Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Like a Pro: That Guy

One of the most common phrases to hear around a college campus is "that guy." Or more specifically "don't be that guy."

We have all said it, and most likely whether you want to admit it or not, we have all been "that guy" at least once before. I know I have, but we'll get to that later. There are many situations when "that guy" is muttered, or shouted, and in order to try and make UNH a friendlier place, I have devised a list of suggestions to help prevent you from ever being "that guy" and, yes ladies, "that guy" is not gender bias. No double standards here.

Whether it is in the classroom, at a party or the bar "that guy" is always present. He may not be noticeable at first, but have patience, he's there waiting for the right moment to strike mixed emotions from those around him.

The first one on my list is the guy who always asks a question at the end of class, especially when the professor says, "if you don't have any questions I guess we're done a little early." You think to yourself that you're done for the day and you already have thrown your notebook in the bag, but no. "That guy" raises his hand and, as the rest of the class let's out an annoyed sigh, he asks a question that was already covered during the lecture and it spurs the professor to repeat everything he/she already said for 10 minutes because "that guy" was either A) sleeping; B) too hungover to pay attention; or C) texting a girl who has no interest in him.

Another "that guy" in the classroom is the student who raises his hand to answer every question in class and is usually wrong. Even the professor has that upset look when he's the only kid raising his hand.
He then gives a five minute, long-winded and highly verbose, yet inaccurate response that prompts someone in the back of the room to make a Billy Madison reference. Although, on second thought, I think I get more annoyed at "that guy" who is always right and gives the answer in the smuggest way possible. The rest of the class probably knew the answer too, but we were lazy and raising our hand takes effort.

The last "that guy" from class is the kid who shows up every Monday and Friday morning bragging about how much he drank or the girls he hooked up with over the weekend or Thursday night. Shut up dude, we all know you got drunk off four Keystone Lights and played Call of Duty by yourself all night. Either that or you actually did go to a party, but you spent the night puking your brains out and angering all your friends.

Now that we've covered the "that guys" of the classroom, we can move on to the other part of college – the partying. Okay, so this one probably doesn't qualify as one, but do you ever feel like no matter where you go out to party, whether it's at a friend's, a frat or the bars you always see the same kid? You probably don't even know his name, but he always seems to be the guy to do something dumb or piss off a bunch of people. So maybe this one should be on it's own, but don't be "that guy" who invites "that guy" to your party. Follow?

For all of you 21-year-olds out there, don't be "that guy" who yells at the bartender when service is taking too long. A) The bar is packed and he's swamped and is working non-stop. B) If he actually hears you he won't serve you at all and C) If you where him you'd serve all the pretty girls first too.

I'm running out of space, so lightning round time. Don't be "that guy" with the annoying girlfriend who sleeps over every single night. Don't be "that girl" who drinks too much, cries and then pukes. Don't be "that guy" who is 10 minutes late to every class. Don't be "that guy" who literally gets piss drunk – you're a big boy now; you can use the potty like the rest of us. Don't be "that guy" who gets mad at the party host when it's time to leave. It's called respect, have it.

The list can go on forever so I guess what I should say is to really think before you do something because nobody wants to be that guy.

Stay classy, not UMassy


  1. Very very funny! Laughed out loud a bunch. Great post.

    Also, I'm pretty sure there is an equivalent, namely, "That girl". It would be really cool to see a post about the female counterpart. But I wonder if you have to female to write about annoying females well. Hmm...

  2. This is so on point.

  3. reminds me of the college freshman meme...herp derp.

  4. i'm starting to think that the New Hampshirite is "that guy" that talks a lot about drinking but never does. I never see this dude at the bars now that he revealed himself

  5. Anon @ 6:52 - Hop on Twitter, New Hampshirite just laughed in your face. Sorry bud.

    P.S. NewHampshirite (ZP - finally figured it out) I just turned 21 this past weekend. I'll see you at the bars my friend.