Almost there... and a few announcements

We're so close to the start of school I can already taste DHop. In one week students will once again flood the streets of Dirty Durham and the 2010-11 school year will be under way and I can't wait. Over the past few days the blog hits have began to climb, which is a great sign, and I have even started my first TNH column of the year. It is for the freshman issue and obviously directed towards the incoming class. The column is basically a few tips about college life, kind of a super flash glimpse of all the tips I have provided here and there. So hopefully that will help out a few freshman at least, especially those nervous about starting their college career.

I have a few plans for the blog this year, new reoccurring posts and themes, more "hands on" writing and hopefully a few "behind the scenes" type pieces, but I can't say too much until I know I can go through with them. We are going to continue to try and expand the blog and our impact and voice on campus. That being said:

 ATTENTION UNH student orgs: If you have any events that you would like me to preview or help promote, (or live blog? hmm?) please email me at unhblog@yahoo.com. One of the things I hope to improve upon is reflecting the student voice and student unity. (Don't worry, there will still be plenty of alcohol and drug induced stories and posts throughout the year... maybe even more.)

If you haven't noticed, another blogger joined on: "UNH-Hi-Lites," who used to run the blog of the same name for a few months a while back. He is a student known for having great stories and a strong opinion on campus happenings, so we are very glad to have him aboard.

Finally, a textbook plug, just because I would like to clarify how that all works for those who haven't kept up over the summer. The blog now has a partnership with campusbooks, which is basically a search for finding the cheapest textbooks possible online. Via the blog "bookstore" tab or the side bar simply enter the book's info right here on the blog (ISBN code being the most direct) and it will present you with a list of options including amazon, half.com and dozens of others. Select the book you want and purchase. You will save money and we will make a few cents off it. (Seriously, we only get a few cents per order.)  I have decided to use any money off that to either make t-shirts or throw a blog party at the end of the year. (Readers would be invited via facebook to keep it on the down low). It is really easy, you save money and help us. For example I ordered my books and spent $140 (including shipping!) I would have spent around $300-350 at the UNH stores. LadyMeow spent around $300 instead of $600 and a reader tweeted me saying she spent $190 instead of $746! As you can see you really will save money.

Enjoy your final week off and good luck this year.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

DHOP Music Video

Okay so last week I attended the screening of the DHOP movie. I was waiting to write about it because I was hoping that it would be posted on youtube or something but since it is 22 minutes long I don't think that will happen. I was in the back of the shop and it was pretty loud so I couldn't hear a lot of the interviews. It started out with some quick interviews with shop owner Steve and then the fun began with the drunken students. There were some great lines but I think "Durham without DHOP would be like Gotham without Batman" was the best.

Speaking of DHOP movies I stumbled across this one yesterday. This is either the greatest piece of satire ever, or just a really poorly made rap. Either way I was laughing so hard when I watched it last night.

I think it is safe to say that it doesn't quite live up to "Party at UNH" or "In the MUB," which I finally found on youtube as well:

Have a good finals week UNH.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

DHOP: The Movie

Yes this is actually happening. I was notified about this by the filmmaker who claims to be a fan of the blog. It will been screened at DHOP tonight (Thursday the 6th) at 11p.m. My attendance will be a game time decision due to a previous engagement, but I will try my best to make it there. According to the event page on facebook (link above) it was filmed mostly on Halloween weekend of 2009 and one of the few things that I clearly remember from Halloween is that the party I was at got busted just after midnight and most of us ended up at DHOP. So needless to say I, or at least several of my friends, are most likely in this movie. So if your not doing anything at 11 tonight I recommend checking that out because it could be very entertaining.

A few quick reminders people, Mother's Day is coming up so don't forget to call ya ma on Sunday. (You're welcome.) Also on Sunday is MUSO's last show of the year featuring Titus Andronicus, a Indie-Punk-Rock band out of New Jersey. Think about it, you could see a band Rolling Stone recently named them one of the 10 best new bands for FREE. What else are you going to do on a Sunday night before the last day of classes? Their latest album "The Monitor," which was released in March has received great reviews. Any band that uses Abe Lincoln quotes as an intro to a song and sings about the Civil War is awesome in my book. Plus they shred violently and loudly. Plus their lead man, Patrick Sickles, has a fucking awesome beard.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

A Lyrical Analysis

In his "breakout" song, Rapper Asher Roth explains how and why he loves college. This lead me to one question. According to the lyrics of "I Love College," would Asher Roth love UNH? Let me start off by saying that I think this song can be very annoying and I don't really like it, but I always get it stuck in my head and "catchiness" is a big part of what makes a song good. I have decided that the best way to go about answering this question would be to select his main arguments in his song and justify them according to life here at UNH.

