Since there is currently nothing for me to overreact and become outraged about at UNH, I wanted to have a little fun this week. Over the past two months I have noticed that a lot of my fellow students don't know some basic things about UNH and college life in general. With that being said, I give you "The New Hampshirite's 10 things you should know about UNH." A few of them are an addition to my previous unwritten rules of UNH, while others are simply tips or guides to succeeding at UNH.
The first thing that you need to know about UNH, or really any college, is that the "Elbow Rule" always applies. I am, of course, referring to Beirut. Everyone has different house rules, but the elbow rule, meaning your elbow cannot cross the table during your shot, is universal. Repeat offenders may be subject to a Walter Sobchack "over the line!" style berating.
While on the topic of parties, it is also essential for male students to realize that when a girl at a party asks to see the Magna Carta poster in your room, she really doesn't want to see the Magna Carta you have in your room. Lets just say one of my roommates didn't pick up on that context clue, so as his friend it is my duty to remind him about that in the school paper.
If you are invited to a party and the host says that you can "invite a few friends," that does not mean to bring all of Williamson with you. When a host says a "few friends," he clearly means to bring like three or four members of the opposite gender. I'm sorry, that is just how it is.
Another thing you need to know about UNH is that wearing intramural champion T-shirts makes you either the coolest or lamest person in the room. Lets face it, not everyone thinks that winning the inner tube basketball tournament is T-shirt worthy. In my opinion it is, and winning an intramural sport is still on my personal UNH bucket list. However, wearing those shirts is like making a "ten points for Gryffindor" reference. People who like Harry Potter think you are awesome, but everyone else thinks you're a weirdo.
By the way, no one cares about how much homework, reading or studying you have. This is college. If you spent more time doing your work and less time complaining about it, you'd probably be done by now. We all have more free time then we know what to do with, hence the consistent binge drinking.
Since I am a nice guy, this one is for your own personal safety. Never cut in line at DHop, because it will more than likely end up in a physical confrontation. Late at night people at DHop are drunk and hungry. They just want their pizza and anyone delaying that process is going to hear about it.
I just have to say that Stillings is by far the best dining hall on campus. I always hear the debate over Holloway and Philbrook, but those people have obviously never been to Stillings. Sure, they have crappy hours, but their food is top notch, always fresh and they always have your four basic college food groups: chicken patties, burgers, French fries and quesadillas. If only they could serve beer…
The next thing mostly applies to those who live in the dorms and UNH apartments. Get to know and respect your RAs or CAs. Sure, some of them can be a hassle, but many will be easy on you if you respect them. The worst thing you can do is talk yourself into trouble if they were just giving you a warning. This is very similar with UNH police. There are always a few who are power hungry, but showing respect and courtesy will always benefit you.
If you need to take your laptop to tech support don't worry, they already know it is slow for unholy reasons. That is why you should be smart and get a Mac like me. Apple just gave me a free iPad to say that. Okay, maybe not.
Lastly, Iddles is the part of Parsons Hall where the auditoriums are. Stop asking. I know it is not on the campus map given out to freshman, but it shouldn't be that hard to figure out.
Stay classy, not UMassy.