Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Where am I?

I want to start this off by saying this column is not meant to be a list of things to do, but purely for entertainment purposes. Enjoy. College students drink a lot and drunken people tend to do silly things. Sometimes those silly things include waking up in strange places. So that got me to think: Where is the scariest or funniest place to wakeup on campus after a night of drinking? All it would take are a couple of Four Lokos to get the real first-hand experience, but for my own personal safety I have decided that using my imagination would be the better option.

Now, my own apartment has witnessed a few of the more common entertaining wake-ups, such as the shower or bathroom, under the kitchen table and in a kitchen cabinet. But anyone can wake up in his or her own apartment; it takes a real trooper to really explore this campus. There are so many possibilities out there from College Woods to the ally behind D-Hop and everywhere in between. Lets take a look at a few of those places.

My personal top pick for the greatest wakeup would be the clock tower on Thompson Hall. I really do not see how that could be beat. I have never been in Thompson Hall, so I do not know how accessible it is, but I am sure it can't be too difficult. Plus, the early morning hourly bell would be like a built in snooze button so you don't have to worry about being late for the next day's activities.

Every time I walk by Hamilton-Smith I notice at how the roof looks like it has a giant porch or deck on top of it. It reminds me of the old houses around Portsmouth that have roof decks that look out to sea. I think that could be an entertaining place to wakeup, or even throw a little party if it is indeed like a roof deck. The roof decks on the fourth floor of Williamson and Christensen would be a great place as well. They have been closed off for a few years now, and trust me the old credit card trick doesn't work on those doors.

Any of the lecture halls would provide great sleeping accommodations. I mean, dozens of students sleep in them during the week anyways. In order to maximize the embarrassment factor, waking up on a Monday morning to an entering 8 a.m. class would probably do the trick. DeMeritt 112 has some really comfortable chairs, as do the MUB theatres and the newly renovated Horton 210.

For decades there have been rumors of secret underground tunnels around the UNH campus, particularity in the old center of campus around Spaulding, Conant, Murkland and DeMeritt. Other rumors say that tunnels run under the sidewalk on Main Street. Some say they are old government laboratories, others say they are connected to the river that runs under Spaulding, but no one is really sure of their existence. Awaking in one of these alleged secret tunnels would make you a true UNH Legend. My roommates and I are planning on investigating this matter further.

Here is a real scary one. How about waking up on President Huddleston's front porch? He already follows me on Twitter so it should not be too unexpected, but something tells me that it would be worse than when the dead fish is left there after the hockey team gets shutout at the Whittemore Center. I know that is true because last year President Huddleston TwitPic'ed a thawed out herring.

I think we should close this out with a few less serious ones. The Little Red Wagon between Spaulding and PCAC looks like it would make for a comfortable place to sleep. Plus, at the same time you would be able to cross it off the UNH Bucket list I helped write last year. Finally, one of the greenhouses out towards Thompson Farm would probably make for a more peaceful wakeup, but you may mistake it for a jungle and that would be confusing.

One final note, I really hope I don't see a bunch of arrests in the next police log relating to this post. College can get hectic and stressful at times, especially in the last few weeks before finals, so hopefully this gave you a few laughs and not a few ideas.

Stay classy, not UMassy.


  1. I am almost positive there are tunnels between Hetzel and Fairchild..

  2. Uhhhh I wouldn't sleep in the Little Red Wagon. For those uninitiated, that's one of the classic "have sex here before you graduate" places. I may be alone in my late night walks, but I have seen things the mind just can't unsee.