Saturday, January 30, 2010

Who wants to be a Predator?

To make a long story short, I have an older brother who lives in San Francisco. We are on the same cellphone plan so I have a SF area code. That info is vital for some events that took place last night.

At approximately 10:59 PM I get a call from an 800 number, I decided to pick up because the same number had tried calling a few times over the past week. I knew it would be a telemarketer and I figured if I picked up and humored them, they would stop calling. I pick up and say "Hello! Hello?! What are you up to?" He is already laughing, probably realizing I was drunk, and says "Hi, I am calling for the San Francisco Chronicle..." I tell my friends it's a telemarketer from California and my roommate's girlfriend grabs the phone and says "Hey, you kind of interrupted an intimate moment. We're having a crazy fuck-fest!" This guy immediately replies with "Oh, damn! I need some footage of that!"So she replies "Awe, no doubt babe, I'm a stripper so it's all good. Where you at?" He tells her that he is in Oakland. So then she says, "Oakland? I'm at a party at UNH, in New Hampshire. What's you number?" The guy then gives her his own cell number and I write it down. Remember, he is a telemarketer, supposed to be selling me newspaper subscriptions. I'm pretty sure all their calls are recorded. About 30 minutes later, she calls his cell on another kid's phone and leaves a voicemail asking what his favorite positions are for that footage he so badly wanted. A few minutes later we get a text that says "Hey I'm still at work. I love sex! Period baby. Any and all positions." Needless to say about 25 minutes later this guy calls us. My roommate's girlfriend picks up and he tells her how he is going out to the bars with some coworkers and he wants some footage and to know when she is going to fly out to California to meet him. This fucking guy was ready to go and he meant business. Like what was this guy thinking? That this chick, claiming to be a stripper from New Hampshire, was actually going to fly across the country to meet him. Is that desperate or is that how this guy gets off? Where the fuck is Chris Hanson when you need him! Anyways about an hour later he sends us a picture of himself in a suit (of course telemarketers wear suits) and he was a middle-aged black guy. We never replied back so this guy is probably thinking she didn't like the picture he sent. Perhaps the best part is that the kid's whose phone we used didn't remember it. So he seemed a little puzzled when he checked his texts this morning. After last night I realized how fucked up some people are. This dude sent complete strangers his own number and seriously wanted some footage and pictures. Isn't that was craigslist and internet porn are for?

Stay classy, not UMassy.

1 comment:

  1. was there actually a 'crazy fuck-fest' going on? 'Cause I've heard some rumors..