The Home Stretch

As the final month of summer vacation melts away and the new semester approaches I just wanted to say a few things. First of all be sure to vote in the new poll located towards the top right of the page. You can even choose more than one option. (Please choose drunken ramblings so I have an excuse. It really is a disease.) If you have any other ideas that you would like to see me do a post on leave a comment or send me a question at unhblog@yahoo.com.

This last month is going to go fast, but I have at least two pieces that I hope to finish and post sometime before move in weekend. I would like to write more during this final month but it will be pretty hectic for me between some concerts, a trip to Bar Harbor and my brother coming home from California who I haven't seen since Christmas. Anyways, I have high hopes for one of the posts, an social interview of sorts. Hopefully it goes as well as I have planned.

Also, I am currently under contract negotiations with The New Hampshire, UNH's one and only student paper. I was their number one overall draft pick this past summer and a one guest article deal could be in the works. Its still in the early stages, meaningan editor emailed me this morning and I replied so nothing is set in stone. I know, I know, I have ragged on TNH before but I could really use this so I don't have to do so much self promotion, plus it could be interesting to see that side of the journalism world. Just don't call me a sellout. The blog will always come first.

Ok, I got to get back to work. I hope to have a legitimate post up soon.
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Dear Freshmen,

Hello, I am the New Hampshirite. I am awesome and you should read this blog on a daily basis. I write about the "goings on" here at UNH as well as other things that I think fellow students may take interest in. I am a one-man writer, editor, and genius and I am also required to say that I am unaffiliated with any school or student organization (although I have been offered the a position as a columnist for TNH, which I turned down). Okay, so I’m not required to say that but it makes me feel more important and a weird self-loathing way. I am sarcastic, witty and 100% honest most of the time. I take this blog seriously so I hope that you get something out of it. (Even if that something just solidifies how much you hate the blog or me.)

Anyways, back to the point of this post. I have decided to take that time out of a lovely summer day to write this letter to the incoming freshman class here at UNH…. Whoa UNH Class of 2013 welcome! And shut the fuck up and listen closely. Pay attention and you might learn a thing or two. Yeah, I know that learning and the summer shouldn’t ever be combined but what you are about to read could save you from probation or even loss or housing or expulsion. I have also included some other tips about regular campus life. A lot of this may seem obvious but just wait, you'll be surprised what kids will get in trouble for and how they get caught.

Respect quiet hours. This seems obvious but you wouldn’t believe how many times this has lead to kids getting busted. Just keep the music and drunken ramblings at a reasonable level. I will go into more depth in my follow up post on how to beat the RA’s and the housing system. Stay tuned.

Do not smoke weed in your room or someone else’s. What are you an idiot? Buy a vaporizer, it is much healthier, smokeless and almost odorless. Fresh popcorn will cover any sent. If you don’t have the money make friends with someone with an apartment, or who lives in the Gables, or even the SERCS if you don’t. Those are much better (and safer) smoking environments. And definitely do not smoke in the woods, especially on the dirt path near Stillings. I almost got arrested there and I wasn’t even smoking. (I wrote about this in one of my firsts posts called “UNH Cops.”)

Play intramural sports, they don’t take up too much time and are a lot of fun. They are something for you to do between classes and drinking time. The coed leagues are great, just be aware that if you are faced up against a broomball goalie you can’t score on, it just may be yours truly.

Try going to a few rush week events. Even if you don’t think Greek life is for you it can still be fun and a good way to meet a lot of people. And get shit faced. I didn’t join any frats (It wasn’t my thing. I don’t feel that I have to pay for my friends). That being said a few of my friends did join frats and it seemed to work out well for them. I guess what I’m saying is to try something for yourself before making up your mind. Just because you didn’t party in high school doesn’t you mean you can’t in college. (And vice-versa for those of you who barely got in here. You know who you are.)

Take advantage of our wonderful dining halls by sneaking food out. Think of it this way, we have to pay for unlimited meal plans so we should be able to eat in our room if you want to. Just don’t get caught. Baggy sweatshirts or jackets work well.

Never, I repeat never, play beer cup beirut. Always always always use water cups and drink on the side. For two reasons: 1) it is much easier to stash a drink per person then 12-20 cups. And 2) is it far less likely you will get mono. And always wash your hands people.

While playing drinking games in your room don't yell "Drink up fucker!" or any variation of the word drink. Never say, "I'm so wasted" because you're not.