"That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it,

I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked"

People at UNH are smart enough to not video tape most parties. They know that the video would probably end up on facebook or youtube, which has previously lead to fraternities and sororities getting busted. Also, we don't need evidence to prove we had a good time. Also, no one likes people who are full of themselves and brag. (Unless of course they write a kick-ass blog.)

"Drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all I need"

Very few people here at UNH allow others to drink their beer and to smoke their weed. And if they do they expect to be fully refunded with either straight cash, a 30, or some stanky bud. But Mr. Roth also says "good friends is all I need" and UNH is full of good people.

"Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again"

Personally, when I pass out at three AM, I'm not waking up until closer to noon. However, getting some food at the Bagelry is the best hangover cure ever. Who wouldn't love that?

"I wanna go to college for the rest of my life
Sip Banker's Club and drink Miller Light."

These lines contain both pro's and con's for Asher Roth and my quest to discover if he would in fact, love UNH. First, a lot of kids spend more than 4 years here, and if they don't they usually get an apartment in Dover, Newmarket or Portsmouth so they can remain with a young party type crowd. So I would say: "rest of my life" No, but an extended couple of years, most likely. I'm not too sure about the "Miller Light" reference. Personally, Miller Light is one of my favorite beers for its price (nothing beats Sam Adams, but thats for the summer when I have more money from working.) However at school, I, like most people enjoy the extreme cheapness of Keystone Light.

"On Thirsty Thursday and Tuesday Night Ice
And I can get pizza a dollar a slice."

Thirsty Thursdays are a must at UNH, one of the best nights of the week, especially if you have no Friday classes. In that case, like me, you may dabble in Thirsty Wednesdays. It doesn't have the same ring to it, but you will find that you can get equally drunk any night of the week if you wish. The "pizza a dollar a slice" line hurts real bad. I grew up about a half-hour away from campus and every year my dad and I would come up to see a couple of hockey games. Before every game we would get a slice or two from D-Hop. This was a much simpler time, and I remember a huge sign in the store that read "One Dollar Slices After 11pm." I remember my older brothers who worked at D-Hop telling me how after the games there would be a line of drunks kids around the corner and down the street waiting to get their hands on some greasy pizza. I aspired to be one of those drunk kids. Oh, how the times are a changing! Even our beloved pizza shop has seen the effects of the economy, because (I think) just the year before I enrolled here D-Hop bumped up their price to $1.50. That is a 50% increase! Fucking ridiculous. I'm not going to lie, I would probably save close to $30 a year if D-Hop kept the dollar a slice deal. I would definitely love college more if I could get pizza a dollar a slice.

"So fill up my cup, let's get fucked up
I'm next on the table, who want what?
I am champion at beer pong
Allen Iverson, Hakeem Olajuwon"

I have no problem with the first two lines of this stanza. We all love to get fucked up and play some games but.... Quick Rant: BEER PONG is a game played with an actual ping-pong paddle on an actual ping-pong table. Each player has a cup of beer on their corner and with every point a player allows they must take a drink. If the ball lands in your cup you must finish it and pour a new one. This game is played in the movie "Beerfest." BEIRUT is a game played on any table with cups lined up like bowling pings in which a player shoots a ping-pong ball into. This is obviously what Roth is referring to, but he makes the common mistake of calling it beer pong. However, beirut is a favorite game here at UNH (and any college for that matter) so he would definitely love UNH for that. I do have to question his choice of NBA players to name though, AI is a much better slasher than shooter and Olajuwon was an older big man. They are both far past their prime. I would have used the following: "Roger Mason , Ray Allen" (pronoucing Allen, Al - on.)

"Time isn't wasted when you're getting wasted."

