Me? The life of a party?

This past weekend I went to a party down in Salem Mass with a few people from home. I was a little nervous because I’m from a small New Hampshire cow town and I’ve heard stories of the city of Salem having problems with witches. All day I practiced dropping my “R’s” to make my Boston accent as good as possible because I didn’t want to be seen as an outsider. I kept repeating “Hey, Nomah hit-a-homa ova tha wall” and “I pak my cah in Hahvad yad.” When we got there I was told to be myself because I was trying too hard.

I walked into the house party and I was impressed with the selection of music playing in the background, it wasn’t the normal crap you always hear at campus. I started out by shaking a few hands and talking with some people older than me to show I was sophisticated. We had a good conversation about college, sports and music; but I didn’t want to seem all book smart so I moved into another room to hang with a younger (mostly female) crowd. I sat down on a couch and for the first time in a while some girls approached me at a party. It was sweet; I was just chilling with a few ladies to either side. The other guys at the party didn’t seem to mind. It was weird because usually guys try to punch me if I’ve managed to stay at a party for this long. It was crazy, I mean the girls actually seemed to take an interest in what I was saying. We had the Celtics game on in one room and the Red Sox game on in another. There were plenty of drinks and food and I was hitting it off with everyone.

Later on some of the other guys invited me outside to have a cigar. It was pretty awesome; these people actually enjoyed my presence.  I was talking to this one dude’s girlfriend for a while and he didn’t seem to mind at all. Everyone at the party was really chill and treated everyone really well. I was having a really great time and when I informed everyone I had to leave early they all seemed genuinely upset; but they understood that I needed to get back to campus.

I think the best part of the party was when I was asked to sit at the adult table during dinner. My family’s Easter Parties are always really fun.

Remember, 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Weekend Update

Hello fellow students and whoever else reads my awesome blog. I hope you are all enjoying your weekend, happy holidays to those who are celebrating. It was a stange last few days at UNH, during the week the campus was over crowded with parents and high schoolers on tours and then Friday night it turned into a ghost town. I probably won't be posting anything until Sunday night or maybe even Monday, but hang tight I have a few pieces in the works. This upcoming week is looking like I'll be very busy with family and school stuff, so my postings may slow down for a few days. Although it seems I always find time to write anything urgent if I feel it is necessary to do so. So, have a good weekend whether your home or at campus. Stay tuned and tell your friends! Until next time,
Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: Here is my song of the weekend, enjoy:
Mark Goffeney of the band BigToe playing Tom Petty's "Last Dance With Mary Jane."

Overheard at UNH

Happy Friday night at UNH! Time to step up our party school ranking! 11th, what is this shit? We should be top fucking 10 every year. We Are UNH!

Recent things heard around campus:

• C Lot: Male yells “I tried your Colgate toothpaste and it made me feel like piece of shit!”
• MUB Food Court: Male “Do you think it’s more than 12?” Female “Definitely, it’s like… 10!”
  
• Downtown: Drunken Male "How much wood could a wood chuck... Fuck, what was I saying?"

Sometimes my fellow students just make me wonder...

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Generational Throwbacks

I grew up in the 1990’s and the early 2000’s. I really enjoyed my childhood, because of all the different things that were going on during that time. I will be posting articles titled “Generational Throwback” whenever I feel necessary. These posts will be about a person, band, song, movie TV show ect. that impacted my childhood. Each post will include a brief summary of the topic and a “where are they now/ what happened too” section. Think of it as my personal version of VH1’s “I Love the 90’s/00’s.”

 For today’s “Generational Throwback” debut I’m busting out the name Danny Almonte. Danny Almonte became a little league sensation when he led his team from the Bronx to a third place finish at the Little League World Series in 2001. As a pitcher he struck out 62 out of the 72 batters he faced. The problem with this was that Danny was 14, two years over the age requirement. His physical appearance and dominating fastball caused many people to doubt the legitimacy of his birth certificate. Basically it was like he

 was on steroids and none of the other kids were. His team was stripped of their 3rd place finish and it was of the lowest points in LLWS history.

In the fall of 2007 Danny enrolled at the junior college Western Oklahoma State where he is a pitcher and right fielder for the baseball team. During the 2008 season the team advanced to the Junior College DII World Series. Almonte finished as one of the top hitters in the league batting .497 with 14 home runs and going 7-1 with 1 save as a pitcher. This season he is off to another great start. It is good to see that he has been able to play baseball competitively, because it is believed that he didn't even know his own age until after the LLWS scandal. 

