I took this card from one of those plastic stands on the tables at HOCO and I don't understand what health services is trying to prove or say. At least there weren't any grammatical errors this time (I mean it's not like they are writing a blog.) Let me explain why it confuses me:
I have a feeling that everyone on campus, not just "over half" participates in alcohol-free activities. If you don't, then wouldn't you have to be drinking like 24/7? I would like to meet a person who can handle, and afford, that accomplishment. I mean isn't going to class an "alcohol-free" activity? Because in that case they could probably say like 70% and not just "over half"of students participate in alcohol-free activities.
The 52% of students fact doesn't surprise me and that makes perfect sense. But I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that there is such a high percentage that only participates in alcohol related activities. And I thought I had a drinking problem! This is such a relief to know that I have a long way to go before I hit rock bottom.
Stay classy not UMassy.
PS to assholes: I know that they mean over half of campus participates in organizations/clubs/sports where alcohol isn't allowed. I am not a moron, I just understand how sarcasm works. I think it is just really funny the way health services words all their flyers. We get it, not everyone on campus drinks... (just the cool kids do!)
PPS: I need a Jersey Shore nickname for a party, any ideas? According to the nickname generator "The New Hampshirite" is "The Impact."
Today was one of those days when I woke up and planned to get a bunch of work done. I don't have Thursday classes, something I planned so I could go skiing, but that hasn't worked out yet. So anyways I thought I would spend all day reading about McCarthyism and looking for someone to profile for an English paper but that never happened. As 11:30 AM rolled around I met up with an old friend. Within an hour we were pretty rocked. I guess that is why they call it thirsty Thursday. I swear I'm not an alcoholic.
Yesterday my roommate (aka William Takefield) told me he would buy all our alcohol until I shaved. Ladies, please don't mind the scruff... but today he realized that he doesn't have any money. Lame. Again, I swear I'm not an alcoholic. Anyways the whole no shave thing started when I was telling him about Febru-hairy, which is No Shave November for people who are three months slow. I encourage any guys to take part, just think of it as an excuse for not shaving.
Please, make sure you vote in the new poll at the top right of the page, it is very important for an upcoming post. I have a new photo of the day, sent in by my UMaine correspondent known as The Maine Guy. It was taken in a UMaine student parking lot and just goes to show how much UNH dominates Maine in every aspect of life:
If I understand statistics correctly, this one example obviously proves that all UMaine students like UNH better. Fact.
Some quick news: the men's basketball game at BU is on Comcast Sportsnet tonight at 7. That could be a nice way to pre-game before going out tonight. Also, UNH was recently named the 5th best school for "green-dorms" in the country, but I would gladly sacrifice that ranking for some fucking water pressure! Okay that's it, I got to be productive for a few hours...
This the video of President Huddleston's speech on UNH's strategic plan for the future. It is kind of long, but it is pretty interesting if you want to learn about UNH's future plans.
Sailor Jerry's is my new favorite reasonably priced rum. By a long shot. I had it for the first time last weekend and I achieved great levels of drunkenness. I can't believe I had missed out on Sailor Jerry for so long. At about $18 a bottle (750 ml) it is a few dollars cheaper than Captain Morgan's or Bacardi. And it comes in a way cooler bottle. The original Sailor Jerry was considered the father of old school tattooing and if there was ever a man to name rum after it was him. Total Badass. Sailor Jerry's is 92 proof, or 46% alcohol, so it is also stronger than your average rum. However, that doesn't show in the taste. With any alcohol you get that little after burn, but unlike most cheap alcohol Sailor Jerry delivers some nice flavor with it. Whether you like to take shots or mix your rum with some coke, Sailor Jerry's is the way to go.
This is some legitimate rum here, I'm not talking about Malibu or Parrot Bay, this stuff is what pirates would drink. Why is the rum gone you ask? Because it was so good I drank it all. Strong, smooth, and a little spiced. Mmm! Another good thing about this rum is that it didn't come with a terrible hangover that I kind of expected after a night of drinking 92 proof rum. Since it doesn't taste like acid dog pee your drunkitude might take you by surprise when you stand up, so make sure you got your sea legs before you trek to DHop.There is also a good chance you'll end up on the floor a drink or two earlier than usual because that extra 12 proof (compared to the average hard alcohol drink) doesn't seem like much, but it adds up. If you're not careful it can kick your ass, but I think everyone is in need of a good ass kicking once and a while. It doesn't taste overly sweet and the best part is it doesn't have that gross cocoanut rum taste like "chick" rums do. I was mixing it pretty strong with some diet coke and I loved the taste, but I'll admit it got better as the night went on.