This should probably be UNH's motto (If it wasn't written by Roth.) Like I've said before we're working on that party school ranking.

"...And I love drinking, ay!
I love women, ay..."

Yeah, so do we.

"And don't have sex if she's too gone"

.... unless you're in Zeta...

"When it comes to condoms put two on"

Didn't he take Sex-Ed in high school? Two condoms creates friction and could cause them to break. Bad idea.

"Even if we did get a little bit too drunk"

At UNH, "too drunk" doesn't exist.

"You're all invited. Bring your friends."

Sorry, but that doesn't happen here. You're lucky if you can get in.

"Do I really have to graduate?"

Nope.

"Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?"

Yes, just last weekend I met a kid who claimed to have graduated 4 years ago "from the school, but not from the parties or the girls." He seemed like a creeper.

So, after examining all of the evidence put forth by Asher Roth in his song I have decided that he would, in fact, love UNH. Sure, you can make strong arguments either way, but the fact of the matter is that UNH is awesome, apart from the cops it has chill people and parties and that is most important. Sure, some parties can be be a bitch to get into, especially for underclassmen but coming to UNH has definitely been the best decision of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. Seriously. I tried to provide evidence for both sides to avoid being bias. I am NOT a fan of Asher Roth, and I also think that UNH is awesome and it would be every hard not to love when you step back and look at the big picture.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: Asher Roth would definitely hate UMass.

I Hate to Say it...

But I fucking told you so! This past July in my post entitled "Dear Freshman" I was writing about certain songs students in dorms should never play loudly. I said and I quote: "any Kanye West (the guy is D-bag, don't support him)." Actually, I love to say I told you so because it just proves how awesome my mind works. What Kanye did last night was low, immature and down right douchebaggic. I will admit I wasn't watching the VMA's, but Jay Cutler make a fool of himself during Sunday night football, but via the power of twitter and facebook I learned about the incident literally seconds after it occurred.

That is all I have to say about that.

As for my weekend activities, I actually kept it pretty low key. Nothing special really happened other than playing some games, drinking a lot, and going to DHOP. I did stop by Fall-Fest the other night and it sucked. Total buzz kill. I went through the usually motions of casual drinking during the football games on Saturday and Sunday, which is always very enjoyable. Although I saved my best drinks for tonight's Patriots game. I do have to add that UNH and Michigan both won this weekend and Ohio State lost at home, so that was pretty excellent.

I am still undecided on that whole party invitation situation. It may be less of a which hunt and more of a stalking situation after seeing some comments left here and on my twitter account. I'm not really sure if I should be honored that people enjoy the blog, or scared.

Also, this post that you are reading is the 98th of my blog. Keep your pants on though because due to some unseen technical difficulties and bad timing, my 100th post spectacular might have to be delayed a few days. I will try my best to have it ready for Wednesday, when the 100th post will be published but I can't guarantee the epicness will be on time. So it may end up being my epic 103rd post or so, depending on my tech savvy abilities. I apologize, but hopefully it will be worth the extra time and effort.

Also, keep an eye out for my debut column in tomorrow's issue of The New Hampshire. I am very excited about this new opportunity and I hope you all enjoy it.

Today's embedded media of the day, isn't a song, but rather a highly commical youtube video from the guys from the Uhh Yeah Dude Podcast. This is a quick segment in which Seth (who you may recognize from TV commercials for Subway, Nascar and Levi) reads off actual Craigslist ad's to Jonathan (son of actor Jon Larroquette.) If you enjoy the video check out their weekly podcast on itunes for free. This video may be offensive to some readers, but if you can handle my blog, you can probably handle this:

Stay classy, Not UMassy.

A New Beginning

With the new school year comes change and new opportunities. Over this summer I was contacted by some of the editors at TNH, they were hoping that I would write for them. At first I didn't want to because I felt as though I would be selling out on my blog and readers. But after some discussions at last nights writer's meeting I was offered the chance to simply submit clean posts for publication. I realized that this is probably the best thing that could have happened because it allows me to expand and without having to do more work. (Other than writing with good grammar.) And it will (hopefully) add some humor to an already well established newspaper. So I just want to let all of you loyal readers out there that the blog is still my top priority and you can still expect me to post as regularly as I ever have. Just keep an eye open for The New Hampshirite to make a few appearances in the only student newspaper here at UNH. I am very excited and honored about this opportunity.