Don't plaster your room with beer memorabilia. Keeping some empty liquor bottles on your shelf is fine, but posters, beer lights, and the one liners from Keystone 30 racks are not necessary. You don't have to show off all your shit. No one cares.

If you are going to puke (it happens to the best of us, don't worry) do it in a trashcan, or toilet, or shower stall, not on the hallway or bathroom floor or especially a doom room rug. It will smell. Last year I believe at least 8 or so poeple puked on my rug and my room smelt horrible to say the least. And we had carpet cleaner.

Do not play the same 3 songs over and over again at full volume, it will make everyone hate you especially if any of the follwing songs are used: "College" by Asher Roth, "Paper Planes" by MIA, that fucking Kid Rock song where he ruined "Werewolves of London" and" Sweet Home Alabama" (I almost murdered my roommate when he played that), that other shitty song that ruined that other old song, any Kanye West (the guy is D-bag, don't support him), or your own beat that you made with garage band. Cool, you pressed 3 keys rhythmically and you made a beat. Now shut it off and go outside.

I'm sure I will think of more tips soon. Enjoy the rest of the summer. I look foward to watching you all order your first drunk pizza slice from D-Hop in September.Be sure to add me on facebook (as New Hampshirite) follow me on twitter (use the link on the top right) and also my email is unhblog@yahoo.com. Questions and comments are always helpful. You can also comment on each post anonymously or with a fake ID so I know I have more then a few dedicated readers. Also, the blog now has had over 4,000 visitors, I wasn't sure it would hit that over the summer. Once school picks up again I expect to resume getting a few hundred hits a day as I saw at the end of the semester, although I do expect to see an increase in readers from last year.

Stay classy, not UMassy.
___________________________________________________________________________________
PS
I would just like to say a few things. This has been a crazy hectic summer for me and I haven't had internet access at my house for over a month. In short, people were going to buy my house, so we cancelled our internet and set up our computer at a barn where our new house is being built. The people didn't buy the house and the computer remains at that barn. We never got internet back at my house so I can't use my laptop either. This is why I haven't been posting too much, but I promise once the school year resumes you can expect daily posts as you saw last semester. Thanks for your patience, and I do apologize.

Johnny Suenami

I know that it has been a while so I have decided to write a quick post on my new favorite crazy person who I found thanks to the UYD podcast. 

Jonathan Lee Riches, or JLR as I call him, is currently incarcerated in the Federal Medical Center in Lexington, Kentucky. He  has sued around 4,000 people over thepast few years. The reasonthat I italicized people is that he has also sued the Eiffel Tower and The Exxon Valdez. Riches has tried suing people such as Patriots coach Bill Belicheck, former President Bush, Obama, Biden, McCain, Starbucks, OJ Simpson, Steve Jobs, the US postal service, Brad Pitt and Angelina JoLie, just to name a few. Many of JLR’s lawsuits are crazy conspiracy theories such as MLB commissioner Bud Selig providing Barry Bonds steroids to boost TV ratings. (JLR continued that Bonds sold HGH to nuns and gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein.) In another case Riches claimed that David Beckham uses satellite guided soccer balls and in doing so he has defamed the sport of soccer.

The following is taking from a true case JLR filed:

Plaintiff alleges that the Jewish Mossad, Central Intelligence Agency and Larry King Live are engaged in a vast conspiracy to hijack plaintiff's torso, 3 toes and his constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, New Hampshire. Plaintiff further alleges that the Jewish Mossad told him personally that they were going to hang him to a cross next to Jesus Christ, that Larry King Live is a voodoo witch doctor who stole his identity and purchased lead paint, Chips Ahoy, Planters peanuts and Ziploc bags under his identity, and that the CIA conspired with the Uniform Commercial Code to steal his strawman identity.

This is from another one of his lawsuits. (I promise this is all real.)

Prisoner Jonathan Lee Riches seeks $63 billion backed by gold and silver delivered via UPS from Michael Vick for allegedly stealing his two pit bulls and using them for dog fighting. Prisoner also alleges that Vick damaged the RFID chips in the plaintiff's dog collars, sold plaintiff's dogs on eBay and used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran Government. Plaintiff also alleges that Michael Vick subjected him to microwave testing.

But hands down my favorite lawsuit of Mr. Riches was when he tried to sue the “I can’t believe it’s not butter” company, simply because he can believe it. Classic.

