Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Winning back that Party School Rep

Disclaimer: This column is only meant for the eyes of those who are 21 years of age or older. If you are not 21, please stop reading immediately. If you are 21, sit back and enjoy.

More serious disclaimer: Seriously, stop reading. Okay, now that you have agreed to the terms of condition, that you are indeed 21, we may continue. Although, I must add, please note that this column is for entertainment purposes only. I (and TNH editorial staff would probably like that I include them too) do not hold any responsibility for any of your actions that may result from what you read below. I just wanted to clarify that so Health Services does not report me to the conduct office for encouraging excessive alcohol intake like UNH Dining did last year for "encouraging" students to steal.

Now, let us begin.

A few weeks ago I wrote about a challenge that was basically the idea of "pay it forward." It is important for humans to act kindly towards one another, but I do not want to forget about one of my earliest mission statements. While it is nice to have more serious and intellectual columns and discussions, I like to stay true to my roots that developed way back as a freshman in good old Williamson. That mission statement was to help UNH regain its position toward the top of the best party school list.

I have developed and modified a few old and new drinking challenges for the individuals of UNH to help us regain our past status. Such as with anything that happens out in the real world, the best progress is usually made in large cohesive groups, but like I said a few weeks ago, one person can make a difference simply by setting an example.

For starters, we have all probably heard of shower beers. A nice cold beer (or two or three) during a hot shower is a terrific way to start off a night (*cough* or late morning *cough*) of drinking. I have created an even better challenge; I call it the shower growler. Growlers are half-gallon glass jars that consist of about four beers. I highly doubt that you can get a growler of Keystone Light, so you will probably have to make your way over to Red Hook to stalk up.

Another well-known drinking challenge is "beat the clock," which takes place at certain bars. The idea is to drink as much as you can while bars have cheap drink specials. It is a fun and cheap way to get drunk with a few friends. But what happens if you find yourself bogged down in homework and you cannot make it out? I have created my own version. It is very simple; all you have to do is casually drink while doing homework, preferably something simple like reading. The idea of the game is to read as many pages as possible before feeling the affects of the alcohol. It is a win-win situation because you either get all your work done, or you end up buzzed and ready to go out.

This next one is a little risky and I cannot say that I have actually done it (at least I have not done it yet). You will need some hard alcohol, a flask to keep said alcohol in and a meal plan. I think you can figure out where I'm going with this, but if you need it spelled out, sneak the flask into a dining hall and pour it into your drink of choice. It can be a nice way to sample mixers before buying more at a store. If you don't have a flask, nips will probably work just as well, if not better. But you did not hear this from me. (Dining, I'm not serious, remember my disclaimer!)

Those are just a few simple ways that you as an individual can help UNH regain our past reputation. My roommates and I have one rule in our apartment: No one drinks alone. We call it the domino effect because if one person grabs a drink at least one other must follow. Set the example and be the change. These simple challenges will also help you improve your tolerance, which will then improve your party stamina. If we take it one drink at a time, one party at a time, UNH will return to glory.

Stay classy, not UMassy,


  1. I like the 'ol shower shot myself

  2. use your dining hall mug to bring in the booze and use the soda/juice to make a tasty mixed drink! done it!

  3. I'm surprised you didn't mention putting vodka in your water bottle and going out for a run. It's healthier than just drinking shots while sitting down because you burn a lot more calories. It's even more fun if you race your friends, last man running wins etc. I say last man because I have never gotten a girl to go running and drink vodka with me. (to be honest, I've never gotten a girl at all!)

  4. Isn't interesting that only 4 people commented on this. And why would that be? Because it is idiotic.

  5. How's developing alcoholism going, eh?