Now that is out of the way, I have also overheard that SCOPE will be announcing this year's homecoming show tonight. Rumors have that it is not a comedian (I guess that means it could be Jimmy Fallon again) but a music show at the Whit. I guessing this means that it is obviously going to be a big name because there is always a homecoming comedian and they don't do Whit shows for just anyone. **EDIT 6:10PM Akon. Really? Akon, what year is it 2004?

Let us not forget that today is also Thirsty Thursday, meaning that I will get drunk tonight and I don't have classes for 3 days. Have a swell weekend, get drunk, go downtown and do something funny or dumb so that I can have something good to write about.

I was recently told a very funny "Overheard at UNH" by a source who wishes to remain anonymous:

At the gym:

Girl 1: "You how I stayed so skinny during high school soccer?"

Girl 2: "How?"

Girl 1: "I was doing cocaine and I hated it."

They continue to talk about cocaine and girl 2 obviously acted very shocked and disappointed so I believe that they were being serious.I didn't know that people were still that stupid now-a-days. I mean I've done some dumb shit, but I would never do fucking cocaine, especially enough times to stay skinny.

Have you heard anything ridiculous lately? If so email it in and I'll gladly share it. Also, I'm expecting to be working on and finishing my 100th post project this weekend. I hope everything goes well with it because I feel like a lot of people will get a kick out of it. It will put my "One Month Post" to shame. Have a good weekend, be Nonsensical, and don't let those douchebag cops keep you down.

Oh one more thing, hey kid down the hall if you read this, try playing this song next time you leave your door open trying to pick up girls.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.

Before I cover this weekend's shenanigans, I have something much more important and serious to talk about. Six years ago today cancer took the life of musician Warren Zevon. Zevon, a highly underrated performer was best known for his hit “Werewolves of London” and other songs “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead,” “Excitable Boy,” “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” and “Splendid Isolation.” Although I didn’t start listening to him until this past summer many of Zevon’s songs have quickly climbed to the top of my itunes. Zevon, who was very good friends with David Letterman was a frequent guest on the show, the most memorable was when he was the only guest and stayed on for the entire show, shortly after announcing his cancer diagnosis. Zevon refused treatment, partially due to his life long fear of doctors and he accepted his grim future by recording a final album “The Wind” in which he recorded a version of Bob Dylan’s “Knocking on Heaven’s Door.” I do not consider myself to be an emotional person, but I can’t help but get the chills to say the least every time I watch this performance of “My Shit’s Fucked Up,” (see below) a song he wrote before he learned of his diagnosis, but took on a completely different meaning after. Zevon was just 56 years old at the time of his passing. Zevon often said he made choices that probably didn’t help his life, but he was always glad that he had fun, or as he put it to “enjoy every sandwich.”

I can’t help but agree with Zevon on his perspective of life. I know that he obviously did some hard-core shit, stuff that I’ll never touch, but as a student at a rambunctious university I’m going to have my share of fun, especially on the weekends. And this weekend has been no exception.

Things started off kind of slow on Thirsty Thursday, primarily because most of my friends have Friday classes, but that didn’t stop us (me) from drinking most of a large jug of Carlo Rossi Sangria, the most deliciously cheap red wine available. I highly recommend it. That night I made my first D-Hop trip of the year and I was very pleased to see the trumpet and banjo kids were back at their posts, pan-handling out front of the campus’ best pizzeria. I didn’t puke. One for one!

Friday night things picked up a little. I stepped up from wine to Svedka. A couple friends and I played a few round of dringa (a drinking version of jenga, in which every piece has a different rule on it.) Most of the rules are simple like take 3; give 4 and others have many same rules as Kings. But then there are a few pieces such as “act out a movie scene” (I nailed that one) do 25 push-ups and do a summersault (which has a huge puke factor). After this we went to a small “get together” at one of our university's fine fraternities. I made it back to my bed without puking. Two for Two!