Oh yeah, the Guinness Book of World Records recently named him the most litigious person in the world and he has tried to sue them for using his name.

 In other random things I come across, Harvard has recently published a study saying that drunken teens are more likely to have sex than sober teens. Thanks Harvard, money well spent. I hope JLR sues Harvard for claiming that they are such a good university. Obviously after this study it proves that Harvard is drastically overrated. Harvard students are paying $50,000 a year for knowledge that most teens learn prom night for free. (Well, maybe for the price of a handle of raspberry vodka or if their lucky the limo driver forgot to take out the champagne.) 

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Trans-Global Googlelization

Not having the internet these last few days has led me to better understand myself. Over this past week I couldn’t believe how many times I strolled into my house’s office in hopes of expanding my useless knowledge by using Google; only to realize that the room was completely empty. I kept track of a few of these things that I needed to know. The following is only a small fraction of the questions I asked myself over the past week. Without Google I didn't know where to go.

• The name of the Clint Eastwood movie on AMC. (In the Line of Fire)
• How many movies Morgan Freeman has narrated. (6)
• Where my name ranked on the Social Security Administrations 2008 top baby names. (Top 50 but has declined each year since 2000.)
• Jason Bay’s highest single season homerun tally. (35)
• Red Sox hit streak record. (Dom DiMaggio 34 in 1949)
• Beastie Boy’s new album release date. (December 29th)
• What year The Godfather came out. (1972)
  

I realize that none of this information was even remotely relative to my life. This discovery has led me to believe that Google is trying to slowly take over the world by brainwashing and filling the minds of innocent people. I wouldn’t be surprised if Google is actually run by the US or the Chinese government. It is a tactic that has worked well to help take peoples’ minds off important events. Take a look at the latest Google Trends to see for yourself. Notice how nothing important comes up for a until at least the 20's. We have become dependent on search engines like Google to tell us what to do and if we are not careful soon we will feel the true rath of the Google and it's brainwashing capabilities.

Google Safely.

Internet Impossible

Hello all. I am currently half-way moved from my old house (which apparently is impossible to sell) to my new house (which is unfinished). So basically I don't have internet where I am currently living and in all honesty I have no idea where I will be living for the summer. Could be at a barn, in a trailer, a camper, an apartment, my old house or my unfinished new house. Currently my only internet access is at my barn where my new house is being built or at my local library. This means posts may be few and far between until things settle down. I do have a few (and hopefully good posts) saved on my laptop, but there is no such thing as wireless internet in small cow towns of New Hampshire. Hopefully I will be able to find some time to add a legitimate post within a few days but is has been pretty hectic for a while. You have no idea how many times over the past few days I've wanted to google something and I walked into my house's office to realize that it is completely empty with no computer or anything. Enjoy your summer.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Symbolic Photographs of the Day

Nothing like the buzz of a powerline in your ear while fishing on a warm summer day. I feel like this picture really defines and symbolizes our culture. I'm thinking of calling this something like

"Industry meets Tranquility."

If I may steal a line from The Simpsons, I call this one "Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory."

The only thing that beats casting a line out in the warm breeze after a long week of work is if you do that with a cooler full of cold beer.

Not the biggest fish of the day, but this little guy put up a helluva fight. Well, not really, it was just the only fish picture without a fisherman in frame.

Stay classy, not UMassy and have a nice Memorial Day weekend.

Wikipedia? More like Wicked Awesome

Hello all, it has been a while so figured a post was due. I have realized now that I’m home it is a lot harder to post. UNH is my inspiration to write, like rappers are with drugs. Speaking of rap and drugs, Eminem’s new album Relapse came out today (how do you like that segway) and I purchased it off itunes. I haven’t heard the entire album yet, infact I’m listening it to right now, but I think that Eminem is back for good. Speaking of being back, how ‘bout David Ortiz finally going yard! And Jason Bay continues to prove how valuable his is. Plus, Bay is very modest and quiet off the field. I think he is so quiet because he is a Canadian and he feels that he’s a failure because he didn’t make it as a hockey player. The same theory works for fellow Canadian slugger and Minnesota Twin Justin Morneau. They are both very efficient players and they both do their jobs without causing a stir.

Speaking about efficiency, I believe that it is time that Wikipedia be recognized by professors as a legitimate research tool. Now before you start shouting about that fact that anyone can edit it let me finish. Honestly, every time I get a research paper or assignment that first thing I do is open up the Wikipedia page for the given topic. For those of you who haven't been on the internet before (welcome!) Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia.

