Conversion of Smith Hall

If any of you are in the 2009-2010 UNH facebook group you may have received this message from our student body President and VP:

Hello Everyone,  

There are plans in action to convert Smith Hall into an administrative building. In order for us to change their plans we as students need to make a strong, united stance on this topic. Please tell us how you feel about this, if you are for or against it and why. Also please make sure to tell us which dorm you live in or if you live off campus. Thank you for your input!

- Charlotte and Richie

I think that it is an outrage that the UNH administration would be willing to change the rich tradition of Smith Hall on campus. Smith Hall is the oldest residence hall on campus and it has been home to the International Living Theme for years now. Smith Hall was finished in 1908 and was originally built as an all-female dorm. It may not be the nicest dorm, but every year students choose to live there because of the tradition and diversity of the International theme.

Smith Hall circa 1915

The Smith Hall we know today.

Turning Smith Hall into administrative buildings would just be another step that UNH would take to ruin it's rich history. UNH needs to be able to recognize and appreciate it's century old history. New buildings and dorms are always nice, but there should be a good balance of new and old to remind us how UNH has grown over the years.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Overheard at UNH

Before I get started, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, after spending hours over Thanksgiving break I have decided to go with "Noncensors" for my name to refer to my readers. Stephen Colbert may have his Nation, but I have my faithful Noncensors. It was submitted by a reader who claims it is a play on the blog title and the fact that the blog isn't censored and neither should you be. If you think you have something better let me know. So listen up Noncensors, announcement number two: William Takefield will now be my roommate's code name. It is a play on "Tim Wakefield" from when we got baked one night. I'll be creating a vocab sheet for you all to study for my final exam.

 I haven't done an "Overheard" all semester and I feel like these are always good for a laugh:

UQ Hallway: Girl 1: "They were wrapped up in a towel. I mean he's 23 and she's 17." Girl 2: "Gross."

HOCO: Guy 1: "I slept with (girl) again." Guy 2 "Isn't that crabs girl?" Guy 1: "She got that taken care of... I think."

MUB Bookstore: Girl to guy: "Have you checked out that UNH blog, it's pretty cool."

If you ever want to freak out someone play this song. It helps if they are really high, just ask William Takefield.


Stay classy, not UMassy.

Sober Week

For a while now I have been thinking about writing a post about my experiences doing a “Sober Week.” It was going to be a timeline/narrative about a week in which I restrained from drugs (weed) and alcohol (including wine). I decided that a week that included a visit home would be best because I’m not 21 so I can’t drink around my parents. I ended up deciding to give it a shot for Thanksgiving weekend, because I would be home Wednesday morning to Sunday night so that would limit my drinking, and obviously, any “weeding” situations.  I decided to start on that Tuesday and finish off the following Tuesday. So I was sure to make Monday extra fun pounding Miller High-Lifes and using the Investigative Journalist to do some hardcore investigation. I made sure to finish up before midnight so Tuesday could count towards Sober Week.

Night One Tuesday: 8:00PM (20 hours sober):

I realize that I have a bunch beers left in my fridge. Never in my life/in my time at college had I had beer in my fridge for over a week and I so I never learned how long it can last. I decide it is too great a risk to leave in there for the duration of Thanksgiving break. Therefore I threw back a few, but I left one, a number I was willing to sacrifice. I decide that this was an emergency to prevent stale beer so therefore it wouldn’t count against sober week. I had made it threw the first day.

Day Two Wednesday: 2:30PM (38.5 hours sober)

I am playing hide-and-seek with two younger cousins. I realize that it would be way better if I was bakedest maximus.

Night Two Wednesday: 8PM (44 hours sober)

I am at my brother’s apartment before going to see the new Warren Miller ski movie in Portsmouth. A Rolling Rock beer is placed in front me. In fear of it going warm I drink it down. Crisis averted. So was once again it was an emergency so my sober streak continues.

Day Three: Thursday: 4PM Thanksgiving: (64 hours sober)

I’m at my aunt and uncle’s in Maine. My brother slips a few shots of rum into my diet Pepsi. None of the adults notice. Plus 5 ninja points for him. I can’t waist a perfectly good soda so I am forced to drink it. It was for the sake of the environment so the sober streak in unharmed.

Night Three: Thursday: 9:30 PM (69.5 hours sober)

Both my parents go off to bed, tired from the party and drive home. I suddenly realize that I “accidentally” packed my vaporizer and weed. I realize that I couldn’t risk my mom finding them, especially together so I come to the conclusion that I must get rid of the weed. The best way to get rid of weed is to smoke it, or vape it in my case. I bring it down to the basement heat it up and inhale; because that is the point, right Obama? Here is a timeline inside a timeline. Yeah, a double timeline. Or timeline². 