On Saturday, after attending the football game, things picked up where they left off that morning. A friend of mine from UMaine who was home for the weekend stayed over for the night. After a few drinking games we made it to D-Hop for my second trip of the year. We were planning on having my friend buy a large pizza and handing the slices out to show that UMaine kids aren’t all bad. By the time we got to D-Hop we completely forgot about the plan. As a side note: I bought a pack of cloves at Store 24 and got carded for the first time in my life. (I’ve never bought tobacco before.) While at D-Hop we ran into a kid I knew in high school who invited us back to his apartment where we became influenced by a substance other than alcohol. I personally didn’t puke this night either. Three for three! Success!

When I got back to my room early Sunday morning I checked my facebook account for the blog and I ended up chatting with a reader. His name is Allen F, he lives in big willy and he is the man. (Ladies.) This is a short clip of the brief chat we had:

NH: thanks, i promise to keep writing if you tell a friend about the blog.

Allen: i just told three friends i deserve a fucking medal

NH: word. ill give you a shout out if you want.

Allen: ha thatd be solid man, thanks

NH: done deal.

Allen, not only do you get a shout out, here is your fucking medal.

So listen people, if you add me on facebook you just might get to chat with me. Don’t be shy, but more importantly,

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Dear Freshmen,

Hello, I am the New Hampshirite. I am awesome and you should read this blog on a daily basis. I write about the "goings on" here at UNH as well as other things that I think fellow students may take interest in. I am a one-man writer, editor, and genius and I am also required to say that I am unaffiliated with any school or student organization (although I have been offered the a position as a columnist for TNH, which I turned down). Okay, so I’m not required to say that but it makes me feel more important and a weird self-loathing way. I am sarcastic, witty and 100% honest most of the time. I take this blog seriously so I hope that you get something out of it. (Even if that something just solidifies how much you hate the blog or me.)

Anyways, back to the point of this post. I have decided to take that time out of a lovely summer day to write this letter to the incoming freshman class here at UNH…. Whoa UNH Class of 2013 welcome! And shut the fuck up and listen closely. Pay attention and you might learn a thing or two. Yeah, I know that learning and the summer shouldn’t ever be combined but what you are about to read could save you from probation or even loss or housing or expulsion. I have also included some other tips about regular campus life. A lot of this may seem obvious but just wait, you'll be surprised what kids will get in trouble for and how they get caught.

Respect quiet hours. This seems obvious but you wouldn’t believe how many times this has lead to kids getting busted. Just keep the music and drunken ramblings at a reasonable level. I will go into more depth in my follow up post on how to beat the RA’s and the housing system. Stay tuned.

Do not smoke weed in your room or someone else’s. What are you an idiot? Buy a vaporizer, it is much healthier, smokeless and almost odorless. Fresh popcorn will cover any sent. If you don’t have the money make friends with someone with an apartment, or who lives in the Gables, or even the SERCS if you don’t. Those are much better (and safer) smoking environments. And definitely do not smoke in the woods, especially on the dirt path near Stillings. I almost got arrested there and I wasn’t even smoking. (I wrote about this in one of my firsts posts called “UNH Cops.”)

Play intramural sports, they don’t take up too much time and are a lot of fun. They are something for you to do between classes and drinking time. The coed leagues are great, just be aware that if you are faced up against a broomball goalie you can’t score on, it just may be yours truly.

Try going to a few rush week events. Even if you don’t think Greek life is for you it can still be fun and a good way to meet a lot of people. And get shit faced. I didn’t join any frats (It wasn’t my thing. I don’t feel that I have to pay for my friends). That being said a few of my friends did join frats and it seemed to work out well for them. I guess what I’m saying is to try something for yourself before making up your mind. Just because you didn’t party in high school doesn’t you mean you can’t in college. (And vice-versa for those of you who barely got in here. You know who you are.)

Take advantage of our wonderful dining halls by sneaking food out. Think of it this way, we have to pay for unlimited meal plans so we should be able to eat in our room if you want to. Just don’t get caught. Baggy sweatshirts or jackets work well.

Never, I repeat never, play beer cup beirut. Always always always use water cups and drink on the side. For two reasons: 1) it is much easier to stash a drink per person then 12-20 cups. And 2) is it far less likely you will get mono. And always wash your hands people.

While playing drinking games in your room don't yell "Drink up fucker!" or any variation of the word drink. Never say, "I'm so wasted" because you're not.