I know it's been a while since my last post, but I've been trying to stay caught up with classes and get everything organized while settling in on this semester. Also, you guys really hurt my feelings by telling me that hard cider was for girls :(. Just kidding, cocksuckers; I don't have any feelings, and I still think you're all snobs for liking India pale ale. I'd rather drink Rex Ryan's FUPA sweat than that shit. As a quick side note, despite being a Patriots fan and hating the Jets eternally, Rex Ryan is probably one of the most interesting and hilarious coaches in the NFL right now. The football blog Kissing Suzy Kolber has some great stuff with him in it.
Right before I start talking about the whole point of this post (theme parties and regular parties in case you're not paying attention), let's get some embedded Youtube music! Who doesn't like listening to music while reading?
Yes, it's a Ting Tings remix, but listen to the part with Wale and the beat. Shit's hotter than Miranda Kerr making out with Jessica Burciaga. Google those names if you need wanking material.
Alright, on to the actual point of this post. To start, how many of you like theme parties? Since you're not in front of me right now, I'm going to assume you all raised your hands.
If you didn't raise your hand, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Let's make a quick list of why theme parties are awesome:
You get to wear hilarious things
It's much easier to start a conversation when someone is covered in newspaper for an Anything But Clothes party
You get to wear hilarious things in public
Less laundry to do (since you probably wouldn't wear those things on a regular basis)
You get to get drunk while wearing hilarious things, and then go out in public
Picking a fight with someone in a toga is one of the funniest experiences a person can have
Probably the best reason, GIRLS SKANK EVERY THEME PARTY UP. And I mean this in the best way possible.
Let's expand on that last bullet point. There is an art to having girls skank it up at a party. It happens at regular parties, but it is so much more awesome when it's at theme parties. Just so we're all on the same page, "skanking it up," to me at least, is when a girl (or guy, I guess) dresses in a way that uses as little material to cover herself up as humanly possible. You're welcome for that definition, 50-year-old who stumbled on this site and doesn't know how to leave.
You might think that I'm objectifying girls with all this talk. NO. FUCK YOU. That's all I have to say about your feminist harping.
The theme of a theme party is important. Cutting-edge college commentary there, right? And a bit of alliteration too (ENGLISH NERDS HOLLA AT ME). Keep your theme broad, with options for creativity. Choosing a theme like "CEOs and Office Hos" implies the skank factor, and works well, although it's a very common idea. Don't get too detailed, however. No one will go to a "Characters From Judd Apatow Movies" party, mainly because Apatow's characters are usually everyday slackers or mediocre people that have no outstanding qualities. That's a weak fucking idea, and the skank factor = zero. Also, Katherine Heigl's a bitch. I just wanted to say that.
Please keep in mind that not everyone is loaded with money, and has two closets full of clothes. Don't make some fucking party where people have to dress up in tuxedos or something expensive and obscure. Everyone can find budget shit at TJ Maxx (great store) but don't go overboard on attire for theme parties.
Try to make your theme party rhyme. Everyone loves rhymes. Base your rhymes off of the words "skanks," "hos," "sluts," or other derogatory terms for women. It might seem harsh, but they always work and end up being hilarious and not that offensive, unless you're an RA or something.
Here are some quick theme parties I thought of that hopefully aren't as common as "CEOs and Office Hos" or "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos."
Jersey Shore With Jersey Whores (This can either be a Guido party or a sports jersey party.. multiple options!)
Champs And Tramps (Attire of teams that have won championships recently and skanks)
Barbarians And Librarians (This is actually sort of common, but too great to leave off of the list)
Robots And Ho-Bots (Sexy robots.. my disk just got hard!)
Micks And Chicks (Irish stereotypes/Mick Jagger lookalikes and, once again, skanky girls)
SuperBros And SuperHos (Use well-known superheroes or make up your own! A little on the pricier side, but worth it if pulled off correctly)
As a final note, don't forget about the booze. If you have access to hard alcohol or lots of beer, get it and sell it at the party for $3-5 a cup. You will always make back the money you spent and almost always a profit, because people won't carry around backpacks if there's stuff available at the party. If you don't sell it, congratulations! You now just have a lot of alcohol available to you!
Try to theme it with the party. Beer is hard to set with a theme, but if you have a pirate party or something, offer rum or tropical drinks. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.
If you have any other suggestions, leave them in the comments or email The New Hampshirite and I'll get it eventually. Write "Fuck you Rusty" in the subject line so he knows it's for me.
What is written beneath is the first edition of Like a Pro, my column in TNH. Enjoy, to celebrate I just did same investigative journalism oh, yes, I hope you enjoy that analogy.
