A Lyrical Analysis

In his "breakout" song, Rapper Asher Roth explains how and why he loves college. This lead me to one question. According to the lyrics of "I Love College," would Asher Roth love UNH? Let me start off by saying that I think this song can be very annoying and I don't really like it, but I always get it stuck in my head and "catchiness" is a big part of what makes a song good. I have decided that the best way to go about answering this question would be to select his main arguments in his song and justify them according to life here at UNH.

"That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it,

I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked"

People at UNH are smart enough to not video tape most parties. They know that the video would probably end up on facebook or youtube, which has previously lead to fraternities and sororities getting busted. Also, we don't need evidence to prove we had a good time. Also, no one likes people who are full of themselves and brag. (Unless of course they write a kick-ass blog.)

"Drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all I need"

Very few people here at UNH allow others to drink their beer and to smoke their weed. And if they do they expect to be fully refunded with either straight cash, a 30, or some stanky bud. But Mr. Roth also says "good friends is all I need" and UNH is full of good people.

"Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again"

Personally, when I pass out at three AM, I'm not waking up until closer to noon. However, getting some food at the Bagelry is the best hangover cure ever. Who wouldn't love that?

"I wanna go to college for the rest of my life
Sip Banker's Club and drink Miller Light."

These lines contain both pro's and con's for Asher Roth and my quest to discover if he would in fact, love UNH. First, a lot of kids spend more than 4 years here, and if they don't they usually get an apartment in Dover, Newmarket or Portsmouth so they can remain with a young party type crowd. So I would say: "rest of my life" No, but an extended couple of years, most likely. I'm not too sure about the "Miller Light" reference. Personally, Miller Light is one of my favorite beers for its price (nothing beats Sam Adams, but thats for the summer when I have more money from working.) However at school, I, like most people enjoy the extreme cheapness of Keystone Light.

"On Thirsty Thursday and Tuesday Night Ice
And I can get pizza a dollar a slice."

Thirsty Thursdays are a must at UNH, one of the best nights of the week, especially if you have no Friday classes. In that case, like me, you may dabble in Thirsty Wednesdays. It doesn't have the same ring to it, but you will find that you can get equally drunk any night of the week if you wish. The "pizza a dollar a slice" line hurts real bad. I grew up about a half-hour away from campus and every year my dad and I would come up to see a couple of hockey games. Before every game we would get a slice or two from D-Hop. This was a much simpler time, and I remember a huge sign in the store that read "One Dollar Slices After 11pm." I remember my older brothers who worked at D-Hop telling me how after the games there would be a line of drunks kids around the corner and down the street waiting to get their hands on some greasy pizza. I aspired to be one of those drunk kids. Oh, how the times are a changing! Even our beloved pizza shop has seen the effects of the economy, because (I think) just the year before I enrolled here D-Hop bumped up their price to $1.50. That is a 50% increase! Fucking ridiculous. I'm not going to lie, I would probably save close to $30 a year if D-Hop kept the dollar a slice deal. I would definitely love college more if I could get pizza a dollar a slice.

"So fill up my cup, let's get fucked up
I'm next on the table, who want what?
I am champion at beer pong
Allen Iverson, Hakeem Olajuwon"

I have no problem with the first two lines of this stanza. We all love to get fucked up and play some games but.... Quick Rant: BEER PONG is a game played with an actual ping-pong paddle on an actual ping-pong table. Each player has a cup of beer on their corner and with every point a player allows they must take a drink. If the ball lands in your cup you must finish it and pour a new one. This game is played in the movie "Beerfest." BEIRUT is a game played on any table with cups lined up like bowling pings in which a player shoots a ping-pong ball into. This is obviously what Roth is referring to, but he makes the common mistake of calling it beer pong. However, beirut is a favorite game here at UNH (and any college for that matter) so he would definitely love UNH for that. I do have to question his choice of NBA players to name though, AI is a much better slasher than shooter and Olajuwon was an older big man. They are both far past their prime. I would have used the following: "Roger Mason , Ray Allen" (pronoucing Allen, Al - on.)

"Time isn't wasted when you're getting wasted."

This should probably be UNH's motto (If it wasn't written by Roth.) Like I've said before we're working on that party school ranking.

"...And I love drinking, ay!
I love women, ay..."

Yeah, so do we.

"And don't have sex if she's too gone"

.... unless you're in Zeta...

"When it comes to condoms put two on"

Didn't he take Sex-Ed in high school? Two condoms creates friction and could cause them to break. Bad idea.

"Even if we did get a little bit too drunk"

At UNH, "too drunk" doesn't exist.

"You're all invited. Bring your friends."

Sorry, but that doesn't happen here. You're lucky if you can get in.

"Do I really have to graduate?"

Nope.

"Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?"

Yes, just last weekend I met a kid who claimed to have graduated 4 years ago "from the school, but not from the parties or the girls." He seemed like a creeper.

So, after examining all of the evidence put forth by Asher Roth in his song I have decided that he would, in fact, love UNH. Sure, you can make strong arguments either way, but the fact of the matter is that UNH is awesome, apart from the cops it has chill people and parties and that is most important. Sure, some parties can be be a bitch to get into, especially for underclassmen but coming to UNH has definitely been the best decision of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. Seriously. I tried to provide evidence for both sides to avoid being bias. I am NOT a fan of Asher Roth, and I also think that UNH is awesome and it would be every hard not to love when you step back and look at the big picture.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

PS: Asher Roth would definitely hate UMass.