Don't plaster your room with beer memorabilia. Keeping some empty liquor bottles on your shelf is fine, but posters, beer lights, and the one liners from Keystone 30 racks are not necessary. You don't have to show off all your shit. No one cares.

If you are going to puke (it happens to the best of us, don't worry) do it in a trashcan, or toilet, or shower stall, not on the hallway or bathroom floor or especially a doom room rug. It will smell. Last year I believe at least 8 or so poeple puked on my rug and my room smelt horrible to say the least. And we had carpet cleaner.

Do not play the same 3 songs over and over again at full volume, it will make everyone hate you especially if any of the follwing songs are used: "College" by Asher Roth, "Paper Planes" by MIA, that fucking Kid Rock song where he ruined "Werewolves of London" and" Sweet Home Alabama" (I almost murdered my roommate when he played that), that other shitty song that ruined that other old song, any Kanye West (the guy is D-bag, don't support him), or your own beat that you made with garage band. Cool, you pressed 3 keys rhythmically and you made a beat. Now shut it off and go outside.

I'm sure I will think of more tips soon. Enjoy the rest of the summer. I look foward to watching you all order your first drunk pizza slice from D-Hop in September.Be sure to add me on facebook (as New Hampshirite) follow me on twitter (use the link on the top right) and also my email is unhblog@yahoo.com. Questions and comments are always helpful. You can also comment on each post anonymously or with a fake ID so I know I have more then a few dedicated readers. Also, the blog now has had over 4,000 visitors, I wasn't sure it would hit that over the summer. Once school picks up again I expect to resume getting a few hundred hits a day as I saw at the end of the semester, although I do expect to see an increase in readers from last year.

Stay classy, not UMassy.
___________________________________________________________________________________
PS
I would just like to say a few things. This has been a crazy hectic summer for me and I haven't had internet access at my house for over a month. In short, people were going to buy my house, so we cancelled our internet and set up our computer at a barn where our new house is being built. The people didn't buy the house and the computer remains at that barn. We never got internet back at my house so I can't use my laptop either. This is why I haven't been posting too much, but I promise once the school year resumes you can expect daily posts as you saw last semester. Thanks for your patience, and I do apologize.

One Month Epic Post

Over the past month I feel as though we have shared a few laughs and I really wanted to relive them. I figured there would be no better way to look back on the past month than a cheesy slideshow. Listen and watch carefully because just about every picture coincides with a post. And yes, when the lyrics match up with the images that shit was planned. This isn't some Dark Side Of the Moon and Wizard of Oz conspiracy, although I do watch that synched up from time to time. You all better enjoy this because I put some fucking time and effort into this mofo. So here you go. That being said now I can go do some school work for a change... 

A Night as The New Hampshirite

Notes: Everything you are about to read took place on the UNH campus between 9 pm and 3 am Saturday night into Sunday morning. All the times listed are rough estimates, but I assure I didn't make this up. Out of respect for the drunk, all names have been omitted. 

9:04 pm:A floor-mate asks me to smoke with him and another friend. I am tempted to, but decline because I had the intentions of keeping track of the night's adventures and I figured one type of memory clouding substance was enough.

9:05 pm:He tells me that I "better be as fucked up as him by the time he returns." I knew that wouldn't happen but I put in a decent effort. 

9:10 pm: I put on the Lakers/Jazz game in hopes of seeing an upset. Kobe proves he is good at basketball, and not just ra.. consenting with women he is not married to. 

9:11 pm: Crack open the first Keystone Light of the night.

9:12 pm: Finish said beverage.

9:15 pm: Finish beverage numero dos.  

9:17 pm: Friends return. They seem to be in a good mood. I finish my third beverage. We attempt to play Resident Evil 4 on PS3, my friend has trouble explaining the game controls so I return to my room.

9:24 pm: Four beers down. 

Not much happened for a little while, I believe we talked of the NFL draft and the Sox game. 

*Note the Red Sox "Kobe Bryanted" the Yankees these last two games. 

10:00 pm ish: (Times are now even bigger estimates.) After I finish my 5th beer in under an hour we decide to play Kings. No one else has drank yet. 

