Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The UNH Bucketlist

Fellow TNH columnist Corey Nachman and I teamed up for one super column this week. I hope you enjoy our collaboration.

Unless you’re either obsessed with emulating Van Wilder and have the funds to do so, your college experience is going to end after a fairly short amount of time. It should be in our minds at all times that we should be constantly participating in activities that will most assuredly be memorable so we can remember this place as fondly as possible.  This isn’t a typical bucket list. The following is a compilation of unique things every student should consider trying before graduating UNH to make your experience that much more memorable.
Camp Out in the Little Red Wagon: It doesn’t serve much of a purpose so why not spend a night camping out in it? A lot of people would think that College Woods would be the premier campout spot on campus, but think of the reactions you would get from people who spot your spending the night in the wagon.
Speaking of College Woods, a massive game of hide and seek in there is another item on the list. Just be careful not to get lost or you might end up unintentionally achieving another item; sit in College Woods until you have an epiphany. Who knows, maybe you will decide to change your major or add a minor. Just don’t eat any suspicious-looking berries.
Attempt different food challenges: Eating a Manley at Kurt’s is a good place to start and while you’re there, you should try to work with Kurt for a night. You are bound to hear some wild stories and see drunken students make fools of themselves. Then, of course, there is JP’s Slap Shot: 15 sliders, a large fry and a large shake. Finish it in 30 minutes and you will find yourself on the Wall of Fame… and about 15 pounds heavier. Next up we have D-Hop. Every student at UNH must complete the Grand Slam – attending D-Hop twice in one night on consecutive nights. You should throw in a trip to Wildcat Pizza too; a lot of people claim they have the better pizza even though D-Hop receives all the attention.
Bring and throw your own fish at a hockey game: After the first UNH goal is scored a fan throws a fish on the ice, but any true fan would bring a fish of their own. This should be applied to more campus activities, such as throwing a fish after the first UNH touchdown at a football game. Ace an exam? Throw a fish. Amaze people with your dancing skills at a party? Throw a fish. Show up to HoCo, throw a fish down on the stir-fry at and then demand them to cook it.
Complain about the lack of snow days: After the first snow dusting of the year join the Facebook group “UNH would rather see the streets of Durham littered with bodies of students than cancel classes.” Once the snow does accumulate, take a snow day (skipping classes will probably be necessary) to sled at both Wagon Hill in Dover and Library Hill on campus.
Get your party on: UNH has always been considered to be a “party school” so it doesn’t take long to realize that the Thirsty Thursday alliteration can be applied to Toasted Tuesday and Wasted Wednesday. I think you get the idea. While on the subject of parties, everyone should attend one frat party. This will help determine how full of crap Asher Roth is.
Join an organization and attend only one meeting: There are dozens of organizations on campus so you are bound to find one that will keep you interested for an hour on a random Tuesday evening. If you are feeling really active you should also start a protest. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, but there will be others who feel the same way.
Get thrown out of an event hosted by SCOPE or MUSO (Creativity counts, violence is the least creative thing ever): Do you have an insanely large and elaborate costume that you haven’t been able to use? Time to dust off that Howard-Taft-stuck-in-a-bathtub costume you once made to impress your old history major crush.
Write a message using SCANTRON bubbles: This is tough to pull off since it’s rare to take an exam that really doesn’t matter in the long run in determining a grade. If you are lucky enough to be given a meaningless test, why not try and write the recipe for alfredo sauce or directions to the nearest Arby’s.
Pretend to write a novel at Breaking New Grounds: Writing isn’t writing unless people in public know that you are, in fact, writing. Get your favorite scarf, order something complicated, and play the part of the best indie, post-modern writer that this town has ever seen. If people ask you what you’re writing, just scoff at them, and then go back to playing solitaire.
Participate in a campus wide capture the flag game or a snowball fight: These ideas have been attempted before, but when groups or even the university puts them on, they seem to fall flat. It’s probably because these activities aren’t wholly genuine. A real snowball fight or capture the flag game starts with a large group of people dedicated to the idea. A snowball fight could start with 20 or so people and just sort of, ahem, snowball from there. A capture the flag game would draw campus wide interest if each team had a shirt (failing that, a piece of paper affixed to a shirt) that said, “Hey, I’m playing capture the flag. Join us.” We think this would work better than expected by most.
 Tour The Red Hook Brewery/Visit the Portsmouth Brewery: The Red Hook tour is only a dollar, and the guy who runs the tour is this old dude who has been doing it since before all of us were born. He could do the thing blindfolded and is worth the price of admission alone. Provided that you are of age to consume a fermented beverage, free samples await you during and after the tour. The Portsmouth Brewery doesn’t offer the same thing, but it has (seriously) some of the best beers I have ever had. The Russian Imperial Stout tastes like amazing!
 Take Germs (MICR 407): If you have at least a pulse and an ability to show up to some classes, you’re almost assured an A. This class was designed for people who still think school should have pizza parties (and I do).
 Roll down every hill on campus: This is a bucket list idea strictly for me. You’re welcome to join, though. They are public hills.
 Prank your roommate: I don’t consider pelting your friends in the face with oranges as a prank, by the way. I categorize that under assault. Delicious, delicious assault.
Hang up a bizarre banner over the MUB Food Court: A sign that says “Lepers Anonymous Meetings” is sure to get some attention.
Get a shirt made at Town and Campus: You only need seven other friends and a shirt idea to do this. Well, you will also need money. Think of the possibilities here. You could create your own army. The Twilight fans on campus all ready did. They didn’t get sparkles on their shirts, though. What kind of Twilighters are they?
This campus provides a multitude of opportunities to do something fun, creative, and worth mentioning to people you meet down the road. Although, you may want to hold off on telling certain people that you threw a fish at the dance floor. That may be considered weird in some circles.

Stay classy, not UMassy.


  1. Wagon Hill is in Durham, not Dover. For sledding in Dover, try Garrison Hill.

  2. Awesome. This is the alcoholic kid from New York and imna try to do all this shit+more! Just so i can look back when im old as hell... and smile.