Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Like a Pro: Applying my Knowledge

One thing I've learned to do really well as a liberal arts student at UNH is analyze pieces of literature or history and draw connections between them. Seeing that I am graduating in just a few short months, let's see if I can apply this extremely useful skill. To make it easily relatable, I have decided to take major pieces of literature and pop culture, such as popular books, movies and TV shows, and draw connections to my time spent here at UNH.

Let's start off with one of the most important books in the history of American literature, F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." This relates to hosting a huge party and ignoring everything around you. The book takes place in the "roaring 20s" which were quickly ended by the Great Depression. In college we party to ignore stuff like exams, essays and presentations. Also, "Gatsby" takes place during prohibition, so one could argue this is similar to hosting a party of underage students.

Next up we have Hunter S. Thompson's "The Rum Diary," and I mean the awesome book and not the crappy movie. I guess the title really says it all: let's get really cheap drinks at the bar and see what happens. Sounds like a solid Tuesday to me.

I can't go any further without mentioning the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, whether it is the books or the movies. This epic adventure is representative of the walk of shame. Just trying to make it across campus without being spotted by the last person you would want to see you. Sometimes the invisibility ring would be very useful.

Next, there is the TV show "Lost," which may relate to your thought process during the Lord of the Rings following a night of "The Rum Diary." "Lost" is simply trying to figure out what happened the previous night. What are these numbers on my hand? Is it just her phone number or something bigger?

Dante's Inferno – OK, I haven't actually read this. I just wanted to sound smart.

Many college students go through some sort of environmental phase and this is when "The Lorax" comes into play. Also, if you have never taken NR 435 with Professor Bill Mautz than you are missing out on a great reading of this Dr. Seuss classic. That was one of the most memorable individual classes in my UNH career.

The day for your big presentation has finally come, but you can't say your name without stuttering or breaking into a cold sweat, much like King George in "The King's Speech." Although, in this case the cold sweat may be brought on by a massive hangover.

"The King's Speech" actually correlates with "The Simpsons." If I may quote Homer J. Simpson from episode number 171 ("Homer vs. the 18th Amendment"): "To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." Would you have stuttered and sweated if you weren't hung over? Probably not, but hey, there is a bottle of cheap vodka in your room to help you forget about messing up so badly.

Of course, not all of these have to relate to alcohol, so how about the TV show "Arrested Development" and that 35-year-old career graduate student in your Intro to Geography class? Sometimes I have to bite my lip to not call him Buster even though it's not his real name. Or you can be an extreme alcoholic like Lucille. So yes, pretty much all of these relate to alcohol.

The Catcher In The Rye – You're all a bunch of phonies!

It's time for a childhood throwback with the cartoon movie "The Brave Little Toaster." If you have ever seen this movie you will recall the terrifying junkyard scene. This represents my apartment. We almost got a health code violation and we did not even know that was possible. It's not our fault we recycle a ton, but don't take it out enough … OK, yes, that is completely our fault.

And finally, the ultimate show for drawing out connections to real life, "Seinfeld." The connections really are endless with this show, so let's just call that one evil professor who was way too strict and unforgiving "The Soup Nazi." You were in the hospital with your sick grandmother? No extension for you!

Stay classy, not UMassy.


  1. comparing the lord of the rings to a walk of shame is literally the greatest thing i've ever heard. such a great metaphor.

  2. Brave little toaster... all I can say is 'Holy fuck!' wow. man... wow.