10:02 pm: Another floor-mate enters my room with two high school seniors he was showing around for the weekend. We start to play. (There are five of us, one of the original kids left.) 

10:16 pm: I pick an 8 and I have to make a rule. The 8's were going fast and the "Little Man" and "No Names" rule were already in effect. I decide that my rule is that no one can use the bathroom until the game is over.

10:16 pm: I realize that I have to pee.

10:27 pm: One of the high school kids mentions that my room is really cool and he likes my game rules. This is the 3rd or 4th time he has said this. I realize that he is a lightweight.

10:30 pm: I really have to pee at this point. I threaten to piss out the window and my less-drunk friends egg me on. I decide not to. 

10:34 pm: At this point they all start to play really slow in hopes of me resorting to peeing out the window. 

10:37 pm:  A ten in picked. Car companies are chosen as the category. The first kid says BMW. The second kids says beamer. 

10:46 pm: The game ends. I leave to pee.  I lost track of how many I had a while ago. It was a 40 minute game of Kings and we were ruthless to each other.

10:52 pm: I return from peeing. 

11:17 pm: We begin the wonderful game of  "Fuck the Dealer." I do not have the ability to give a detailed play-by-play of this game.

11:28 pm: My friend yells "I feel like a Jabbawockee!" 

11:35 pm: Game ends. We all urinate for a while and decide to go to DHOP.

11:45 pm: We all manage to make it outside. Two motorcycle cops drive by us on the path. One of the high schoolers thinks we in trouble. I laugh at him. The cops continue driving. 

11:47 pm: We pass two friends. They tell us that DHOP's ovens are broken. I make the executive decision to carry on.  I was hoping that they were broken so I could start a street riot. 

11:54 pm: As we pass the Dump a group of three girls cross the street and walk in front of us. I talk loudly about DHOP's ovens being broken. They laugh. I ask if they are laughing at me, but they say that they are laughing at all of us. I thank them for not singling me out. 

11:55 pm: The girls group and my group merge into one mixed gender group. We agree to start a riot if the ovens are broken. 

11:56 pm: DHOP is open. I am slightly disappointed because I wanted to riot, but my sadness leaves as I bite into the first of my two pepperoni slices. The warmth and greasiness of the pizza is awesome. 

12:04 am: Happy Sunday. We make a circle in front of DHOP. As we talk, one friend makes a remake about being drunk in public. A very attractive girl comes out of nowhere and says "Don't worry I'm 21." (Debatable.) My friend replies "I wasn't talking to you."  The girl seems confused. My friend explains the situation and she leaves. We all rip apart my friend because she clearly wanted to "talk" with him and he completely shut her down. He is a dumbass and will hear about this forever. 

12:45 am:  We are on our way back to our dorm. We make fun of our friend. I start telling everyone we pass that "I am a celebrity" and that "You read me!"  I also told one group that I was Fat Joe. (If you haven't figured it out yet, I was quite intoxicated.) 

1:18 am: We are back in our dorm. Went continued ripping on our friend this entire time. The two high schoolers are pretty much passed out. So is one of my other friends. It's just me and the dumbass. 

1:27 am: I leave to go to bed, within 5 minutes the dumbass knocks on my door and convinces me to go back to DHOP to redeem himself.

1:34 am: On our way back to DHOP I tell him he better not fuck it up again because he dragged me out of bed. 

1:40 am: We arrive at DHOP. I lean up against the building because I am extremely tired. He starts smoking a cigar. 

1:51 am: We talk to about 3 or 4 girls until the right opportunity comes (1:57 am). I can tell she digs him, so I help keep the conversation going. She mentions that her friends left to go to Store 24.

1:59 am:  She says her friends haven't come back yet so  she has to walk back to the SERCS alone. My friend doesn't pick up the cue. I start to think that he really is a huge dumbass. 

2:03 am: The girl turns around for a second, at this I moment I whip out my cellphone and act as though I'm getting a call. I walk away past my friend and whisper, "offer to walk her back." I walk over to a bench and pretend to talk on my phone. 

2:05 am: They finally leave together, as my friend passes me, he kicks me. He is smiling. I am awesome.

2:20 am: I return to my bed and go to sleep.

I did everything that I could. I played the greatest wingman roll ever.  Let me know what you think. Who is the better wingman? Mystery, Tom Cruise or The New Hampshirite?  

