Friday, May 7, 2010

Subliminal UNH: We Love Sex

Subliminal UNH
By: Lady Meow & Tim King

Normally we hate these but it must be addressed (again, I always knew I should come with a warning label) Any of the following comments, images, opinions, accusations, etc are completely and utterly made up. None of these are actually true. If you are easily offended stop reading now.

We bet you have a wildcat logo somewhere in your vicinity right now. Ever look at it? We mean, really look at it? Well, clearly you don't have as much time on our hands as we did. We looked at the Wildcat logo, Wildcat pack logo, and the UNH campus map. We found some interesting things that you may have never noticed before until now (you're welcome).

Wildcat Pack Logo

Now, before you scroll down, I wanna know why there is a fang in the way back of the wildcat's mouth? Last time I checked, no cat or dog has a saber tooth penetrating their tongue. I don't think even Darwin would hypothesize that one; puncturing yourself would only make you weaker: thus you would die and would die and not pass on your mutant snaggletooth gene. So all this only begs me to ask the question: Why is it there in the first place? Okay, maybe it's the tongue, you got me. pssh, whatev.

You decide. (click on image to make it larger)
I mean some S-E-X letters were maybe a little forced, but c'mon, level with me here. There are plenty of places where "sex" occurs. I mean no wonder why we love this shirt so much! Props to the person who created this.

Wildcat Logo
Yes, of course I opened this one up in Paint as well and endlessly made "sex" appear, which is partly true, but I think I found something a little better and clearer to see.
Shit, and now that I think of it, I probably could have combined the 'U' and 'I' and made it say, "We 'heart' Sex". Either way, you get the point. This makes me appreciate my UNH attire that much more. Sorry for ruining it for some of you who decided to read further anyways despite the fact when I told you not to. If you really weren't offended, then I think you could share some level of humor in this. PS, I want this made into a lengerie piece (thank you in advance Town&Campus/Hayden's)

Campus Map

Oh Durham, the land we call home. It may take a little bit for some of us to become intimately acquainted with this paradise on the Oyster River, but in what seems like no time at all, we come to know her every sidewalk, learn all the best shrubbery in which we can hide from the cops, and on wintry nights when we just couldn't make it home because we drank too much Mad Dog, we pass out in her inviting, fluffy snowbanks.

The fact remains, however, that we spend most of our time on the ground. We only know places like the Dimond Library or Holloway as glass and brick towers looming above us. But have you ever taken a good, solid look at the campus map your RA photocopied for you Freshman year? Before long, the scaled brown blobs begin to form into easily recognizable shapes, like this one:

It's a girl, formed by Kingsbury, Morse, Parsons, and Babcock and McConnell, and the streets that surround them. Sure, there's some liberty taken, and it more resembles a bathroom sign than a real, curvaceous woman, but let's be honest for a second: when's the last time the "Man in the Moon" ever actually looked like some guy? So I guess we can call this science building biddy "Our Lady of Durham", for lack of a better phrase. Nothing perverted about that, right?

Of course that's when you realize that when using the same shape recognition methods, Christensen, Williamson, and Philbrook are surprisingly dong like. And that's where things tend to get a little...


When you really start phallus hunting, it becomes startlingly clear why feminist groups around here always seem mad. Campus is littered with penises, with the Mills, Stoke, and the original Memorial Union Building getting in on the action. And that's only with a strict definition of what qualifies as "dick shaped".

Thompson Hall isn't helping matters either. The spiritual center of our campus has some pretty gnarly manscaping going on.

Those bushes are new bee-tee-dubs. The sexy doesn't stop there. Architecturally, campus seems like it was mapped out from a page in the Kama Sutra.

The Woodside Apartments form a tender spooning position, while the Upper Quad, once just a pleasant U-shape, is ready for action with the recently built Housing wing acting as the head of our doggy-style-ready-damsel. And if you think that SERC and the Mini-Dorms look a little cocky, as I did at first glance, you'll notice that they're closing in for a tasteless and misogynistic bukakke session, circled in orange.

Obviously this is some elaborate joke just to fuck with us. I found all that with only a few quick glances, and I consider myself to be fairly well adjusted. I can only imagine what you goddamned gutter dwellers are finding.

Hidden Messages

To go along with all this subliminal shit, I decided to do some anagrams and came up with some more interesting things

Philbrook: bro hop kill
"Lets hop to Philly bro and kill some food."

Durham House of Pizza: Hump A Roadies Fuzz Ho
Welp, use that dirty mind!

Wildcatassen: anal disc stew

Durham: had rum

General Chemistry: Treachery Mingles
Yup, you'll definitely mingle in treacherous chapters. Good luck.

Womyns group: grumpy swoon, grumps own yo, guys mow porn (HAHA)

Main Street: terminates, meaner tits, inmate rest, artiest men
I think this could mean that when you're drunk walking back to your home on main street, would consider yourself 'terminated'. You might find some mean (good) tits or mean bitches with tits. Inmate rest just sounded funny. Artiest men? Really aesthetically pleasing men?

Sam Adams UNH: uh madam ass, UNH mamas sad
Having the word madam ass and making UNH mamas sad in your name. No one is going to Libby's now.

We hope you enjoyed this post as much as we did doing it! We would like to see if you think UNH is sending out any 'messages'. We'll post them if you do! E-mail us: (If you send hate mail that is a novel to read, I will gladly reply: Get over it).

Also, we are QUITE aware of the dick table in Bro-Co. I tried getting pictures, but didn't wanna look like a completely creepass. But, if you send it to us we would love to post it!

I don't know about Tim here (probably trying to find the cure for gingervitis) but, I've got better things to do now, like have multiple orgasms. Have a fab rest of the semester and remember to go support the Bookstore, Town&Campus, and Hayden Sport's to get your logo today!


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