Saturday, September 26, 2009

The UNH-UMaine Decathlon

Two schools. Ten events and categories. One epic night. One winner.

Friday at noon my friend (aka my driver) and I left for the 3 and 1/2 hour drive to Orono, Maine to visit some friends at UMaine. My friend has an apartment about 15 minutes off campus in Old Town. I would say it is like the equivalent of living in Newmarket or Dover. We arrived at his apartment around four and he gave us a tour around campus. To make this story easy, my Maine friend will be known as Maine Guy. Maine Guy is a big fan of the blog and he knew ahead of time that I would be critiquing UMO all day and night so he came out swinging by showing of their recreational center. It was very nice. We went to a dining hall, which I would compare to our Union Court in the MUB, which is weird because it was also called Union something. Good food, but pricy. It wasn't all you can eat like our cafes and I paid $8.50 for a small pizza, breadsticks and a drink. Anyways, we picked up another friend and returned to the house to find a lot of alcohol waiting for us.

The rest of the night consisted in drinking, playing wii, drinking while playing wii, beirut, dringa, smoking, and drinking. We also had a discussion, really just me and Maine Guy's roommate about facebook. He wasn't sure if he could call this girl because they weren't friends on facebook, so he wasn't sure if they were really friends at all. It night also involved one person (the Maine Guy) puking at least 8 times. I have no idea how no one else did. He also asked me for "warm ice cubes." I didn't know what to do. I think we all passed out around 3am, not bad considering we started around 7:00. That's a solid 8 hours. Any ways, here is what you are all waiting for.

The First Annual New Hampshirite and Maine Guy UNH-UMO decathlon.

1) Location: This one hands down goes to UNH. UNH has great access to the ocean, mountains and Boston. UMaine is in bumfuck nowhere. Surrounding towns also factors into this and I would take the combo of Portsmouth, Newington, Dover and Newmarket over Bangor any day of the week.

UNH 1-0.

2) Rec Center: Sadly I have decided to give this one to UMaine. Although we have 5 indoor basketball courts to UMO's four, they have two separate gym rooms. One with weights and the other is all aerobic type bikes and machines. Combined they are much bigger than our weight room. They also have an indoor pool with a huge jacuzzi and whirlpool in the same building as the student gym.


3) Campus Layout: This category also goes to UMO. The entire campus is very compact, like a high school. They also have this really cool quad thing they call the mall which is this huge grass field between their library and their Union Center right in the middle of campus. UNH is very spread out, which can be a pain.

UMO 2-1.

4) Downtown: This goes to UNH, basically because UMO doesn't have one. Since their campus is so compound like, you can't walk to a downtown. Also D-Hop blows "O-Hop" out of the water.

Tied 2-2.

5) Athletics. UNH. Yes, their hockey team has won two national titles, but they haven't done shit since Mrs. Kayria experienced menopause. We currently are more dominate in football, hockey, and basketball. They don't have men's soccer any more, which kind of makes up for us not having a baseball team.

UNH 3-2

6) Playing Fields. UMaine. Although the Whit blows Alfond out of the water in aesthetic values, Alfond has character... and a replay scoreboard. I really gave this to UMO because Cowell Stadium (our football field) is a piece of crap. The stadium looks like it might collapse and ESPN once refused to cover a playoff game here because of the condition of the press box.

Tied 3-3.

7) Wildlife: I saw a bald eagle and a bunch of deer at UMaine. That's pretty cool.

UMO 4-3.

8) Education. UNH. "If you can't get into college 'cause you lack the basic knowledge, go to Maine." (and see picture #3 below.)

Tied 4-4.

9) Vibe: UNH. Maine felt like a ghost town while I was on campus. There was nothing really going on. Especially for a Friday afternoon. I will admit most of the kids I met were really chill, the actual campus just felt really bland.

UNH 5-4.

10) Parties: UNH. We're taking back the Princeton Review one weekend at a time. The cops and UNH administration can fuck themselves.

UNH 6-4.

I fucked this up last night (I was writing drunk on a notecard) and thought it was 5-5 so we played a game of beirut for the "tie breaker" and UNH won again...
The game is 2 on 2 beirut. Me and my driver were reppin' UNH vs Maine Guy and one of his roommates. It was a back and forth battle, but when the dust settled UNH had sank all their cups and UMaine had 3 left.

So technically UNH won 7-4.

The New Hampshirite claiming victory for UNH in front of the UMO Black Bear.

This was in a UMO Dorm. Not sure what it means...

Grey Goose and Captain Morgan's... The Maine Guy... need I say more?

Stay classy, not UMassy. (Or UMainy for that matter.)


  1. nice addition chief. tied after 8 and unh wins 9 and 10. thus unh 6-4.

  2. good catch.... i was writing on a notecard while everything was happening friday night and i was very drunk. i was in a rush today and didn't double check it...i feel like a moron. thanks though.

  3. A few points I would like to make some rebuttals on...
    - you forgot to mention I beat you heads-up in beruit.
    - your beruit partner/driver used to go to school in maine, therefor results of that game are not conclusive of anything
    -I puked at least 10 times, once for every hour i slept directly after... and i only did it so i wouldn't be so hungover
    -it was also family/parent weekend here, not the best party weekend

    but thanks for not mentioning the part where i got naked and ran outside

  4. your welcome for not mentioning the part you got naked and ran around outside in below freezing temps.

  5. To rebuttal your rebuttals Maine Guy:
    - i beat you heads up, as well as your roommates (from Maine)
    -technically i wouldnt consider my stay in maine last year as "used to go to school" there