There have been studies conducted that have proven Wikipedia is comparable in accuracy to other forms of encyclopedias. In 2005 the science journal Nature performed a study in order to compare Wikipedia’s reliability to the much more renowned Encyclopedia Britannica. The results of the study surprised many people. The study was simple and straightforward; 42 pairs of articles from Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica were randomly selected and sent out to professional editors. The editors were not told which source they were assigned. Out of all the articles the editors found eight major errors, which ranged from incorrect dates to misinterpreted concepts. Four of these mistakes came from each source. As expected, Encyclopedia Britannica tested better, but the difference was shockingly small. The average Encyclopedia Britannica article had 2.92 mistakes, while the average Wikipedia article had 3.86 mistakes. This was in 2005, and Wikipedia is always progressing with its validty. However, not all the mistakes were necessarily regarded as incorrect information. Many of the mistakes with the Wikipedia articles were actually grammar related. The editors often found the Wikipedia articles to be not professional, which makes sense because professionals do not write the articles. The article by Nature described Wikipedia’s downfall as having “poor readability,” but this means that the information may have been just as accurate as that found in the Encyclopedia Britannica articles. This study clearly shows that the information presented by Wikipedia can compete with other major encyclopedias.

The term “Wiki” actually is a reference to the Hawaiian word meaning “quick,” which leads to one of the best parts of Wikipedia. The ability for the site to be updated as quickly as events happen has become very useful over the past few years. This allows the latest information to be available to anyone with a computer and Internet access. In fact, Jonathan Dee of the New York Times praises Wikipedia, not only as an encyclopedic reference, but also as a frequently updated news source. Dee goes into detail on how many Virginia newspapers praised Wikipedia as a crucial source of detailed information after the school shootout at Virginia Tech in 2007. One of the problems with other encyclopedias, even with their online forms, is that they are quickly outdated, which is never a problem with Wikipedia.

Many people, such as professors and teachers, have prejudices against the online encyclopedia despite the fact that Wikipedia has gone through numerous changes to increase its reliability. On Britannica.com, the online version of Encyclopedia Britannica, there is an entry on “Wikipedia.” This article describes how the format of Wikipedia allows the site to have articles that are not covered by traditional encyclopedias. The article goes on to state that trusted contributors can be offered administrative access to Wikipedia, which allows them to delete unnecessary articles and more importantly block specific IP addresses from editing material on the site. One of the major problems with Wikipedia is that sometimes people will vandalize the site by purposely adding incorrect information. Thanks to wikiscanner, a tool that shows what IP address make edits, administrators are able to block repeat users from editing content. Wikipedia also has a tool known as “bots,” which are programmed to automatically remove or edit information that has not been cited. Bots can also send out e-mail messages to users if they do not follow the correct format. (This happened to me after I tried editing the UNH page several times. I can't believe that I'm not considered a notable alumni! Well, I haven't graduated yet, so technically I'm not an alumni. Wow, Wikipedia is even better than I thought.)

Wikipedia’s main competition throughout the years has come from Encyclopedia Britannica and Microsoft’s Encarta Software. However, just recently Microsoft announced that they will discontinue Encarta because they are unable to compete with the ever growing, and free, online encyclopedias such as Wikipedia. The online version of Encyclopedia Britannica has also been forced to make changes due to the success of Wikipedia. It appears as though Encyclopedia Britannica has been struggling to compete with the up to the minute style that has made Wikipedia the number 7 visited website on the Internet; and because of that Encyclopedia Britannica will follow a new model based off of the concept of Wikipedia.

Wikipedia has evolved over the past eight years, and it is clearly the top form of gathering information on the web. It is easy to use, contains up to the minute material and it is far more accurate than the general public would expect. There is a prejudice about Wikipedia due to past experiences where people have vandalized that site, but these are often corrected rather quickly. It is a shame that so many people, especially teachers and professors, tell others not to use Wikipedia despite not knowing anything about the site. Evidence has been presented that Wikipedia is equally informative as other sources of research. It has become such a success that other companies have had to change their ways in order to keep up with the times. Wikipedia should be allowed for research to because it is a great way to start research on any topic.

*This included a couple paragraphs of a paper I wrote this past semester. I left out some other paragraphs and added some things here and there. I did get an “A” on it, so haters back off.

Stay classy, not UMassy.