Have you ever wondered what types of traditions truly exist at UNH? During my time as a student in Durham I have really felt that UNH lacks time-honored traditions that are prevalent at hundreds of universities and colleges across the country. UNH doesn’t have huge bonfires at homecoming, we don’t have a naked mile, and we don’t have a cold-water swim or anything of that nature. I did some investigative journalism on the matter and by simply google searching “UNH traditions” I found exactly what I was looking for on the UNH admissions website.
It says, “The University of New Hampshire has a rich history of time honored traditions dating all the way back to its founding in 1866. From University Day to Homecoming, hockey games to undergraduate research, these traditions are a part of what makes UNH a unique, fun and exciting place to learn.” The site also specifically lists the fish toss after the first goal of a hockey game and family weekend as UNH traditions. Um, what? If you ask me the only true tradition listed is the hockey fish tossing, but that is extremely common among hockey teams. Another “tradition” is the “White Out the Whitt” hockey game against Maine, but most college crowds do that for every home game. Both the fish and whiteout game are awesome, but I don’t think hockey games have been the same since they got rid of “Black Betty.”
I mean does the university truly think that undergraduate research is a tradition that makes “UNH a unique, fun and exciting place to learn?” The funny thing is that the admissions page was missing a few key traditions that no one on campus can deny, like being arrested for underage drinking. It has become so commonplace that you would think UNH is the filming location of Campus PD, which is my new favorite show. Watching it makes me feel better about myself. Other unwritten traditions include the hockey team having great season and then losing in the NCAA tournament and fans calling for Coach Umile to be fired.Also, don’t forget how after the first snow, students always complain about how UNH never cancels classes.
In all seriousness, traditions can help build the UNH community; there is even a student organization, CommUNHiversity, dedicated to “enhance the sense of community and school spirit on the UNH.”When they wanted to burn a wooden bear before the Maine hockey game, something that students were very excited for, the administration shut it down. Rumors have gone around saying burn-a-bear is supposed to happen at next year’s homecoming though, and hopefully that will evolve into an annual event. I feel the administration cares too much about our “prestige” or “appearance” to allow certain traditions to exist. Even Ivy League schools such as Dartmouth have huge bonfires. With proper planning and rules, safety should not be an issue surrounding bonfires at homecoming and other events.
I think that it is time for the students of UNH to grow together and start some traditions of our own. A lot of schools have annual events that take place during finals week in order to relieve students of the stress. Students have tried things like last year’s flash rave or a synchronized scream, but I think something bigger is a necessity. Many schools annually have a campus wide snowball fight the night of a big snowstorm. Another common college tradition is a coldwater dive or swim. A lot of events like these can also serve as awareness or fundraisers.
I think that the ultimate UNH tradition would be some sort of race around the Durham 500. For those of you who don’t know, the Durham 500 is the one-way oval shaped stretch of Main Street, Madbury and Pettee Brook Road that passes through and around downtown. Think of it as a NASCAR track, with Store 24 in the infield. It wouldn’t have to be a race, it could simply be a jog, walk, or bike ride, or all of the above. Of course to make it better we would need to incorporate some sort of dress code. While a naked mile would probably be met with a harsh reaction from the administration and the Durham and UNH police departments, funny costumes, underwear or body paint could do the trick.
UNH is closing in on its 150th anniversary and I think it is time that we start some traditions for the next 150 years. Whether it is something started by CommUNHiversity, another student organization or just a few bored students, history can be made. I just hope it can be something new and original, I mean there is only one Durham 500 and I think that could be a great place to start.
Okay before I start this, how many of you laughed out loud when you saw that facebook group about SCOPE getting Kid Rock only to be secretly depressed when you found out it was fake? Come on, Bawitdaba was my jam in 5th grade.
So earlier today I was sitting in about a 200 person lecture and two things really jumped out at me. The first thing is that there aren't any lefty desks in that lecture hall and it is a pain to take notes. As a lefty I have noticed there are very few classrooms on campus which have a sufficient supply of lefty desks. The second thing I noticed it that why do some professors try and create discussions in huge lecture classes. I have a theory that only douchebags speak out in a 200+ person lecture, unless they are just asking for something to be repeated. No one has ever proved that theory wrong, especially the kids who speak out in any lecture I have ever been in.
I was unable to attend Saturday night's hockey game but thanks to an awesome reader I can still give out the Vaive-Hack-Douche award. It is the first ever two time winner, with referee Scott Hanson getting the award for his "tinted shield and bullshit calls" as it was so eloquently put by blog reader Joe.
Here are a few of my favorite "Overheard at UNH" from the weekend:
Drunk male, dorm hallway- "I can't see my nose... My feet are on backwards."
Drunk female, DHOP- "Yeah, I'm so drunk and I just snorted some perks."
Drunk male, bathroom urinal- "When your drunk, does alcohol stay in your pee? Cause I think I thought of a way to save some money."
