Monday, September 26, 2011

The Health Nazi

Today I give you another head scratcher courtesy of UNH Dining. I hate to always pick on them (okay, maybe I don't) but they seriously make it too easy. I love most of what they do, our dining halls are very good compared to other schools, but I feel it is my duty to speak my mind freely and truthfully. UNH dining recently announced that effective January 2012, UNH will no longer serve energy drinks. This includes the dining halls and dining stores such as Zeke's, Wildcatessen and Gables Convenience. I will discuss this a bit in my TNH column tomorrow, but I wanted to say a few things I couldn't fit in. This reminds me of the Seinfeld Soup Nazi clip (and again shows that old saying that everything can be connected to a Seinfeld episode - seriously if there are college classes on the Simpsons and the Red Sox and stuff, there should be one that studies current events through the window of Seinfeld episodes).

Those of you who don't know the episode (shame on you), here is the best clip I could find to embed:

In dining's case, it's more like: No salt for you! No energy drinks for you! But hey, have as many Boston Cremes and double glazed chocolate donuts that you want. 

The elimination of Red Bulls will lead to more students falling asleep in class and more students not being able to pull all nighters successfully. And this is college, so we're going try them anyways. But it has become quit obvious that dining has a hidden agenda to lower the entire school's GPA. Here's my conspiracy theory, UNH's GPA drops and it will be easier to get into. More students = more meal plans = more money for dining. It's quite obvious and evil genius if I dare say. Bravo dining, you may have won this round and fooled the school, but you can't fool me. For our health? Pah, yea right. Keep telling yourself that. Now when is that Dunkin' Donuts going to open in the middle of our student center again?

You may take our salt and our energy drinks. But you will never take our freedom!

Stay classy, not UMassy.

(PS: I'm just waiting for the day when I show up to HoCo and my card no longer has a meal plan)

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