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: 11:30 am: I am informed that when they got back to her building she said "My boyfriend appreciates that you walked me back." 

EDIT: 1:28 pm: I realize that I forgot a lot of shit. There was an entire person I forgot about. He was with us the all night. He was missing half a finger from a childhood accident with a stationary bike.  Same thing happened to one of my brothers, but it was only his finger nail and it grew back.

Fuck Yeah Friday

Welcome to the debut post of "Fuck Yeah Friday!" It's warm, the sun and shining and the Sox take on the Yankees tonight at Fenway. Oh yeah, and it's a fuckin' Friday at UNH! It is time to party hard, we need to step up if we want to get back into the top 10 party schools. It's up to you to make the change. I hope to see you at DHOP tonight, singing loud and dancing awesomely. I'll probably be there, this may be your once chance to spot the New Hampshirite in action. 

Readers, I just realized that our one month anniversary is rapidly approaching! You can expect an awesome and corny "look back" post which will be the first of hopefully many multimedia posts. 

Here is today's song of the day. If you don't like it pound a few and turn up the volume to 11. I present the ultimate  band of gypsies. They have soul, they have talent, and best of all they know how to party. They are Gogol Bordello. 

The school year is winding down, so party hard, have fun and be smart. You all better be at DHOP tonight.

Stay Classy, Not UMassy.

What Now?

Over the past week my life has felt meaningless. The UNH hockey season has ended and I feel like I have a lot less to look forward to now that I will no longer be getting drunk and yelling belligerent things at the student athletes of different schools. 

Ahem:

 M-A-I-N-E Maaiiiiiiiinnnnee sucks! Fuck ‘em up, fuck ‘em up BC sucks! Screw BU! Dirty Hippies! Harvard Rejects! Amherst Rejects! Warm up ya cah! Thanks for practice! Da da da daaanana sieve! But always remember: We’re classy not Umassy! 

Thanks; I really had to get that out.

What am I supposed to do now that I can’t get away with screaming these things as loud as I want on a regular basis? As a member of a student body who really supports our beloved Wildcats I realize that there are many people who feel as lost as I do now that the season has ended. Because of this, I have compiled a list of things to do while you are drunk to fill the void left by the hockey games.

• Go to a party.
• Pro: Meet a cute chick.
• Con: Get in a fight.
• Go to DHop.
• Pro: Eat delicious pizza, watch other drunk people.
• Con: Puke up delicious pizza.
• Listen to the Uhh Yeah Dude Podcast:  
  • Pro: They are hilarious, hour long episodes. On itunes for free.
  • Con: Only one episode a week, usually published on Mondays. 

• Study
• Pro: You’re drunk. Nothing good will happen.
• Con: You realize you have nothing better to do then to get drunk and study. You won't learn.
• Drink to the holidays.
• Pro: There are many holidays in the spring!
• Con: Still not enough…
• Play a sport.
• Pro: Lots of fun.
• Con: You get hustled by people who really aren’t drunk. Puke factor.
• Watch Pro Sports.
• Pro: Red Sox games are beginning, NBA and NHL playoffs!
• Con: Get tricked into making ridiculous bets by fake drunk people.
• Dorm Party.
• Pro: Meet other people just like you.
• Con: RA’s suck.
• On Thursday nights attend theatre sports in the MUB.
• Pro: Actually really funny, a lot like a dirty "Who’s Line Is It Anyways?"
• Con: Can’t drink there. Only on Thursdays @9. 
• Start a blog about UNH.
• Pro: Takes up time.
• Con: Doesn’t make you any cooler. I will murder you.

There you a go, a nice list of things to do when you’re drunk and bored.

Song of the Day:

Happy Wednesday everybody! To celebrate "hump" day I was tempted to pick "My Humps" by Fergie as my song of the day. But I decided to pick music instead. Today's song of the day is "Street Fighter" by the underground alternative rock group Dusty Rhodes and the River Band. I chose this in honor of the kid I saw get punched in the face at D-HOP last Saturday night. I got to give him props for getting back up quickly because he got hit hard! Enjoy and have a good day of pranks.

Yours Truly,

The New Hampshirite