• 9:45PM Vape
• 9:55PM Return item to hidden location in my closet.
• 10:00PM Eat half a family sized box of Triscits.
• 10:20PM Eat massive amounts of sunflower seeds.
• 10:55PM Eat sleeve of Ritz crackers.
• 11:00PM Eat cold pepperoni, wish I had more Ritz or Triscuts and some cheese.
• 11:15PM Make and eat peanut-butter sandwich.
• 11:27PM I start writing this. And listening to my itunes. I start with a few from The Band off the Last Waltz. As I skim through my itunes I come to Boston’s “More than a Feeling” I am too tempted to do karaoke and my parents are sleeping so I decide to skip it. Next is Bruce’s “Glory Days” same situation. I realize that I have an awesome selection on my itunes and I give Old Crow Medicine Show a few songs and soon move onto Pink Floyd. 
• 11:48PM It is right now. I guess I should stop, because I can’t write about the future… yet... Well, I have investigated that due to the difficulty of typing and how badly I am relying on spell check I say that I am still quite high.
• 11:50PM I’ve always liked Pink Floyd, but holy shit! This is insane. I feel every note in my body. David Gilmour’s solo in “Dogs” has an acupuncture/prickly feeling when you’re high.
• 11:58 PM All of fucking “Animals” by Floyd is so fucking awesome. Wow. Damn vaporizers are efficient. Fuck. Yes.

 *(NOTE: Everything to this point was written under the influence of marijuana.) 

Day Four: Friday 10:07AM (82 hours sober)

I can’t believe I have lasted this long. This is pretty insane. Taking care of that herb was for my own protection, therefore my sober streak in still intact. Take that Joe DiMaggio! Your hit-streak lasted 56 games, but only a true Iron Horse could go 82 hours sober.

Day Five: Saturday 2:00 PM (110 hours sober)

In order to complete some more ninja missions my brothers and I vape up the rest of that herb. The ninja missions are 100% successful, but the details must be kept on the down-low for now. Be prepared for the ultimate multi-media project yet, but it may be a while. This doesn't impact my sober streak because it was for the good of a ninja mission.

Day Six: Sunday 2:30PM (134.5 hours sober)

This is right now, as I write this. I'm back at my dorm and I finish off that last beer and watch some football. Good news it that it still tasted fine. But I have decided to give up on my sober streak because I can't lie to myself anymore. I guess Stephenson Billings is right I am a no-good alcoholic pot addict. Oh, well at least I'm enjoying college to the fullest.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Random Thoughts and Things

This will probably be my last post until Sunday or Monday, so I would just like to throw a few things out there. It is about 1:30AM and I have a meeting in the morning and then I'm off for home so I just wanted to throw up a quick post before I left. First off, I need to thank the people at Crooked Monkey, who sent me a free t-shirt and a nice thank you note after I wrote a review about their website and services. You should really check them out, they have high quality products and a very nice customer service... Unlike vistaprint (where I ordered that free stuff from.) They started charging me because I was a "VP club" member. I never signed up for that, it was something that automatically happens without them telling you. (It's called a scam.)  I looked into it and apparently anyone who orders "free" business cards from them ends up getting charged $14.95 a month until they cancel their membership. Luckily if you catch it and call them out on it (which I did) you get your money back. They are this legitimate company with big time credentials (listed towards the top of the Boston Globes "Best Places to Work") and they get away with these fucking bullshit scams! No wonder the place is so great to work, they scam money out of poor saps who are just trying to advertise their upstart businesses! FUCK YOU vistaprint!

Monday night I got absolutely ripped off The Investigative Journalist (a vaporizer) and I was unable to take notes, I apologize. I did however, pass out in my chair on my stomach, with my head on the ground and my feet in the air. Yeah, I still can't figure that one out. I think the best way to describe that night is this:


 I will now post two videos of extremely passionate musicians. I truly think that this first video is of the most soulful musician out there today, some people say his voice is a little to rough, but I think it fits him and his band perfectly. Eugene Hutz of Gogol Bordello:


How is it that I never knew of the shredding abilities of My Morning Jacket? After watching this performance from the Conan O'Brien all I can say is "wow."


Okay, University of Nonsensical Happenites (I need a name to refer to you all blog readers. Like how Stephen Colbert calls his audience "Nation." Seriously, comment any ideas you have!) Have a great break and I'll see you on the other side.
Stay classy, not UMassy.

Like a Pro: Thanksgiving

"Like a Pro" can be found in the Tuesday issues of the UNH student newspaper "The New Hampshire." This is the original, uncut, and unedited version.

It is that time of year again when Americans are encouraged to pause their busy lives and take moment to do some holiday shopping. I mean, give thanks for everything we have. When I was younger I used to be thankful for my idols like Batman, the Power Rangers, and Nomar Garciaparra, but as I have matured I have learned that there are far more important things that I should be thankful for. Especially since I now realize that two of those things were not real and the third probably did steroids.