 Props to my boy Jake in Maine for the tip to look up Almonte. 

Thanks and don't forget to spread the word!

Stay classy, not Umassy. 

Door Holding Etiquette

I would like to take this time to discuss something that has come to my attention during my time here at UNH. Actually first off, I expect all the readers from now on to refer to the University of New Hampshire as the University of Nonsensical Happenings. Really, that is the best way to describe our college. It is just a bunch of random, unexplainable events occurring one after another. I challenge you to help start this revolution of what the “NH” really stands for. Now that I got that out of the way I can get back on topic…

I have noticed that everyday I experience what I have termed the “awkward door holding situation.” Whether I am the one holding the door or the one walking in the door’s direction, it’s bound to happen and it’s bound to be awkward. Let's examine the situation and see if we can come to a conclusion about the proper door holding etiquette.

You see a person approaching the door and you think “should I wait and hold the door for them or continue on?” The person approaching the door faces another dilemma. They have to decide to continue at the same pace, or to increase their rate of steps. The increase of speed to that awkward fast walk always feels weird, but I feel it is necessary. You don’t want to make them stand there all day. Of course there are many other factors that come into play. What is the weather like? If it is rainy and cold you better hold that door, especially if it locks and a card or code is needed to open it.

Another contributing factor is how far from the door the other person is. I believe that the distance and the speed of approach are the key factors into determining whether or not to hold the door. If the person is less then 25 feet, I believe that it is expected for one to hold the door. Of course this distance is for the doors that lock behind you. A non-locking door greatly reduces the distance guidelines. Really, a non-locking door doesn’t require one to hold the door unless they are within a step or two. If the person approaching is walking at a tortoise like pace then they are basically asking you to let the door close. The attractiveness of the person approaching the door can also increase the distance/time one is willing to hold the door. But at the same time, I’m not a doorman and I don’t have all day, let’s walk at a decent pace here people.

However, if you make eye contact with the walker and you don’t hold the door, you probably don’t have a soul.

If you are approaching the door and you notice someone waits and holds the door you are required to thank them. A smile would be nice too. The door holder should then reply with a nice “You’re welcome.”

Lets try to make this a less awkward confrontation people, use your best judgment. 

Remember, stay classy, not Umassy. 

Edit: I didn't see this video until after I wrote this but it helps explain the situation. (Although this refers to non-locking doors.) 

I'm Famous!

Thanks to all my awesome readers the blog is starting to get some publicity. In today's issue of The New Hampshire, UNH's one and only student newspaper, I got a little attention:

"Thumbs up to the anonymous blogger calling himself "The New Hampshirite." We may not agree on everything he says, but he's a kick to read. Check it out, unhblog.blogspot.com."

 See for yourself!

... now if TNH will only write the story "Who Is The New Hampshirite?"

Seriously though, thanks, TNH, you guys are awesome! It is a true honor to receive a "Thumbs Up" along side the likes of a Kanye West joke on South Park. Also, I have recorded my page view counter and I will have a report soon to see if there is such a thing as the "TNH Bump." Just how comparable is our student paper to  Stephen Colbert? Only time will tell.

Stay classy, not Umassy.

People Who Piss Me Off

Since today is that 100th day of the year, and a Friday, I was expecting to be in a good mood. Why you ask? Well, for some strange reason days that that are a multiple of 10 into the year make me happy. It must have to do with how the stars align or something. Don't ask me why or how I'm not an astronomy major. If I have to explain to you why Fridays at UNH make me happy then you are probably way too dumb, or smart, to be reading this blog. Just kidding, I need all the readers I can get.

So, I was just chilling in my room playing the video game MLB The Show 2009 with a buddy of mine, which is another reason to put me in a good mood because I always win. Anyways, we take video games very seriously, so we were a little tense. Then someone knocks on my door in a loud and obnoxious manner. This angers me because it means I must pause the game. I jump up and swing the door open and who do I see?

No-fucking-body. I look down the hall to see the staircase door swinging shut and the sound of what I deciphered as the laughing of approximately three males. Then I look down and I see this:

Owned by the Knock Bandits? Really what the fuck is wrong with you guys? You really have nothing better to do on a Thursday night/Friday morning than to run around the dorms like a bunch of 7 year olds at a birthday party. What's the matter did you get knocked out in musical chairs? If I wasn't so lazy, and occupied with the video game, I would have chased after you and taught you a thing or two about manners. Fuckers. Now I'm all worked up, and sweaty and I already took my shower. Assholes. 

Until next time, 

Stay classy, not Umassy.

PS: I won the game 1-0.