdoors at night? Or how about they say fuck fire code and sell more tickets for the field house! That thing ain't burning down!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

UNH Loraxing it up

A reader email from last night tipped me off about something on campus that I found quite amusing. As we all know the wind storm caused some major damage around campus. The majority of this damage was from trees that had fallen or snapped in half. Out in front of Thompson Hall there used to be two pine trees, one of either side of the patio with the flagpole, as seen below. Well, during the storm one of the trees snapped in half towards the top. If you saw it, it was pretty goofy looking.

Old picture, notice the two smaller pine trees to the sides of the stairs in front of the flagpole. 

From this morning, no more pine trees.

If you're gonna cut them down, at least pull the stumps.

As you can see both of the pine trees are now gone. This is because the grounds crew cut down both trees to keep the symmetry. Now, I am not a super green-environmentalist-advocate, nor do I drive a Hummer, but I think it is kind of funny that the other healthy tree was cut down too. Didn't the grounds crew read (or watch) the Lorax as a child? We need the trees! You see, my friends, trees are the answer.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

The UNH Bucketlist

Fellow TNH columnist Corey Nachman and I teamed up for one super column this week. I hope you enjoy our collaboration.

Unless you’re either obsessed with emulating Van Wilder and have the funds to do so, your college experience is going to end after a fairly short amount of time. It should be in our minds at all times that we should be constantly participating in activities that will most assuredly be memorable so we can remember this place as fondly as possible.  This isn’t a typical bucket list. The following is a compilation of unique things every student should consider trying before graduating UNH to make your experience that much more memorable.

Camp Out in the Little Red Wagon: It doesn’t serve much of a purpose so why not spend a night camping out in it? A lot of people would think that College Woods would be the premier campout spot on campus, but think of the reactions you would get from people who spot your spending the night in the wagon.

Speaking of College Woods, a massive game of hide and seek in there is another item on the list. Just be careful not to get lost or you might end up unintentionally achieving another item; sit in College Woods until you have an epiphany. Who knows, maybe you will decide to change your major or add a minor. Just don’t eat any suspicious-looking berries.

Attempt different food challenges: Eating a Manley at Kurt’s is a good place to start and while you’re there, you should try to work with Kurt for a night. You are bound to hear some wild stories and see drunken students make fools of themselves. Then, of course, there is JP’s Slap Shot: 15 sliders, a large fry and a large shake. Finish it in 30 minutes and you will find yourself on the Wall of Fame… and about 15 pounds heavier. Next up we have D-Hop. Every student at UNH must complete the Grand Slam – attending D-Hop twice in one night on consecutive nights. You should throw in a trip to Wildcat Pizza too; a lot of people claim they have the better pizza even though D-Hop receives all the attention.

Bring and throw your own fish at a hockey game: After the first UNH goal is scored a fan throws a fish on the ice, but any true fan would bring a fish of their own. This should be applied to more campus activities, such as throwing a fish after the first UNH touchdown at a football game. Ace an exam? Throw a fish. Amaze people with your dancing skills at a party? Throw a fish. Show up to HoCo, throw a fish down on the stir-fry at and then demand them to cook it.

Complain about the lack of snow days: After the first snow dusting of the year join the Facebook group “UNH would rather see the streets of Durham littered with bodies of students than cancel classes.” Once the snow does accumulate, take a snow day (skipping classes will probably be necessary) to sled at both Wagon Hill in Dover and Library Hill on campus.

Get your party on: UNH has always been considered to be a “party school” so it doesn’t take long to realize that the Thirsty Thursday alliteration can be applied to Toasted Tuesday and Wasted Wednesday. I think you get the idea. While on the subject of parties, everyone should attend one frat party. This will help determine how full of crap Asher Roth is.

Join an organization and attend only one meeting: There are dozens of organizations on campus so you are bound to find one that will keep you interested for an hour on a random Tuesday evening. If you are feeling really active you should also start a protest. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, but there will be others who feel the same way.

Get thrown out of an event hosted by SCOPE or MUSO (Creativity counts, violence is the least creative thing ever): Do you have an insanely large and elaborate costume that you haven’t been able to use? Time to dust off that Howard-Taft-stuck-in-a-bathtub costume you once made to impress your old history major crush.

Write a message using SCANTRON bubbles: This is tough to pull off since it’s rare to take an exam that really doesn’t matter in the long run in determining a grade. If you are lucky enough to be given a meaningless test, why not try and write the recipe for alfredo sauce or directions to the nearest Arby’s.

Pretend to write a novel at Breaking New Grounds: Writing isn’t writing unless people in public know that you are, in fact, writing. Get your favorite scarf, order something complicated, and play the part of the best indie, post-modern writer that this town has ever seen. If people ask you what you’re writing, just scoff at them, and then go back to playing solitaire.

Participate in a campus wide capture the flag game or a snowball fight: These ideas have been attempted before, but when groups or even the university puts them on, they seem to fall flat. It’s probably because these activities aren’t wholly genuine. A real snowball fight or capture the flag game starts with a large group of people dedicated to the idea. A snowball fight could start with 20 or so people and just sort of, ahem, snowball from there. A capture the flag game would draw campus wide interest if each team had a shirt (failing that, a piece of paper affixed to a shirt) that said, “Hey, I’m playing capture the flag. Join us.” We think this would work better than expected by most.

 Tour The Red Hook Brewery/Visit the Portsmouth Brewery: The Red Hook tour is only a dollar, and the guy who runs the tour is this old dude who has been doing it since before all of us were born. He could do the thing blindfolded and is worth the price of admission alone. Provided that you are of age to consume a fermented beverage, free samples await you during and after the tour. The Portsmouth Brewery doesn’t offer the same thing, but it has (seriously) some of the best beers I have ever had. The Russian Imperial Stout tastes like amazing!

 Take Germs (MICR 407): If you have at least a pulse and an ability to show up to some classes, you’re almost assured an A. This class was designed for people who still think school should have pizza parties (and I do).

 Roll down every hill on campus: This is a bucket list idea strictly for me. You’re welcome to join, though. They are public hills.

 Prank your roommate: I don’t consider pelting your friends in the face with oranges as a prank, by the way. I categorize that under assault. Delicious, delicious assault.
Hang up a bizarre banner over the MUB Food Court: A sign that says “Lepers Anonymous Meetings” is sure to get some attention.

Get a shirt made at Town and Campus: You only need seven other friends and a shirt idea to do this. Well, you will also need money. Think of the possibilities here. You could create your own army. The Twilight fans on campus all ready did. They didn’t get sparkles on their shirts, though. What kind of Twilighters are they?

This campus provides a multitude of opportunities to do something fun, creative, and worth mentioning to people you meet down the road. Although, you may want to hold off on telling certain people that you threw a fish at the dance floor. That may be considered weird in some circles.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

MGMT Coming to UNH

Just when I thought SCOPE couldn't get any stupider, they go out and do something like this, and totally redeem themselves! I take back anything bad I have ever said about SCOPE because MGMT is perfect for a college crowd. Think about it, you get the aesthetic values and musicianship of a band and you get funky bass lines to show off your dance moves. I did some research and when they preform live they play with a full band, but with songs like "Kids" they just sing over a recording. I am very excited for this show and will most likely miss both my Wednesday morning classes to wait in line.  At only $15 for a student ticket ($36 for non-students) this show will definitely sell out and bring in some much needed dough. Well done SCOPE and thank you. I have heard they aren't as good live but I bet this show will be memorable. Well, it will be very fun, I may or may not actually remember too much from that night. Yes, there will be many substances around campus that night.

Stay classy, not UMassy.