This year I am not thankful for specific people or events, I am thankful for who I am. I guess the simplest way to put it is that I am a student at a great university, which provides huge opportunities for my future. Do not get me wrong; the university has made its share of mistakes – like once again scheduling classes on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Luckily, like every other year I have been here, all of my professors cancelled those classes. When will the administration realize this and just officially give us the extra day off? Hey, at least we still have our football team, right Northeastern?

I am also thankful that I’m not the one out of the roughly 12,000 undergraduates at UNH who was arrested for receiving marijuana through the mail last week. That ratio is pretty strong in the university’s favor; maybe Heath Services should print that on those cards in Holloway. That would look better than admitting about 70 percent of campus drinks alcohol on the weekends. I think it is safe to say that we are all thankful we were not that one student, unless of course, he is reading this.

I do not want to be my super cliché self by saying what I am thankful for, like cheap alcohol and other mind-morphing substances, but instead slightly more serious things around campus.

I am thankful for Kurt’s Lunchbox because this time of year when the weather is cold, walking to DHOP can be treacherous. A nice order of cheesy fries will warm you right up without trekking all the way downtown. Depending on where you live Wildcatessen and the Philbrook Café serve as great cold weather alternatives too. Sure, their respected atmospheres do not match up to DHOP, but at least you will get some food.

With finals just around the corner, I am also thankful that the library is open until 2 a.m. 
More importantly, I am thankful for classes that do not have finals, because one less final means one more night of me being a campus statistic about alcohol consumption. Perhaps what I am most thankful for, in regards to finals, is knowing ahead of time that I can pass a class no matter how badly I do on the final. That really takes the pressure off so I recommend that you all try and calculate your grades before finals week. Why would you want to waste your time studying, I mean this is college right?

As much as I have ripped on the police forces of UNH and Durham, I am thankful that they do not have quite the same thirst for power as some other local units.

Some of you may have heard about the party at Colby-Sawyer College in New London that resulted in 105 underage drinking arrests, 55 of which were internal possession. Here at UNH the police usually just send us on our way after breaking up a party, only arresting a select few, if any.

Too often students at UNH (especially me) complain about every little thing such as poorly prioritized police officers, overrated parties, over-hyped concerts, the administration, the alcohol policy, the terribleness of blackboard, overpaid coaches, violence, pointless course requirements, unbalanced heating systems, lack of ATMs on campus, parking issues, H1N1, rising tuition costs and the advising system, just to name a few.

I feel that is very important to think about what we do have because any large college campus in the country will have dozens of similar issues that UNH students complain about.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Meet "The Investigative Journalist"

For those of you who read this more than once by accident you may remember my email conversation I had with Christwire writer, and fraud, Stephenson Billings. If I didn't make it clear before Christwire is complete satire, but they try hard to make it seem like they are true fundamentalists. This is why I emailed Stephenson again. When I asked him how he felt about me naming a new drug device after him he said:

"Hello dope fiend,

I am saddened to hear you are still addicted to pot, even at your age. I'm sure your poor mother cries every night over your failure to achieve anything in life. How many years have you been at UNH? Six? Eight? I hear most students don't graduate in less than a decade they're in such a stupor. Well, the cold weather is my only consolation. You must be freezing up there in that hellish little corner of Canada South. Good luck with your homework and please don't name any more narcotic apparatuses after me.

Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist"

This is why I have decided to name my new vape "The Investigative Journalist." I think it will have a great impact on future blog posts. Maybe like a summary of events about what goes on after breaking out The Investigative Journalist. Last night my roommate and I decided to test this idea. So after we "vaped' (remember it is not smoking) we decided to play some video games, MLB The Show 2009 to be exact. After realizing that all three base umpires was the same guy (this really freaked us out, we thought he was spying on us) we began to nickname some of the players on the Red Sox. Luckily I wrote them down, here are a few of the best ones:

• Mike Lowell- The Dirty Cigar (he's Cuban)
• Jed Lowrie- The Antelope (Lowrie->Logan Airport->planes->plains->Antelope)
• Jacoby Ellsbury- Squanto McGahee (He's a Native American and fast like Willis McGahee)
• Dustin Pedrioa- The Steamroller (he packs a punch)
• Jason Bay- Roswell (he looks like an alien)
• Tim Wakefield - William Takefield (purely awesome)

During the game I turned a triple play and I feel that it is extremely important to add that I won. I didn't write anything else, but next time I'll try to take better notes.

Stay classy, not UMassy.

Mail Room Drug Bust

So earlier this week Fed Ex intercepted a suspicious package and tipped off the police. While the package was in the mailroom an undercover cop was disguised as a mailroom employee and three other plain-clothed cops were in the MUB computer store. When a student arrived to pick up the package he was placed under arrest. The package contained an ounce of marijuana. I must admit that is some pretty good work from Fed-Ex, police and the university. What type of kid is stupid enough to try and mail weed or get it through the mail? Even if it was some potent California medical herb that is not worth the risk. Some people just make me wonder.

I was tipped off by an awesome reader, thanks!

Stay classy, not UMassy.